Chapter 16

““I’ve missed my monthlies while you were away.””

Kara’s simple statement cleaned everything regarding the next mission out of my mind. Not because having a baby would have been something exceptional, but because of the way Kara was able to say it. Her knack of learning the languages had now also given her some ability to control exactly how much emotion she would give away when she spoke. Or in this case, how little - or any at all. Even if there was almost no emotion in her voice, the same could not be said about her eyes. Those eyes that seemed even more amber today than they had been before. It wasn’t just that they also waited for me to answer - even if there hadn’t been a question.

It was also clear that Kara did not really understand what it meant that I had been here, with the Elves - with all these women - speaking the Old Language for some years. Luckily. Even if I certainly did not have the same knack for learning new languages as Kara seemed to have, I was able to listen to what was being said and to what was the meaning behind those words. Now I got the feeling Kara had tried to shock me with her words while she still was a bit shocked herself. I hadn’t planned to get her pregnant and this probably was even more of a shock to her even if she didn’t want me to see it. Especially when we hadn’t planned to get her pregnant.

Somewhere in the background was another thought. A thought I needed to hide. If Kara was pregnant, then she couldn’t come with me on the next mission. Internally I cheered but that I could not show.

““Have you been talking to Allynna?””

““Of course.””

Now I could almost feel her gaze. Something in this moment reminded me of the discussion with Leilatha and Shalana all those years ago. I knew that this very moment might decide which way my relationship with Kara would turn - which felt really silly since I still didn’t trust her. At least not very much. To me, the main question was, did I want to have any kind of relationship with Kara - or would she want to have any kind of relationship with me. Back then I had been almost desperate to become accepted by the Elves. Now, even if the women close to me had explained to me that Kara actually liked me even if she wasn’t really capable of showing it. I didn’t really believe it. Okay, I had done my best to be nice to her, but in my eyes that was still quite far from showing love - or even real interest.

So, I didn’t trust Kara. I had tolerated her and done my best to manipulate her in order to get here safely, which I wasn’t too proud about. I was quite certain that my mother would not have fully approved of what I had done, but I had seen no better way of doing it, back then. I had done my best to explain my worries to my family here, but I wasn’t really sure if they really understood how I felt or had felt. Or then, they can be even more pragmatic than I am. To me it seemed that the last year in the University Library had been even worse than I had then believed since I still remembered things that had happened - or more precisely - I now allowed myself to remember all that laughter and torture. I also remembered how Kara had occasionally smiled back then and that smile had not been a nice one.

Now I had to lock away all those feelings again, since I really didn’t want Kara to see any of that. Not if she was having my baby. Our baby.

““You have been talking to Bellcauniel and the others about this?””

I took Kara’s hands in mine and met her gaze, forcing myself to think about the baby.

““Yes.””

Mother Earth, she wasn’t really helping me here. I really hoped that I would be able to mask some of my inner feelings.

““Kara, that makes me happy - saying anything else would be lying and whether the baby would be girl or a boy, she or he will be loved by all of us. But ... The real question is how do you feel about it? All I can say is that I hadn’t planned to get you with child.””

Tell the truth. Remember that she may be able to read you like you read her. Say only things that are true.

““Really? Even if it seems that you have done your best to fill this valley with your children.””

This time there was emotion in her voice and her it was impossible to miss the sarcasm. Which had been her point, here. To make me feel uncomfortable. I could live with being uncomfortable.

““I’m not going to apologize about that, Kara. Nor am I going to apologize for the great sex that we had. Never. When it comes to my other children, you must remember that things didn’t quite start that way. Besides, you cannot really blame the people here that they just didn’t want to sit here in this valley and die away. After all, they didn’t ask to come here in the first place. Besides, some promises were made to them by the Royal family and the Magicians and those promises were not kept.””