Chapter 81: With A Little Help From My Friends (Or: The Fifth Principle)

December 15, 2000, Chicago, Illinois

Al left my study and I reached over and turned on the compact shelf stereo and then shook my head at the song which floated from the speakers.

I reached over and opened my cell phone, and checked the missed calls. There were four, two which I was sure who they were from, and two which were completely predictable. The first two were from Doctor Mercer and my father-in-law. The second two were from Liz and Bethany. The third predictable call came as I was about to listen to the messages.

“Hi, Elyse,” I sighed. “Who called you?”

“Bethany. I was afraid you’d ignore my call.”

“You’re thinking back to my meltdown over Kara, aren’t you?”

“Yes, of course. How are you?”

“Al is here,” I said. “He just went to get Jessica and Kara so we could talk this out.”

“How bad?”

“I’m probably going to check myself into Mayo for a week. I have to talk to Mary Whittaker, but I suspect Al called her on his way over. I take it Doctor Mercer called Bethany?”

“Yes. And Bethany called me when you didn’t answer and didn’t return her call. She thought about coming over, but I suggested that wasn’t a good idea, given your current relationship.”

I sighed deeply, “She’s still my Sweetheart.”

“Yes, but her thinking has changed pretty radically from when you were younger, and that’s strained your relationship with her. Will you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. And everything. Jess and I got into it over the medication issue and Kara was caught in the blast radius and took all the damage. My fault as much as Jessica’s, and probably more mine, because I didn’t just let it go. But both of us are pretty pig-headed at times.”

“She picked a fight about that? Again?”

“Only because I ran into someone in Ohio who is our age and who is on those kinds of drugs, and I made it exceedingly clear what I thought. It wasn’t pretty.”

“On your anniversary? That tells me something is seriously wrong. You’re smarter than that.”

“I know,” I sighed. “Which is why I didn’t really fight Al over going to Mayo. I’ll check into medicine, not the psych ward, which they apparently don’t have.”

“To do what?”

“Al’s suggestion, and I’m sure Mary will have others, is thorough monitoring of diet, exercise, and sleep.”

“If you don’t have sex, they aren’t going to get an accurate picture!” Elyse teased.

“I’ll mention that to Mary! And I need to go because I hear my father-in-law and my wives.”

“Call me!”

“I’ll see you Monday morning. I’ll be in the office for an hour before I leave with Samantha.”

“I’d tell you to cancel, but I know you won’t because Samantha needs you.”

“Al pushed back a bit, but he didn’t push too hard because he knows the same thing. See you Monday.”

“Remember I love you!”

“I do! And I love you, too! Bye!”

“Bye!”

I snapped the phone shut as Al, Kara, and Jessica came into the study. Al shut the door, pointed at the two leather wingback chairs, and my wives sat down. He sat in the chair at the small desk where Penny had worked with me earlier in the week.

“Steve agreed to check himself into Mayo Clinic for a week, under Mary Whittaker’s care,” Al said. “I’ll speak with her and we’ll work out a set of tests and consultations. He admits his behavior has been outside the normal range for him, and I agree with him. And THAT, Doctor Adams, is the end of the argument. That is my medical opinion, and as such, I am making it stick. Do you hear me?”

“Yes, Doctor Barton,” Jessica replied flatly.

“You are NOT attending this case. Is that ALSO clear to you?”

“Yes,” she replied acidly.

“And I want you to lose the attitude! You are neither an intern nor a medical student!”

“Fine,” she said tersely, clearly trying to contain her anger.

“And Steve, you are NOT to rule out any form of treatment before it’s actually proposed. Until a physician, most likely Mary Whittaker, gives you a formal treatment proposal, all you are doing is working yourself into a tizzy. Do YOU hear me?”

“Yes, Dad,” I sighed.

“I’m not speaking as your father-in-law; I’m speaking as one of your physicians.”

“Yes, Doctor Barton.”

“I’m leaving now, but both of you blockheaded idiots need to apologize to Kara! It’s your anniversary, for crying out loud! And Steve, I expect you to be at Mayo on Monday evening.”

“Yes, Doctor Barton.”

“Then I’ll say ‘good night’. I don’t need to see the results of the apology!”

Kara and I both laughed, but Jessica was still stone-faced. I knew she was seething that Al had reprimanded her in front of Kara and me, but I knew why he had done so - he was promising to land on her like a ton of bricks if Kara or I reported that she was trying to be ‘doctor’ rather than ‘wife’. And he could make it stick.

“Night, Al,” I said.

“Good night,” Kara said.

Jessica simply stared stoically at him. He simply stared back for a few seconds, then turned and left the study, closing the door behind him.

“Kara, I’m sorry,” I said as gently and lovingly as I could. “I shouldn’t have brought up the issue, especially on our anniversary. I’m truly sorry.”

“Thank you,” she replied with a loving smile. “Your daughters are very worried about you.”

“I know,” I replied, my heart heavy. “I’ll talk to them, and we’ll have to figure out how to explain this to them.”

Kara and I both looked at Jessica, who looked as if she was ready to explode. I wasn’t sure what to say or do, but we couldn’t leave it how it was.

“Jess,” I said softly.

“Why am I the villain here?” she asked, lashing out in exasperation.

“You aren’t,” I replied, keeping my voice soft and even. “Your dad simply spoke to you in the way he felt necessary. Just as he did to me. My reprimand was equal to yours, but different because you and I are different and have different relationships with your dad.”

“He wasn’t being my dad!” she protested.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be fighting right now,” I said. “I believe your dad’s intent was for you to apologize, then for us spend the rest of the night making love.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong!” Jessica protested.

“If you’ll pardon me not being gentle for a moment, that’s bullshit and you know it! You and I fought. Now, you’re upset because your dad called you out in front of Kara and me for something you believe is a medical issue. He’s never done that before, and you’re seething mad that he did it here. But that wasn’t for you, in case you didn’t notice; that was partly for me, but mostly for Kara.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? He reprimanded me! In front of others! For my medical skills!”

“No,” I replied gently, “he didn’t. Well, yes, he spoke to you in those words, but he was telling Kara that she was right about the two of you being my wives, and making the point about that having to take precedence over anything else. And he told me, with those words to you, plus what he said directly to me, not to fight with you over medical issues. Fine, you want to be mad at him, be mad at him and go to his office on Monday and bitch. Just don’t expect him to change his mind about his conclusion that the most important thing you and Kara can do for me is love me.”

“He’s right,” Kara said quietly. “Well, they both are. Steve has lots of doctors, Jess. What he needs from us is our love. And the three of us, together, can discuss what treatment options are best for Steve, after Mary makes her recommendations. But we do that as wives who love him, not as a PhD chemist nor as an MD.”

“But it’s not right for my dad to say those things!” Jessica protested angrily.

“To say what? That you aren’t attending my case? That’s true. That Mary is my physician of record? That’s also true. That you’re our wife? True as well. And he said it here, in this room, not in front of your colleagues or a bunch of nurses or hospital administrators or whomever. He was making a point, which I am sure you realize. The point he was making is one with which I know you disagree. Well, I disagree with his instruction to not debate something which appears to be more probable every day, but I’m going to follow his instructions because he’s right that I was working myself into frothing insanity by fixating on something that is only possible, not certain.”

“Jess,” Kara said softly, “can we please trust Mary to take good care of him? And let Doctor Al monitor everything? Please? I need both of you and it hurts me badly when you fight. Can’t you see that?”

Jessica frowned, but it was a frown of admission, not of disagreement. I knew she knew, but like me, she had a personality that simply would not let something like this go. We were both like dogs with bones, and both unlikely to simply yield something we believed, in our inner core selves, to be true. We both had ontological certainty about certain things that wasn’t swayed by any kind of argument, logical or otherwise.

“May I suggest a course of action?” I asked.

“What?” Jessica asked warily.

“First, I call Mary and make the arrangements. Second, I call Liz and Bethany, who both left messages on my cell phone. Third, I call Samantha to confirm the Gulfstream can take me to Rochester on Monday after I keep my promise to her. Fourth, Kara and I take you upstairs and help you work off that anger by fucking you until you’re unconscious, and when you come to, we’ll fuck you unconscious again. Lovingly, of course.”

Jessica actually cracked a smile, “Lovingly fuck me unconscious? Twice?”

“If you doubt it’s possible, you’ll just have to let us prove it!”

“We need to talk to the girls, too,” Kara added.

“Let me handle that, please,” I replied. “Should I make the calls?”

Jessica nodded, “Yes.”

“Sex works EVERY time,” I smirked.

“Floggers!” Jessica threatened.

“Bring it on, Babe! It’ll be tough to do if you’re unconscious!”

“You realize the issue isn’t settled, right?” she asked.

“Al told us to stop fighting about something speculative. If I can stop obsessing, so can you. And we let Mary, and the doctors at Mayo, plus Al, come up with a proposed treatment plan which we all discuss.”

“Not Doctor Mercer?” Kara asked.

Jessica smiled, “He’s acknowledging some kind of medical intervention might be required, and Fran Mercer isn’t a physician.”

“It’s more than that,” I said. “I’m not sure she’s the best choice for me at this point. In a sense, we’re too close, even though she’s scrupulously avoided a dual relationship. Let me make my calls.”

“Do you want us to leave?” Kara asked.

“What could I possibly say to any of them I wouldn’t want you to hear? And I think it’s important for Jess to trust me that I’m following Al’s advice, even though I agree with her that the issue isn’t resolved by any stretch of anyone’s imagination.”

I picked up the desk phone and dialed Mary’s home number from the phone list on my desk. Don answered and passed the phone to Mary when I asked to speak to her.

“I hoped you would call. Al told me what’s going on. What time will I see you on Monday?”

“I have a commitment to a friend which means I can’t be there before late afternoon or early evening.”

“I’ll make all the arrangements so you just have to show up. Basically pre-check-in, so if it’s after 6:00pm, we don’t have any trouble. Just call me when you land so I know to expect you.”

“Will do.”

“Given the holiday, I’d expect you to only stay until Saturday morning. That will give us plenty of time.”

“Sounds good. Thanks.”

We said ‘goodbye’ and I pressed the switchhook and dialed Bethany. The conversation was short, as I simply told her Al had come by and that I was going up to Mayo for a week. Once I completed that call, I dialed Liz’s cell phone. She answered mid-first-ring.

“Hi, Steve. Is everything OK?”

“Yes. Are you out with Julius?”

“I am. I was more than a bit surprised to get a call from your daughter!”

“She knew who to go to,” I chuckled. “But Al Barton got to me first. I don’t want to take up too much of your time, so I’ll just give you the short version; I’m going up to Mayo late on Monday. I can fill you on what happened Sunday before the Rap Session.”

“You’re still having that?”

“Yes. I don’t see any need to cancel it.”

Jessica gave me a ‘look’ but I honestly saw no point in canceling the Rap Session. I was skipping breakfast with the guys because of our original anniversary plans, though I was planning to go to karate. I absolutely needed to do that because I’d be gone for a week and I needed to let Sensei Jim know.

“OK. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

“Have a nice evening,” I said. “Thanks for caring for me.”

“You’re welcome!”

We said ‘goodbye’ and I hung up.

“And now for the more difficult task,” I said. “I’ll meet you two upstairs if that’s OK?”

“What about dinner?” Kara asked.

“Call the Chinese place and have them deliver, please. Pizza is out because of the zero-tolerance on extra carbs. We can eat upstairs.”

“OK,” Kara replied.

The three of us got up and before we left the study I offered hugs which both of my wives accepted. I opened the door and walked to the sunroom where my daughters and their friends were hanging out.

“Birgit, Stephie, Ashley, could you come with me to the ‘Indian’ room for a few minutes? You can come right back to play with your friends.”

“OK,” all three of them replied.

They followed me to the ‘Indian’ room and when I sat down on the floor pillows, they cuddled next to me with Ashley in my lap.

“I know you girls are worried about your moms and me, and I think I can say something which will reassure you - your moms and I are going upstairs to celebrate our anniversary.”

“Make-up sex?” Birgit giggled.

“Who did you hear THAT from?” I asked.

“Aunt Penny!”

“Why am I not surprised?!” I chuckled.

“She says it’s the best!”

“That’s her opinion, I’m sure,” I replied.

“Are you sick, Dad?” Ashley asked apprehensively.

“There’s nothing new wrong with me, but I am going to visit Doctor Mary for a week so they can run some more tests to see if they can fix what’s wrong.”

“Will you miss Christmas?” Ashley asked, nearly in tears.

“No, Cinderella, I won’t. I promise I’ll be home for Christmas. You like Doctor Mary, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you know she’ll take good care of me, right?”

“Why can’t Mom do it? Or Grandpa?”

“Grandpa is helping, but Mom can’t do it because she’s my wife, and that’s not allowed under what are called ‘ethical rules’. Basically, a doctor isn’t supposed to treat someone close to them because then they might not do their best.”

“But if you loved them, how can you not?” she asked, plaintively.

“Because sometimes we love someone so much we don’t want to tell them things or do things they don’t like, even if it’s best. Your mom isn’t your doctor, is she?”

“No. It’s Aunt Sofia!”

“And you think she takes good care of you?”

“Except when I have to get shots! I hate shots!”

“Me too!” I agreed. “But sometimes we need them.”

“It’s the same stuff?” Birgit asked. “The problem with your body chemistry and eating carbs?”

“Yes. And you know sometimes it makes me not make good decisions, like having a fight with your moms on our anniversary.”

“You were being a dumb boy?”

“Partly, yes. Jess and I both behaved badly and upset your mom.”

“That’s not nice,” Stephie declared. “But you made up?”

“Duh!” Birgit giggled. “They’re going to have lots and lots of sex!”

“Yes, Little Bunny Rabbit, we made up,” I said, ignoring my precocious twelve-year-old’s Smart Aleck comment.

“You’ll really be OK? And you and our moms aren’t fighting anymore?”

“Yes, I’ll be OK, and no, we aren’t fighting. Are you three going to be OK?”

“Go love our moms,” Stephie said. “We’ll go play!”

I hugged all three girls, exchanged kisses on my cheek for kisses on their foreheads, then headed up to the master bedroom where my wives were waiting.

🎤 Birgit

“Do you think he’s telling the truth?” Ashley asked before we went into the sunroom.

“About what?” I asked.

“How sick he is?”

“I think he’s telling the truth,” I said. “He’s never ever lied to us. Why would he start now?”

“If he was really sick and he didn’t want us to be sad. What if he’s going to die?” she wailed.

“He just told us he’s OK,” I said.

“I need Mom!” Ashley sobbed.

Dad wasn’t going to be happy, but I knew he’d understand, even if he and my moms were already having sex. I took Ashley’s hand and led her upstairs. We went to the door of my dad’s bedroom and I knocked. Nobody answered, so I knocked again, harder. It was a minute before the door opened and I saw dad in his black silk robe with purple cuffs.

“What’s wrong?” Dad asked.

“Ashley is afraid you’re going to die and she needs Mom.”

“Jess,” Dad said. “Put on your robe, please. Your daughter needs you.”

It took a minute and Mom came to the door in her purple robe, and I saw my mom behind her, also wearing her purple robe.

“What’s wrong, Ashley?” Mom asked, bending down and hugging Ashley.

“I don’t want Dad to die!” she wailed.

“He’s not going to die. He’s not sick that way; his body just doesn’t work the way a person’s body usually does. That’s why he eats special meals. They just want to do more tests because sometimes his body makes him feel bad and so we want to see if there’s any way to fix it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am. Let’s go get you some tissues, OK?

“Yes.”

“Go back downstairs, Birgit,” Mom said. “Ashley will come down soon. Also, when the delivery from the Chinese restaurant arrives, bring it up. It’s already paid for and I told them to add a tip.”

“OK,” I replied.

Mom took Ashley to the bedroom Ashley shared with Stephie and I went back downstairs to the sunroom where our friends and Stephie were.