Chapter 1

The party had run long into the night, it was almost light when Jed pulled me to one side.

“Listen Matt, I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done these last couple of years.”

“Seeing the company still afloat and the new range shipping is enough. It’s what I live for Jed, the company, it’s my life, keeping a roof over all the staff’s heads after such a tough few years.”

“Yeah, but you’re burnt out pal, and the last thing I want is a dead Operations Director on my hands.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you’ve worked at least 100 hours a week for two years, you need a break. Go to your room, get some sleep, then take my Land Rover and go to my cabin. I don’t want to see you for at least 6 months.”

“But ... my work, there’s so much to do to keep the ball rolling.”

“Nikki can keep the ship afloat, I know she’s kept you in line these last two years, she’s learnt a lot in that time.”

“What will I do for 6 months?”

Jed put a hand on my shoulder, “do some writing, I know you used to love writing stories before the work took over, take some walks, go fishing. Do all the stuff we used to do when we were kids.”

I sighed, he was right, he always was.

We walked back to the party, there were only about 10 people still standing. Nikki was propping up the bar with Diane, her on / off girlfriend, currently on by the looks of things.

“Hey Matt,” she called sleepily as I approached, “how’s it going?”

“I’m awake, that’s about as much as I can tell you right now.”

“Don’t worry about us while you’re away, me and Diane will be OK.”

This was good news, “you both sitting in for me?”

“Yeah, we’ll be sharing your tasks, I’m managing everything that happens to the right of your office, the staff and production, Diane will be doing everything that happens to the left, managing distribution and marketing.”

If I wasn’t so tired I could have kissed Nikki then, she’d said everything I needed to hear to put my mind at rest. Nobody could manage staff like Nikki could, and Diane had the creative vision to keep the marketing people in line.

“Jed wants me to take six months off, will you both be OK?”

Nikki turned to Diane, “will we both be OK?”

“I think so, and we know where to find you if there’s any problems.”

So, after a solid 12 hours sleep I drove Jed’s Land Rover home, packed a few bags with clothes, books and my laptop.

The cabin was miles away from civilization, so I stopped at a supermarket and bought a couple of weeks worth of food and other essentials.

On the drive up to the Lake District I thought about the events that, as much as I hate to admit Jed being right about this, the events that brought me to my knees.

Jed and I grew up together, we were born a few weeks and a few streets apart in a pretty rough suburb of Manchester. We’d been friends since we were toddlers in playgroup, we were at the same school, college and ultimately we both attended the same university. Where I studied business management and Jed did engineering.

It was at university where we came up with our product, Jed designed it, I refined and marketed it, and within 10 years we were the world leader in bulk liquid filtration.

I know, such a glamorous product to be world leaders in, but our kit is everywhere from hospitals to aeroplanes. If you have a solid you need to remove from a liquid, we’ve got a bit of kit to sort it for you.

Anyway, it was all going swimmingly until someone tried to buy us out, then decided not to.

It was a plot of course, they had a similar, if inferior product, they put it about that they were buying us, then spread rumours there was a problem in our current range, so suddenly we’re number two in a field of two.

So, that’s what I’ve been doing for two years, making every aspect of our company better and stronger, so that yesterday morning we shipped the first of our new range of kit, and not just a few of them, our biggest order yet, to a US customer based in the same state as the bastard who tried to ruin us.

So yeah, we had reason to celebrate yesterday, and Jed is right, if I don’t stop and rest for a while, I am going to burn out.

The cabin is down a forest path that’s impassible to anything without 4-wheel drive and long travel suspension. Half a mile off the main road I stopped to unlock the gate, as I crawled forward, the wheels crushing over leaves and acorns I realised It’s about five years since I’d been here last, and nothing much had changed.

An old wooden hunting lodge, built from thick logs like the ones you see in films. It’s about 1,000 square feet, the lounge is full height, the bedrooms and bathroom on a mezzanine above the kitchen and a small office.

Jed bought it ten years ago when he was in danger of burning out. Five years out of university we’d just about started to break even, all our angel investors paid back, by then Jed and I were the sole shareholders of a company worth about £20m. Those five years were bloody hard work, and Jed had started drinking and taking coke to cope with the pressure.

The drinking I could handle, we always had coffee and painkillers in the office, and I knew to leave him alone until at least 10 o’clock.

The coke though, that was a different matter. We’d always had a rule at uni to stay away from drugs, and Jed was as firm on that as me, so when I found him ready to snort a couple of lines in the office I locked his door and laid into him. Only verbally, but after 30 minutes he was under no illusion just how disappointed I was.

It wasn’t just the drugs, he’d not confided in me about how he was struggling with the pressure, that hurt me the most.

Tongue lashing over, I sat down with Jed and we listed all his outstanding tasks and divided them up amongst the senior management. Once we were both satisfied his work was covered for a month, we found him a rehab clinic.

Jed did his four weeks of rehab, and while he was there he met the owner of the cabin and decided to buy it off him.

After he finished rehab, Jed returned to work for a few weeks but I could see he still wasn’t ready to face the pressure of work, so I packed him off to his new cabin for another month.

I visited him each weekend, I’d spend Saturday morning updating Jed about work, then we’d spend the afternoon fishing, or just walking through the woods brainstorming ideas for work.

After six weeks of isolation in the woods I felt Jed was back to full strength, and he joined me for the journey back to civilization.

We’ve both worked steadily since, with no drink or drug or stress problems, until recently that is.

Jed’s used the cabin for short breaks, he brings his wife up, and sometimes his girlfriend, and one very odd weekend he took them both to see if they could somehow live together as a trio.

Miraculously, his marriage survived, it was his girlfriend who left the relationship. It seems she just wanted to be his mistress, she only liked Jed in very small doses,

I have a set of keys, and have used the cabin a few times, but not for 5 years or so. I never had a wife to bring up, and my last girlfriend left me because I spent more time at work than at home.

As I climbed down from the Land Rover and smelt the forest air I felt the pressure start to lift. I unlocked the door, propped it open with the boot scraper and carried my supplies into the kitchen.

The cabin had power, but it was well away from the gas network, so the first job after I’d turned on the fridge freezer and packed the shopping away, was to check the propane tank. I had about 60 litres, enough for a few days, but I’d need to drive into town tomorrow to order a top-up. The drive into town was necessary as there’s no telephone line, or mobile signal.

Yep, the cabin was completely off grid, the perfect place to decompress after two years of insanely hard work.

I made a mug of tea then grabbed some logs and kindling from the wood store and set about building a fire in the fireplace, it was warm enough at the moment, but the sky was clear and I expected it to get cold tonight, plus a good wood fire would take the damp, musty smell away.

That night I slept better than I had in years, the clean air, the peace and quiet, oh, and the two hours of chopping wood to replenish the wood store that the last visitor all but emptied.

It took me a few days to completely relax, the first full day I drove into town to order gas and buy a few things the cabin was missing, like cleaning stuff, new towels, new bedding.

The town is about 10 miles away, there’s a couple of villages between the cabin and the town, the nearest house is three miles.

Yep, it’s about as remote as you get.

So those first few days I did a lot of walking around, clearing my head, de-stressing.

The cabin has fishing rights on the nearest lake, Jed bought a lot of tackle but simply never had the patience to use it. Early one morning I packed a bag with a flask of hot tea, some sandwiches, a book and took a rod down to the lake,

I didn’t catch anything, but I don’t think I wanted to.

People would look oddly at a man sitting by a lake reading a book, but a man by a lake with a fishing rod reading a book is OK, because he’s fishing.

By the second week I was sufficiently relaxed, so I grabbed an exercise book and pen, and spent six hours at the kitchen table drinking tea and coming up with nothing.

Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

In the third week, I don’t know what day, we’ll say Tuesday, but it could have been Wednesday, or Monday. Like I said, I don’t know what day it was, I’ve lost track of time.

Anyway, I filled a couple of water bottles, made some sandwiches, and set off for a walk around the lake.

The lake and the land around belong to the National Park, but it’s open to the public all year round. The National Park has a couple of car parks and the money they generate pays to keep the paths clear.

Jed’s cabin is well clear of the trails, it’s about a mile from here to the closest part of the official walking route, so nobody comes near.

The walk from the cabin, down to the lake, around it, up to the top of the hill on the other side, down into the village for a beer then back to the cabin is about 12 miles.

It was just getting dark when I got back to the cabin, so about 6pm I’d say. 12 miles in 9 hours with a one hour break in the pub, not world record pace by any means, but it wasn’t a race.

I took my boots off outside and unlocked the front door, as I shrugged off my coat I saw movement in the kitchen, someone trying to climb out of the window.

Dropping my coat and satchel, I ran to the kitchen and grabbed the legs, I got a heel to the chin but didn’t let go, with one arm around the writhing legs I grabbed their shirt and slowly pulled them back into the room.

As I let go they ran into the corner and crouched down, holding their knees, head down, so I calmly closed the window and locked it, before I walked to the front door, closing and locking it.

“I’m making a brew,” I told the figure, “do you want tea or coffee.”

No answer, so I filled the kettle, put it on the hob and dropped a couple of tea bags in the teapot.

They’d not moved by the time the tea was ready, so I poured them a mug, added milk and placed it on the floor by their legs. I took my brew to the kitchen table, with a packet of Chocolate Hobnobs.

“I’ve got Chocolate Hobnobs if you want one,” I called out, they lifted their head a little at this news.

“You’re not mad?” I’d still not seen their face, but it sounded like a girl.

“No, just curious, bring your brew over here, I won’t touch you.”

She stood slowly and picked up her mug before walking over to the table, she sat diagonally opposite me, out of reach.

“There’s sugar on the counter if you want it.”

“Yeah, I know, this is fine, thanks.”

“I’m Matt,” I told her, holding out my hand.

“Amber,” she answered shyly, she didn’t shake my hand.

“So Amber, why do I have the pleasure of your company?”

“Err ... well, you see, I didn’t know anyone was home. I like it in here, I like to read the books.”

“My car is out the front, that should have been a clue.”

“I came in the side window.”

“That window was locked.”

“Nahh, it looks locked, but it doesn’t work.”

“Ahh, OK. So you come here a lot?”

“Whenever we’re around I like to have a walk in the forest and then come in here to read a book, sometimes I stay all day and sleep on the sofa. It’s lovely and warm in here in winter, you know, that wood burner is great.”

“So, it’s you that emptied the wood store.”

“Ahh, yeah, but I was going to fill it back up, honest.”

“Amber, where are your parents?”

“They’re in the village, dad’s got a cottage there, so we come up all the time.”

“And they let you just wander off and break into people’s houses?”

“Like I said, I didn’t know you were home.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, do your parents know where you are?”

“Not exactly, no...”

“And that means?”

“I tell them I’m going for a walk, they know which way I headed.”

“And presumably they’ll be expecting you back for tea at some point.”

“Maybe, maybe not. I don’t go back every night.”

“That seems a little careless of them.”

“I’ve got a tent in the woods, I sleep there a lot, it’s nice and quiet, and I can watch the animals, there’s squirrels and hedgehogs and sometimes there’s deer, and so many birds.”

“How old are you Amber?”

“I’m 15, why?”

“Well, if I had a 15 year old daughter, I’d probably want to know where she is.”

“Yeah, well maybe my parents are too busy to care about me.”

“That’s sad, I’m sure if I had a daughter I’d take more interest in her welfare. Anyway, I’m starving, do you want to help me make something to eat.”

“You’re not chucking me out?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Well, I broke into your house for a start...”

“Ahh, this isn’t my house, it belongs to my friend Jed, and frankly, I’ve been up here for about three weeks now, and apart from asking the landlord in the pub for a pint earlier today, you’re the first person I’ve spoken to in that time.”

“Cool,” Amber replied, smiling at last.

“And at least if you’re here, I won’t be worried about you wandering in the woods on your own. Your parents might not take an interest, but I don’t like the sound of you out there all alone.”

“What do you do, Matt?” Amber asked as we washed the dishes after we’d eaten.

“That’s kind of hard to explain.”

“I’m in no rush to go anywhere,” Amber replied.

“Fair enough, seeing as you know how to light the wood burner, why don’t you get it lit while I finish off here.”

She’d got a good fire burning by the time I’d put all the pots away. I grabbed a bottle of Glenrothes and a can of coke for Amber and took a seat on the sofa. Amber sat on the floor by my legs and watched the fire while I told her about my life leading up to my retreat to the cabin.

“So you’re here all alone for months,” Amber said quietly after I’d finished, “I think I’d like that, living out here, just me and the animals.”

“Wouldn’t you get lonely?”

“Are you lonely, Matt?”

“Well, I didn’t think so, I was quite enjoying the solitude, then you appeared and I realised it’s nice to have someone to talk to sometimes.”

Amber helped herself to my Glenrothes, “mmm, this is nice, it’s better than the whisky my dad drinks.”

“Go grab a glass if you want some,” I replied.

“No, that’s OK, I’ll just share your glass.”

I shook my head, who on earth was this girl. She’d managed to worm her way into my isolation, and was now sharing my drinks and chatting like we’d known each other for years.

“How often do you come here, Amber?”

“To the lakes or the cabin?”

“Both, I guess.”

“Dad’s owned the cottage all my life I think, we come up 5 or 6 times a year, sometimes just for a weekend, sometimes for a few weeks. Dad comes up on his own a few times as well, mum reckons he’s having an affair, but I don’t know who with. I follow him around some days, he doesn’t know I’m there, and I’ve never seen him with a lady, he just goes into pubs or walks around the place, it’s weird.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at school at the moment?”

“Probably, I go when I’m home but I just get bored sometimes and walk out, they’re not teaching me anything I can’t learn on my own in the library.”

“So you say you’ve been coming up here all your life, when did you find this place?”

“A few years ago. I was 10 I think when mum and dad lost interest in me and let me just wander about the place. I just looked around the village at first, but there’s not much going on there, mostly old people. I followed them around for a while but their lives are so boring.

“One day I was at the top of the village, out past the last house, it belongs to Mrs Brakespeare, I like her, she gives me biscuits. Anyway, I walked past her house one day and looked across the field where she keeps her pony and I saw all the trees, and the sun shining off the lake, so I decided to have a look.

“The first time I walked out here it took me most of the day to reach the trees, so I had to turn round and walk back before I explored...”

“You were 10 and walked from the village to the forest?”

“Yeah, probably 10, I might have been 9, it’s a few years ago. So yeah, that first time I didn’t explore. The next day I left mum a note and set off before breakfast, I brought some apples with me to eat, and had a real good look around. I loved the forest straight away. You know the sun never hits the ground, even in summer there’s never any shadows on the floor, that’s why I love it, it’s never too hot, and never too cold in the trees. Sometimes when it’s raining, you can walk around all day and never get wet, all the rain stays in the trees.

“I think I found this cabin the next year. The place fascinated me, I’d spend all day in the area, watching it, and I never saw anyone. It was ages before I worked up the courage to come up to the building and look around.

“I looked in the windows, all the way round, the place was empty, nothing ever changed, so I started to look for ways to get in.

“It was the next year before I was tall enough to reach the window from the top of the bin, now I can jump up and climb in without the bin.”

“How did you know the lock was broken?”

“Oh, it wasn’t broken, but it is now. It’s the same sort of lock as my bedroom window at home. My boyfriend Jerod showed me how to break the lock from the outside. Oh, Jerod isn’t my boyfriend, like a boyfriend boyfriend, he’s a boy who’s a friend.”

“I’m pleased to hear that,” I replied, then wondered why she’d made sure I knew she didn’t have a boyfriend boyfriend, just a boy who’s a friend.

“So, I know why you’re here, but why are you here alone,” Amber asked.

I smiled, only a teenage girl could ask such a direct question.

“Because it’s just me.”

“Don’t you have a wife, or a girlfriend?”

“I’m afraid not, my last girlfriend left me a couple of years ago because I was spending more time at work than at home. I think she always suspected I was seeing my assistant, Nikki.”

“And were you seeing Nikki?”

“Oh yes, I saw her every day, six days a week for two years...”

Amber’s eyes lit up at this news, she wrapped her arm around my leg ready to hear some scandal.

“You were having an affair!”

“Oh no, I saw Nikki at work because she shared my office. Nikki only has eyes for Diane.”

“She’s gay!” Amber exclaimed, climbing onto the sofa and sitting so close she was almost on my lap.

I reached out and carefully topped our glass up one-handed, my other hand was now trapped under Amber. I let her have the first sip, then had a sip myself.

“Is she pretty? I’m always fascinated by lesbians, on telly they’re either gorgeous or trolls, never anywhere in between. I’d like to find a lesbian that’s just a bit plain, like me.”

“You’re not plain,” I replied, and not because I thought this was the compliment she was angling for, I don’t believe Amber was thinking that way, she was too direct.

“I’m not?”

“Not at all, you’re very pretty.”

“What about Nikki, is she gorgeous or a troll?”

I thought about this for a moment, because honestly, I considered Nikki more as a friend than a colleague, and because I’d known all along she’s gay, I’d not really put a lot of thought into her looks.

“She’s neither, she’s pretty, but not gorgeous. She’s brunette, has nice skin and very piercing eyes.”

“What about her figure?”

“Why are you asking me these questions?”

“Because I want to know if I’m the sort of girl another girl would like?”

“Ahh, OK. Maybe you should be asking a girl that question.”

“But I don’t have a girl to ask right now, and you have first hand knowledge of a lesbian.”

“OK, that makes a kind of sense, but wouldn’t you be better off asking me about Nikki’s girlfriend.”

“Oh, you know her girlfriend as well?”

“I do, right now, Nikki’s doing half of my job, and Diane is doing the other half. They’re sharing my office.”

“So what does Diane look like?”

I stood up and held out my hand, “come with me Amber.”

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going to the bathroom, because I want to show you something.”

“Err, this is a bit weird, but, OK.”

Amber hopped off the sofa and took my hand as we walked up the spiral staircase up to the bathroom.

“I love these stairs, I climb up them and then wish whoever put them here also installed a fireman’s pole to slide down,” Amber declared as we ascended.

In the bathroom I told Amber to stand in front of the full length mirror.

“OK, so you see what’s in the mirror?”

“Yes, me!” Amber replied brightly, still wondering where this game was leading.

“Now imagine the person you’re looking at is about 15 years older, so a bit taller, a little bit more developed...”

“You mean bigger boobs?”

“Well, yes, but not too much bigger, and a bigger bum, more curvy, you know. But the same pleasant, happy face, the same straight, red hair, the same freckles.”

“OK, I’m imagining that, what now?”

“In your mind you’re now looking at Nikki’s girlfriend, Diane.”

“Oh! Really! So that means I’m someone girls would like to date, assuming they like girls. That’s amazing!”

I watched as Amber turned a little to look at herself side-on, twisting a little to look at her bum.

“Do you want to see my boobs, Matt?”

I didn’t have time to protest, Amber was removing her t-shirt before she’d finished asking, and before I could stop her she dropped her pants and was soon standing before me as naked as the day she was born.

“Do I look OK?” she asked, alternately looking in my eyes and back at the mirror.

How do I answer that? She looked good, very good, but if I complimented her too much, would she think I was a weird dirty old man, but if I didn’t compliment her would she be upset? I had to be truthful, but not too truthful, because standing in front of me was a younger version of my ideal woman.

“Err, this is awkward because you’re 15, Amber.”

“You can still look at me and tell me if I’m pretty.”

“And that wouldn’t be a lie, because you are very pretty.”