Chapter 18: 1981-1991

“He just left, and the answer is maybe,” said Herbert.

“Maybe! Maybe what!” said Valerie.

“He was able to talk to a nurse; he caught up with her at a local diner, and he got an earful. Chase has been her patient a number of times, likely a large number of times though he didn’t press her for an exact number.”

“Okay?”

“She, her name is Carmen Reyes, believes that he is allowing somebody, Lilly, back onto his approved contact’s list because he may be hoping that eventually, if not immediately, to influence Jillian to accept his definition of his fatherhood. Evidently, he believes, as we all already know, that he has been cheated out of having any role in her life let alone any hope of his regaining sole fatherhood status. Carmen is very strong in her opinions in this matter according to Rein.”

“I don’t know, but I think she’s right in her assessment. That last time Chase and I spoke about the co-fatherhood thing he made it clear that he saw me as standing in his way per his being her daddy. I tried to sell him on the idea of co-fatherhood with you, like I say, Herb; but he wasn’t having any of that.

“Herb you’ve adopted Jillian, and Chase knows that. On top of that, I know you do see her as your daughter. And moreover, she sees you as her daddy and she should.

“Chase is entitled to have his fatherhood recognized, but to cut you out, or downsize your position with her; no, that is not acceptable,” she said. “And yes, I know how cold of me that sounds given everything the man’s suffered.”

“Val, we’ll figure something out. For sure we have the time to do so,” he said. She was nodding.

“If Lilly would write him and visit him if but rarely, maybe...”

“Yes,” he said.

“But I am still very concerned about the loneliness part. That’s one thing we have no control over, unless he opens the door a lot wider which he won’t,” she said.

“I’m afraid you are right,” said Herbert.

I’d last seen Lilly on the first of the year, 1982. Since then, I’d gotten a few short letters. And in each of her letters she’s requested that I allow Pernell and one or the other of the Coopers to visit. I turned those requests down. It would be her and only her. If that didn’t work, then even Lilly would be off the list, and there would be nobody and that would be okay by me. It would for sure let me know where I stood with the lot of them.

It was Christmas Day, another nothing day for us in supermax. But I did get a letter, a short one. She’d be coming on the first of the year, exactly one year since her last visit. I had to smile. Well, at least Lilly was keeping me in the loop with her letters.

And now she was taking a seat on the other side of the glass. I joined her on my side of the partition. As usual I was cuffed to the surface of the narrow shelf in front of me; all of us bad guys were in super when talking to our visitors. Like we had anywhere we could go—hah!

We picked up our phones.

“Our second go ‘round,” I said, and I was smiling.

“It’s hard to come up a lot,” she said. “Dare I ask how you are?” I shrugged.

“The same, always the same, every day the same.”

“Chase you should let your friends and family visit too. They’d come in a heartbeat. We’ve talked, all of us,” she said.

“No, I have no family and you’re the only friend I trust. You’re all I will be allowing period.”

“Valerie’s right about one thing for sure: you are a very stubborn hero.”

“I guess I have to allow that she is right on that count, the stubborn part. Lilly, the man stole my family, and she let him; there’s nothing worse.” Lilly looked frustrated, but she didn’t push it.

“Jill’s started college.”

“So, how does she like the university of snobbery,” I said.

“She’s attending ASU. I was told that she’ll do grad school at Harvard, but her B.A. will be Arizonan.” I could feel my brow wrinkle. She’d surprised me. There’d been nothing about Jill’s schooling in her letters of which there’d been a few, though all were kind of short.

“You never said anything about that in your letters,” I said.

“I just found out about it recently myself,” she said. “And for the record I hear she likes ASU.” I nodded.

“So how have you been?”

“Good overall. Everyone misses you. They all talk about you a lot, especially Herb and Valerie.”

We talked for the full two hours and then she was gone. Another year? More often? I wondered.

Time passed and it was January first again, but now it was 1986. New Year’s had become a kind of official visitation day, She had come at the start of summer once as well, in ‘83, that’d been a surprise. Turned out there had been a get together of the clan at the rich guy’s beach house on the river, so it had been a bit more convenient I guess. At any rate she was here again, now. We faced each other through the glass.

She stared. I’d been in twenty years. I figured the truth of that was not lost on her. If I had not earned another five minimum for forestalling Herbert’s attempt, his unappreciated attempt, to do favors for me, I’d be out now.

“Another anniversary,” I said, and I smiled. “Five more to go, or maybe ten.” She looked down. I knew Valerie blamed me for my added punishment, but I blamed him, them, for interfering with my life which they had no right to do once she’d decided to dump me and had done so.

“Chase...” said Lilly.

“It’s okay, it was worth it, to me it was worth it. Letting the rich guy know that he couldn’t control my life made it worth it,” I said. “So, how are you?”