Chapter 5

Thursday December 21

Hailey may have stopped writing her email diaries, but her regular emails went on. It wasn’t hard to figure out that the guy she dated after Sam was Hayden Jacobs. The emails didn’t tell me anything about their relationship, though.

I called Hayden this morning. He agreed meet me at a coffee shop next to the university at 6:00 PM.

Ash and I made up or whatever. While he was getting ready to go, I had a headache of a text conversation with Mandy.

Mandy: I need you to tell Martin the truth about anal sex.

Lexi: Huh? What truth?

Mandy: That you were faking it.

Lexi: What - orgasm? I wasn’t faking. Never do.

Mandy: Yes, orgasm! Look, I know you like to present this super-sexual love goddess act, but it’s time to stop lying.

Lexi: Mandy, I’m not lying. I’ve come every time I’ve done anal. Is it not happening for you? Is that what this is about?

Mandy: Lexi, you are being so unfair! Martin is mine now! How am I supposed to compete with all the perfect fantasies you created in his head? God!

Lexi: I don’t know what to say. If it’s not working for you, research it online or see a sex therapist - or just do it some other way.

Mandy: We were doing it other ways until I found out about you and him! Now anal is all he wants to do, and he’s mad at me for not being as good an actress as you!

Lexi: I’ve got to go. Maybe we can talk more later. But really, Mandy, you two just need to be honest with each other about what you like and don’t.

Mandy:...

Ash and I spent most of the day walking around hand-in-hand on the Strip and doing tourist things.

I’m waiting for Hayden at the coffee place now. Ash went off with his new local friends. “There’s a brothel an hour outside of town that has a sports bar. According to Yelp, they have the best fries in all of Nevada. We’re going to have a couple beers, watch a game, and watch the hookers compete for the johns. Should be a blast.”

We’re going to meet up again for dinner and spend the rest of the evening together.

Hayden’s first words when we met were, “So are you going to hit me?” I had told him I was a friend of Hailey’s when I called, but that was about it.

“Why would I hit you?” I asked.

“Because of the way I treated Hailey,” he said. He looked like he thought he deserved to be hit.

“I’m just looking for answers, dude,” I told him. “I’m hoping you can tell me about what was going on in her life when you two were together. Anyway, if people are getting punched for how we treated Hailey, I should probably be at the front of the line.”

“I guess my first question,” I said after we had our drinks and sat down, “is why you and Hailey were dating in the first place. To the best of my knowledge, she was 100% into girls.”

“She said she was bi,” Hayden explained. “Our parents were friends; we knew each other as kids. After her breakup with Sam - Samantha - our parents encouraged us to go out. I don’t know if her folks really believed that she was attracted to guys, or if it was just wishful thinking, but in the beginning they all had me convinced.”

“So her parents are homophobes?” I asked.

“I don’t think that’s it,” he said thoughtfully. “Her mom’s best friend is gay. I think they just had all these fantasies about what Hailey’s life would be like. You know: Hailey pregnant and helping Mom in the kitchen on Thanksgiving while her husband throws a football with her step-dad. I don’t think they meant any harm.”

“Okay, so they pushed you two to date...,” I asked.

“Well, yeah, so we went out a couple times and it was fun. We’d been friends as kids and we were turning into friends again,” Hayden explained. “And I didn’t think it was weird that she always waited for me to initiate the physical stuff. Some girls are like that, you know? And when we had sex, she was totally into it. She definitely came, every time.”

I doubted that. In Freshman year, some of the sorority girls - thinking Hailey was straight - pressured her into sleeping with a guy. Her diary detailed every thought that she put into convincing him she was having a good time.

“But then eventually I started to wonder if it was real,” Hayden went on. “The way she talked about Sam - all the memories they had together - it didn’t seem like what we had. I started to think I was just the rebound guy. I started to wonder why she was with me. But whenever I asked her about it, she told me I was wrong - that she really wanted to be with me.”

“I kept thinking she was going to break up with me, but she didn’t. She was obviously lying to me, and I guess I got resentful. I didn’t mean to, but I guess I started to push her - to see how far she would take it.” Hayden’s face was full of shame.

“Like what?” I asked.

“Little stuff at first,” he said. “Birth control pills. She didn’t want to take them, but I didn’t want to keep using rubbers, so I talked her into it. And then naked selfies. And shoplifting. I don’t even know why I told her to do that.” He couldn’t meet my eyes while telling me this. “I convinced myself that I was the victim - like she was forcing me to force a confrontation.”

“Anyway, we remained a couple, and our parents were thrilled,” he went on. “She was always willing to have sex when I asked for it, but yeah, eventually it was clear that she was into girls. Sometimes we’d be checking out the same woman, you know? So, I figured...,” he sighed. “A threesome with my ex. I was doing it for her, or something.”

“Okay,” I said cautiously. “How did that go?”

“At first Katie wouldn’t let Hailey touch her,” Hayden continued. “Hailey didn’t say anything - but you know, she was shy. But then I told them that I really wanted to see them make out, you know? So Katie allowed it, and I saw something in Hailey’s face that I’d never seen before. I fingered her while she was kissing Katie, and her orgasm was on a whole different level than when she and I did it alone. It seemed ... natural - which I guess made me realize that it wasn’t with me. Anyway, I’m pretty sure Hailey enjoyed it, and I did. Katie, maybe not, but fuck her.”

“Okay, so, I guess in a way you guys were figuring out how to make the relationship work...,” I said. “What happened after that?”