You've Got to be Kidding

by Zuleika Zull

Caution: This Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa, Consensual, Heterosexual, Humor, Safe Sex, Oral Sex, .

Desc: Sex Story: A humorous look at two young lovers who have never used a condom in their lives--until now.

Inspired by but not intended to be a story for the 'Pendragon Challenge'.
I retain the copyright to this story. Please do not repost this anywhere without my permission. A link to the opening page of my site is ok.
This story contains adult themes and discussions. If it is illegal for you to be reading this sort of thing, please go elsewhere.
Thank you for pausing for a moment and letting me touch you.

"What on earth is that?" My current boyfriend is holding out a small package.

"Take it. It's a condom." He's a little embarrassed.

"What do we need that for? I'm on the pill." He's embarrassed, I think he's being stupid.

"Look, you mentioned you wanted to do something different. This is something we've never done before." Now he's exasperated.

"That wasn't what I had in mind." What is it with guys? I thought I'd heard everything. But, a guy who thinks sex while using a condom is something different? That's mindless. I tell him so.

"No it's not. Look, this is important. I've never yet needed to use a condom but someday I might. If we stay together, do you plan on staying on the pill forever? That's not exactly wise you know. Especially if you someday decide to have kids. You going to stop getting fucked while your body decides to get ready to get pregnant?"

Oops. Sometimes he has moments of brilliance. "OK, you've made your point. Now, what's the rest of this brilliant plan of yours?"

"Hell if I know. I remember reading somewhere that a condom can be put on as part of foreplay. Makes more sense than 'whoa, don't put that in there until I have a chance to cover it.' "

He's still holding out the package. Gingerly, I take it. Weird. How come I'm embarrassed to be holding it? He was the one who asked if I was on the pill or if he would have to take precautions during sex. Now he's showing me that his concern was real. He's thought about this more than I have.

Damn, the fine print is just that. I can barely make it out. Yeah yeah... I know. This isn't guaranteed to be infallible or do anything other than make the money for the maker. Oh, wait. There's some instructions here.

'Place on penis before intromission occurs.' I stare at it. I hold it up so he can read it. I'm gratified when I see him blink in surprise.

"Helpful aren't they?" My tone is droll.

"Yeah. Helpful."

We look at each other. The unspoken question hangs there. 'What next?'

I finally shrug and open the package. I pull the condom out.

"This is a condom?" All I see is a rubber ring with a film stretched across the center. I study it.

I look at it and then at his penis. I look back at the condom. This is silly. I'm an adult. How come I never paid attention to this aspect of adulthood. For that matter... "Well? You're the one this is supposed to fit." I hold it up.


I set it on the tip of his penis and smile slightly. "It's on your penis. If I sit on that, how do I remove it when you lose it inside me? For that matter, how does it stop your semen?"

"You really don't know?" He sounds surprised.

I can't blame him. I can only shake my head and whisper "No."

"OK, I played with one last night. You put it on the tip like that and then unroll it down my penis." He shrugs when I look at him. "I experimented a bit. It will unroll with no problems."

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Story tagged with:
Ma/Fa / Consensual / Heterosexual / Humor / Safe Sex / Oral Sex /