Chapter 9: 1976

Frank had been gone for more than three months. Jesus! I needed the man. Especially with Deiondre trolling for me. He’d spent some time in solitary for what he did to me, and it was little enough. But for me, it was the aloneness that was the worst.

I knew what it was to be alone, I’d been alone for two years before Frank had joined me, but until now I had forgotten the empty feeling—the lostness. But now, again, I was lost.

“Benedict you’ve got a visitor, but he’s not on your list. You wanna see him,” said the guard.

“Huh? What? Who? Got a name?” I said.

“Wheatly,” said the guard. I couldn’t believe it. Ten years and my old bud was here, in Winslow.

“Okay, yeah, I’ll see him,” I said.

And then I was seated in the gen-pop visiting room, unusual for a max inmate. I saw him come in. I gave him a little wave. He saw it, smiled, and came to me. I stood and nodded; still no physical contact so we didn’t shake hands.

“Jesus, Pernell, I can’t believe it,” I said. He smirked.

“Yeah, I can understand that. It’s been a long time.” I nodded.

“I was urged to come and visit,” he said, and looked down.

“Urged?”

“Yeah, by some rich guy, Cooper was the name.” I sagged back on my stool.

“So, the biggest asshole in the world is reaching out to my ex-friends,” I said.

“I’m not an ex, man, I’m still your friend,” he said.

“Not if you’re a friend of his,” I said.

“I’m not anything to him, and he said that was what you’d say or something like it.”

“So?” I said.

“Apart from visiting you, which I wanted to do, but felt kind of uncomfortable doing until he approached me; he asked me to make a request.” I just stared and waited.

“He asked me to ask you if you would allow a visit by Valerie,” he said.

“The answer is no, not ever by her. I have made kind of a pledge to myself to never let the whore see me or hear from me again. Those are the only things I can do to cause her some distress, feelings of guilt, something. I hate her even worse than him; but as for that, it’s actually a close thing.”

“He was hoping for a better outcome, but he figured you might be kinda hard core about it all,” said Pernell.

“Yeah, well he sure as hell was right on that score,” I said.

“So, since I’m here, can I ask?”

“Ask?”

“You know, how are you doing really?” he said. I shrugged.

“It’s hard. It’s not a nice place. I’m a smallish white guy with no friends. I’m a target. I had a cellmate for these last several years and he kinda helped me out: he was a big guy. But he’s gone now and I ain’t got nobody anymore,” I said.

“A target?” he said.

“Yeah, I spend a lot of time on my knees and worse making big guys happy. And just so you know, I’ve not learned to like it. Tell the asshole that if you see him,” I said.

“Jesus,” he said.

“It’s prison. It is what it is. A lot of stuff, stuff even worse than that goes on: suicides, murders; but who am I to complain; I’m a convicted killer,” I said.

“The man, Cooper, thinks you’re a good guy,” he said.

“Does he now. Well, fuck his hypocritical ass!” I said. My friend gave me a look.

“The man helped a friend of yours to get a job. A guy named Frank. He’s working with us at the market.”

“Yeah, that’s my ex-cellmate. The one I mentioned. So, the big shot got Frank my old job.” I had to smile.

“I guess,” he said.

“Yeah, well, good for Frank. He was an okay guy when he was in here with me,” I said. “But I still want no visits from my enemies.”

“I’ll tell him. I’ll also visit you again if that’s all right. They tell me you need to put me on some visitor list if I intend to come up more often,” said Pernell.

“Yes, that’s so. I’ll see to it.”

We talked for some time, filled up the whole two hours. It was good to see the man. I did hope he might see his way clear to come up again. That would be good, good for me.

I was surprised that the asshole was reaching out to someone I used to know to try to influence my opinion of him and or the woman. But that, my opinion of the two of them, was never going to change, not ever. How could it? The betrayal...

I was glad that my old cellmate was employed. I’d expected that the asshole might get him a decent job, and he had. I wondered how he was doing. He was on parole, so there was no chance of him visiting me, none. That was one totally inviolate rule, no mixing with other cons while on parole. If he broke it, he’d likely be back inside in a heartbeat. No, he had his woman now, unless something happened to queer that for him. Maybe my lawyer knew about that. I’d be asking the next time I saw him.

I need your help, William,” said Herb.

“I kinda figured that by your tone of voice when you called. I mean I was hoping that you just wanted to have lunch with me. I mean you know, Cassandra’s cooking and all,” said William Golding.

“Yes, well, I will arrange that for another time,” said Herb.

“Good, then I’m glad I came.”

“Yes, well, it’s about our man in Winslow.” William smiled a knowing smile.

“Okay.”

“We need him to talk to us. I asked his friend from where he used to work to help us out, and he did, but it was no dice. We need to roll those dice again.”

“And I’m holding the cubes.”

“Yes,”

“Jesus, Herb, the guy doesn’t even want your names mentioned when I go up to see him. Not yours and not Valerie’s either.”

“I know, but that’s got to change—somehow!”

William Golding esquire sighed.

“Okay, I’ll give it a go, but slim is the only hope you can hope for.”

“Okay,” said Herb.

My lawyer was sitting across from me.

“He sent my old friend up to see me. Are you the encore?” I said.

“Kinda. They’re gonna keep tryin’ no matter how many times you shut them down,” said William.

“Well one upside to that is that I will be getting more visits,” I said. “And another upside I’ll have the pleasure of sending them yet more ‘go to hell’ messages which I hope my visitors will respect me enough to deliver to the asshole and his whore.”

“Jesus, Chase, do you really hate them that much. I mean you killed a man. That’s gotta play into the scheme of things on some level. And yes, I know the guy was threatening your lady, and yes, he was a very bad man. Buy really...”

“First to answer your question, yes, I do really hate them that much. She swore before God that she would wait for me; she didn’t. She swore that my daughter would know about me and be raised with a positive remembrance of me; she did exactly the opposite; she let the asshole adopt her!

“She broke her promises: she dumped me, and I’m certain she’s kept my daughter from knowing anything about me since I’ve been inside. And she did it for money. And then, the biggest insult: the man she dumped me for offered me cash to forget their crimes against me. That, so when if I ever did out, to make everything good between them and me. One: my family is not and was not for sale at any price. Two: twenty years in a cage is not something that I can ever forgive let alone forget. Tell them that.” My lawyer was looking down.