Chapter 7: Helplessness, Depression and Misery

Priti was kneeling beside me, and I was laying on the couch in the RV. I finally realized where I was and noticed her presence.

“How can this be?” I asked her. “She’s so healthy and full of life now?” Priti, still crying softly, spoke gently. “I cured her cancer. I revitalized her body. She IS as healthy as possible. But that is not as things would have been.”

She took my hand. “If not for my changes to her, Jen would have currently been deep into her modern medicine treatments right now. Her condition ... Terminal. She would be almost bed ridden, requiring 24 hour care, and pumped so full of pain relievers that she didn’t recognize you at all.” Now I was crying. She continued. “In the alternate reality, she is laying in a hospice bed. Waiting for the final moment to arrive.”

I sobbed and gripped her hand tightly. With all the courage I could muster, I asked, “When?”

“October Sixth. Nine twenty three in the morning.”

Six Weeks. I had just Six weeks left with my Jen.

I took the cowards way out. Priti helped. Jen was not informed.

I ‘desired’ that Priti suppress my feelings and emotions. She changed me so that I did not experience any depression, fear, or sadness. And I didn’t even think of the ‘event’ much at all until after her funeral.

I wanted Jen’s final days to be as stress free and worry free as possible, and I was not going to let my feelings be a part of ruining that.

I asked Jen later that evening where she wanted to go next, and she said we could head home. She was ready to enjoy our house for a while. I still wonder what the RV park people thought when our peter-bus was ‘just gone’ all of a sudden. But I also don’t give a damn.

Priti transported us from there to the RV pad beside the barn, and we woke up on our own property the next morning.

The next few weeks were actually very good for Jen. We spent many hours together, just sharing our time. We cuddled and talked. We made love often. We enjoyed each other.

October sixth was an unusually clear and pretty day.

Jen and I lay together, cuddling and holding each other, and just talking about all we had lived through up to this point. I had just kissed her and told her how very much I loved her. She had smiled and said the same back to me. And she just closed her eyes, sighed, and to any observer looked like she drifted off to sleep.

We buried her two days later. Official cause of death was ‘heart failure’. Although I knew this way had been so much better than if she had suffered for months, I sank into a deep and dark abyss.

Returning to the house from the cemetary, I went to our room and stripped naked. then crawled onto the bed. As per my instructions, Priti allowed me to again feel all the emotions that had been suppressed these past few weeks.

I had never before wanted to die as desperately and as fervently as I did at that moment. Priti sat in a chair on the other side of the room and watched me, crying herself, as I hollowed out and ceased to exist.

October 31, No change. I hadn’t left the bedroom. I didn’t want to leave the bed. I just called Priti to my side and wished for death again. Priti refused.

Even worse, she had already stopped me several times from taking my own life. Guns did not fire. Cuts healed as soon as the blade sliced through my flesh. A head first dive from the roof of the house landed me softly in our bed. Hair dryers into the bath tub only made my skin tingle and tickle.

I begged her again and again, “I have nothing to live for now. Why not? Can’t you see I am miserable here? Please? Let me go. I don’t want this life any more.”

“I cannot my love.” She said. “It is beyond my ability or my choice. I must protect you, and serve you.”

She had been doing just that. I was cleaned twice a day, shaved, hair cut once a week, and had been provided nourishment three times a day. It was like being a caged exotic animal in a zoo, tended to as my keeper saw fit.

Each night she cuddled to my numb body, trying to comfort me.

Christmas came and went. I stayed in my bedroom and wallowed in my misery.

As I lay in the bed, listening to the booms of New Years fireworks in the distance at our nearest neighbors home, I noticed Priti softly crying against my back as she held me. I slowly turned to face her ... And I finally saw the pain and agony she was enduring. It was painted on her face in neon bright clarity.

Wrapping her into my arms against my chest, I cried. Not for my loss, but hers as well. And I cried from the shame of what I only now could finally see for myself.

I had done her such a huge injustice. She had lost Jen too, but I had only seen my own heartbreak and sorrow. She had cared for me and protected me, and loved me, but I had left her cold and alone. Even when she was right beside me.

I caressed her, leaned down and kissed her forehead, then spoke softly. “I’m sorry Priti. I’ve been so selfish. I hope you can forgive me.”

She scrambled upward to where her face was on the pillow and she was staring into my eyes. “All is forgiven and forgotten my love.” And she kissed my lips so softly and tenderly that I almost couldn’t bear it.

I again pulled her to me in a tight embrace. “I love you Priti.” I said. “Thank you for all you have done these past months. Caring for me. Protecting me. And for saving me from myself.”

She took a huge breath and exhaled slowly. Then kissed me again. “It was what I needed to do. I love you too Justin, so very much. I not only have the duty to do as I did, but I wanted to do it. I could not bear to lose you too.”

We kissed and held each other. Caresses turned from comfort to passion. Kisses from only expressions of love into hungry desire. She pressed into me as my cock swelled and poked between her lithe thighs. I rolled to my back and she mounted me, trapping my pulsing cock against her sopping wet pussy.