Chapter 3

Friday December 15

This day sucks.

To: Lexi Green

From: Nathan Welsh, Ph.D.

Subject: Re: Disappointed

Lexi -

I understand the loss of your esteem - it’s one of many consequences of my choices with which I’ll have to live.

By the same token, I hope you’ll forgive the slight animosity that inspired The Chronicle of Alexa White. It’s not fair for me to hold you responsible for my incarceration, but it is very human.

Truthfully, I doubt that I would have ever thought of the Alexa White story on my own. I was approached by a member of your anti-fan club who pitched a few ideas, and the story blossomed in my mind from there. It was at their insistence that I agreed to the sneak preview.

I remember Miss Sinclair. I’ll be interested to see which way her career goes. In many respects she has the makings of a fine journalist, but I wonder if her mean-spiritedness will hold her back.

As for your other question: eleven and one quarter inches, under favorable conditions. But really it’s more about the girth than the length.

Tell me, is it true that voluntarily posted nude photos of yourself to the Internet? I’ve been given some URL’s, but I can’t access them from in here.

Obviously I had to search the Internet for this “anti-fan club” he mentioned. It wasn’t hard: “Lexi Haters’ Club”. 133 registered members. Wow.

There are forum posts - mostly just trash talking and fantasies about doing horrible things to me. There is a lengthly thread on how Simone saw me with my “sugar daddy” over the summer but there’s no evidence to back her claims.

And there are visuals. My naked pictures from Reddit are there, of course, as well as tons of demeaning photoshop-jobs and sketches. They even had the demon-bird-woman picture from back in high school.

And then there are the sex videos. I couldn’t care less about two of them: Ethan and me from high school, and Evan and me from two years ago. The one that shook me was the one with Hailey from the Chi Omicron party three years ago.

Hailey was my roommate at the dorm, first semester; in that time we became best friends. She also had a really big crush on me. She was a pledge at Chi Omicron sorority, and I had learned that the full members (not the pledges) were involved in a conspiracy to have sex with teachers in exchanged for inflated grades. I needed proof - if for no other reason than so that I could convince Hailey to leave them - so I seduced her to get the opportunity to plant spyware on the lead girl’s computer. I later found out that that was Hailey’s first time with a girl - so, the first time that mattered to her.

When I confronted Hailey with my evidence and begged her to walk away from Chi Omicron, I confessed that I had used her. I confessed, too, that I had read her “diary” - emails she sent to her self with her private thoughts. She was devastated and our friendship was destroyed. It’s the thing I regret the most in my life. I tried contacting her a couple times over the next semester but she would never respond.

The only copy of the video itself was on a thumb drive that I gave to Hailey the night we hooked up. That was two weeks before our falling-out. I never paid attention to what she did with it.

I know she hates me, I know she never wants to hear from me, but I have to warn her that this video is out there. I tried calling, texting, emailing. No response so far. All of her social media accounts are private, so no help there. Her old email password might work - it’s possible I could snoop and find another way to reach her - but I promised myself I would never do that to her again.

Juliet and Ash were in the living room with me when I found the site. We were laughing about it together until I found the Hailey video. Then I had to be alone in my room for a while. After trying to contact Hailey and waiting for a half hour, I decided I had to go to the shooting range. It’s almost funny how often the regulars there have seen me cry. I wonder if they’ve got a nickname for me behind my back?

I still haven’t told Juliet and Ash what’s bothering me. They’re giving me space, for which I’m thankful.

Saturday December 16

I spent a bunch of time on the Lexi Haters’ Club last night, trying to find out who was behind it and who had posted what, but I couldn’t figure much out. The owner of the site is proxied by the hosting company. The identities of a couple of the members were clear from the things they posted, but not any of the useful ones. The person who posted the Hailey video is called Not2xTapped.

I might be able to ask the hosting company to take the site down, or at least remove some of the content and links, but it’ll take a lot of work to figure out how to make those requests. The Hailey video itself isn’t hosted at the Lexi Haters’ Club anyway: it’s on a Swedish server. Even if I could communicate with them and they agreed to take it down, it’s porn on the Internet: there are undoubtedly other copies of it elsewhere already.

I emailed Dr. Welsh this morning. I would go and see him in person if I could, but there’s a whole big process to authorize visitors for prison inmates.

To: Nathan Welsh, Ph.D.

From: Lexi Green

Subject: Re: Disappointed

Dr. Welsh -

I don’t care about your story. I don’t care about the mean things they say. I don’t care about the naked photos or the sex tapes - save one.

Please - tell me everything you know about who runs the site, how they contacted you, what they said, how you submit content to them.

I don’t mind paying the price for my decisions myself, but one of the videos posted there will hurt the sweetest girl I’ve ever known. I need to get in touch with whoever’s in charge at the Haters’ Club. I need to convince them to take down that video. They’ve got more than enough ammunition without it.

Please.

I tried calling, texting, and emailing Hailey again. No response.

I told Ash and Juliet about what’s going on. Juliet watched the video despite me asking her not to. She was unsympathetic. “Fuck her. She chose them over you. She’s as much to blame about how things turned out as you.”

She doesn’t get it.

I’m going to apply for an account on the Haters’ Club site. New fake email address, and routing the request through a VPN.

Sunday December 17

I received two emails today.

To: Lexi Green

From: Nathan Welsh, Ph.D.

Subject: Re: Disappointed

Lexi -

I’ll ask my assistant to forward you all of the details she has. All of my contact has been through her.

Is this about the video of you and the skinny blond girl in the sorority house? I’ve heard about it but haven’t seen it. If you don’t mind me asking, why did you make the video in the first place?

To: M. Kinney

From: Lexi Haters’ Club Admin

Subject: Account Denied

Nice try ... milady.

I guess he figured out who I was. I have no idea how.

Monday December 18

Road trip. I still haven’t heard back from Hailey or Dr. Welsh’s assistant. It’s Christmas vacation, so the odds are good that Hailey is staying with her mom in Las Vegas, so I’m going there. Juliet has to stay home to work, but Ash volunteered to come with me even before he knew our destination. I’m glad.

My boss was a little annoyed that I decided to take time off with no notice, but I don’t think he’ll hold it against me.

Once we were on the road, Ash wanted to know about Hailey. I told him about her, but nothing I said managed to communicate just how great she is. Hopefully she won’t slam the door in my face and he can meet her.

For the next few hours of the drive, Ash was doing blackjack card-counting drills. I told him there’s no point: they use too many decks for it to matter. He agreed, but he wants to do it anyway.

Once he was bored with that, Ash got flirty. Eventually, he asked me, “Would it be too distracting if I played with your tits right now?”

“Um, well, to play with both of them you’d have to lean across me, so yeah, that would be dangerous,” I reasoned. “But help yourself to Righty as long as you don’t get in my way.”

I thought he was going to cop a feel over my clothes, but not Ash. He pulled up my shirt, made me lean forward so he could unhook my bra, and then gave me a good raw-flesh grope for several minutes. I didn’t mind - I’m a very focused driver. I figured I was good as long as he didn’t use his mouth.