Lauren sighed; the feelings inside of her were overwhelming. She was afraid, not because of the feelings, for she did not know how to handle the feelings she was having. They were not new feelings, just stronger over the last couple of years.
Her need grew day by day, her frustration overwhelmed here. She was prone to bouts of depression, a side effect of her feelings.
Lauren was afraid to express those feelings to anyone, for fear of being rejected, for fear of being used. Her biggest fear was that she would never find the one thing she needed most in her life. The one thing she desired more than any thing in her life.
Lauren was a strong independent woman, with a high I.Q. She was above all a woman. She tended to trust people far too much and because of that had fallen into some very abusive relationships. Always the need was there, underlying any feelings she may have for her current lover. She was never completely satisfied with her lovers. They could not give her what she needed and she could not tell them. It just was not possible.
Lauren was without question a very beautiful woman. Outwardly she was engaging, with a sharp outlook on life. Her entire demeanor was feminine. She showed the signs of a woman that cared about the way she looked. At how she presented herself to the world.
Lauren had thick auburn hair that she wore pulled up about her head, exposing her bare neck. She wore clothes designed to accentuate her body, not expose or show it off. She was conservative in nature with opinions she longed to express to someone that would understand.
She was waiting for her date. She had met HIM through a friend of her sister. He was a little older then her twenty-nine years, thirteen years more. She didn't think it was going anywhere, she sensed he was amused by her, which angered her. He had not shown much of himself to her on their first date, but she had nothing better to do that night and he had been such a gentleman with her. The only time he actually touched her was to help her from the car and to gently touch the small of her back, guiding her to their table for dinner. He had made suggestions for dinner, and liked the fact that he listened to her when she talked. He did not shovel HIS food down as she talked. He listened to her and asked questions. Not prying questions, but she realized he was talking to her, it was a new experience for her.
What threw her was he not her type at all. He was not a handsome man, in the sense of a Greek statue or those pretty boys you see walking about all concerned with them selves.
No HE was quiet, not boisterous; HE didn't try to talk her into bed or leer at her.
He had very good manners and HE handled their waiter with a firmness that belied HIS appearance of quietness. That was what gave her a chill down the middle of her back. That was what caused a glimmer of excitement inside of her. She had felt that rush of heat, but held it back, not allowing it to surface.
HIS demeanor changed when he returned HIS attention to her. He was softer. More gentle. HIS smile was honest, she had looked down at HIS fingers, they were thick not overly long, the nails were cut short and clean.
When he looked at her with HIS soft brown eyes she had difficulty concentrating and at the end of their date she had almost blurted out her true nature to HIM. She had held back for some reason. Fear again of being betrayed and used. When Terry asked her out again, she readily agreed.
HE had not tried to get an invitation to come into her apartment with her, instead he had offered to open the door to her apartment. Then HE stepped back and allowed her to enter.
Terry had asked her out again. She readily agreed or some reason then shut her door.
That nagging feeling she always felt bothered her the rest of the night, she did not sleep well, her inner feelings were trying to run wild and she could not let them.
It was a week before their next date. In that time she had very little sleep and thought of nothing but the feelings that were trying to drive her insane. The funny thing was, they were not sexual feelings. Those ran a strong second however.
Saturday came; she spent the morning readying her self for HIM. Lauren took great care to apply her make-up carefully. She slid into her most frilly underwear and a simple cotton sundress. She debated about letting her hair fall about her shoulders or wearing it up as she normally did. In the end she wore it up.
She waited nervously for HIM to arrive. The agreed upon time was at one o'clock. When the clock struck one, there was knock on the door.
She opened the door and found HIM dressed in a simple button down shirt, tucked into the waist of a pair of khaki pants, he wore deck shoes and looked very comfortable.
She beamed when he smiled after looking her up and down. For no reason other than she was very happy to see HIM, she invited HIM inside.
He entered; she saw HIS eyes go to her bookcase. Then he smiled at her.
They sat down, he in a chair, she on the sofa. Hands clasped in her lap.
"I want to take you somewhere special Lauren, that is if you would like." He told her.
Her inner alarms were going off, she wanted to trust HIM, but for all the assholes that had hurt her, she could not.
"Why is it so special?" she asked touching her cheek. She didn't want HIM to see the mistrust in her eyes.
She started when he sat forward in the chair.
"Lauren, I know you don't know me. We have had one date that went rather well. Now you're a little apprehensive about going with me to a place you have no idea of. I want you to call someone you trust and tell them that you are going with me, we will be back between five and five thirty. I want you to feel free to end our date whenever you like, you can just walk away if you think I am going to hurt you or harm you. That is not my intention." He said in a very calm and direct voice.
Lauren felt her inner feelings jump a notch. HIS words touched something deep inside of her. She shook her head.
"I trust you." She said and much later that day she would find that they were the first three words that would lead her to the end of her quest. She would never forget those three little words. Three little words which were so small to say and mean so much.
"One thing however." He said standing and walking to the sofa.
Lauren stared up at HIM as he reached and pulled her hair free. He ran HIS fingers through her hair, HIS fingers fluffing it out and then touching her cheek gently.
The heat that soared through her made her flush and she smiled demurely up at HIM.
"That's better." He said smiling and offering HIS hand to help her up.
"You like it down?" she asked HIM nervously.
"I think you are the most beautiful woman I have met in my life Lauren. I have been thinking a lot about you. I kept wondering what you would look like with your hair down." He said reaching to touch her hair again, draping it over her shoulders.
Lauren felt her breath catch in her chest. The feelings were struggling to rise and overcome her. She held them back. Her fears were still greater than her needs. Lauren could not be abused again.
Her eyes slid from HIS gaze. Lauren turned away from HIM. "Am I dressed alright?" she asked.
"Perfectly." He said smiling at her.
Lauren had a million questions for HIM, but could not ask even one. Soft classical music filtered from the stereo system in HIS car, she as buckled in, the air conditioner was on and she found herself getting drowsy as he drove. Lauren looked at her hands, then at Terry as he drove.
She felt perfectly comfortable with HIM driving. Not even knowing where they were going. If only he was the type she was interested in. That was the last thought she had, before she fell asleep.
She awoke a little fuzzy brained. At first she wondered where she was. Then she remembered the remnants of the dream she had been having. She did not remember the content, only that it had been safe, warm and comfortable. Lauren turned her head and saw Terry navigating the car, he glanced over at her and smiled at her.
"Nice nap?" he asked her.
"Yes." She responded softly, she was still feeling that inner glow.
"You're a little flushed, would you like me to turn up the air conditioner dear?" he asked looking at her.
The term of endearment went through her like a flash of molten lava. Lauren heard herself whimper softly, she turned her head, afraid that he would see. She was afraid he would be able to see that need within her as so many men had. She did not want that again. Not this time.
It was an art fair he took her to. They walked through the displays and she didn't pull away when he put HIS hand around her waist to keep her close. She actually stepped a little closer to HIM, smiling not at HIM but at the people who looked at them as they walked through their midst.
They were looking at a small hand blown globe, with a milky interior and wavy designs through it. It had a purple haze about it, but she could not afford the $60.00 price.
Lauren sighed and sat the globe down. She was used to disappointment. She had been all her life. Trusting people only to be let down.
She gave Terry a little shrug and she thought if he offered to buy it, she would be very mad at HIM.
"How much can you afford?" he asked her softly as though reading her mind and she gasped a little.
She checked her wallet. She had forty dollars.
.... There is more of this story ...