Chapter 84: Analyzing the Future

February 27, 1988, McKinley, Ohio

After a brief French kiss I planted soft kisses on each of Oksana’s nipples, one on her stomach, and one on her clitoral hood. We exchanged another French kiss, and I repeated the kisses. After a third French kiss, I suckled Oksana’s right nipple, then her left nipple, then swirled my tongue in her navel before moving between her legs.

“Mike?” Oksana whispered.

I looked up, smiled, closed my mouth around her upper labia, and flicked her clit with my tongue.

“Oh!” she gasped.

I pressed my tongue into her and swirled it around her tunnel, then began sucking and licking her clit. Oksana moaned and squirmed and after just a few minutes, groaned deeply as an intense orgasm crashed over her. I continued enjoying her musky flavor until the spasms subsided, then moved on top of her. I lowered my head to kiss her lips, but she wrinkled her nose and turned her head.

“I want to kiss you,” I said gently.

“You need to wash your face first,” she said, keeping her head turned.

Not wanting to upset her, I saw no point in pressing the issue, so I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, and washed my face. When I returned to the bed, Oksana willingly kissed me, and we made love a second time, slowly and gently, just as we had before. When we finished, we cuddled again, and Oksana completely relaxed, just as she had after the first time.

I thought she might fall asleep again, but she didn’t have a chance because I heard an insistent ‘DA!’ over the baby monitor.

“I need to check on Rachel,” I said. “Just stay in bed, OK?”

“OK.”

I got out of bed, put on a robe, and went to Rachel’s room. She obviously needed a clean diaper, so I took care of that, then picked her up. It wasn’t time for a meal, so I took her downstairs, put a few ounces of apple juice in a bottle, then carried her back up to my bedroom. I got in bed next to Oksana, who had pulled the comforter over herself. I leaned against the headboard and offered Rachel the bottle of juice.

“I’ll need to start dinner soon,” Oksana said.

“OK. Let Rachel finish her juice and we can shower together.”

“Together?”

“Together. It’s fun and sexy.”

“What about Rachel?”

“I’ll move her swing into the bedroom. She’ll be just fine so long as I put on music.”

“Mike?”

“What?”

“I didn’t expect you to ... you know.”

“But it felt good, right?”

“Yes, but ... it was strange when you suckled me like a baby would, and weird when you put your tongue in me, but trying to kiss me? Why?”

I almost responded by saying that I’d kiss her after she did the same thing for me, but something told me that was exactly the wrong thing to say. Oksana was naïve, innocent, and conservative, and given her personality, it made perfect sense that she was unaware of expressions of sexuality beyond what she had referred to as ‘making love’.

“I enjoy doing those things,” I replied. “They make you feel good, they make me very excited, and to be honest, I like how you taste.”

“But ... it seems ... uhm, gross.”

Her reaction was almost diametrically opposed to Sara’s reaction, but as soon as that thought crossed my mind, I pushed it away, as it simply felt wrong to compare two different approaches to a first-time sexual encounter. If there was anything more individual or private, I couldn’t imagine what it might be. Leading Oksana to the place where I felt she should be needed a deft touch.

“There’s nothing harmful or dangerous about it,” I said gently. “I know it might seem strange, but it’s something almost everyone does, along with other things.”

I would, in the past, have said ‘everyone’ but after Tasha’s revelation about Nik, I’d been disabused of that notion. I knew, of course, that oral sex was frowned upon by certain segments of Christianity, but in my experience, that concern was as routinely ignored as the proscription of birth control by the Roman Catholic Church was.

“You did that with Elizaveta?” Oksana asked.

I hated the idea of making that kind of comparison, and had, in the last six months, managed to avoid making it, except when Lara and I were teasing each other, and even then it was meant to be humorous. Oksana’s question was meant seriously, and gave me pause as to how to respond.

“I think, for the sake of our relationship, it’s better not to answer questions such as that. Instead, I’ll say that giving oral pleasure is a normal part of an intimate relationship, and there is nothing wrong with tasting the fluids our bodies create for the purposes of sexual pleasure.”

“But you liked making love with me, right?”

“Yes, of course! The other things add to the pleasure.”

Rachel finished her bottle, and I took a cloth from the small pile I kept on the nightstand for the occasions such as this where she had a bottle in bed with me, then burped her.

“Would you hold her while I get the swing?”

Oksana smiled and held out her arms. I handed Rachel to her, then got out of bed, went to Rachel’s room, and brought the swing into my bedroom. I put on a CD of Mozart piano concertos that always seemed to soothe Rachel, then took her from Oksana and put her in her swing. I moved the switch so that it began swinging, then went to the bed, took Oksana’s hand and led her into the bathroom where I removed my robe and turned on the shower.

When the water came up to temperature, I stepped in, and Oksana followed me. She looked me up and down, seeing me fully naked for the first time, despite having made love twice. I carefully moved her under the spray, and once her hair was wet, I began with green apple scented shampoo, massaging it into her scalp and long, blonde tresses. Once that was done, I picked up a bar of rose-scented soap and gently and lovingly spread lather over Oksana’s body, taking extra time on her small breasts and firm butt.

When I washed her mons, there was a hitch in her breathing, and I contemplated using my hands to bring her off, but felt it was better to focus on the act of washing. I soaped her long, toned legs, put the soap on the shelf, and maneuvered Oksana to wash off all the suds.

“Your turn,” I said with a smile, moving under the spray.

She picked up my shampoo, which was unscented, poured some into her palm, and tentatively began lathering my hair. I’d forgotten to remove my elastic ponytail holder, so I reached up and did so, freeing my long hair. When Oksana finished with my hair, I handed her my bar of Irish Spring and she began washing me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensations as Oksana moved her soft hands over my body.

She worked her way down my chest and abdomen, then my back and butt, and then carefully soaped my legs, skipping my groin. When she finished my legs, she stopped, and I opened my eyes. She stood up and put the soap back on the shelf.

“You didn’t finish,” I said gently.

Oksana bit her lip, picked up the soap, built some lather in her hands, then very tentatively spread the lather over my flaccid shaft and my sack. When she finished, I moved under the spray to rinse off the lather, then turned off the tap. I stepped out, took a towel from the rack, and carefully dried Oksana’s body. When she was dry, I handed her a towel, and she dried me.

“I have a blow drier if you want to use it,” I said.

“It’s OK,” she replied. “The kitchen is warm and my hair will dry. I’ll just pull it back.”

Oksana wrapped a towel around her body and we went to the bedroom to dress.

“You walk naked around Rachel?” she asked.

“She’s too young for it to matter,” I replied.

“It just seems wrong.”

“If it makes you uncomfortable, I’ll be more careful about it.”

“You should.”

As we dressed, I considered everything I’d discovered about Oksana in the previous three hours. The most important conclusion I’d reached was that Annette’s philosophy about ensuring sexual compatibility was not just spot on, but had allowed me to have a much clearer understanding of Oksana’s sexuality.

Despite my reluctance to compare sexual experiences, comparing the girls’ approaches to sex was appropriate. Becka’s approach was purely physical, and she was focused purely on pleasure, both hers and mine, and there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that she’d be open-minded about anything I might suggest.

Sara was, in a sense, like a kid in a candy store, tempted by all the sweets with her money burning a hole in her pocket. While I hadn’t gone past second base with Sara, she was not just ready and willing, but demanding that we continue our exploration. For her, it was physical, but there was also an emotional aspect which didn’t yet exist with Becka.

Dani was the great unknown. She was conservative and pure, but she didn’t seem to be naïve, and had made it clear that she would be a passionate, fun lover, who I’d concluded was likely to be a wildcat in bed, much like the other Russian girls I’d been with, with one exception.

That exception was Oksana. Her approach to sex was more like a timid sixteen-year-old than a young woman of twenty. Whereas Elizaveta had been naïve, she hadn’t been timid, at least until I made the mistake on our wedding night. Fortunately, that timidity had quickly disappeared, and we’d begun an erotic journey that had even led to entering a sex shop in Amsterdam and purchasing a flogger.

The question in my mind was whether or not I could lead Oksana to a similar point, though it didn’t have to go so far as it had with Elizaveta. What I couldn’t contemplate was a sex life that consisted mainly of missionary position intercourse. That simply would not do, and that gave me serious pause about Oksana.

That put me in something of a bind. One encounter was just that — one encounter. A continuing sexual relationship was another thing altogether. What we’d just done fulfilled a long-standing desire on her part, and as such, I didn’t feel she’d regret it. That said, further encounters might well lead to regret or severe emotional distress if we didn’t eventually marry.

And that presented a conundrum. I needed to feel she could broaden her horizons, as it were, and the only way to know that was to try to lead her to places she hadn’t even contemplated going. Could I, in good conscience, take her to bed again, knowing that if she didn’t change her views on sex, it would be a constant conflict, unless I suppressed my own sexuality, which, in the context of marriage, was not a good thing.

Oksana and I finished dressing, I got Rachel from her swing, turned off the music, and the three of us went downstairs. Oksana went to the kitchen and Rachel and I went to the great room, where I put her on the rug. I stoked the fire, added a log, then picked up what was my favorite book when I was little from the table and read to my daughter.

Rachel was suitably unimpressed at my ability to read the tongue-twisting Fox in Socks, and when I finished, I put her down so she could crawl and play with her toys. While she crawled around, I contemplated my next move with Oksana. Excluding her based on a first, tentative sexual encounter continued to seem wrong, but it was also the case that if I didn’t have some assurance that she could accept a less conservative view of sexual intimacy, that would be the end result, no matter how well she cooked, how well she cared for Rachel, or how compatible we were otherwise.

It was similar to the point Lara had made about a spirituality gap creating tension. A sexuality gap would also create tension, and although I preferred the more sublime encounters I’d had with Milena, I’d adapted to the more insistent demands of Elizaveta’s nascent sexuality. She had, in fact, changed my preferences from simple lovemaking, cuddling, and conversation, to be much more energetic, physical, and adventurous.

While Tasha had introduced me to what I would call ‘wild sex’ and ‘sex marathons’, it hadn’t changed me the way my relationship with Elizaveta had. And given my experiences after Elizaveta’s repose, I didn’t feel I could go back, nor did I want to. That put the ball squarely in Oksana’s court — if she couldn’t adapt, we had no future. And if that was the result, I’d have to find a way to explain it that didn’t seem selfish.

I could, of course, simply tell her that I’d decided on one of the other girls, but that would, in effect, force the decision. Our next scheduled Saturday was March 19th, which meant I had time before we’d have another chance for an intimate encounter, and that would give me time to think. That said, I didn’t think it was right to not see her until then, so I got up, went to my study, checked my daybook, then went to the kitchen.

“Would you like to go out to dinner a week from Wednesday?” I asked.

“Yes!” she exclaimed happily.

“Let’s plan for me to pick you up at 5:00pm. If something changes, I’ll call, but I don’t expect it to.”

“Mike,” she said quietly.

“Yes?”

“Will you do something for me?”

“What?”

“Agree that we won’t make love again before we’re married?”

“Yes, of course,” I replied.

I contemplated saying something about her refusal to kiss me, but I didn’t want to ruin her cheerful mood. Given her request, there was plenty of time to discuss it before I had to make a decision. Oksana came over to me, gave me a quick kiss, then returned to preparing our meal. About thirty minutes later, with bread in the oven and something simmering on the stove, Oksana came to sit with me.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

“You mean about making love?” Oksana asked.

“Yes.”

“It was wonderful!” she gushed. “I’ve wanted to make love with you for years, and, well, I didn’t want to wait. But it really should only be for married couples, as the Church teaches.”

“That is the ideal,” I replied.

“You want to keep making love, don’t you?” she asked.

“I want you to be happy and comfortable with our relationship. I would have waited until our potential wedding night, if that’s what you had wanted.”

“I struggled with the idea, which I guess is normal, and my desire and curiosity won over what the Church teaches.”

“A challenge many teens face,” I replied. “And many of them, me included, choose the same thing you did.”

“May I ask when?”

“When I was eighteen,” I replied.

“You were with other girls besides that one and Elizaveta? Well, and now me?”

“Yes, but that’s the limit of what I’ll answer, not because I’m embarrassed, but because it’s a private thing, and I don’t want to say something that might reveal another person’s secrets, including yours. What we did today is between you and me, and nobody will hear from me that we made love.”

“Thank you,” she said, taking my hand.

We interlaced our fingers, and she leaned her head against my shoulder.

“Did you really like it?” she asked apprehensively.

“I did.”

“What you did with your mouth, is that really normal?”

“Absolutely,” I replied. “What they teach in health class is a very narrow picture of physical intimacy that focuses on how babies are made, some of the ways to prevent that, and on preventing the spread of disease, though even there, the information is limited.”

“And you think it’s normal to kiss after doing that?”

“I do.”

Oksana took a breath as if she was about to say something, but apparently decided against it. If I had to guess, she understood the implications of what I’d said and done, and was contemplating the idea of performing oral sex. Her reluctance to touch my groin strongly implied she’d be even more reluctant to use her mouth. And while mutual oral sex was in no way mandatory, it was something I very much enjoyed and was part of my sexual fulfillment.

Still loathing the idea of making comparisons, I couldn’t help but realize that second base with Sara had been far more erotic than making love with Oksana. When Sara had licked my cum from her hand, it had created intense pleasure, even though she wasn’t even touching me. Unless I could achieve something close to that with Oksana, there really was no future. I felt a bit «некультурный», making that analysis, but it was important for a healthy, long-term, permanent relationship.

My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the telephone. Oksana moved her head so I could stand up and I went to the kitchen to answer it.

“Loucks residence; Mike speaking.”

“Mike, it’s Stefan.”

“Doctor Mercer called you?”

“Yes. She’s more than a little upset that you ‘engaged counsel’, as she put it. I obviously can’t really say much to her at this point, but I confirmed that I had, indeed, instructed you not to speak with her and asked her not to try to contact you. I did say that if the time came, and if you were willing, you would call her. My advice remains the same.”

“I understand. Thank, Stefan.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you on the 10th!”

We said ‘goodbye’ and I hung up, then went back to sit with Oksana.

“That was my stepdad,” I said. “He was calling about my friend Angie.”

“That situation is so sad. I’ve heard about it from some of the girls at Saint George, though obviously we don’t have any details.”

“And I can’t really discuss it with anyone except my stepdad right now.”

I sat down and Rachel crawled over to me and I picked her up and cradled her in my arms with Oksana snuggled close to us. I thought more about Oksana, and she was, so far, the only Orthodox girl who was very conservative, both in public and private. The question before me was whether that could or would change. And the more I thought about it, the riskier the proposition seemed. On the plus side, her request to delay future physical intimacy resolved my concern about what another encounter might mean to her. I knew what it would probably mean, and I wouldn’t do that unless she was the one I chose, which was looking increasingly unlikely.