Chapter 27

As soon as we got back to the valley, I didn’t need to worry about Runi - he didn’t have any free time to follow me. Before the situation turned too bad, Mylaela had to remind some of the younger women that ‘there would be more where he came from.’ I was barely able to hide my smile.

Those little things might have been fun, but there were other, serious things to discuss - and decide. One of the first would be how we could get enough women to crew those two ships. Traveling through the kingdom with ‘that little skiff’ and river barges wasn’t really an option. A few people might be able to do it without provoking too much attention, but not twenty or something people. Especially not women who looked like the Elven women. Getting those natural Mages here had been hard enough, and there had been no need to go to Aston.

“Is there any easy way from here to the west coast? It’s much closer, and we could get one ship there and load the people there.”

“There are no easy ways through those fjells but there are some. However, the real problem is the west coast, I think. There are no suitable harbors this far north. At least, any that I know.”

I took a short pause when I thought about the problem a bit further and grimaced. “Of course, nobody had had the skills you and Toki have, and there just might be some place we could use. At least there should not be many of those Sea Guardians on this coast.”

I took a deep breath before I continued. “I guess we need go there ourselves and find a boat somewhere. I’d just rather do it sometime in summer than in the middle of winter. The problem is, the most obvious sites are the river mouths, but those are the places where the villages are.”

“There are people living close to the sea in those river mouths and they don’t go to sea?”

Tofi sounded like he didn’t really believe what I had just said to him - and he obviously thought that the people living there were stupid or lazy - or both. I just smiled at him, even though the idea of sailing close to the west coast wasn’t funny. “You’ll probably see that yourself soon enough.”

After those meetings I left the island people to the capable hands of my Elven friends. I had almost burst out laughing when I noticed that something was happening between Mylaela and Tofi - besides business. I didn’t say anything but stored the knowledge away for future use. There had been enough moments when Mylaela had teased me - for whatever reason. Now it looked like there might be some mornings coming when I could ask her about a good night’s sleep.

When I entered the stable that held Luna the reality hit me - and it hit hard. It had been more than a ten years ago when I had come to this valley for the first time with Luna - and Tariel. First I had been years away in Aston and then I had spent more time away from the valley than in the valley. It was hard with children even if the Elves had their own ways of raising those little girls and whatever I could do would always be an addendum, something extra in their lives. Here, at this stable, the way Luna neighed told me that I still was the number one person for Luna even if I had been away for long periods during the last few years.

When I realized that Luna was getting old, and that any visit to this stable might be the last one, I almost broke down. I thought about the times that Luna had been the one that had helped me stay sane after those betrayals. I patted my loyal friend and took a brush that was hanging on the stable wall and started brushing Luna. The familiar motion helped me calm down until I felt a familiar nudge against my leg. Tariel. If Luna was getting old Tariel was already old.

””Hello, little friend. It’s good to see that you two still take care of each other when I’m not around.””

Petting a purring Tariel was just too much. I fell on my knees to the stable floor and the silent tears started to flow, and they just kept on flowing when I continued petting Tariel. Luna noticed that something changed and soon I felt her muzzle was searching for my head. I had no idea how long I stayed there, as all kinds of thoughts rushed through my head. How could I, a common hunter, think that I could find all these people a safe place to live?! Even with all the things I had supposedly learned, I was nothing special and certainly not someone the other people should admire - or follow. There was absolutely no way that I would have the skills needed to do that - even if I seemed to be good at something: killing people.

Beside those feelings of being inadequate was the knowledge of the inevitable loss of two of my oldest friends. It felt so unfair, especially considering the years we had lost while I was away. The fact that the loss Ylva would face sometime in the future with Liv seemed totally irrelevant when compared to what I was feeling here and now - even though both Luna and Tariel were still alive. Most likely, it wasn’t even about them but about all the injustice I had felt during those years, starting the with my journey with the Guardians.

Maybe it was Luna who kept on pushing me with her muzzle; maybe it was Tariel who absorbed the magic that seemed to pass through my fingers without a proper control; maybe it was the voice of my father inside my head telling me that ‘the world around you doesn’t care’, but I gradually started feeling better.

””We have been brushing her almost every day and somebody has been walking or riding her regularly.””

The soft female voice behind me reminded me of something that a part of me had noticed, but that I had intentionally ignored. I wasn’t alone here anymore. Had not been for a while.

I gave one more careful pat to Tariel and rose to my feet. Perhaps I should have felt embarrassed, but at the moment I didn’t really care. I knew I should be one of those leading all these people, keeping them safe and the one who could find them a new, safe place to live. Here was I, standing in the stables next to my horse with my eyes wet and puffy - and most surprisingly, I didn’t care at all.

””I can guess that, Meltoriel. Luna seems to be in good condition. She just isn’t that young anymore.””

I had had to search the archives of my memory to remember the name of the young Elven woman I had sometimes seen with Allynna. The smile that came to her face told me immediately how happy she was for me to remember her name. A part of me wanted to grimace because it reminded me of so much of the way Runi had looked at me, but now I was able to hide that and control my feelings. Maybe those tears had washed away some of those bad feelings.

””I know. I have been studying some of those books about animals and how to take care of them together with Allynna. She used to teach me about humans, but I think that I’d like more to learn to take care of animals, rather than of people.””

It was like a flash of a lightning inside my head and Meltoriel must have seen that something happened with me.

””I know that it may sound stupid, but...””

I quickly shook my head and raised my hand stopping her in mid-sentence.

””Don’t you dare to think like that, Meltoriel, don’t you dare! We need all kinds of different people and there may be days in the near future when your skills are among the most important ones among our people. Please, try to learn everything you can, and, once you have learned something, be prepared to teach your knowledge to others.””

I looked at Meltoriel who quickly lost the worried look and started smiling. I noticed how Tariel had found her and was now brushing herself against the Elven woman, who looked and felt young even if she was several times older than me. I couldn’t help a smile from creeping to my face when I nodded towards Tariel.

””That, if nothing else proves to me that you are a regular visitor here. Maybe I’ll just finish this brushing now. It’s been way too long since I did it last.””

I spent my time brushing Luna and petting her behind her ears - and feeding her a few carrots. Damn, she was still my horse and I should be allowed to bribe her if I wanted to.

What I didn’t really own anymore was my own life. In a sense, I hadn’t owned my own life after my first child had been born, but it hadn’t really hit me that hard back then. Neither had the fact that, without any doubt, there would be losses, whether they would be people or animal friends dying of old age or some sickness. Those losses were a part of life; you could mourn them when it was the right time, but they just had to be accepted since that was the price of living. Still, the thing that had really hit me earlier was that I shouldn’t worry too much about being adequate - since I wasn’t doing this alone! There were other people helping and learning, doing their share. Maybe there was a hunter inside me who wanted to be alone in the wilderness every now and then, but I wasn’t alone here, doing this, not at all. There were people helping and guiding me and we all were working for a common goal.