Chapter 8

Tuesday January 6

Do post-sex hormones affect everyone this strongly? I swear, every time I have sex with a guy who’s not a complete jerk, a part of me wants to doodle our initials surrounded by little hearts. It’s especially complicated in Martin’s case. I’ve never actually been attracted to him, and I’m sure that I don’t want him as a boyfriend. But I sort of want to spend time with him, and when I stop to think, I’m finding myself jealous of that waitress from yesterday.

I suppose it’s inevitable that he’s going to want to have sex again. I rather doubt that I’ll want to. If I do, I certainly hope it isn’t so much work next time.

Anyway, I sent Becca a text this morning to check in on her.

Lexi: How was the psychologist? Good? Bad?

Becca: I don’t know. It was okay talking to her, I guess. At the end of the hour it seemed like we had said everything there was to say. But after I left I kept thinking of more things I wanted to tell her - just to explain.

Lexi: That sounds like a good start. Was your mom there?

Becca: No no no! I could never say all those things in front of my mom. She was in the lobby.

Lexi: Thank god. :) Glad it’s looking promising.

Becca: There’s something else.

Lexi: What’s that?

Becca: She thinks it would be a good idea if I got tested. For aids and stuff. We haven’t always been totally safe. Me and boys, I mean.

Becca: Do you think that maybe you could drive me? My parents can’t know.

Lexi: I’d be happy to.

Martin called as I was getting ready to pick up Becca. He told me that yesterday had meant a lot to him, and he thanked me. He also asked if we could hang out today. I said no. I could practically hear Juliet’s I-told-you-so.

I took Becca to the clinic for her STD tests. She was pretty anxious about it. I told her I was proud of her for doing the responsible thing and getting herself checked out. I was waiting with her for the test results when Juliet messaged me.

Juliet: I showed Ash the picture of your bed-wetter friend. He says he’ll gladly beat that guy at any sort of competition to get you to sleep with him instead.

Lexi: How is he at World of Warcraft? Because I understand that Martin is very good... :)

Juliet: Oh dear god!

Lexi: Anyway, too late. We spent yesterday in bed together, and we both had a lovely time. Many fluids were exchanged.

Juliet: Mmm-hmm. And has he asked when you can do it again? Given you any gifts?

Lexi: Not in so many words.

Juliet: Of course not. A guy like that will never be direct about a proposition. But his whiny pleas for another taste of your pussy will be an ever-present subtext in every conversation you have with him from now on, until you finally kick him so hard that he never comes back.

Lexi: It won’t be like that.

Juliet: You’ll see. I can wait.

I muttered “bitch” to myself.

“What was that about?” Becca asked.

“Oh, just a girlfriend giving me trouble for sleeping with my friend Martin,” I responded without thinking about it.

“Martin?! Ethan’s friend Martin?” Becca asked with disbelief. I had forgotten that she knew Martin through her brother.

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s probably best if you don’t mention that to Ethan though.”

“Okay,” Becca replied, “but why would you want to sleep with him?”

“He’s a really nice guy - a good friend,” I answered. Becca left it at that, although she obviously still didn’t understand.

Becca’s tests came back negative. The clinic people wanted to send her home with a bunch of condoms, but she refused, fearing what her parents would say if they found them. It’s hard to imagine how they can be so clueless about their daughter’s promiscuity.

After I dropped Becca off I went home and watched my mom’s sex tapes. There’s a sentence I never expected to write. The first two happened just like Mom had described in her diary. Mom did look a lot like me, although her breasts were bigger and her hair curlier.

One thing that blows my mind is how out of control her pubic hair was. It was the same for all of the girls in Father Cooper’s videos. I know that the 80’s were a different time, but if any girl from my generation had shown up in a gym locker room without having a decently trimmed bikini area, the other girls would have torn her apart. I know they were all supposed to be abstinent, but didn’t these girls ever wear bathing suits?

Mom’s diary had never detailed her third time having sex with George. This time, after some initial kissing and petting, Mom took the lead. Once they were both undressed, she made George lie back. Kneeling over him, she rubbed him all over with some sort of oil that made his skin shine under the camera’s light. Much of the time she was sliding one slippery hand up and down his shaft while the other hand worked on less interesting parts of his body. She seemed to understand the need to back off from time to time to keep him from coming too soon.

“Please, Erin, I want to be inside of you,” George begged after she abandoned his presumably aching hard-on one too many times.

“Okay, George,” Mom said pleasantly.

George’s cock was literally gleaming in the camera light when Mom unrolled a condom onto it. George started to get up, but Mom gently pushed him back down, and then she straddled his legs, facing his feet. She grabbed his cock from between her legs and eased herself back, allowing herself to be penetrated. Both lovers shared a gasp at the moment of entry, and then slowly, with numerous wiggles, her pussy swallowed his entire length.

Erin - Mom - started off sitting mostly upright on top of George, bouncing for short strokes. “Oh yeah,” she whispered repeatedly while she took charge of sex for the first time in her life.

The camera swung around to near George’s head to show his perspective. Just beyond George’s glistening abs, Erin’s ass was pulsing over his hips. Erin’s body had certainly looked appealing when she was undressing and coating George with oil, but something about her new position made her ass look rounder and sexier. Her waist, too, looked thinner from here, so that her overall proportions looked like an exaggeration of the feminine ideal. The slight curls of her hair bounced down between her shoulder blades as she thumped against her lover’s hips. Occasionally, during long strokes, you could see her lips gripping the cock as it retreated from inside her.

The camera then moved to George’s feet to view Erin from the front. Her breasts giggled as she switched to a faster, smaller movement - almost a vibration. She was moaning, barely audibly, and staring into space, not needing her eyes to enjoy the cock inside of her.

No sooner had the camera captured that view than it changed. Erin leaned forward so that she was practically on her hands and knees. Her front half remained mostly still, with the exception of her swaying breasts, while her hips moved in longer, more energetic strokes up and down on George’s cock. Erin’s moans, while still quiet, took on a more needful quality.

“God, Erin, you’re so sexy,” George told his partner. “I don’t think I...”

Erin interrupted him. “Please don’t come, George!” She said. “Please don’t come! I’m not ready for you to come!” That shut him up.

The camera shifted again, back to the side. It showed Erin twerking hard over George’s cock, panting and seemingly on the verge of tears. George was gritting his teeth with his eyes closed, presumably trying to last longer for his lady’s benefit.

“This is it, George,” Erin said. “Father, I’m coming!” She wasn’t loud about it, but there was no mistaking from the look on her face - my mother’s O-face - that her first orgasm was upon her. George seized the opportunity and Erin’s hips, and started driving his cock up into her cunt as hard and fast as he could. That just intensified Erin’s unleashed pleasure, so that now she wailing like a porn star. Seconds later George groaned in time with his spurts, and then shortly the two of them came to rest.

Erin climbed off of George. The bottom few inches of George’s penis were still circled with rubber, but the top inch and a half were bare, and a loose section flapped about freely. “It broke,” George stated with concern, and then the video ended.

So, that was my mother’s first orgasm, and her first conception. I guess I’ve got all the answers I’m going to get. I need to figure out what to do with these tapes. Should I erase them, and let the now-middle-aged amateur porn stars go on forgetting anything had ever happened? Or should I try to get in touch with them so that they can reminisce, or have closure, or sue the church? Would any good come from contacting the church about it? Or giving the story to the newspapers? Supposedly, the church has survived far greater scandals than this one, and I’m not sure that anything ever changed.

Martin texted me again tonight, asking what I was up to. I made up an excuse to preempt any invitation he might try to make, out of a reflex based on what Juliet would say. Now I want to hook up with Martin, and I can’t tell whether it’s because I really want to, or because I want to defy Juliet.

I spied on my dad’s browser traffic as he masturbated before bed again tonight. Weird thing - my nude gallery had disappeared from his bookmarks list. I guess maybe he doesn’t find me attractive after all?

Wednesday January 7

My mom came home this afternoon, which surprised me - I didn’t think she would be back for another week. It was kind of strange looking at her, knowing what I now know about her, but I played it cool. None the less, she was acting a little weird. She didn’t want to talk - she said she had a headache from the plane.

When my dad got home, they went into their bedroom to talk in private for a few minutes, which was also strange, before asking me to sit down with them. I was level on the outside, but in my mind I was freaking out. Had the police finally come asking questions about me? Was I about to go to jail?

“Alexis,” my dad began in serious-parent mode, “have you been posting naked pictures of yourself to the Internet?

God damn it. This was sure to be annoying. Still, I was confident that I could convince them to treat me like an adult. “Yes,” I responded, “but my face isn’t showing in any of them.

“Lexi, you can’t do that,” my dad said.

“It’s no big deal,” I said. “There are millions of naked girls on the Internet. What’s one more, if nobody knows it’s me?” As an afterthought I added, “How did you find out, anyway?”

“That’s not important,” Mom scolded.

“Sure it’s important,” I countered. “If my privacy steps are inadequate, I need to know so that I can do better next time.”

“There will not be a next time,” Dad said.

“I didn’t mean it like that...,” I began.

“We’re very disappointed,” Dad said. “I thought we raised you better than this.”

“What’s the big deal? I’m proud of my body, and it makes me happy to know that guys appreciate it,” I argued.

“Alexis, I don’t think you realize what men think when they see pictures like this,” Mom said.

I laughed. “Of course I do,” I said. “They think: ‘God damn, she’s so hot, I really want to fuck her. Oh look, I’m about to come.’ The more introspective ones are probably thankful that there are pretty girls out there willing to take off their clothes for their enjoyment.”

I think I pissed them off with that one. This is not at all how we talk in the Green family. Talking about sex has pretty much always been off limits. But I’m not a kid any more. I’m an independent woman - well, sort of - and they had to recognize that.

“No,” my dad argued. “They think she’s a tramp. They think that her parents never taught her to love herself, and that she’ll let everyone treat her like the piece of meat she’s pretending to be.

My mom jumped in: “This sort of thing can haunt you for your whole life. It can lock you out of whole careers. It can keep you from marrying a proper man.”