Chapter 71

The time at the farm always went quickly for Andrew and these two weeks were no different. He dealt with the dairy and beef herds, worked through a list of chores in the farmyard every morning and then sat and completed and corrected paperwork in the afternoon and evening. Josephine had let the paperwork slip, maybe in anticipation of his visit, and it took him until the penultimate evening to get caught up. HIs evenings were his own as there was no sign of Kenzie. Josephine left him meals in the freezer and so he was on his own the last week. The reason for Kenzie’s absence was alluded to but never confirmed. It seemed that she was pregnant and now had a steady boyfriend, the expectant father. Andrew hoped that it would work out for her. She was a wonderful young woman and she deserved the best. She would always be his first. So given this development he threw himself into the work. At the end of the two weeks he was ready for school to start again. Working on the farm always made him ready for the library.

But it also reinforced the feeling of loneliness that he had thought about while at the coaching course. It had been a summer without balance and other than occasionally seeing and talking to Leslie he had been on his own for large chunks of it. And even when he was with other people he felt isolated. Andrew knew this was partially his nature but he felt the disconnect from his family as the time at the farm came to an end. The other four had gone to Sweden, which with a not yet two year old was either the height of bravery or the depths of folly. Andrew tended towards the later. But the bonds of family were slipping, it was becoming clearer and clearer. One notable thing, in his own eyes, was that he did not talk about Maggie with Leslie. For whatever reason he was reticent to talk about his time in the studio and had been all year. She knew nothing of the three photo shoots. It was the first secret that he had kept from her, and he wasn’t sure why. It was Leslie that drove him back into town from the farm at the end of his two weeks as the family were not back until the next day.

Things got much worse when they returned. Andrew had to endure the usual start of term school shopping trip with his mother. He was now 6’2” and fourteen and a half stone. What made this one different was that his mother informed Andrew that he would have to pay for the new school uniform. Andrew was surprised but brought sufficient money with him to get the updated uniform. Because he continued to grow taller he needed new shirts, trousers, blazer and shoes ahead of his first day on Wednesday. What caused the fight was the conversation on the way home.

“Your dad and I were talking while we were away. We are going to need you to contribute to the family budget for the next two years. I am only going to be part-time until Scott goes to school and we are struggling with the school fees for Rowan.”

Andrew was taken aback.

“When you didn’t think you could afford my school fees you told me I would be going to Firhill.”

That was the local high school.

“I had to work to pay my fees and I have done so for the last two years. Is Rowan being told the same?”

“Don’t speak to me like that Andrew. We are not having one of our children going to private school while the other goes to the local state school. Rowan is not going to work. You have the money so stop being so selfish.”

“Why is Rowan not going to work?”

The argument raged back and forth, not that there was much of an answer coming from his mother. Andrew managed to bite his tongue and not accuse Rowan of being too selfish and not prepared to try and help. The sense of grasping from his mother was acute. The only significant expense the family had was Rowan’s school fees. Andrew was paying for his own education and had paid off the family mortgage.

“Look Andrew, I am done with this debate. You eat more than anyone else in the family and your father and I think since you insist on being treated like an adult you can share the burden like an adult.”

Andrew was very pleased that his parents did not know how much money the company was making. All the books and records were with either Mhairi or Creighton. Andrew sat and stewed in his room about the demand but recognised that there was a kernel of truth in his mother’s demands. The reality was that Andrew was making multiples of his parent’s combined income through the payments from ComputerCom, even if they didn’t know it. Andrew realised that if his relationship with his parents had been stronger then he hoped he would have been more generous with his money to the family. But Rowan went out of her way to be a bitchy princess, his father enabled and favoured her and his mother seemed more invested in Scott than either of her older two children. And that was before the issues he had with his parents which predated even his cancer. It was a right mess.

So the next morning at breakfast he gave his mother £400, £100 a month for the rest of the year, towards the family budget. He then left to go swimming before he had to deal with either of his parents. After the first swim in more than two weeks Andrew felt great and called Leslie from the payphone in the foyer of the Pool. They met up and went for a walk.

“I don’t feel like I have had a chance to have a long chat with you in a while. At least since we were at Perth.”

“I know I can’t believe you are back at school tomorrow. I still have a month before 2^nd year starts. Is there something specific?”

Andrew told Leslie about Maggie and her alter ego Monica, and then about the previous day with his mum.

“Wow, why did you not tell me about Maggie? We will talk about the photographs in a minute.”

“I don’t know. At first it was one of those slight acquaintances and I don’t think it was a deliberate omission. After a while I decided not to talk to you about her because of what we spent a lot of time discussing, her nude modelling and potentially modelling for me. To be honest I wasn’t sure how you would react.”

“Did you think I would disapprove?”

“I didn’t know and I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Why tell me now?”

“I am lonely Leslie. It has been an isolated summer. Sure I have done a bunch of different things but it is not much different to the first summer with your dad two years ago. And I didn’t like keeping something secret. You don’t need to know every detail of my life but this seemed too significant especially as I am planning to do several more shoots. And then after yesterday I just needed to talk to you. Thus the brain dump of the last hour.”

Leslie smiled and even that small gesture made Andrew relax.

“Thank you for telling me. I was shocked when you told me, thinking that it was illegal or something but she is 23 so that is just nonsense. It is interesting to hear you talk about your conversations with her and how it has helped you mature. Why do you say that?”

“It has given me an attitude of what is the big issue? She has told me she enjoys modelling, she likes the extra money, she even admitted that it excited her. Like she has this secret. Which it is I suppose. It is nothing but part time work for some camera clubs, it is not as if she is on Page 3 or anything like that. When I listen to all the drivel at school it makes me realise that for most of the world, the country, society, whatever you want to call it, this would be a big deal. ‘I have seen Monica, the model with the big tits, naked’ when in fact it is my friend Maggie who does it for a bunch of different reasons. Now she does model as Monica, she does have big tits and I have seen her naked yet the two of us laughed and joked through most of the session and we are both looking forward to the next one. It is the attitude that you gave me that memorable afternoon on the ward that is driving this.”

“Me? I never talked about this.”

“No, but you repeatedly emphasised to let the woman set the pace. So I have done that for the last two years but as part of that one of the key things when I am with someone is knowing that they are really into it. Turning a woman on turns me on, it is one of my major triggers. This turns Maggie on, and so the two of us get into a positive feedback loop. I don’t need hundreds of pictures of Monica. I didn’t spend time with her last year during term as part of a strategy to bed her. It all grew organically. It goes back to the whole thing with Mum about the money. This costs me very little and gives me a lot of pleasure. She is a typist at the Council, and she likes the extra money. I am happy to pay her. Which contrasts with the way my parents went about it.”

“Don’t get sidetracked on that just yet, let’s deal with this. First of all I am not disappointed in you, surprised yes, but disappointed no. It is interesting how you have tied it all back to that afternoon in hospital. If anything I am intrigued by the idea that you are photographing models this way. It is quite unlike you, you are normally more passive, reactive.”

Her smile turned into a chuckle.

“I am a bit stunned to be honest. It is not something that had remotely crossed my mind. Will you show me the photographs?”

It was Andrew’s turn to be surprised.

“You want to see them?”

“Like I said I am intrigued. It is not that I don’t believe you but there will be something about seeing the actual pictures that will make it more real. Does that make sense?”

Andrew nodded.

“No, I understand.”

“Okay, that is the fun stuff dealt with. Now the family. I am not sure what to think about this. On one hand the unfairness of the difference in treatment between you and Rowan is bullshit. But I do see your point that you are much richer than they are and what’s the big deal. It is as you said, if you were closer to the family this would seem less of a cash grab. But at the same time if you were closer to your family then you are likely to have given them some money already. I don’t know that there is anything that you can do about it. Get through the next two years without a big blow-up. Keep them away from the businesses, the less they know they less temptation there is for them. Does that seem cruel? Or too calculating?”

“Yes, but also appropriate. I am moving the second computer down to Julian’s flat which is easier for buses. I don’t know that I will need much from them in the coming year. Going out to the farm and longer trips like that, but you brought me back on Saturday so even then. It just seems sad that here I am 16 and pretty successful but all they see is a burden and someone who they can get money out of. The lack of obvious love just gets to me sometimes.”

There wasn’t much Leslie could say to that because it was true. It was the nature of the relationship that Andrew had with his parents and his sister. There wasn’t much of one.

School started on the Thursday but the new prefects had to show up on the Wednesday afternoon for two hours. It was an odd sensation for Andrew to be part of a small exclusive club. There were 18 of them, split 15 boys and three girls. Hannah and Mary were in most of Andrew’s classes but Diana was someone he knew only from hockey. The 15 guys were split roughly five jocks, five nerds and five joiners. You know the type, join lots of clubs, organise stuff, in the orchestra and doing the Duke of Edinburgh Award. Andrew knew about half of them reasonably well, nerds and joiners mostly, the rugby and rowing types not so much. Hannah came up to him.

“Hey Andrew, a friendly face, whew.”

“It is not that bad is it Hannah, I thought we had each other’s back?”

“Most of the time but put 35 overachievers in the same room and you’re bound to get some trouble.”

“I suppose so. It will be fine. We will be too busy dealing with annoying 2^nd years to worry about that.”

The headmaster arrived with a couple of returning prefects. There followed an hour of clichés. Most of them applied but goodness he did go on. There appeared to be no end of things to do. There were rotas for everything. Duty for this, for that, there was a prefect at everything. Big ones were keeping an eye on the playground during break and lunch; attendance at events; showing parents round on admissions days. The equivalent of interning in the early 80s. It would be different for Andrew to be part of an obvious group like this. The CCF was the only other thing he did where he stood out like this. But then he noticed he was the tallest person there, so he was going to doubly stand out. This was going to challenge him, talking to and dealing with people, dealing with people seeing if they could push his buttons. Hmmm. Andrew walked out with Hannah as they headed for the gate.

“How was your summer Hannah?”

He was making polite conversation.

“Fine. The family holiday was to Portugal for three weeks. I was going to try and get out of going this year but when they pulled Portugal out the bag I thought I could cope for one more year. How about you?”

“It was a very mixed bag. Rained on for a week in Perthshire at CCF camp, nice weekend in London.”

Glossing over the meeting with a Minister of State.

“A couple of weeks working at a friend’s farm. Oh and a hockey coaching clinic as well.”

She turned to him in surprise.

“That is still happening? We knew there was a blow up at Easter and thought that was not happening. Really, you are going to coach the hockey?”

“Unless Hendricks has changed her mind. I passed the Level 1 coaching certificate about three weeks ago. Next Thursday I will be down at Goldenacre, actually playing sport for the first time since primary school when I was the world’s worst rugby player. We’ll see. The reaction will be interesting. Don’t tell anyone and then watch their faces when I walk out with my hockey stick.”

Hannah laughed.

“Talk about getting hearts all a twitter during the first week.”

Andrew looked at her

“I have been out supporting them for two years Hannah, I think we are past the vapours.”

“Wait and see Andrew. Do you have time for a cup of coffee? Come on let’s go and have a chat.”

They walked round the corner to the café he usually went to for chats. They grabbed a couple of coffees and found a seat.

“You live in a bubble Andrew, and you don’t really let anyone in. You are charming, kind and funny and you have been nothing but nice to the girls in the class since the day we started. I remember you giving Pete crap for not talking to me in English. Here we are two years later and Pete still is a bit wary. You on the other hand just go for it. But then the bell rings and Andrew disappears. You are one of the brightest people in the class and yet you study relentlessly. You tutor and you tutor well. Suzanne and Paula raved about you and Suzanne still goes on about it to this day. You dragged Moira Barnes kicking and screaming through Maths. Word is she passed and is off to Oxford. But then you disappear, you let nobody in. You went out with Allie and she loved it. But there is this reserve to you. Everyone gets to see what you want them to see. Allie did not want her heart broken so she stopped before it could get any worse. You never give anybody a chance. My god you dated Tanvi and Katie at the same time, sometimes both together. Half the 6^th year wanted to murder you. You know all this but you work your way through a relationship, figure out it will never work for reasons you never share and then you keep everyone at arm’s length. There are nine girls in our year and at least 4 of them would go out with you if you asked.”

She stared him in the eye.

“Do you know why? Because you are a nice person. A kind person who looks out for his friends. Everyone saw what you did for me at New Year. I know that word had leaked that the other girls were starting to treat me badly. It never bothered you in the slightest the obvious reason that everyone was speculating on. You kept me close all night and checked to see if I was okay. You pushed to talk to me but you knew the point to pull back and you never bugged me about it. That party stopped most of the crap. My mother wanted you to come to dinner that week after the hug. I wanted you to come to dinner after that hug. My god Andrew, you are solid. If you made an effort and reciprocated people’s feelings then people would respond to you more. Then there is the legend that is Andrew McLeod and his superhuman control. You have been the perfect gentleman on every date. Gentle, patient, considerate and not grabby. How is this possible?”

“There is one of the big reasons that I don’t date in school Hannah. You know how private I am. Do you really think I want it discussed on a Monday morning that I got to second base on Saturday night? Grow up. A lot of what you say is absolutely true. I am secretive and I have been told several times that I live life on my terms. People have to adapt. I am probably guilty of pushing people away. But I have never talked about a date with anyone from school. There is a chicken and an egg situation here. I would be less secretive if I felt people could keep a secret.”

Hannah looked stricken at his response.

“Most of this is our own doing.”

“Some of it is but the larger issue is me. I grew up friendless, and it really struck me when I was off with my cancer. No one cared, no one visited. It also made me realise what was important. So when I got a reprieve I vowed to change. I tried to do my first push up on Saturday January 20, 1979, which was the weekend before I even knew that my cancer was in remission. I couldn’t manage it for two weeks, I was so weak. I think I have missed one day’s exercise in all the time since. I vowed to be a better person, give more to get more. That is why I was friendly to you and Kate on that first day. It all just snowballed from there. But remember the shitstorm that happened when I went out with Suzanne. I still remember you making Rob Derry cry, a favourite Hannah moment. Finally, being blunt, a lot of girls are not ready or are scared and confused. I am never going to be that guy. I would rather have these people as my friends. Allie is friendly but there has been a distance for more than a year. So give it a rest Hannah. I have my flaws but I am not as bad as you make out.”