Chapter 14

Andrew went for a longer run on Sunday morning out past Addenbrooke’s. He was out of sorts; his outburst the previous night had highlighted that to him so he thought through everything while running. The constant large group interactions were wearing him down, Andrew was not enjoying being ‘on’ all the time with so many people. As he ran he wondered why he was so worn down by it and other than it was new to him, deep down he knew it was all the remaining secrets that were burdening him. Not that he had any intention of talking about any of them but already he had talked about Faith, Leslie and his cancer multiple times, had confessed to being a Level 2 hockey coach and had even bragged about his first time with Kenzie, which was totally not like him. On top of that he had fucked Helena, resisted Raquel, wanted to see a lot more of Cassie, was dealing with Emma and her Fresher’s lusts and who knew what he and Rupashi were up to. Neither one of them did. Andrew had parts of his life settling into a routine, fitness and exercise were going well and he had befriended Peggy at her café and was getting soup for breakfast as he walked home from the pool. He could see that the course was going to stretch him and keep him studying hard. Andrew resolved to stay at the department until at least 6.00 every night except Tuesday and make sure he had understood the lectures, excelled at the lab, done all the assigned work for supervisions and just generally was working as hard as possible to do his best on the course. Whenever he had moments where he doubted himself Andrew always retreated back to studying, the balm that always eased whatever was troubling him.

As he came back past Addenbrooke’s he remembered he had an evening course on Wednesday night where he would be interviewed about volunteering with cancer patients and then, assuming he passed, would be given the list of dos and don’ts. When he got back to the College he quickly showered and then packed a bag and decided to head to the library. He went to the Fresher’s Fair but his heart was not in it. As it was early none of the officers were yet there although Andrew saw Sergeant Marrak again. There was nothing to do until the following Saturday when the OTC were running selection. After the fair Andrew headed for the library but skipped the College Library and went to the main University Library instead, stopping on the way for a large breakfast. Andrew spent the day writing letters and working on his coursework. It was only when his stomach growled at 4.30 that he packed up and headed back to College. On days like that, too much time and not wanting company he missed having the car. On the way to OTC on Tuesday he was going to stop and see what the train situation was from Cambridge at the weekend. Heading to London for the day seemed like a great way to escape from the constant crowd of people. Andrew knew what his career was going to be, hermit. He mentally scolded himself for being so down on the social side of the college, where was the positive attitude and remembering to keep balance in his life?

The corridor was quiet when he returned for which he was grateful. Dumping the bag on the bed he went straight to Hall. Matt and a couple of other people he vaguely knew were there and Andrew sat and chatted to them. The chat over dinner was all about sports tryouts although one of the guys was going on about the new land speed record which had been beaten the previous week by a British team. After dinner they went to the bar but Andrew slipped away after a couple as they looked like they were settling in for the night. He got back to his room and closed the door to the world. He turned on the computer and looked at some old code he had been working on at the start of the summer. He wrote one new routine but it took him way longer than it would have done when he was immersed in his degree. He had no idea if anyone came to the door as he had his headphones on and had tuned out the world.

The following week Andrew settled into a routine and his world felt more centred. The morning routine was unchanged other than waking Helena which was no imposition. He stayed late at the department all week including Wednesday and just went straight to Addenbrooke’s from there. Until Friday night Andrew focused on himself and on studying and felt better for it. He saw the same people every morning for breakfast, almost exclusively the science and engineering students, and because he didn’t eat until 7.00 dinner was often with a few stragglers, and he even ate on his own there one night. He wasn’t a total anti-social soul but saw much less of people at the College than in the first frantic nine days. The reality of life at university started to sink in and having nothing to do for seven of his first nine days was always going to be the exception. By the end of the week Andrew was ready to relax after a hard week of work.

Even his night at Addenbrooke’s had been an anti-climax. The interview was over in less than five minutes once they confirmed he was a cancer survivor. The fact he had waited so long to volunteer was seen as a positive, there was nothing impulsive or emotional about this decision. The ‘class’ was going through a sheet of the rules. The list was long but the key ones were to be upbeat but low key with it and let the patient set the pace. Ask benign and open questions, ‘is there anything I can do for you?’ ‘is there anything you need?’, that sort of thing. Just be sensitive, don’t ask how they are, or how they are feeling. Andrew remembered some of his last conversations with Faith and being pre-emptively told that she was feeling crappy and to move on. That memory was still fresh nearly five years later.

The other attendees were a complete mix of people, he was the youngest but there were several people in their twenties in the group. They were overwhelmingly women, there were 16 of them in the room and there was only one other man, who was there with his wife. No stories were asked or told as to why they were all there. Some of the people there had the aura of grief around them, just something Andrew saw in their eyes. It must take even more courage to come back to this place but then he stopped. Statistically it was much more likely that it was a parent or a sibling that had died than a child. Childhood cancers were thankfully rare, which was why they had not received the funding that other more common cancers had. Andrew shook his head and focused on what was being explained to them. The whole thing took less than an hour and then they just had to sign up for volunteer slots and would be done. There were two couples so there were 14 of them waiting to pick slots and Andrew waited until the end, he was in no rush and some people looked keen to get away. The lady was efficient and within 15 minutes it was his turn.

“Thank you for waiting. Where are you looking to assist us? Remember we can’t guarantee that you will be there at first.”

“I understand, my only issue is that I can only volunteer on Sundays, I have classes during the week and sports on Saturdays. I would like to volunteer in the pediatric oncology ward please.”

She looked at him sharply.

“That is unusual, and is without doubt the most distressing of all of the wards.”

She had his application form in front of her and after a glance at it her voice softened.

“I see, okay that makes more sense.”

She was almost talking to herself.

“I presume you have given this a lot of thought. Since you are the last person here do you mind talking to me about your decision?”

She had been craning her neck up at Andrew as he had towered over her sitting at the table so he pulled a chair up and sat opposite.

“What would you like to know?”

“Why now and are you sure you can cope?”

Wow, there was no messing about with her.

“It was triggered in the spring by a comment from a family friend. I had never even considered doing this and I am sure subconsciously I was protecting myself from the memories. A couple of months later I went to the Sick Children’s Hospital in Edinburgh, where I had been a patient, and where I had seen children in the ward not respond to treatment and die.”

She did not flinch at his words but she did blink at the stark assessment.

“As I was coming here in three or four months they suggested that I should wait so as not to get used to one surrounding and then have to go through it all again. I stood at the door of the ward then and again here 10 days ago and my heart was racing but I was ready. As to your second question, I can’t 100% answer that because I don’t know for sure. All I can tell you is that if I make a connection with a young patient I could never let myself walk away from that. I have been exactly where they are now. One of the things that I can do is talk about the future. I have a picture that my friend took a couple of weeks after I was finally released and I am barely six stone, bald as a cue-ball and all of 5’2”. I can show them that following the instructions on diet and exercise really does work. I think I have missed exercising five times in nearly five years and I still eat lentil soup for breakfast every morning for the vegetable protein.”

He stopped and the woman smiled.

“An honest answer and an endearingly funny one as well. It is just as well you have the before photo because it is hard to see you now as having just endured chemotherapy. Okay then, can you assist with lunch and early afternoon?” Andrew nodded. “11 until 3, does that work?”

“Perfect, I will be here at 10.45 on Sunday morning.”

She gave him instructions about where to go, what to wear and other logistics and then he was on his way. He skipped the bus back to town and decided to walk. The night was cold but still dry and Andrew didn’t mind the time alone. He had made, in his own mind, the irrevocable step of committing to volunteering at the children’s cancer ward. Despite the lingering anxiety of doing this he also felt an easing of a burden he didn’t know he was carrying. He needed to be helping others, it was now ingrained in him and until this was all confirmed it had been nagging away at him. Now though, he walked back into town feeling better about everything.

The weekend was set as, to his own surprise, Andrew had made the hockey team, but then so had everyone. The coaches had decided to keep all 22 of them for the second 11. Their first practice was on Saturday and would be on Wednesday evenings after that with matches on the Saturday. All 22 of them would practice and then there would be a short game at the end and from that 15 would be selected for the match on the Saturday. The coach had exactly the right approach, this was not do or die, this was a bunch of blokes wanting to get a game in and enjoy the camaraderie of the team. They were all going to play two games out of three and other than a couple of guys who wanted to be in the first 11 anyway everyone else was up for it. With inevitable dropouts they would all be playing every week by the end of term and just have more subs than normal. So Andrew’s week was going to be study late on Mondays and Thursdays, UOTC on Tuesday and hockey practice on Wednesday. Games were Saturday mornings and finally he would be volunteering on Sunday during the middle of the day. He was pleased and knew that having this routine was part of him.

Andrew stopped thinking about the events of the week, as it had been great. A feeling of calm washed over him, he was on top of his work, not ahead yet, but not falling behind despite the volume of material that was being covered. Saturday would see his first hockey practice in the morning and then OTC selection after lunch. He was taking Helena on a date that night, which he was looking forward to immensely. It was 5.30 when Andrew got back to his room and had not even put his bag down when Malcolm was at the door.

“A bunch of us are going for a curry around 7.30, you in?”

“Sure, good call. See you then.”

The couple of hours passed quickly between showering and a whole lot of lounging around. Navya swung by just after 7.00 and flopped down on the bed beside him.

“Hey stranger, how are you?”

“Great. Looking forward to getting out of this place and forgetting about the course for a couple of days.”

“I know what you mean. They really piled on the work this week. You okay? You got riled up on Saturday night and have not been around much this week.”

“I am fine. It was stupid of Emma to bring something like that up so soon.”

“That’s harsh Andrew, and unlike you.”

“It is how I feel. If she does not like it then she knows not to talk about it again, at least when I am there. If she keeps talking about it she will get the same reaction.”

Navya did not say anything but Andrew’s uncompromising stance on organised religion had thrown her. Mild mannered Andrew was not supposed to be like this. They were saved from further words by Malcolm coming by and the three of them met Pedro and Abigail and wandered off to find a curry. Andrew walked with Malcolm chatting about the week and the volume of work and let Pedro try to talk to the two women. He was nothing if not persistent, even in the face of perpetual rejection. The thing was he was not too creepy about it he was just a constant flatterer. The girls put up with it for now but Andrew could see it becoming a real pain for them soon. Lisa was clearly a distant memory and Pedro was onto fresh pastures. Abigail was still a remote and closed person, at least to him and rarely had any chat with him other than the basic pleasantries and so it was that evening as well. Navya had thawed from her frostiness earlier and they chatted away. Malcolm and Pedro tag teamed Abigail but the evening was relaxed. The shock of the evening was that Nigel had gone home on Thursday night and was talking to his mother about dropping out. He was all out of sorts, drinking too much, missing home way more than he anticipated which only made the drinking worse, had been fined and reprimanded by the College and missed several classes already. He was the absolute poster child for what not to do when you turn up at university as a Fresher.

“Is he just going to drop out?”

Andrew was more perturbed than he thought he would be.

“Nobody seems to know.”

Pedro was the only one who had seen him the day before. Andrew didn’t know what else to think. He had helped Nigel a couple of times but was the same age as him and did not think it was his place to lecture Nigel about his lifestyle. Andrew was tinged with a little guilt that he had not done more to help. There were a few other horror stories that people had heard of, but this seemed way more real since it impacted someone that they all knew. After dinner Pedro wanted to head to Cindies so after stopping at a pub for a drink on the way they once again were in the queue for Cindies. Andrew had bought the round at the pub so didn’t have to face the fight to get to the bar and was taking it easy anyway. The next day he had a two hour practice for hockey and then OTC selection in the afternoon, he didn’t need to be sweating beer all day. He danced with Navya for a while, responding to her pseudo flirting, they both knew that nothing was going to happen, which just let them ham it up even more. They got off the dance floor to catch their breath and she laughed.

“I thought you were trying to stab me with that thing.”

Andrew blushed bright red which just made her laugh harder.

“It is good to know that I can illicit such a reaction.”

She patted him on the arm and Andrew let the heat bleed off him.

“Your biggest problem.”

She paused which just made it funnier.

“Is that you are so bloody tall it ends up poking in the stomach or the small of the back. If you are going to walk around with a boner, you need to crouch down a bit.”

She raised her hands in victory as Andrew held his head in his hands.

“You could just lift me up though, that would work.”

“Stop, you win. Hell’s teeth woman, you are killing me here.”

She relented and they stood and people watched the chaos around them. They both saw people they knew and then a small thin guy shyly came up to Navya and asked her to dance. The smile on her face was something to see and Andrew told her he would see her later. She waved as she headed off to the dance floor. It was time for him to make his escape. He had not seen Pedro, Malcolm or Abigail since he got here and assumed they were out in the throng on the floor.

The following morning the Indian monsoon diverted several thousand miles north west and settled over Cambridge. Hockey practice was cut short but they were all cold, wet, miserable and having serious misgivings about playing. There was bound to be some attrition after a practice like that, in fact that might have influenced the coach in holding the practice at all. It took 15 minutes in the shower to thaw out and when Andrew was finally warm he dressed knowing that he would have to face the same thing again after lunch. He could just imagine Sergeant Marrak’s face beaming at the prospect of sending them out in this downpour. He borrowed an old umbrella from David across the hall and got to the TA Centre in plenty of time. Nobody looked happy but they didn’t fight wars on just warm sunny days. It was wetter than Andrew had ever experienced but not nearly as cold and windy as the Scottish camps or the Cheviot Hills. Selection was three parts. Firstly a review of your form for any medical problems or nationality problems that would stop you from going the platoon. To Andrew’s surprise his cancer was a non-issue, it was sufficiently in the past that it was no longer a concern. The second stage was normally an interview with a senior officer of the platoon, one of the Colonel, the Major or one of the three Captains, together with a junior officer and a sergeant. This stage had been switched to the end and the physical test was next. 50 push ups and 50 sit ups in two minutes each and then a mile and a half run in 11 minutes. There were 75 of them and in batches of five they went through the push ups and then the sit ups. After 40 had done the tests the 36 of them that had passed were sent out on the run. They had been given a bib with an assigned number on it and the run was simple, out for three quarters of a mile to a corporal, who would note the number, and back to the Centre. The rain was still pouring down and it was cold but all these mornings in Edinburgh meant that it was not a problem. Andrew ran near the front behind a group of guys who looked like distance runners. Scrawny, wiry blokes without an ounce of fat on them. They loped along with effortless ease and Andrew tucked in behind them. They all had a good natured sprint over the final 100 metres and he cruised home well back from them in 6^th with a time of 9 minutes and 30 seconds. They were allowed to towel off and then it was straight to the interview. He got the Major of the platoon, a lieutenant who looked younger than Andrew, and a sergeant who was exactly like the movies imagined a British Army sergeant to look like. Old, grizzled, gruff, you get the idea.

He was surprised how much the Army knew about him. It was nearly a year later that he found out why, at the time he assumed they knew a lot about everybody. The interview was perfunctory, he had passed the physical with ease, had been to multiple camps over a number of years and achieved CCF proficiency at the Engineering Aptitude test. What did make them sit up straighter was the fact that he had already passed an OTC proficiency test, the Artillery one all those years ago at Otterburn. What was even funnier was Andrew had been a student of the Open University at the time but figured then was not the time for that discussion

“There was a mix up with the paperwork and I ended up completing the OTC test sir.”

“The Artillery test is not an easy test to pass. They must have made it easy, was that how you passed?”

The skepticism in his voice was clear.

“Only three out of twelve of us passed sir. We were at Otterburn and the altitude of the target was different which tripped up some and the MLSI exercise was right at the edge of the effective range and you had to select different shells to achieve the result. Sir.”

Andrew could see the Sergeant nod ever so slightly and knew he was okay.

“Yet you have stated a preference for the Sappers, why is that?”

“Ties in with my degree as well as my interests. Sir.”

The questions petered out and the Major stood.

“Welcome to the platoon Cadet.”

After the salutes had been exchanged he was handed off to a corporal who directed him to the Quartermaster. Sergeant Marrak had come through and there was a uniform that fit him available. An hour later Andrew had a kitbag full of all his issued uniforms and equipment, he had signed a thousand forms, well 14 really, and was a member of the Cambridge University Officer Training Corp. Cadet McLeod then had to haul the kitbag back to Trinity. He had seen Matt at the start of the run so waited around and first Rollie, then Matt and finally Jack all came over, kitbags in hand.

“Looks like we all passed selection then. Shall we share a taxi to get this lot back into town?”

Jack as usual was in charge of organisation. The guys were all set for a night on the town to celebrate but Andrew had to beg off.

“Sorry I will have to wait until Tuesday. I have plans tonight already.”

Once they realised he was going out for dinner on a date the level of abuse skyrocketed. Jealous abuse but abuse none the less. He told them he would get the first couple in on Tuesday and left them on the circuitous one way out of Cambridge to get to Burrell’s Field with Matt. He laid the kitbag on the bed, unpacked and put everything away and grabbed some clean clothes to head for his second warm shower of the day. Andrew opened his door and Helena almost fell in as she was about to knock.

“Great timing. Can you come over to mine in 30 minutes so that we can chat before we head out?”

“Absolutely, I am going to warm up in the shower and I will be over as quick as possible.”

Helena looked, and smelled, fantastic and so he did not loiter in the shower. At the appointed time Andrew knocked on Helena’s door. When she opened it he just stood and stared. And stared. She looked gorgeous with a casual elegance that just oozed class and sensuality.

“Wow Helena. I mean wow.”

Her face split into a huge smile and she pulled Andrew into the room closing and locking the door behind her. She had taken his suggestion and wore a simple black cocktail dress, moderately low cut at the front, sexy without going too far. It ended above the knee and her three inch heeled shoes complemented the outfit perfectly. As she walked into the room Andrew heard the faint rustle of the nylons on her legs. All in all she was just the epitome of a beautiful young woman, firm and tight and curvy.

“Thank you for the compliment. You did not say much but your eyes have told a very flattering tale.”

She leaned in, stretched up and kissed him full on the mouth. Andrew stopped standing gawping like a fool and pulled her into him caressing her back and down over her tight arse. There was no pretence at anything but serious sexual attraction. He lost himself in the kiss and caresses and focused on Helena, her mouth and her soft body. It is amazing how something can be soft and supple and yet firm and tight all at the same time. Helena was not an athlete but she kept herself in good shape. Finally they broke apart and almost panted as they looked at each other.

“I have been wanting to do that for a week. Last Saturday when you whispered in my ear I finally understood what a swoon was. I have been this pent up ball of horniness all week you devious bastard. Every night I have had to scream into my pillow dealing with the ache in my body.”