Tuesday evening Dan came home from his favorite bar a bit more tipsy than usual.
The first thing he did, as he came into the kitchen, was to swat me on my bottom and pinch one of my nipples.
Both hurt enough to bring tears.
I asked Dan if he wanted something for supper.
He mumbled something about having had a burger at the bar.
Dan spent an hour or so watching t.v. then wandered back into the kitchen. He complained that there was nothing worth watching on the tube.
"Hell I might as well get my ashes hauled, (his term for having sex) and get some sleep". "Let's Go to bed cunt" he said.
I had missed lunch at work and I was hungry. I had grilled a cheese sandwich and it was cooling.
I was about to tell him I would be there in a few minutes.
Dan grabbed my arm with one hand and my sandwich with the other and dragged me to the bed room. We undressed as he wolfed my sandwich down.
We performed our two to three times a month sex.
As usual there was no fore-play and I barely had time to use a dab of K Y lube before he was in me. It hurt me anyhow.
Dan never lasted more than three or four minutes before he would have a climax. He would get off of me and fall almost instantly into a deep sleep.
Usually after his brand of sex I clean myself up and go into the kitchen for a little cry.
Not that evening though, I was mad at Dan and myself.
I lay there for a time and thought, was I somehow to blame for my lack of pleasure in having sex with Dan ?
I felt empty of the emotions other women seemed to have about sex, and yet I knew that what I had just "enjoyed" was not the way sex was supposed to be.
I did clean up and go to the kitchen but not for a cry. I sat at the table and thought, Girl you are twenty three years old and have made a mess of your life up until now.
What are you going to do ?
Are you going to continue to work, do all the housekeeping and the laundry ?
Are you going to keep on spending your pay check to pay all the bills and buy the groceries ?
Are you content to have him spend his pay check in bars and on Golf and whatever else he likes ?
Do you want to keep on hearing a drunk slob bitch about his job and boss after he has come home two or three hours after the office closed ?
Girl are you going to let him keep on making you feel like dirt, talking as if your job was not important, when your pay check is almost double the size of his ?
Have you had enough ?
Dan and I lived in a one bedroom apartment on the south side of Birmingham Alabama. Dan grew up near there.
I was born and grew up in a small town 28 miles east of Birmingham.
I was the only child of a very religious couple, Southern Baptist and completely dedicated.
I was strictly supervised all through my youth.
I wore my hair long and in braids, I wore drab and ugly dresses or baggy pants and bulky blouses.
We went to church Sunday morning to Sunday School, then Church. Then Sunday evening and Wednesday evening we went to evening service.
At age thirteen I was fitted with ugly braces on my teeth even though my teeth were straight.
My mother had not allowed me to become involved in school sports or activities.
As a young pre-teen I made no friends and had no playmates.
As a teen age youth I was too shy and ugly to make any friends then.
In school I was an honor roll student.
At home I was allowed no time to do anything but help with the house work, study and go to church.
Because an idle mind or idle hands are the devils workshop my parents would not have a t.v. in the house.
I was taught by my mother that, other than when bathing, to touch your breasts or your private parts was a certain ticket to HELL.
I was taught that sex was a sin unless it was done by maried people to have children.
After graduating from high school I found a job in Birmingham. Due to my aptitude in computers it was a very good job. It was paying twice what I could make at the job openings near home.
Not having a car I tried the "ride share" option so I could live at home.
It did not work for me. My boss told me I must get a way to get to work on time or else he would look for someone else to fill my job.
I checked on rooms at the YWCA
I could afford that on my salary and I could walk to work from there. I committed for one.
With a lot of tears and many warnings from my parents they delivered me and all my sparse belongings to the cold evil world on a Saturday. I promised to be a good girl and to go to church and keep in touch.
I got a key to the room I was to share with a total stranger and got my things to the fourth floor room.
My room mate found me crying my eyes out, I had never spent the night away from home before.
She made me feel better, she helped me feel less alone.
Pam took me in hand. She and two of her friends made me a project.
Lenny was a beautician so I had a hair cut and a home perm. Lenny gave me a course in how to use make-up.
They made me have those awful braces taken off my teeth.
Tina was a dance instructor and I learned how to dance a dozen different steps.
The "Y" had a huge swimming pool and work out room, Pam taught me to swim and made me develop my muscles.
They all made me shop for nice clothing to wear at my job and made me buy nice feminine things to wear as casual attire.
They showed me how to dress and look feminine.
In two months I was a new person almost.
The four of us went out to the VFW club.
For the first time in my life I danced with a man.
I had my first mixed drink.
I was flirted with by several guys.
I had the time of my life !!
My self confidence was given a boost and my job performance improved.
I was given a nice pay raise, and this girl was on top of the world. I could think of buying a car now.
I had taken two years of drivers education in school but had never gotten a drivers licensee.
Pam helped me do that with her car and then helped me shop for a car.
I settled on a five year old low mileage Toyota four door. It had nearly new tires and Pam had her brother check it out before I committed on it. Pan's brother had his own garage and he gave it a thorough check before telling me it was a good buy.
I went through the agony of "first car" financing.
After being treated as if I were some kind of nuisance, I was financed by the bank I had my checking account with.
I made several trips home. Each time I would wear my baggy clothes and fix my hair up in a bun.
I would wear no make-up and try to look as plain as possible.
Mother tried to pry into my personnel life, she wanted to know about my friends. She wanted to know if I was "seeing any men" and were my friends "saved". Was I going to church four times a week. I gave her truthful answers to her questions.
My father looked at my car and remarked that I should have bought something less expensive.
He did not even know how much I paid for it. It was parked next to the family car. That car was bought the year before I was born.
He said those older cars were built better than the newer ones. I asked him if his still ran well. He said that it knocking and was using oil bad now but still got him to work and back.
Later that evening they accused me of falling from grace and we got down on our knees and prayed for my soul.
I QUIT GOING HOME.
The company I worked for needed more space and moved to a large suburb south of Birmingham. Homewood Alabama was the new location.
There was employee parking in a parking deck so I could park and enter the building even in the worst weather and stay warm and dry.
Pam and I wanted out of the "Y".
We began looking for an apartment.
We found one we liked in the Homewood area and signed a lease.
Pam worked for a Doctor in Homewood.
We were both close to our jobs.
Pam scavenged up nearly all of the furniture we needed from relatives and friends.
I bought a nice set of dishes and an expensive set of pots and pans from one of Pam's cousins and his wife. They were breaking up and selling everything.
We went back in a week and the prices on other things had come down a lot. We furnished and decorated our apartment for peanuts.
We were given a twenty seven inch t.v. by Pam's brother, the one that had looked at my car. He was buying a forty eight inch one. He even delivered it and set it up.
Our life was good.
I got another raise in pay.
I began going out on double dates with Pam and her current steady squeeze.
I met Dan and he was fun and a good dancer.
He seemed to have a good job.
I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever met. So when Dan came along and showed interest in me I fell for him.
Dan wanted to have sex with me but I was not ready for that. Even when he asked me to marry him I waited until after the wedding.
What a let down !!!
Dan was drunk and sex was just like tonight.
Dan was my first and until now only lover.
I just had no idea what was wrong.
I knew something was bad wrong though.
I felt that I needed to make a change.
I wanted this marriage over.
I decided to drop the slob and go on with my life.
I work until noon every other Saturday and have the afternoon off on each Wednesday. That is when I run errands and buy groceries.
On Wednesday as usual I went home from work at noon.
.... There is more of this story ...