© 1994

"Who was that?"

"Who do you mean?" Martha returned just a little too innocently. She knew exactly who I meant.

"That woman you were with at Reed's." At lunch.

"Oh, you mean Faith." I saw Martha hiding a smile. "Did you find her attractive?"

This Faith was unbelievable! She had to be a model or movie star or something. If she wanted to be.

"If you want a date with her, you'll have to be nice to me." Martha answered with a smirk.

"Like you could get her to go out with me."

"Oh, you think I couldn't?"

I caught the look on Martha's face and paused a second. Martha certainly is one for a challenge. I thought for another second, then said: "You think she would go out with me ?"

"Sure, since you're a friend of mine." Then she told me she'd let me know when she had it set up. She ruined my whole night--I didn't get anything done wondering whether she might succeed.

And that is how I came to meet Faith. "So you work with Martha?" I was still in something of a trance. There was Faith, sitting across the restaurant table from me. Martha had done everything she promised and presented me with a blind date.

"Oh, yes. She joined the firm three years ago," I answered.

"She says your a nice guy."

I watched her closely-- should I be a nice guy? "I suppose she doesn't know everything there is to know about me."

She giggled. "OK, what secrets do you keep from her?"

"Only my evil side."

"And are you going to keep it from me too?"

"You'd better watch out for my evil side. I may not succeed in keeping it check." I watched her as she sparred with me. She was so beautiful. I loved this.

And you might think it couldn't work out, that I'd find out by the end of the second date that I couldn't stand her. Or that she wouldn't even give me another date. But we were living together in three weeks and two months later we were married.

God she was beautiful. In her bikini on the beach in Hawaii where we spent our honeymoon. Back in the hotel room, covered only by her tan. Flying through the valley on the tour, dressed in her shorts and halter. I was ready to quit and move to Honolulu just to see her like that every day. But she was just as beautiful back home and I still found myself living for the moment we met after work each evening.

"Yep, this is where he first saw you," Martha and I had gone to Reed's at lunch to meet Faith. She'd never heard the story of how I'd seen her. She looked amused.

"Stricken by a strange woman? And Martha told me the blind date was her idea!"

"Caught! Well, I guess we'd better get divorced and get on with our lives," I offered.

"Nope, you're stuck with me." Then she turned to Martha: "but you I'll never forgive!" I watched them as Martha took the hit and answered in kind. I remembered that conversation I'd had with Martha right after I'd first seen Faith and how I never would have believed back then that I'd now be sitting beside Faith like this. Faith tended to do that to me: make me float away in a sense of wonder. When I finally came to my senses again, I realized they were talking movies.

"No, I saw it with my sister," Faith was saying.

"How was it?" responded Martha.

"Great! You've got to see it!"

"Well I'm going tonight even if I have to go alone." Going to a movie alone. I'd done it, but not in a long time--certainly not since I met Faith. I looked at Martha. She didn't date too much as far as I knew--in fact, she'd never mentioned anything about her dates.

"Honey, why don't you go with Martha?" She turned to Martha, "he's been wondering what to do since I already saw it. You'll go with him, won't you?" Martha looked at me warily to see how I was reacting. It seemed like a good plan though I was surprised that Faith brought it up. Faith tended to be possessive. Well, since Faith was happy and Martha looked like she wasn't sure what to say, I gave her a little smile and nod.

"Are you sure you trust me?" offered Martha. I looked for a trace of humor in her face and wasn't sure I found it.

Faith giggled. "Oh, I do believe I've got him sufficiently bedazzled."

So it was set I picked Martha up at 8:30. But when we reached the theatre after driving across town, I realized we were in trouble.

"Looks like we should have come earlier," offered Martha.

"I guess they have a hit on their hands. We're in for a wait." We drove by the front of the cineplex, following the line down the sidewalk, which went around the corner.

"You know, I'm not sure I'm up for this," said Martha. Echoing my thoughts. "I wanted so badly to see it tonight, but after the wait, the theatre is going to be packed. If we get in..."

"I was thinking the same thing. There'll be other times," I offered. We started back and were inspired to stop for a drink on the way.

"Disappointed?" I asked.

"I missed out on my date," said Martha.

"Oh, I think you can spare this one," I replied.

"There's where you're wrong," she offered. Oops! I was beginning to tread on dangerous ground here--maybe she didn't get many dates! I found myself looking at her as I grasped for the right phrase. She was a little tall, not really slender but not overweight by any means. She was basically flat on top and her hips and thighs were a little too wide. It was like her lower half didn't quite fit with her upper half. She had a receding chin and her nose was just a little too long. I thought maybe she should be doing something to her hair instead of letting it just hang down to her shoulders--it was so straight and such an average brown color.

"Got no answer for that?" she grinned. I felt I was in trouble for having been struck speechless, but she was good natured about it. "This is my first date," she declared, still grinning.

"No!" It came out before I had a chance to control myself. Well, there is no right thing you can say to such a declaration. "Stop pulling my leg." Was that a recovery?

"Look, we can be frank. I can take it. I have to. I don't get asked out."

We'd been friends for a long time and Martha was always good to me. I wanted badly to say the right thing. "Guys are crazy. They don't know you."

"Listen, I'm used to it. It doesn't even occur to guys to ask me out, even when they know me."

"Well, you're not missing much if they can't see the real you."

"Sex."

"What?"

"I'm missing sex."

"You're a virgin?"

"Yes." Oops, gaff alert: I was sounding too surprised. Was I implying she was a failure?

"Saving yourself."

"Bull! Well, saving myself for someone I can stand to be in the same room with."

"You've had offers?" I wasn't watching my tongue!

"A couple. Well, the first guy had been retired for some years..."

"I mean it. Guys just don't know you. If a guy got to know you like I do..."

"They'd marry Faith." I stared at her, speechless. Her point had struck home. And it occurred to me: had Martha been interested in me ? She laughed mirthlessly, then offered: "I'm sorry, that wasn't fair."

"It probably was, " I answered. I felt about two inches tall. I have to admit I'd never even given a moment's thought to going out with Martha even though she's as interesting and nice as any woman I'd ever met.

"Enough on that subject," said Martha, finally. "I'm resigned to my chaste life."

"You aren't so unlucky as you realize: sex really isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"So you don't really enjoy it?"

"Well, I'm a guy."

She got this look on her face. And I knew I'd treaded on her feminist sensibilities. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Guys become idiots over sex."

"And girls?"

"There are girls... women who love sex, but there are women who are happy without it."

"Maybe they just haven't had the chance." Her voice was a little weaker and she was looking off in the distance. "Maybe they burn for it just like the guys do." I felt we were getting a little too personal but it also occurred to me that she was offering me a level honesty that one rarely encounters. I'd liked Martha ever since she started with the firm and something inside me was happy that she was offering me friendship this close. Martha and I had certainly talked over some of my problems before and once when she'd been upset, I'd listened to a long story about her mother. The truth of the matter is, I don't really have what you would call intimate friends--I'd never even had a talk like this with Faith. As I watched her, Martha seemed to find herself and looked at me and smiled a shy smile. "What really galls me," she went on, "is how people like Faith are so sure I represent no danger."

"Oh, come now. We're all friends."

"You didn't hear the way she laughed when I asked her if she trusted me?"

"She took it as a joke because you two are friends!" I wondered whether Martha was just a little twisted on this subject.

"Oh yea? Would she blithely send you out with one of her more attractive friends?" I opened my mouth to answer, but suddenly I couldn't. She went on: "Weren't you at all surprised when she suggested the whole thing?" The look in her eye--she was riled up now. I still couldn't make myself answer. "The Faiths of the world have me pegged. Any man is safe with me."

I looked at her. Still riled up. Frustrated her whole life and hurting inside because of how she is treated. "We could prove her wrong." I'd said it in a quiet voice. The drink was getting to me, that's all I can think of.

She stared at me. I realized her eyes were close to tears. "I didn't think you'd make it into a joke," she finally said, equally quiet.

"It wasn't a joke."

"You could stand me? You could cheat on Faith?"

"I told you that men just have to know you. And as you pointed out, Faith was less than nice to you."

"I wish you knew how... how much you're tempting my baser instincts." She looked a little off balance.

"I mean it." I tried to show her that I was deadly serious.

"What do they call it? A mercy fuck ?"

I gulped. "Such language!" I said. She grinned briefly. I went on: "Look, we've been friends for longer than I've known Faith and we could do something for each other. You find me more attractive than that old man, don't you?"

"Do you find me attractive?"

"Yes." I wondered if it were true.

She looked thoughtful. "Stop it," she finally said, quietly but firmly. She didn't believe me.

"You could let me prove it."

I glanced at Martha as we drove to her apartment. I couldn't believe I'd finally convinced her. And I realized I was looking forward to it. Really looking forward to it--in fact, I was already excited. I wondered what she was thinking. I caught a glimpse of her face--I thought I caught a little smile. Satisfaction, I hoped. I wanted this to be good for her.

Why was I responding like this? The illicitness? Who would have thought I could so calmly think of cheating on Faith? But there was something else that was also exciting me. That I was taking advantage of Martha? No, but something too close to that for comfort. I guess I can't completely shake my stone-age roots. I thought of her smile again. Maybe she was taking advantage of me! That was OK with me--she deserved some self-esteem and I wanted the best for her.

The lights were off and we were in her bedroom. I guess she was shy. We sat on the bed and I kissed her. She obviously loved it and we continued for quite some time. My eyes had adjusted and I could see her quite well. I started taking off her blouse. I felt the tension in her, but then suddenly she started unbuttoning the buttons herself. She sat there in her bra. I reached around to unhook it. "Are you ready?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered, her eyes locked on mine. I could tell from her voice that it was all right. I unhooked it. Throughout my movements unhooking it, her eyes followed mine, locked on mine. I looked down at her chest. She giggled and said "Like a boy!"

I put an arm around her back holding her and put my other hand on her stomach, sliding it up toward her breasts. I was very much aware of her naked skin in the dim light. She sat there not moving still looking up at me with an almost-strange, calm expression. I felt things were so serious. My hand reached her right nipple and I started to play with it, fingering it, encircling it and running my fingers across it. As I looked at her, I saw her breaths grow deeper. "Do you like this?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Yes!" Her voice was soft and breathy. I didn't stop playing with her nipples, though I moved over to her other nipple briefly. Then, still fingering her, I leaned my head down and resumed kissing her. Soon she sort of groaned while we were kissing and then broke the kiss, gasping for breath. I gently leaned her body back until she was lying on the bed and I leaned over and kissed her nipple. She was immediately groaning as I flicked it with my tongue as I sucked. Her excitement grew and I continued--soon I could tell she was about to come. Her breathing suddenly picked up faster and faster, then suddenly she held her breath and made a sound like a little whimper. I didn't stop until she caught her breath again, then I softly fingered her nipple and lay next to her. I realized she had been touching her crotch through her jeans when she was coming. I whispered in her ear "You're beautiful."

I was immediately afraid I might have said the wrong thing. Would she think I was just trying to seduce her? Or just being nice? I'd honestly forgotten that I was with someone who didn't fit society's norm for female beauty. I had simply been reacting to the experience of making love with her. She didn't say anything, but just lay there, obviously trying to recover her normal breathing. Finally she turned to me. I could see in the dim light that she was smiling. "Thank you, even though it wasn't anything for you."

"Martha!" I hissed. "You don't realize..." I didn't finish but rather took hold of her hand and pressed it against my own crotch so she could feel my hardness.

"What's that? Oops, why am I saying that? I sound so stupid."

"That's what I'm feeling for you besides friendship." Her hand just sat there cupping my cock through my pants. She still looked at me, now a wondering expression on her face.

She spoke: "Can I... undress you?" I felt her squeezing my cock slightly. Virgin or not, I was definitely finding her more and more interesting. When I didn't answer right away, she started unbuttoning my shirt.

"Are you sure this is your first time?" I finally asked.

She giggled. "Afraid you're getting used goods?" She had my shirt unbuttoned and my pants unsnapped. Her hand snaked inside my briefs and took hold of my cock.

"You seem to know what you're doing. And where is that virginal modesty?"

"Listen, I'm not going to let opportunity pass me by." Still that low self- esteem. She just held my cock inside my briefs, not moving her hand but even so, I started worrying about coming too quickly. I sat up and pulled off my shirt, then my pants and briefs. "A naked man in my bed," she said with a little giggle, still holding my cock as I lay down again.

"What are you going to do with him?" I asked.

Suddenly she was undoing her jeans and sliding them off. Then came her panties. As soon as she was naked, I took hold of her head and kissed her again, wrapping my leg around her body, pulling our bodies together. We kissed, just feeling our naked skin touching. Finally she pulled away from our kiss though I still had her locked in my arms. She leaned toward my ear and whispered "I want to do it now."