Chapter 14

In which a bandit attack is foiled, and many surprises revealed.

“How now! Damsels, good Bard? Dost Cat have the right of it? Be they captured noblewomen, from a caravan as Hal did surmise, who were taken while on their way to the court of a noble count or duke? Or damsels of the ordinary sort, who doubtless deserve their deserts?”

Then did the Bard look meaningfully at the empty jacks before him, and pause, whilst many betook themselves to the tap-man and present their empty jacks to be filled, aye, and some among the others they filled for the ever-thirsty bard!

The audience returned, drank deeply, then looked expectantly at the bard as he sank muzzle into the foaming ale. Sighing in satisfaction, he wiped his generous mustaches and made ready to continue.

“There was no time to waste! Hal led his companions away to search out the caravan, that he might warn Factotum Leo of the pool filled with playfully dallying damsels. Betimes did they discover the caravan’s tracks, and follow on that they might come upon them and deliver news of their discovery.

“Methinks I hear the noise of fighting in the distance, Deputy Hal!” So spake Colin, for ‘twas well known that his ears were keen, if somewhat hairy.

“Aye, Colin,” agreed Hal. “We must take care when we advance, that we not find ourselves engaged by both sides at once!”

Cat it was who slipped forward and spied from an outcropping of rock, then came back to report. “Friend Hal, ‘tis passing strange! For the warriors who clash sword and knife with Leo and his men are dressed not as your ordinary hillside bandit might be garbed, but in finely made helms and shiny mail! Never have I cast eye upon such, I warrant! ‘Tis clear that this band, despicable as it be, has raided a rich caravan whose guards were noble enough to have been attired in finer armor than they deserved the wearing of!”

“Mayhap were they surprised in the night,” declaimed Hal, “but e’en so! True warriors would ne’er have allowed themselves to be overrun by mere bandits! Yet be they bandit or warrior from eldritch kingdom, aye, even the devils from deepest hell, still shall we strike! Let us see if they bleed as red as their victims, lose their livers for the fight, and belike piss and shit their trousers when we attack them from the rear! Yet first will we slip closer, that I might send arrows into them ere we charge. Know ye that our first task is to destroy their leaders, that with our help Leo might sweep aside such remnants as remain.”

And so, ‘twas done. Know ye that Hal’s rat-claws, a-bed now in human fingers as they were, proved quite able to rapidly draw the strong horse-bow string to his ear. Then did he release the shaft, as comes the bolt of lightning from the sky!

Hal sent his first arrow into the back of a warrior who wore dazzling armor of shining mail, and a helm with a ring of outlandish construction about the crown that supported a neck-cloth to keep the sun from his nape.

Cries there came then from the foe, betimes, but not cries of battle such that the liver was encouraged and the attackers should fight on! Nay, I warrant, these were cries of dismay, mayhap even anguish from some who’d expired not cleanly, but puled and wept and sought to remove the shafts from their bodies.

A score of arrows had Hal in his quiver ere the attack began, and shrewdly did he use them all, that twenty raiders soon lay upon the ground. In but a trice, the whole left wing of the enemy’s attack was disordered and confused! Then did Hal discard the bow and reach for his sword and poniard. A squeeze from his knees sent Arrow springing over rocks and brush whilst he raced down the slope, charging toward the bandit chieftain who sat on horseback watching and encouraging his men, that they should fight harder.

For know ye, ‘tis ever the way of commanders and kings, to stand back and send in others to fight! And say to them, go ye here for the nonce, then there, and if the battle go not well, decamp, and say when asked, ‘twas the fault of the men that they didst fail! And did the fighting go well, e’er would the commanders and kings preen, and claim credit all-undeserving. But for bold heroes such as Hal and Leo, such shun ever such practice! Always are they to be found in the forefront of the attack, aye, in the very midst of the carnage, spilling the blood of enemies and inspiring lesser men to do valorous deeds by their example!

Arrow, the war-horse, courageous and well-accustomed to battle’s strife, struck many a warrior who was a-foot, and sent them reeling back to lie prostrate upon the ground. Aye, and Hal’s rat companion sat upright upon the saddle’s pommel, gripping it with his strong hind claws as he squeaked warlike cries of encouragement! For even a rat will fight when needs must!

‘Tis thought by some that Hal had but little to do as he charged forward. ‘Tis true that he held sword upright during the furious advance and unbloodied yet ‘twas, ere the raider leader discovered that calamity had fallen upon him and destroyed a full wing of his attacking force.

But the lack of gore a-sword ‘twas only that Hal passed by some, for he had eyes upon the bandit chieftain, that he not escape to devil other honest caravaners! Then did the bandit chief turn about to defend himself, even as brave Leo led a shrewd sally by the men of the caravan to take the bandits in their weakened flank and crush them, even scatter the few survivors upon the desert breeze!

‘Twas a concern for Hal, Leo’s safety, or would have been had not the bandit commander rallied from finding himself sore beset. For Hal had begun to swing lusty blows of his sword at the bandit commander, the while fending off the jabbings of lesser men by shrewd use of his poniard. Arrow, that well trained steed, offered friendly nips from his great teeth to the neck and rump of the chief’s horse, such that the animal soon understood there were worse things to fear than spurs! Aye, he would have departed the field if he could, but above the beasts a fight between skilled men went on, whereby Hal did thrust and swing with a will and the enemy most shrewdly essayed blocks and cuts of his own.

Yet youth and strength soon told. Hal struck with a lusty back-cut and the robber leader, wearied by the weapon-play, could not raise his own sword in time. He found his parry too slow, eeked his dismay, and stared reproachfully at Hal as his guts spilled forth. Released from the chieftain’s control, his steed finally made good its escape, carrying off the bandit with his guts a-slithering behind upon the ground. Betimes did a loop of gut enwrap about a bush, and the enemy fall upon the ground and expire, gutlessly.

Few of his men did espy this, for their livers had failed them, and the courage ran out from them like piss after a night of too much ale! Crying ‘quarter’ and ‘a-mercy’, they fled away to the south, such as might do so, whence it is supposed they came. So ‘twas that Hal and Leo met on the battle-field as victorious men do, with much clapping upon the back each of the other amid joyous cries of victory. The pack-men, being yet practical despite weariness from hard battle, searched through the pouches and robes of the fallen in search of loot, voicing most gladsome cries at what they discovered.

“Leo, our duty is not yet done!” Hal exclaimed, when the back-slapping slowed. “Come ye with me and bring a few lusty fighters, for there be damsels sore distressed who have need of such as we, though they know it not!”

“Damsels, say ye?” asked Leo. “Distressed, even? Out upon it, lad! ‘Tis clear that your enemy, or one of his henchmen, did clout you upon the skull, that you spout lies and babble the veriest nonsense!”