This humorous story was inspired by a troll posted to alt.sex.stories. Please do not take it seriously.
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This story contains adult themes and discussions. If it is illegal for you to be reading this sort of thing, please go elsewhere.
Thank you for pausing for a moment and letting me touch you.
"Hey, Zezee. Take a look at this."
"What is it this time? You finally figured out how to turn on the computer?" Mark can be so tiresome sometimes. I wish he'd grow up.
"Better than that. Come see."
'Come see?' Must be about sex. "I'll be right there." Might as well indulge him a bit. I need a good back rub and my legs are killing me again.
When I get to the den he rolls the chair back and I settle on his penis. Usually this takes care of any problems he has but not this time. He wraps his arms around me but then does nothing. "Read that, Zezee."
Reluctantly, I look at the screen. "What?!"
He laughs in my ear. "Yeah, I'm willing to admit I'm not a bright bulb sometimes but that guy..."
"Hmmm... Hold me before I slide off your lap. This needs dealing with."
I shift myself around until I'm comfortable and then get down to business. Oh, I use my vagina and squeeze Mark's penis in thanks. He was right to draw this to my attention.
I am doing a study on why women go out with men, date men and eventually marry men.
I find your use of this newsgroup to conduct a survey - unusual. I will, however, attempt to answer your study questions in the spirit they deserve.
One hears so often how men are always focused on sex, fall short on qualities and actions, are failing women, are annoying women, and a lot more.
If I didn't know better, I would think you spend your time eavesdropping on men at the local bar. I will suggest that location plays a role in what you hear about men.
Men are not always focussed on sex. All of the men I have known - do in fact sleep once in a while. Further, some are even capable of doing rudimentary chores around the house. I have in fact seen my husband without an erection at least once.
As far as his qualities, he is in fact housebroken and knows how to wash behind his ears. When the situation demands it, he can, with gentle encouragement, be persuaded to perform basic body massage.
As for actions, I do, generally, find him adequate in bed. I find that proper training and frequent repetitions help reinforce his training. Like any good pet, positive reinforcement helps keep him eager and cooperative.
As for his failing me, well, research tells me that this is a biological problem that he has no control over. One option of course, is to maintain a collection of men. In the interests of cost effectiveness, I joined a local group of women who have formed a co- op and we now share our men. This pretty much overcomes the sudden failures he is prone to during some activities.
Certainly, some things about men annoy me. I do have hopes that eventually such things as chronic inability to lower the lid, dirt blindness, and audible flatulence will soon be bred out of men. We women do concern ourselves with the overall health and survivability of the breed.
What is it with men that gets on their nerves?
This is a self-answering question. If men did what they were asked to do and didn't bother women with their petty concerns, they would find themselves treated with the respect they deserve.
If they are so bad, then why do women even bother with dating and marrying them?