Chapter 3

"JEE-zus, Rikki!! Willya plEEZ getyer clothes back on?!"

Sorry--I'm no mythical superhero--and the odor in the car was nothing if not compromising. How in the hell was I going to get out of this with a whole skin?

The last thing I needed was to have Rikki sitting there practically stark-naked right next to me like some kind of buxom Buddha, giggling helplessly with her fat breasts dripping over the rolled-down champagne-soaked bra.

Besides, I had to get my shorts back on and attend to my own fly. A quick glance in the mirror to comb my hair revealed a burly cop strutting in our direction, bandying a long thick flashlight between the fingers of one hairy hand. The much more menacing clipboard was raised in the other.

I had a clear view of the death warrant's carbon paper fluttering carelessly in the breeze, proud as Old Glory.

He leaned over the window and glowered at both of us. The smell of champagne lingered in the air, mixed with an undertone of Rikki's pussy juice. I thought I saw him repress a smile and replace it with a much more intimidating expression.

Rikki had only managed to get her jeans and bra back on. She had cleaned up her attitude, but her attire was stained in a few places and dripping in others.

It was one of those moments when an explanation would have spoiled the mood.

"Your LICENSE."

I produced the required plastic card and proffered proof of insurance with an appropriately somber expression.

As the warm wind blew in from Rikki's open window, I was initially grateful for the breeze which cooled the perspiration beading on my brow and under my armpits.

Until I realized that the cop must have gotten a big whiff of champagne as a result. The bottle was lying right next to Rikki.

He saw it, we knew he saw it, and he knew we knew he saw it.

"Yew stay right where you are--don't move a muscle!", he bellowed, deftly thrusting a hairy forearm right in front of my nose and practically stabbing Rikki in the eye with an outstretched forefinger. He seemed to be looking at her moist breasts and full thighs, not at her poker face.

"... and yew get outta the car!"

"Yessir", I said in a low voice. I wanted to make it clear that I was compliant without openly kissing his ass.

"Git yer hands on the side!" I spread-eagled demurely and he patted me down quickly. There wasn't much I could have concealed. Then he went through my wallet and thoroughly inspected the contents.

Fortunately I'd learned long ago never to carry anything there. But I did rather regret having a couple of joints carefully rolled up inside a pair of socks in my locked suitcase.

'Officer Hardass' (as I'd started calling him in my mind) seemed almost annoyed that I had nothing incriminating in my wallet. I knew that the slightest display of sanguinity on my part could result in my face being shoved into the gravel, so I remained perfectly expressionless.

He surprised me by thrusting his nose in my face and almost spitting at me, military-style: "How much have you had to drink??!"

"Nothing, officer... I opened it even though he told me it was against the law!", Rikki ejaculated, leaning out the driver's window. She still hadn't put on her tee-shirt and her chest was pressed up against the door.

"Keep quiet lady... and stay where you are like I tolja!" barked Officer Hardass in response.

"Yew LYIN' to me, Mister?" This time he really was close enough to spray his spit in my face. I finally got it. Copper was smelling my breath. He glared at me for a second or two and strutted back to his car. A fierce parting look was enough to assure our continued docility.