It was Friday night, and again no one had asked me out. It was probably my fault. I had stopped going to the local bars, sick of the same old guys drinking the same old drinks and having the same old conversations with them. I'd dated white men all my life, and found them all the same. I'd always wanted to date outside my race, but the fear of what my family and friends might say kept me from reaching out across the color line. At 5'8", I was taller than most women, with dark blonde, shoulder-length hair, nice teardrop-shaped, 38 dd-sized, breasts, and at 31 years old I still felt I looked good. The one thing that had always bothered me was my ass, which was shapely, with wide hips. In other words, there was a little extra junk in my trunk. Even if I lost a few pounds it wouldn't help my ass. Black and Latin men used to stare at me when I walked by, and it always gave me a rush. It felt good to know that they, at least, appreciated my big butt. When I was among white men, though, I felt self-conscious about it. Every white man I ever slept with informed me that my ass was huge, and that just pissed me off. They'd say thing like "Sweetheart, maybe you should work out and slim down some, maybe tighten up your butt." How those words hurt me. They'd also say things like "You've got an ass like a black girl". It wasn't my fault that God had given me a big ass. Sometimes, after having sex, and when the man had gone, I'd sit in my bed and cry, asking God why he'd punished me with a big butt. I'd beg him to send me just one man who could appreciate my womanly shape. It wasn't that I was fat, or anything like that, just that I was taller and built bigger than most women.
Last week, at the company Christmas party, my world crashed down on me again. There was this guy at my job named John, who was absolutely gorgeous. He worked on the fifth floor of my office building, in the accounting department, and we'd run into each other in the elevator from time to time. John had a great smile and always said hello. I was hoping he'd be at the party so I could speak to him and see if there was any spark between us. The place was crowded and the music real loud. I was heading to the bar to get a drink when I noticed John at the bar, talking to Steve from purchasing. They didn't see me when I sat on the stool directly behind John, who was standing with his back towards me. Like I said, the place was packed, and as it was a Christmas party I was wearing my hair differently from the way I usually do. I was about to tap him on the shoulder and say hi when I overheard their conversation. They were talking about the women at the party, especially which women in the company they thought they might have a shot at fucking. I heard Steve say to John, " Hey man, how about that girl, Tina, from the help desk?" I thought, "Oh my God, they're talking about me," and got all excited. I really liked this guy and I was about to get an honest answer. Men lie to your face but they tell their buddies the truth. John said, "Tina from the help desk?... Yeah, I think she's cute." I was over the moon when I heard him say that, but it was short-lived because he added "but she has a big fucking ass... man!", and both men started laughing. I was crushed, feeling my stomach twisting and turning as I listened to their laughter. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to leave the party at once, but if I got up they were bound to see me. Then John said, "Yeah, man, I don't want no part of that fat ass. Shit, if I went out with her I'd have to fight every black guy we ran into. I'll bet you a shit load of black guys have already fucked that ass. You know how blacks (he actually used the N word) like big fat butts." I couldn't believe my ears as they erupted into laughter again.
The pain I felt at that moment was the worst ever. I'd thought he was different from most of the other guys I'd dealt with, and was devastated to find myself so horribly mistaken. I blamed myself for putting myself in this situation. Tears welled up in my eyes. I wanted to go home, and by now I didn't care whether or not they saw me. I was getting up from the bar stool when I heard John say to Steve, "Have you seen that fat ass at the party yet?" That's when I turned around and tapped him on the shoulder. Glaring into his eyes I said, "THE FAT ASS IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU." Steve froze when he saw me, and John was also speechless, though his mouth was wide open. I hissed, "The both of you can go FUCK... yourselves! And for your information, DICK HEAD, I have never been with a black man." I wanted him to understand that I'd heard the whole of their conversation. "Oh Tina, I'm so sorry. I... I... I... really didn't mean it." I could tell from John's expression that he was feeling bad. A part of me wanted him to see what damage his words had done to me, but another part didn't want to give him the satisfaction. Grabbing my purse, I headed for the door, which, thank God, was just a few paces from the bar. I kept my head down so that no one else would see my tears and ask me any questions. I cried all the way home. I could barely see the road though my tears. I hated myself; I hated my big ass; and I hated men.
Steve tried to apologize the next day, but I told him to fuck off. I ran into John on the elevator later that afternoon, and with his head bowed he also tried to apologize. I told him to fuck off too, and not to speak to me again or I'd tell his black boss, the head of his department, about his racist views.
Now it was Christmas Eve, and again I was alone. I always hated the holidays, I guess because I never had anyone special to share it with. My family lived a thousand miles away, and I didn't want to go home and hear the same old shit from my parents. Every year they asked if I'd found someone; was there a special man in my life? I didn't want go through that again. I fired up my computer, thinking I'd surf the web for a while, and maybe check out a few chat rooms. I started surfing and clicked on a porno site to check out some pictures of men. Like it always happens my browser went crazy, and all kind of web sites loaded up in it. I was closing the windows that popped up, when one grabbed my attention. "Storiesonline.net... Mmm... what's this?" A few clicks later I realized it was an erotic story site. I couldn't believe all the categories of stories they had: Incest, Group sex, Lesbian sex, Romance, Interracial love... For some reason the Interracial love category grabbed me and I clicked on it. There were so many titles I didn't know which story to click on. I live in St Louis now but I'm originally from Long island. I guess that's why I clicked on this story called " A stormy Night In the Bronx. I was expecting to read some smut, but found the story very interesting. I also found that my pussy was becoming wet. It had been a week since I touched my pussy, but as I kept on reading I found myself stroking my pussy through my panties. When I realized what I was doing I laughed out loud. God, it felt good to laugh again. It was the first time since the party that I'd cracked a smile. I'd never have believed that reading a story could get me all hot and moist. I said to myself "fuck it," turned off the lights in my bedroom, removed my panties and sat down in front of the computer.
With one hand on my mouse and the other on my pussy I continued reading the story. When the black man in the story started fucking his girlfriend's co-worker I found my hand massaging my clit. The black man really turned me on. The way he enjoyed that woman's fat ass, the sensitive way he handled her, his appreciation of her body, all moved me. He really loved that big thick butt. I was lost in the story, and soon had two fingers buried in my soaking cunt. The author of the story made me feel like I was in the room with them. His words painted such a vivid picture that sometimes I closed my eyes and could imagine that big black cock sinking into my pussy. It was the first time in my life I'd ever fantasized about a black man fucking me, and I wondered what it would really be like to watch a big black cock pistoning in and out of my cunt. It both frightened and excited me. You could have lit a match on my pussy, that's how hot I was. And when the black man in the story started to cum I came with him. My pussy collapsed around the two fingers that were in my cunt, and a slow long orgasm purred through my groin. " Oohhhh... God!" I moaned. It was the first time I had cum in months. When I caught my breath at last and looked down between my legs at my hand, I couldn't believe how much pussy juice there was on it. " HOLY SHIT!" I said out loud and started to laugh. I'd never have thought it possible to get off just from reading. I finished the story, then thought to myself how I wished I had a man that could love my body the way it was. I wondered, would I fuck a black man if I could do it without anybody finding out? Fuck, yes! Half joking, I looked up to the ceiling in my bedroom and said: "God, you haven't been very nice to me lately. Do you think you could send me a black man to love me and my fat ass? As usual there was no answer from the man upstairs, so I just laughed it off. It was good to laugh. It made me feel normal again. I chuckled again, saying "Well, I guess it's me and SOL tonight."
.... There is more of this story ...