Chapter 56: Man of Tapato

They were waiting for me on the porch of the Lodge when I returned from my run.

Grace, Jenny, and Nicky were standing there with Kalani and another young Polynesian woman I did not know.

“See, I told you he would be back soon!” Jenny said leaping off the porch and grabbing me in a hug.

“Thank you so much for rescuing me last night!” she exclaimed as Grace and Nicky reached us. Nicky hugged me too.

“Yes. Thank you for looking out for us!” Nicky added. I just looked at Grace and smiled.

“Michael,” Grace said. “Kalani and A’komi are here to prepare you for the ceremony.”

“I sure hope the preparations includes breakfast! I’m starved!” I said.

“Oh-oh!” Kalani said with a laugh. “It has been many years since I have done a purification ritual, and I did not consider his appetite!”

I read her, sizing up the situation quickly.

“Why don’t we all make a quick trip to the Dining Hall,” I suggested. “On the way, you can introduce me to this charming young lady,” referring to the Polynesian woman beside her.

“And since we never got around to it last night, you can also tell me all about the ceremony and what to expect. Then we can get started on whatever it is you have to do to me. It shouldn’t delay you long. I assure you that I’ll be much more cooperative on a full stomach.”

Kalani laughed. “I should have thought of it. Jason is the same way!”

Then she introduced me to A’komi, who, it turns out, was related to her. Their grandmothers were sisters.

I pointed out that Jenny and I were related the same way. A’komi understood English fairly well, but did not speak it so well, she told me. I told her there were a lot of Americans who can’t speak English as ‘good’ as she does.

Vickie joined us as we headed to the Dining Hall. We were some of the first guests to arrive, so after going through the line, we pushed a couple of tables together where we could look out over the lake as we sat down to eat. I held Kalani’s chair for her, then did the same for A’komi. Grace’s class showed as she waited on me to hold her chair as well. Vickie and Jenny had already sat down, but noticed what Grace had done.

“There are not many American customs that I would want for Tapato, but that is one I’d like to see at home,” Kalani said, referring to holding a lady’s chair.

“The gentlemen don’t hold the ladies’ chairs for them on Tapato?’ Jenny asked.

“Not really. You see, we usually eat our meals sitting on the ground. Sometimes we eat off a small platform called a hiatu. But mostly we hold our dish in our hand and use our fingers,” Kalani said.

“It sounds primitive,” Vickie said. Then realizing how it sounded, blushed. “ I didn’t mean...”

Kalani and A’komi both laughed. “I’m sure many of our ways would seem primitive to you.”

“But remember, we have almost no crime, no judicial branch of government, and no jails. We share most everything with each other, so we have no classes. My job as Queen is largely ceremonial. Most of our people are born, live their lives, and die, having never traveled further than the shores of Tapato. My family is able to travel because of the royal dowries accumulated over the years. We are invested in both the London and the New York exchanges.

“Who handles your investments?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Mostly mother and I, with occasional guidance from Mikeya’s father.”

“Remind me to have Catherine look into it and see if maybe Jeff can help them,” I thought to Grace.

Grace smiled and nodded.

“Do you travel a lot?” Vickie was asking Kalani.

“Not really. We came here when Mikeya came of age, three years ago, and have been returning every year since. We really do love it here.

“She came of age at fourteen?” Nicky asked.

“On Tapato, a woman is considered of age once she has her menarche,” Kalani replied. “It is believed to be a very important and honored milestone in a young girls’ life. So it is celebrated both in the family and the village.”

“Much of what Catherine and Anna told me about what they have been teaching you about sexual discovery and self-image is pretty common on Tapato. I believe it’s why we have so little issue with abuse, or even divorce.”

They continued to discuss the differences in the two cultures while I went for seconds on the pancakes. Mable’s pancakes were some of the best I’d tasted in either lifetime.

“Michael?” Kalani said to me softly. “It’s time.”

I looked up at her as I put the last bite in my mouth, nodding once.

“A’komi and I are going to go get the things we need for the ceremony of purification. Would you meet us in the Lodge as soon as you finish?”

“Of course!” I said.

“Don’t worry about the trays. We’ll see to them,” Nicky told them.

“Thank you, Nicky,” Kalani said.

After they left, I turned to Vickie, Nicky, and Jenny saying, “She’s pretty cool, huh?”

“Oh yes. It was so fascinating to hear about Tapato and their culture. I wish we could go there one day,” Nicky said. Jenny was quick to agree.

I just smiled at them. I wasn’t ready to tell them yet, but I sensed that Vickie already knew my plans.

“Just think...” I told them, “ ... when you get back home and have to write that paper they always make you write the first week of school on ‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation’ you’ll probably be the only ones in the whole class who can write about having breakfast with a Queen!”

Their mouths dropped open as they realized what had just happened. Then they all started talking excitedly to each other. I took that as my cue to leave, so I headed back to the Lodge.

Kalani and A’komi met me at the door and escorted me to the Lodges’ communal bathroom. There was a chair sitting in the middle of the community showers. After seating me, Kalani began to chant in her native language as she knelt before three lit candles, her head bowed. Stepping behind me, A’komi began to strop the straight razor she had been holding. The one with the really wicked-looking handle carved from bone.

When she finished her chant, Kalani retrieved two warm damp towels.

Then they had me lean my head back, placing a warm damp towel on my face. They dropped another warm towel in my lap. After my beard had softened from the damp towel, they lathered my neck and chin. Then A’komi begin to shave me with practiced ease.

I have been shaved with a straight razor several times in my life, and it has always made me nervous. This time was no different. I heard Kalani as she teasingly urged me to relax.

“A’komi has never cut anyone,” she told me. Then she laughed as she added, “At least not accidentally!”

“That’s good to know,” I mused. “But I was just thinking that it’s a good thing it’s not your mother shaving me,” I replied.

“Michael! Really now. She’s not that bad!” Kalani scolded, but ruined it by laughing when she did.

“I think he bring Ratu great mus’haatu,” A’komi said in her imperfect English.

“Mus’haatu?” I asked.

“Mus’haatu is difficult to translate. I guess the closest words in your language would be ‘peaceful soul’,” Kalani tried to explain. “You helped her, Michael, to start the journey to a peaceful soul.”

I had meant to ask about the Ratu at breakfast, but forgotten with everything else going on.

“So she’s better? Does she still hate me?”

“I think you should let her find her peace, then speak with her again,” Kalani said.

“Okay,” I replied. Then, to change the subject I asked, “How are Mikeya and Ileana this morning?”

“They’re excited. And just a little, ah, nervous, I guess you would say. But the purification ritual is about you, so we will not talk of them right now,” Kalani told me firmly.

“I cut now,” said A’komi holding a strand of my shaggy mane. The style for men these days is long hair, but I actually prefer mine shorter, and told her so.

“A’komi make little?” asking for permission.

I just nodded. Counting the coma, I knew it had been at least two months since Michael’s last haircut.

After trimming my hair and shaving my neck with the straight razor, A’komi started stropping it again as Kalani said, “We need you to stand up now, please.”

I removed the damp towel from my lap as I stood. They both dropped to their knees in front of me as Kalani reached towards my pubic hair with her scissors.

“What the...!” I jumped back away from the scissors.

“I’m sorry, did I cut you?” Kalani asked, concern that she had hurt me, etched in her eyes...

“What? ... No. You didn’t cut me. I just don’t understand what you’re doing to me!” I think my voice may have squeaked as I replied.

“I’m sorry Michael. It has been a long time since I performed the ritual of purification, and on Tapato, everyone already knows that all the hair must removed from their, ah, I do not know the words...”

“Genitals? Private parts?” I sputtered.

“Yes. Genitals. This is custom. No?” Kalani asked, obviously confused by my reaction.

No! I wanted to scream!

Epinephrine, which is also known as adrenaline, is a hormone that increases the heart rate, constricts blood vessels, and dilates air passages in preparation of the fight-or-flight response of the sympathetic nervous system. It was flooding my systems now as my natural instincts about having sharp razors anywhere near the family jewels told me to run!

I’m not really sure why I didn’t take off like a bat outta hell, but I seemed to be paralyzed for a moment. I tried to relax, but all I could think about was ending up like Gerald! I think that Kalani recognized my fear, because she started talking to me very gently.

“Michael,” Kalani said softly. “We’re just going to remove the hair. I promise we won’t hurt you.”

Everyone has fears. Now you know mine. I was so afraid that I was just about to run away, or if necessary, fight.

“But fight for what” I asked myself. “My fears?”

Oh sure, it seems silly now, but for those few moments I was focused solely on me and my fears. But this ritual, and this custom, was not about me. It was about two young ladies from Tapato, who had chosen to bestow on me a great honor. While I was mortified at first, I quickly focused as the Old One had taught me, then taking a deep breath I spoke.

“Today, I am a man of Tapato. Do as you must,” I said as I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I sensed Kalani’s pride as she heard my words.

Relaxing didn’t seem to help me very much though as my plight just went from bad to worse! After trimming and then shaving my genitals, they had me bend over with my hands on the seat of the chair to shave the rest.

“How do I keep getting myself into these situations?” I thought to myself as the feel of the sharp steel so close to my pucker caused a shiver of fear to run through me.

“Because you care enough to help others, Michael,” Kalani replied out loud. I turned my head to look back at her as she grinned. Her kind words didn’t make it any easier. I was still upset enough not to notice that Kalani had ‘overheard’ my thoughts.