Chapter 34

And I once again had a girlfriend. For a guy with no legs, and also no big money, I was doing pretty good. Now, if I could just get one of them to not run off with some other guy.

She wasn’t actually snoring but she was breathing kind a loudly. But that was okay, she wasn’t wearing any clothes so that kind of made up for the not quite snoring noise she was making. It had been kind of a marathon evening, and I had slept after our third and final; attempt—two of which had been successful. I had to say, for a guy of my age, I was actually doing pretty good; well, I thought I was.

We’d been dating since I got out of the hospital that second time: two weeks gone. The good news was that Penelope hadn’t been mentioned even once. And to my mind that was indeed good news. Or the Hardys in general either which was even better news.

I was fifty-two years old and in a hurry. In a hurry to find me a permanent co-resident, a female co-resident. I was going to be putting it to her after our morning cup of coffee.

I rolled out of bed. I needed to put the coffee on and warm the muffins. She’d be up soon, by 8:00 for sure. It was Saturday and she had a half day at the hospital; she’d be going in at noon and be off at 4:00 if everything went well: sometimes she was held over if they were swamped.

The coffee was done and I was sitting at the table sipping my first of the day. I heard a stirring in the back. She was up and probably in the head doing her thing. I smiled. The female thing was always a serious operation. I’d heat up the muffins in half an hour; that’d be good; well, experience teaches.

“I looked up at the clock on the kitchen wall. It read 8:32. I could hear her coming. I punched the button on the microwave which I’d set for thirty seconds. The blueberry muffins would be ready by the time she poured her cup of java.

“Well, good morning,” I said, and she came in looking good; well, she did to me.

“And to you,” she said. “What’s that I smell?”

I nodded toward the micro. “Muffins,” I said. It dinged just as I said what I said.

“Good,” she said. I got up and got the food.

“So, what’s on the agenda?” she said.

“As a matter of fact, a couple of things,” I said.

“Okay?” she said.

“Well, I was thinking. You come over a couple of times a week. What do you think about you moving in here permanently?’ I said.

“You serious?” she said.

“As a blood clot,” I said using a medical simile.

She took a minute to consider my words. “Okay, I guess we could do that. But I do want my own bedroom. I mean we may spend a lot of time in bed together, but...”

“No, no problem at all. Both rooms have their own heads as you’ve discovered. And yes, I know privacy can be a good thing too,” I said.

Yes,” she said.

And she did move in and it was working out for us—so far. And now for the long haul.

They watched horrified as Ian Longstreet was cuffed led out to waiting police cruisers for the ride down to the county court house and jail.

She was crying her eyes out. “Momma what are we going to do!” screamed Christina Wyatt.

“Tina, get me my phone. We need to call your dad?” said an also sobbing Glory Longstreet. “Then get the car were going down to the court house to see if we can get in to see your stepdad,” said Glory.

The younger woman ran to do what her mom had asked. She returned in less than half a minute with the phone and then rushed out to bring the car around from the garage.

They drove barely not breaking any laws on their way to see their man. Glory Longstreet could barely control herself talking on the phone to her ex-husband.

“Yes, Lee, you’ve got to help us! Please!” said Glory, a woman never more desperate than she was at that moment. “Okay, thank you thank you thank you!” she screamed into the cellphone.

Tina was driving. She looked over at her mom. “Mom?” she said.

“He’ll meet us there,” she said. “He’ll likely beat us there. I sure hope so,” she said. You need to call your husband too.

“Lee?” said Lance. “What’s the look for?”

“Ian Longstreet has been arrested. Glory just called to ask for my help. And I’m asking for yours. We need to get to the court house now,” I said.

“Okay, I’ll let the boss know where we are headed. He’ll be good with it,” said Lance.

“Yes,” I said.

Lance Conniff drove, and the two law dogs pulled into the parking lot in less than ten minutes. Lance dropped Lee at the entrance before parking the car.

Lee was already talking to a desk sergeant as Lance joined him at the window.

They were just turning to find a seat against the wall when the two women came storming in and saw them.

“Lee?” said a desperate sounding Glory, and she started sobbing.

“Dad?” said Tina. “Stepdaddy’s...”

“He’s being booked. We’ll get to see him in a bit, me and Lance. You and your mom will have to wait until he’s arraigned, probably tomorrow,” I said.

Glory turned to Lance. “Thank you too for helping us,” she said.

“Of course,” said Lance.

“Lance could you and Tina get us a couple of cold drinks?” I said.

“Come on Tina. They’re kinda heavy,” said Lance. Tina knew that her dad needed to talk to her mom alone and followed Lance into the adjacent corridor.

“So, do you have any idea why?” I said, staring into the eyes of my ex.

“No, not sure. He’s been doing business with some people I did not like and I told him so. But he said it would be okay,” she said. I nodded.

“Okay, I should know something soon enough, probably as soon as I can talk to him,” I said.

It turned out to be a good hour before they would let me in to see him. Lance kept the women calm while I was inside with him.

The room was stark and gray and cold and well, scary. The guard brought him in; he was not cuffed.

He took the seat opposite me. “So, what’s this all about. Your paperwork isn’t even at the front desk yet,” I said.

“Fraud, they said. A pyramid scheme or something like that, but that’s all I know,” said Ian.

“Your wife said you were doing business with people she didn’t like. Is it about that business? I mean even if you don’t know do you think it might be?” I said.

“Maybe. But I really don’t know,” he said. I nodded.

“I thought you had money. Why would you be dealing with people your wife didn’t like? There is something wrong here Ian. Come on, tell me,” I said.

And he did tell me. And there was not the slightest doubt that it was a pyramid scheme, and that he did not have a clue about what that meant on any level, and that he had been screwed over in technicolor by unscrupulous associates. Oh, and if Lance and I couldn’t figure something else out pretty fast, like within the next two days: Ian Longstreet was for sure gonna be screwed by the legal system.

“So, what are we gonna do?” said Lance. “He’s in big trouble.”

“Pay off the victims and get the D.A. to lighten up. He’s up for reelection. We’re going to donate for a favor,” I said.

“Lee, he’s guilty. He’s gonna do some time,” said Lance.

“Yes, but it’ll be minimum. I figure 90 days. It’s the reparations that will make the difference,” I said.

“You figure he’ll be able to afford that?” said Lance.

“Don’t know, but we can,” I said.

“Excuse me?” said Lance.

“Money’s not any big ass problem. Can’t be more than million bucks. I’ll get it and that’ll be that,” I said.

“Hmm,” he said. But his look was a study in negativity.

I knew I could get the money. The question was, and it was a question, how would I be distributing it. That is after the victims got their money back. I had someone I needed to see. Someone I had seen but a few times in the years since our mutual vacation in Kuwait and Iraq. I made the appointment.