Chapter 8

Well I did do some shopping and made sure it took about an hour. Reaching my brother’s house, I told him I had time for coffee if he wanted to make it. “I’m going to call Annie and tell her I stopped here for coffee.”

He said, “Okay.”

I called. Pretty damned nervous about maybe interrupting something, or maybe not interrupting something. Anyway the phone rang and rang, and rang some more! Finally, Annie answered, “Hello.”

I said, “It’s me.”

Annie, out of breath, “Sorry, I took so long, I was upstairs showing George some of the furniture you refinished.” I knew he was listening in.

My brother could hear my end of the conversation. “How soon before I have to be home.” Actually I was asking how long to stay away.

Annie made her statement a question, “An hour and a half?” and hung up the phone.

I turned to my brother and said, “I’m free for at least an hour and a half,” then I settled down to have coffee. It was hard sitting there, knowing what Annie and George were doing. I figured they were getting into the second go-round when I called. Or, maybe they were finishing, and would go for a third.

I was so jumpy I could hardly carry on a conversation. My imagination is damned vivid, and I knew how things went two weeks before when I had heard everything. My brother didn’t seem to catch on as it was time for a new movie on TV, and he was totally engrossed in that. He watches a lot of television.

Finally, fifteen minutes before the hour and a half were up. I told my brother I had better get on home. I just couldn’t stay any longer or Annie would be pissed. He didn’t even look up from the TV. Just a wave and a, “See ya.”

I pulled into the yard. Somehow, home looked a little bleak. Jealousy was rampart again! I took a deep breath and opened the door into the kitchen. The first thing I noticed was the lingering barn smell so you definitely knew George had been here. The house was quiet. I checked the bathroom off the kitchen, and I could see that someone had showered recently. Annie must have convinced George to clean up. I hope so. I went through the house to the downstairs bedroom. Door was open and Annie was curled into a fetal position in the center of the bed.

“Hi,” I said, “Are you all right?”

“Yes, but I’m awfully tired. Can you give me some time before you start asking for details?”

“Are you hungry, I can get you something?”

“No, I just want to relax, and maybe think about this. At the moment I don’t know if I want to hate myself or savor the past hours.”

She seemed to want me to keep my distance. I was definitely being shut out. I didn’t like it, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I went out of the house, and walked around the woodlot. This usually calmed me down. Today it didn’t help a bit. In fact, I was getting more depressed about the whole situation. I regretted starting this, and what was I getting? It was a blowjob and an awful lot of heartache. I would hate to give up the oral sex that I had wanted so bad, but at this time, I didn’t feel as if it was worth it.

I returned to the house. I quietly peeked in and saw Annie sleeping. I went out and made myself a cup of tea, and a cheese sandwich. I had to keep busy or I would explode. The tea went down okay. The sandwich stuck in my throat, so I got up and dumped it. I think if you make a mistake and you know it, it hurts more than anything? In a way, I hated my wife, but I hated myself more.

I say I hated her, but then I loved her more too. What to do? I sat down again, bowed my head in deep thought. I sat there until I took another sip of tea and found it cold. Well I thought, I’ll never tell Annie how I’m hurting. Somehow, sometime this will work out and I can be happy again. I resolved she would never know how this had turned against me. I would love her, love her, and love her some more!

I went upstairs and fell into bed, feeling very sorry for myself. If anyone could have looked down on us, I guess we both would have been in the same fetal position. Or, maybe it was just the natural spoon position we always assumed when we slept together. The only difference, I was upstairs and she was down. I felt so alone and knew I would never sleep. Thoughts were tumbling, over, and over, and then surprisingly I did sleep. I roused during the night and became aware of Annie standing by the bed. She went around and crawled in, moving next to me. I was at peace!