Some of you may remember my story of quite a while ago "Wonder Woman's Most Fulfilling Adventure." If not, I'd love you to read it, although it's not really necessary to understand this story. As the earlier story ended, our favorite Amazon Princess in the star-spangled tights was definitely out of the crime-fighting business. The busty ex-superheroine had just borne a daughter for the tribe's ancient enemy, Pan, and was facing a life of slavery, making more and more babies for the horny god.
Delicious as that was, it was only the first step in Pan's plot. The World of Men, without a strong feminine role model provided by Wonder Woman, was vulnerable to the scheme of Pan and his witch Queen Althea to reestablish traditional male dominance over women.
Word of the disappearance of her elder daughter, Diana has reached Paradise Island where Queen Hypolite, with great reluctance, is about to send her youngest daughter, Drucilla, to replace Wonder Woman. Before she sends her off, however, she REALLY reads her the riot act about "fooling around." We take up the story at that point.
"Geez, I know all that, Mom! I'll be OK, really," the excited teen exclaimed. "You've told me all that stuff before."
"Drucilla darling, it's not that I don't trust you, but it's just so important, now that Diana has disappeared. You are the only other Amazon that has ever visited the World of Men and only you can fill in until you find her. Things are going from bad to worse for women there. And it's all so mysterious. We think some Evil Power may have been involved in what happened to Diana."
"Gee, Mom, I don't see what's so mysterious. You know Diana has always been oversexed. You haven't seen her orgasming like crazy the way I have every time some two-bit evil genius ties her up and tries to climax her into submission or the way she grinds her hips back onto the tentacles of one of those plantamals that capture her and try to plant their seed in her. I think she just got tired of being a technical virgin all these centuries. Maybe she hadn't been violated and orgamsed silly in so long, she couldn't stand it any longer and shacked up with that Steve Trevor who had been trying to get into her pants for all these years. Probably she was getting it so good from ole Stevie, she just got a little careless and let him put a little bun in her oven. Then, when the shame of being a pregnant Wonder Woman got too bad, she fled into hiding. But don't worry, Mom, I'll find her."
"You may be right, my dear! But why at least didn't she come back here? We would have accepted her."
"Gosh, Mom, from the lectures you've given me all my life, I'll bet she didn't feel that an Amazon girl showing up back on Paradise Island with a big belly would exactly be welcomed with open arms."
"Oh, dear! Perhaps some of the blame does fall on me. But it IS more complicated than you think, darling. We've made inquires; her OB/GYN told us she was at least three months pregnant BEFORE she started sleeping with that <shudder> military mortal. Yet she had not lost her superpowers. Apparently she had been impregnated earlier, but without her having "given herself" to a man Her powers only started to fade when she began letting Col. Trevor... you know."
"'Fuck her,' mom. Can't you say 'fuck?' Steve was fucking her." Still, Dru was momentarily sobered.
"I'm just so worried, sending you off like this, dear. Besides not knowing what you're up against, you don't have much time. If you don't find Diana or at least take Diana's place until you do, Paradise Island is doomed," Drucillia's mother fretted.
"Huh?" Dru asked. "How could my failure in the World of Men -- not that I'm going to fail -- harm Paradise Island?"
"I've never told you or the others, but you have to know. We Amazons don't really own Paradise Island. The gods only extend our lease in return for the services of an Amazon. They want an Amazon to handle all the dirty little chores in the World of Men that the Gods would have to take care of otherwise. But now there is some guy who's rich as Croesius - Portes? Doors? Gates? -- that has offered Zeus billions for the place, wants to develop it as a Club Eros or something. To persuade him to let us stay long enough to give you a chance took everything I could do. And I do mean EVERYTHING."
"Mom! You don't mean you let him...?"
"'Fuck me,' Dru. Can't you say, 'fuck'? Zeus was fucking me weekly! Or should I say 'weakly?' Humph! The so-called 'Father of the Gods and Men' is definitely over the hill as a lover. The old boy could hardly get it up twice a day and only fucks for an hour or so before he looses it."
"Mother!" Dru could hardly believe her ears.
"Of course Hephaestus was even worse. A few friendly fucks weren't enough to persuade him to make you a new golden lasso and magic girdle. He insisted I take out my magic diaphragm so he could get me..."
"Mother, you don't mean..."
"Yes, Dru. There is going to be a new little Amazon on Paradise Island for the first time since your were a baby," Hypolite sighed, patting her tummy and not looking all that unhappy about the divine extortion. "At least Aphrodite had taught HIM a thing or two about how to please a woman. And with you going away, well, I guess it'll be nice to have another little girl around the palace."
'Just a minute, Mom!" Dru asked, wheals turning. "I was born just after Diana was sent to the World of Men. Does that mean that you..."
"Well, of course, How else do you think I got Hephaestus to make DIANA's lasso and girdle?"
Now that was quite a revelation, no? Perhaps before we get down to following Dru's exciting adventures in the World of Men, we should take a look at just what our Amazonette will face. Just as Pan planned, without our star-spangled superheroine, things have gotten pretty bad for women.
- All the summer movies have pregnancy themes: they have to. Few actresses younger than 60 can be found that are not pregnant, or nursing a newborn, or both.
- CNN women newscasters all are proudly toting bellies of different sizes. Debra Marcini, always a pioneer, nurses her six-month old on camera and invites viewers to guess the sex of the one she expecting next. Lou Dobbs just smiles proudly.
- The summer Olympics have special categories for pregnant pole-vaulters, knocked-up marathoners and mommy-to-be figure skaters. Of course, ratings just go through the roof when those 13 year-old girl gymnasts try to negotiate their big bellies over and around those parallel bars.
- The Miss America Beauty Pageant is forced to go all-preggo with special bonus points given for a "firm-contoured-well integrated baby mound".
- Production on teen soap operas on the WB and Fox becomes erratic owing to dozens of attractive nubile actresses in their ultra-fertile 20's getting knocked up.
- Ellen Degeneres and Melissa Etheridge announce they are splitting after a jealous row when they discover because they are both expecting a Harrison Ford baby!
- Madonna does a lovingly depicted barefoot-pregnant-and-chained-to-a-stove photo shoot for Rolling Stone.
- Major retailers have maternity brands: "The Mommy Republic," "The Bulge," and "Bloomin' Dale's."
- "Fitness" magazine has a "Fit Pregnancy" offspring.
-The faux-affectionate "air kiss" on the cheek of two women who meet has been replaced by a giggly mutual tummy bump/pat/check-out.
-The finals of women's tennis features the pregnant Venus and Sabrina Williams duo facing the similarly knocked up team of Martina Hingis and Anna Kournikova. A proud-as-a-peacock Jimmy Conners is rooting for the waddling Williams sisters while Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras are glaring suspiciously at each other in the other bleachers.
Drucilla only realized the full extent of the rot one evening as she tried to catch up on the news and found herself instead watching "Style, with Elsa Klensch." After what seemed like an eternity of assault from the CNN logo and jangling fanfare, the program opened with a pan of... a television studio. "Today, rather than take you to some exotic location I've decided there are quite enough examples of the newest in styles for us professional girls right here at home," intoned Ms Klensch in her trademark voice over.
The next half hour was surreal. It quickly became apparent what kind of fashions had suddenly come into vogue with the hard headed ladies of CNN. "Notice how the soft green prima cotton skirt flatters Ms. Voss's expanding figure while allowing those overloaded tits to bob ever so enticingly," Elsa pointed out. Indeed, The long-legged Vossie looked as if she had managed to get pregnant with triplets the day news of the Wonder Woman's disappearance hit the ticker. The smiling weather woman pirouetted in front of her maps most fetchingly, her short maternity skirt flying up and out to lay to rest any doubts viewers may have had about her being a natural redhead.
"Sissel McCarthy certainly looks perky in this hot pink mini-smock with matching heels, but frankly our viewers rather like the way she waddles onto the set and pushes her belly up to the news desk. Sissy, what do you find the most difficult part of holding down a demanding job like yours while waiting for your twins?"
"Gosh, Elsie, I don't know, but I guess it's those long stints on camera before John Metaxis can take me backstage and 'help me unwind,' <titter> if you know what I mean. Sometime I have to go for two or there hours without a good <bleep>"
Although she did her best to answer Elsa's questions, Laurin Sydney was at that late stage of pregnancy where all she really wanted to do was to stay in bed to sleep and get fucked. Jim Moret, who evidently hadn't spent ALL his time in LA, tried to fill in but he was distracted and the curvy blonde kept snuggling into his arms and pulling his hand between her legs. More than most, Laurin had lost her interest in journalism as the bulge Jim had put there, and was now massaging tenderly, expanded.
"And that's it for this week on Style," Elsa announced as the camera drew away to finish up with a shot of Ms Klensch's proud pregnant profile, which Riz Khan was patting proprietarily.
The most shocking examples of all these goings on, however, was the virtual collapse of NPR when the girls of the "fallopian jungle." Cokie Roberts, Nina Tottenberg, Linda Wortheimer, all decide to stay home with "this one." Of course idle hands..., but that's another story. The wags started to call it National Pregnant Radio. How did this happen?
Well, it seems the first to fall by the wayside was Linda, whose husband had run off with a cutie that had let him get her pregnant. After weeks of depression (and getting tired of her vibrator every night) Linda heard about Dr. Althea's public television talk show. After seeing Althea advise women in her situation to get on with their lives, Linda gave it some though and realized this meant she should be getting her brains fucked out as often as possible. She thought about it some more and decided that she deserved a stud muffin of her very own. Not long afterwards Linda found herself frequenting sports bars and taking up with Ricky from ESPN, a hunky ex-shot putter. It didn't take Ricky many shots to put his baby into the overjoyed grandmother Wortheimer.
Even before her friends found out THAT little fact, Cokie and Nina noticed that Linda had not only gotten over her husband's split amazingly fast, but she was suddenly glowing. They also noticed disturbing changes in Linda's behavior, -- proper NPR gravitas ruined by her tendency to break out in giggles. Fortunately it was radio, so listeners were unaware of the equally shocking change in Linda's wardrobe, daring miniskirts in brilliant, scandalous colors, big loopy earrings, high-heel, open-toed sandals showing off brightly painted toe nails. When Cokie or Nina finally confronted her what was going on, Linda just smiled and invited them and their husbands to her SC beach house for a week "to meet him."
To their wives' disgust, Steve and Charles were not at all upset at what they heard about Linda's unusual behavior. In fact they seemed quite to eager to see the new and improved Linda. Even more they wanted to meet the new beau that could inspire the kind of sexiness they wished for their own wives, who hadn't shown any knee in public for ten years.
Linda opened the door to the cottage wearing hot pants and a bra-less blouse tied just below her magnificent new set of tits (thanks to a healthy dose of vitamin Silicone, taken at Ricky's suggestion). Cokie and Nina almost had to break elbows in their husbands' ribs to keep them from ogling. Knowing how to diffuse a tense situation, Linda ushered everyone into the sitting room and had everyone high on wine coolers by the time Ricky came in from jogging on the beach.
Though they would never have admitted it, especially with their husbands right there, both Cokie and Nina were rather jealous when they got a look at their older friend's lover. He was Latino and built and it was obvious what Linda saw in him. The excited hostess just tuned out her guests for several long minutes as she greeted Ricky with a sizzling kiss. Eyes closed, she fondled the prominent erection through his Speedos, while letting him toy with her tits and make her moan from some naughtiness his hand had found to do between her legs. Steve and Charles grinned at each other and scooted closer to their wives who pretended not to look.
Eventually Linda calmed down a bit. "This is RICKY," she sighed, "My new 'friend.'"
Cokie and Nina were slightly put off when Ricky patted Linda's butt and sent her off to fetch beers for "me and m' new buddies," but the breathless woman gladly jumped up and soon re-appeared with three tall ones, bending over to give her "friend" and the other two men an eye-popping peek at her surgically-enhanced cleavage. "Cokie, Nina, why don't we girls go into the kitchen and fix lunch for the guys so they can talk," Linda beamed.
The two women rolled their eyes at each other, since neither Cokie or Nina had cooked a meal in years and so far and they knew, Linda couldn't boil water either. Wrong! "I've been taking crash gourmet cooking classes because the way to a man's heart -- and you know his 'what else' <giggle-giggle>-- is through his stomach." That explained why Linda had been turning down afternoon reporting assignments recently. Though as far as Cokie and Nina could tell, Linda had no trouble getting to Ricky's "what else."
Once in the kitchen, Linda was dying to know what her friends thought of Ricky, and didn't he have the most gorgeous abs -- and that's not all -- <giggle> and, <blush> does he ever know how to use it, and she'd never know how sexy it was to give a guy blow jobs, and she loved the way his come tasted ("and just five calories, what a great diet drink"), but he certainly made it worthwhile because he could eat her to so many orgasms she passed out, and she'd never had sex even twice a day before with her ex, but Ricky did her four or five times, and she was totally in love, and she had just been dying to tell them sooner, but he promised he was going to get her <breathe> PREGNANT!
Nina was totally taken aback by Linda's non-stop torrent of words. Of course she was flabbergasted that her friend of fif...[oops, it isn't nice to tell a lady's age] would think about letting a man twe...[watch it!] so much younger than she, knock her up and off her journalistic career track. Nina was also quite surprised that Linda would go down on her new lover, but she was green with envy that her prune-faced friend had a sexy guy eating her out regularly. Nina had blown Charles a few times when they were first married. Like most women who had been around the block a few times before tying the knot (she had lost her virginity -- better said, cast it aside like a used tampon -- at thirteen when she seduced the Sr. High quarterback) Nina rather liked the taste. Charles's was better than most. But when she tried to get him to give HER some nice tongue action and he made a face as if she had asked him to drink from the Anacostia, she stopped giving head. It just convinced her what a selfish lover he was and rather cooled her ardor for him. She still fucked him every day from need, but frankly she was coming to prefer her vibrator. IT always got her off and didn't snore when ITS batteries ran down.