Chapter 4

I numbly reached for the door handle, I was going to just leave, nothing could be worse than staying. Gloria was standing right outside the door. She smiled and told me that she thought I might try and leave, but it would be easier if I stayed. If I left she and Mona would have to show Tom what a "slut he had married." After she and Mona finished talking to Tom I could never go home again. If I continued to cooperate I would only suffer momentary embarrassment. I was repulsed at what she considered "momentary embarrassment" but knew that I had no choice. We went inside. Most everyone was in the living room. Tom was there with Mona. He looked up at me. "How are you feeling?" "Better I lied". Gloria told Tom that she wanted to show me her new crafts room. He laughed and told me to have fun. Gloria guided me up the stairs. We went up into what had been the attic. It had been remodeled for her to use for her hobbies. (I was soon to learn that I was a hobby). Once there Denise soon joined us. Phil was right behind her. "Shall we get started?" Gloria asked sarcastically. Phil grabbed my arms while Gloria and Denise pulled my sweater off. As soon as my arms slipped through the sleeves Phil grabbed them again. They removed my skirt and slip and then, strangely, Gloria asked Phil and Denise to leave the room."

"Joan, don't talk, just and absorb what I have to say. Go ahead, sit down on the bed. Obviously you realized earlier that you have more to gain by going along with us than by fighting. What I have in mind for you isn't too bad. You are going to have to learn to cooperate. If you do, your life will go on pretty much as it always has. If not, well, I have some alternate plans. For the rest of today, relax and try to have fun. I promise you will not be hurt." I thought about what she had said. All through my life, from high school, college, and marriage I had been a "good girl", a "good wife" and generally had conformed to what a "nice" girl should do. Tom had been my "first". I fantasized about other men on occasion but had never so much as expressed the thought. I always dressed modestly. The night they raped me I was terrified, humiliated, degraded to the point of being sick, but when I thought back about it, I started to feel warm down around my vagina. I knew, and she knew that I was going to cooperate. She knew how I felt, degraded but excited.

Dave came in the room. Gloria commanded that I kneel on the floor. I did. Phil and Denise came back in. Denise picked up a tape measure and proceeded to take my measurements. After she measured my bust I was allowed to replace my bra. She recorded the measurements on a bulletin board. I noticed that there were blanks there so the succeeding measurement could be compared to the previous ones. Dave looked down the stairs and into the hallway. He reported that the coast was clear Gloria led me down stairs to the bathroom. I was directed to step on the scale. We started back into the attic but Gloria guided me to her bedroom. She pushed my head down into what had been an old heating grate, but was now slightly open into her living room. I saw Tom and Mona on the couch, Mona had her hand on his arm and it was obvious they were engrossed in conversation. Her skirt had slipped partially off her thigh. He was enjoying her company. It was also obvious that she was offering him more than a platonic relationship. Before I could react Gloria guided me back upstairs. I was directed to kneel on the floor again while the others discussed my body. I learned that they thought it was good, but that I would be sent to the "Workout World" to improve it. During the afternoon, I stayed there, not ignored but not harassed either. Phil wrote out an exercise schedule and told me that I would be using it soon. Dave and Phil spent most of the time downstairs.

I could hear the kids in another room but they stayed well out of the way most of the afternoon. I was terrified that one of them would come in and see me like this. Denise mentioned something to Gloria about Tom coming up but Gloria laughed and assured her that Mona was not going to let him out of her sight.

Late in the afternoon Denise told me to dress and come on downstairs. She took me into the bathroom and helped rearrange my make-up. When I came downstairs Tom had the kids in the living room and they were preparing to leave. Gloria asked me to stay. "Tom you don't mind if Joan stays awhile do you?" He said it was up to me. They both looked at me, but before I could speak Gloria spoke up, "great, it's settled, Joan promised me she would help me bake tonight". With that Tom told me not to stay too late, kissed me, and left with the kids.

Gloria brought me into the living room. Mona brought out the bag of clothing she had taken from my home earlier. Dave and Phil seemed to be arranging some photographic lights and shades around the Christmas tree. Dave had several cameras two on tripods, and one with a strange looking lens that he was holding in his hand. As soon as they finished arranging things they looked at me, expectantly, "Well come on, step up here." I came forward and Dave "posed me" in front of the tree. "Turn slightly sideways, bend forward slightly, now with your right hand, grab a handful of skirt and raise it a little." "Damn it smile!" I was sobbing by now, Dave roughly wiped my face, and pushed me into the position he wanted. For several minutes we went on like this. Finally, Gloria who had been watching silently suggested that we were going about this all wrong. "Strip her!!" she commanded, Denise and Mona proceeded to undress me. They weren't rough, they weren't gentle, they were just cold and efficient. After I was undressed Dave lay me down on the floor, on my side and photographed me in front of the tree. Then he moved me so that I was on my back, feet towards the camera, legs spread, and my left hand (wedding ring) covering my vagina. I was made to pose this way for a while. Eventually I was allowed to put on some clothing, and I was photographed for the next couple hours in various stages of dress and undress. I tried on all the pairs of panty hose Mona had brought, Dave and Phil selected the shades they liked. One skirt, my longest, had been slit to the waist, another had been hemmed up during the afternoon so that it was much too short. They tried every combination of clothing and pose imaginable. No blouse, then no skirt, change shoes, bra on, bra off, panty hose on, panty hose off, change skirts, remove skirt etc. I wasn't enjoying this at all but I wasn't as scared as I had been originally. I was still scared and maybe a little angry (although my fear overruled my anger) but it wasn't as hard to go along with them as it had been in the beginning. I realized what Gloria had done. By making me pose nude at first, I knew the worst was over and that things had to get better. It worked. Both Dave and Phil became quite solicitous, as long as I cooperated they were gentle.