Chapter 5

Madeline’s trip from Salt Lake City to get to her sister in Sacramento was unremarkable, compared to the previous portion. It took fourteen days and the only difficulties they had were crossing the Sierra Nevada Mountains during some rainy weather.

There was one notable thing, however, that only Madeline was aware of.

Her menses were absent the entire time. Considering how long she had been traveling, she should have bled at least once, but she had not. She wasn’t stupid. She was excruciatingly aware of how much sperm had entered her body in the mine. By the time she got to her sister’s home, she knew she was pregnant with either Bob’s or Rex’s baby.

Her reaction to this was mixed, but well established when she stepped down out of the stage in Sacramento. She had come to the conclusion she was pregnant with a week left in her journey, which meant she had seven days to dwell on her situation and how to proceed. Part of her knew an unexplained pregnancy would cause problems. But she was independent, financially, and she’d been living the life of a partial hermit anyway. Another part of her rejoiced. She had spent years wanting a child and that wait was now over. Granted, it wasn’t Richard’s baby, but she loved both men who might be responsible for it. Part of her felt a warm, luscious emotion, deep inside, somewhere she imagined her unborn child to be. That was not evident at this early stage of things, of course, but she could imagine a tiny thing, resting in her womb, trapped there like she had been trapped when the little thing had been conceived. She had only been confined for a little less than two weeks. Her baby would be in its cramped, living cave for nine months. She sent love and tenderness to that little thing often, in silent, one-way communication.

How she felt about the fathers was also firm in her mind. That’s how she thought about them. One of them had contributed the sperm that fertilized her egg, but both of them were her lovers and she thought of both of them as the fathers of the fetus. She loved them. She was miserable that she had to leave them, but she comforted herself by knowing that, if they had remained together, somehow, they would all still love each other. But that was not possible. Society would not allow it. And so their separation had been inevitable. They were good men and some women, somewhere, would notice that and claim them. Then they would forget her and move on with their lives. She, however, would have a life-long reminder of the intimacy and love they had shared under arduous circumstances. She would have a piece of them when the baby was born.

How she felt about her own future was more ambivalent. If she returned home pregnant, there would need to be a good explanation for it and she had no idea of what that could be. She spent many an hour in quiet contemplation as to what she should or could do, as other passengers on the stage looked at the woman in black, who was obviously still grieving.

There was a rush of relief as she saw her sister’s face, under the brim of a wide, powder blue hat, and saw her wave. They hugged and Madeline broke down and cried, as the tension concerning the loss of her lovers and the gain of her child finally found an appropriate outlet.

Sarah hugged her “little” sister and patted her back. The sobbing went on long enough that Sarah became concerned. Richard had died years earlier and they had traded letters twice a year, in which she felt like Madeline was coping well. Yet, here she was, still in black and sobbing as if Richard had just died.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, holding Madeline by the shoulders with her arms straight. “Something is wrong. What is it?”

“Everything,” moaned Madeline. “I was such a fool. Things happened. We were trapped and we thought we were going to die.”

“What in the world are you talking about?” gasped Sarah.

Maddie calmed by pure will, and wiped her eyes.

“Much has happened. It will take time to tell. I’m not sure I even should tell you all of it.”

“Let’s go home,” said Sarah. “I hired a carriage to take us and your luggage. We’ll get you home and comfortable and then we can talk.”

“Elijah must never hear any of it!” Madeline yipped, softly. “He would not understand. You may not understand. Ohhh, Sarah, my life is turned on its head!”

Sarah took charge and got Madeline’s trunk on the carriage. They rode in silence. It took half an hour to wind through the city, sharing the road with other wagons, carriages, and horses. Sarah and her husband, Elijah Silvers, lived on the west side of town in a Spanish style house that overlooked the Sacramento River. It was a cool hacienda and incredibly comfortable after the travails of the journey Madeline had just completed. Initially she ate something and drank a glass of wine while Sarah fussed over her and said they could talk later. She was taken to a room Sarah had prepared for her and she collapsed on the soft bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

Sarah arranged her sister’s limbs, imagining she was making Madeline more comfortable, and then evaluated what she saw. The hands stood out like a bonfire at night. They were still rough and red, not quite callused, but obviously having had to endure some strenuous work. What that could have been Sarah had no clue. Madeline had said something about being trapped. Had there been a rock fall in the mountains, which blocked the trail? Surely a woman wouldn’t have been called on to assist with that kind of work. Sarah couldn’t see the younger woman’s body, but her face looked wan and pale. Her hair looked dusty, in need of a good wash. There were no powders or rouge present. She didn’t need them, really, or wouldn’t once she got some sun and some good food in her. Sarah had always envied her sister’s beauty. Sarah’s body went to thickness around her ankles, thighs, and waist. Her husband said it didn’t matter, that there was more of her to love. His behavior in the bedroom supported that, even though his hair was thinning. She was happy with her life and all that beauty Madeline had, had not prevented her from suffering much woe.

Sarah left to see what was in Madeline’s trunk. If it was all black, then a shopping trip was in order.

It was time for her little sister to rejoin the world and experience some happiness.

Madeline did not confess all to her sister, when she woke up. The refreshment of sleep had revived her. She still had the problem, but it wasn’t imminent. She had planned to stay a month or two, so it was possible she wouldn’t even be showing when she left to go back to Kansas. What she would do when she got back to Kansas and was visibly pregnant, she still had no idea of.

The trauma she had exhibited upon her arrival was explained when she told the story of her “stay” in the Periwinkle Silver Mine. Both Sarah and Elijah were astonished as she related how they had to dig out, while others dug in, and that their only communication with the outside world was through a narrow drill-hole that was twenty or so feet long. She described how the prisoners got their sustenance and a few creature comforts. “I’ll never undervalue a candle again in my entire life,” she sighed, at one point.

When she was finished, Sarah had only one question. In her teen years, growing up in the rough and dangerous territory that would become Nebraska, teenage morals were a little different than those in other parts of the more settled United States. Their father had taken them to Lancaster, to the salt flats, when they were little girls. Growing up there was hard. There was the one room school house, and the church, where friendships could be made. Children, though, could not help in extracting the salt. Nor could they work with those who protected the settlement from the plains Indians who were being forcibly displaced. Madeline had been a Little Miss Goody Two Shoes, but Sarah had snuck off to play with, and then kiss, and eventually sport with boys her age. It was the flirting she had learned that way that caught the eye of Elijah Silvers, who was a young doctor just getting started. In those living conditions people didn’t care where a doctor had been educated – only that he knew what he was doing. The mining and trade in salt was hard, dangerous work and he had plenty of patients. Doctors back East had never removed an arrow from a man. He could do it in the dark. She had met him as his patient, when she stepped on a board with a nail in it that punctured her foot. It was known those could be very dangerous injuries so he paid close attention to her as she mended. She had married him when she was sixteen and he was twenty-four. With the experience he got there, they moved west. They needed doctors in California, too, where the fees were much higher. The rest, as they say, was history. He now had a large practice and they lived very comfortably.

Her question concerned the fact that a woman had been trapped with two men ... for weeks! But she waited until Elijah was out of the room to ask it.

“Did you have to fight them off?” she whispered, excitedly.

“I don’t know what you mean,” said Madeline, as if the question was ridiculous.

“Ohhh, no you don’t. I know men and I know how men react when they’re around you. You were trapped with two cowboys who were not perfect gentlemen. So ... what happened?”

“I’m a grieving widow, Sarah!” gasped Madeline. It was a forced gasp.

“Oh pish posh!” snorted Sarah. “You may wear black, but your grieving subsided years ago. You’re a strong woman and I know you miss him, but you adjusted. The black is just to keep men at bay; am I right? You always were a highfalutin’ thing, with your nose in the air when there were men around.”

“At least I was a virgin on my wedding night!” snapped Madeline.

“Elijah neither noticed, nor cared,” said Sarah, smugly. “He only lasted half a minute anyway, the first few times we consummated our marriage.”

“You can only consummate a marriage once, Sarah,” said Madeline, dryly.

“Never you mind about that. I know you three didn’t live that closely together, eating and sleeping together in such a small space and nothing happened. Tell me the good stuff.”

“You would have loved it,” Madeline said, snarkily.

In truth, Madeline wanted to tell Sarah everything, to unburden herself of the deep, dark secret she wasn’t going to be able to keep, anyway. But if she did, she knew Sarah would laugh and crow about how Daddy’s little Angel had become a wanton slut.

There was something in her tone that made the hair on the back of Sarah’s neck stand up and a shiver went down her spine. For a short five seconds her mind worked at light speed, trying to imagine what could have happened. Two men ... horny ... demanding. One frail woman ... helpless ... trapped. Could her little sister have been repeatedly raped for weeks?

“Madeline,” she said, her voice soft. She took her sister’s hands and moved until her face was only a foot away from Madeline’s. “I know it had to have been a nightmare. It doesn’t matter what happened to you. I love you and it’s over.”

The pressure inside her caused a crack in her defenses.

“It’s not over yet,” she groaned.

“What do you mean?” asked a very worried Sarah.

“I can’t tell you,” whined Madeline. Suddenly she felt eight again, with her ten-year-old bossy sister beside her, waiting to pounce. “You’d hate me,” she groaned. “You’d laugh. I’d have to leave.”

“Sweetheart,” cooed Sarah, now alarmed, “Nothing you could tell me could make me stop loving you. What happened? You can tell me. Did you murder someone?”

Her use of “murder” was the most outrageous thing she could think of and she hoped her sister would say, “Oh, nothing that bad! I was just...” and she’d say what was causing her such agony.

“You don’t understand,” said Madeline. “It wasn’t like me. But there were extenuating circumstances. I thought I was doing something good. I still think I did something good, but nobody would understand it. They would all shun me forever.”

“You’re not making any sense,” said Sarah. “Look. I know I always teased and tormented you when we were growing up. But those days are over. We’re both grown women. We’ve both been married. I’m aching for you, now, because I can see something is eating at you. All I want to do is try to help you, if I can.”

“I don’t think you could help me,” said Madeline, softly.

“Try me,” said Sarah.

The crack widened.

“Help me explain to people how a widow can be pregnant,” Madeline whispered.

“Pregnant!” Sarah’s voice registered her shock, but her face remained smooth. “Pregnant,” she said again.

“Yes,” said Madeline. “I haven’t bled for two months.”

“That long? How could that be?”

“Well, as best I can recall, I should be bleeding right now. That’s the second month. I didn’t bleed on my trip here at all.”

“So...”

“Yes! I’ll just say it! You were right. I was cooped up with two very virile men!” She covered her face and started to sniffle.

“Hey, calm down, now,” said Sarah, uncharacteristically. “Let’s talk about this. Did they force you?”

Madeline’s hands dropped.

“No! It wasn’t like that. I thought I needed to do it!”

“Needed?” Sarah’s voice rose. “How can that be?”

Madeline swallowed. She took a deep breath. She couldn’t back out, now. All she could do was try to justify her actions ... and their consequences.

“Have you heard of men who prefer other men over women?” she asked.

Sarah blinked.

“Yes. It’s whispered of. Some of the sailors seen on the coast are rumored to be ... that way.”

“The same is said of cowboys, who are alone for months on the trail,” said Madeline. “They had worked together for years on such cattle drives and they seemed ... too friendly. I was worried that they were hazarding their souls. Remember in the Bible ... the story of Lot?”

“You mean where the angels visited him and the men in the town wanted to ... do that with them?”

“Yes. Sodom was destroyed because of it! And there we were, trapped in close quarters. So I ... cured them.”

“Cured them?”

“Let’s just say they never sought each other out because they could seek me out instead,” whispered Madeline.

“Oh good grief,” groaned Sarah. “Please tell me you’re teasing me. This is to get back at me for all those times I fornicated with the boys we lived around, isn’t it!”

“No,” said Madeline. “I am pregnant, and those are the only two men who I let do that since Richard died.”

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