Chapter 35

Liquid fire raced through his cock as he exploded in the warm, wet heat of her mouth. He’d come plenty of times yesterday, but not nearly as often as he’d wanted to, and with far less actual pleasure than usual; the eroticism of the situation combined with his very specific and ordered kinky script meant that every time he was able to seek release, he was already on its brink. The fellatio — to which she’d been treating him since some point before its intensity finally woke him from an extremely erotic dream — was, even for her, one of her most comprehensively seductive efforts, and when all that pent-up desire finally detonated, he filled her oral cavity with a truly prodigious load.

She noisily swallowed every drop, returning to his rod time and time again to suck more cream from the tip. It wasn’t until he was completely spent that he opened his eyes for the first time. To his surprise, she’d finished him off while completely covered by a sheet.

“Isn’t it a little stuffy down there?”

“I was enjoying myself so much I didn’t really notice. But now that you mention it...”

“Come join me here in the light, then.”

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean, you can’t? Is this your way of saying that you intend to begin round two? Because your last blowjob was so incredible that I’m a little on the oversensitive side right now.”

“No, that’s not it.”

“What is it, then?”

There was a long silence, and he was about to lift the sheet himself when he heard her sigh. “I look like a zebra. A zebra that got into a fight with a pack of hyenas. Kinky hyenas that completely ignored rum and sodomy in favor of the other thing.”

Oh. “We both knew what would happen. It’s okay.”

“No, Luke, you don’t understand. You’re going to think I’m ugly.”

“Kathryn, you could never be...”

“Yes, yes, you said that yesterday, and I thank you, but that’s not what I mean. I have bruises and marks everywhere, and they’re pretty severe. As soon as you see me, you’re going to start regretting what we did.”

Uh-oh. “Do you?”

“No! That’s what I’m trying to explain, Luke. I don’t want you to see what you’ve done and start apologizing or swearing to never do it again. I want you to see me and be proud that you were the one who did these things to me. Not just proud, but happy. Can you promise me that?”

“No.”

Kathryn grumbled at the declarative immediacy of his answer. “Well, then I’m never emerging from my cave. Could you slip breakfast and a thermos of coffee under the covers?”

“Would you like to hear the rest of my answer?”

“You’re going to have to speak louder. It’s harder to hear you in here.”

“I can’t promise, because I’ve never done anything like this. Some spanking and playing around with paddles or spatulas or whatever — and not, for the record, all of it with Liz — but nothing even close to what I did to you. Probably also with people who bruise a lot less easily than you do. I’ve absolutely no doubt that I’m going to be shocked, dismayed, and terribly sorry when I see how I’ve damaged the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. And then you’re going to talk me through it, slowly convincing me of everything you just said you wanted. Because I’m helpless to resist you, you know I’ll eventually accede. That’s the promise I can make to you.”

“You know, for such a smooth-talker who’s saying all these absolutely perfect things, you were really very mean to me yesterday.”

“I was indeed. Now, my love, come up here. I’ve always wanted to snuggle a zebra.”

“You failed to include that in your list of kinks.”

“I didn’t want to frighten you.”

“Okay, here I come. If you flee in terror, though, I’ll...”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Brave words. Don’t say you weren’t warned.”

Her hands and arms appeared first, and he quickly realized why: aside from some minor abrasions around her wrists, they were just about the only completely unmarked part of her body. The other untouched part — her head — appeared next, her face as ravishing as ever. Except...

“There’s a bruise on your cheek. A small one, but it’s there. How did that happen?”

“Where?” she asked, feeling around with her fingers. He moved them to the right spot. “It is a little tender,” she remarked.

“I don’t understand. I was careful not to get anywhere near your face.”

“Is that so? During the final hour, when I was dangling from my puppet string, what were you doing?”

“I was ... oh. Right. Sorry.”

“See? You’re already apologizing over a tiny little bruise from an average, everyday face-fuck. It’s not like you slapped me.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it average...”

“Call it whatever you like.”

“I find myself needing to ask: do you enjoy being slapped?”

“Very much so under specific conditions, but for obvious reasons it’s rarely happened, and I’m also fine with that. You can if you want, but you’d best do it soon. Anyway, if this barely noticeable mark bothers you, you’re definitely not prepared for the rest.”

“I already explained that I’m not. But I need to see it anyway.”

Though she was obviously still dubious, she slowly lowered the sheet until her breasts were revealed. It took every bit of his strength not to gasp in horror. Her usually flawless orbs were a galaxy of red, blue, purple, and black bruises, welts, and belt marks — the lashes he’d applied to their undersides were the most painful looking of all — and her left nipple was swollen and asymmetric.

“So what do you think of your handiwork now?”

“Kathryn, I...” She didn’t say anything, studying him closely as he stared in disbelief at the result of his punishments. Gingerly, he reached out to probe the damage with a shaking hand, but he stopped before making contact with her flesh. “Go ahead,” she encouraged.

“But...”

“You broke it, you bought it.”

“This really isn’t the time for jokes.”

“Actually, yes it is. The problem is that you don’t realize it yet. Touch them. I mean it. In fact, I insist on it.” As softly as he could, he traced the outlines of the most visible marks ... the narrow tassels of the flogger, the wider and sharper outline of the belt ... gradually working his way toward her distended nipple. The moment he touched it, she hissed with discomfort, and his hand jerked away.

“Sorry.”

“Still apologizing. What did you think was going to happen, I’d wake up and everything would look and feel fine? I told you I mark easily. Did you think I was lying?”

“No, of course not. But I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Says a man who spent hours doing exactly that, all according to an elaborate plan he’d apparently been working on for days. A plan which I loved beyond reason, by the way.”

“But...”

“Luke, stop starting sentences you can’t finish and look at me. No, not at my face. Look at my breasts. Look at what you did to them. This is exactly what I wanted. This is also what you wanted. The sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be.”

“I just ... it’s...”

“Yesterday, I told you that one of the only things that wasn’t okay was that I was going to be ugly. I wasn’t worried that I was going to be ugly, I meant that you would think I was ugly. In other words, exactly what you’re thinking right now. I want you to think the exact opposite. I want you to look at me exactly as I am, wearing every single mark and bruise you gave me, and think I’m beautiful. Because I certainly do.”

It took well over a half hour for Luke to endure a full survey of her body. Again and again Kathryn had to talk him down from an apologetic ledge, assuring him that despite her pain — both visible and invisible — she was blissfully content with her condition. The horizontal stripes across her stomach, thighs, and back particularly stood out, because unlike damage he’d done elsewhere, they were isolated amidst stretches of otherwise unblemished flesh. Her clitoral hood was swollen with more than just arousal, but she explained that, other than a slight lingering sensitivity, she felt no other aftereffects from the fairly minor amount of abusive treatment it had suffered, and also that — if he was as interested in an encore as she was — she wanted him to be a lot harsher in that particular area.

Her buttocks were even more difficult to survey than her breasts. He’d been somewhat unrelenting the day before, sure that they could take more aggression than the rest of her, and in terms of the amount of pain he’d caused her his supposition proved true. But now, seeing the results, he was having a terrible time dealing with it; her most enticing feature had been reduced to a dark forest of horrors.

Though she talked and pleaded and cajoled, Kathryn couldn’t break his resistance nor his constant urge to apologize and swear that he’d never do it again. Sputtering with impatient frustration, she rolled out of bed. “Stand up!” Dazed, he did as she ordered. “Give me your hands.” When she clamped them over her breasts he immediately tried to pull away, but she wasn’t having it. Instead, she squeezed harder, forcing his fingers to dig into her sore flesh.

“Kathryn, stop! Let go!”

“Not until you listen.”

“Doesn’t this hurt?”

“It’s like your fingers have been replaced by sharp knives.” Evidence of her admission was visible in the sweat beading her brow.

“Then why? I told you that I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

“I wanted you to hurt me yesterday. You wanted the same. You went rather out of your way to do it, after all.”

“Yes, but I...”

“Well, now I want something else. Now I want you to acknowledge ... no, I want you to embrace ... the fact that you hurt me because we both wanted it. This,” she growled, exerting even more force to squeeze his fingers into her aching mounds, whimpering as she did so, “is what we made. It was beautiful when we created it, and it’s beautiful now. Not just what you and I see, but what I’m feeling. The pain itself is beautiful because we achieved it together. So, you are going to stand here and be part of my pain — a new pain, an entirely different yet equally majestic pain — until you agree that it’s ours and that it’s beautiful. I may not be able to get pregnant, Luke, but this is something that we can craft together. You and me. Out of our love.”

“How is this love?”

“Did you feel hate or anger while you were striking me?”

“Of course not.”

“Did you feel indifference?”

“No.”

“Then tell me what you did feel.”

“I...”

“Did you feel dominant? Like you held my entire wellbeing in your hands?”

“Yes, much of the time.”

“Good. That’s what you should feel, because you did. Did you ever stop loving me while you felt that way?”

“Absolutely not, but...”

“So you did this while loving me. Just as importantly, I loved you every single moment it was happening. This morning, when I woke up and looked at myself, I loved more you intensely than I ever have, because we loved and trusted each other enough to do the incredibly difficult work to create all of this. This was done out of love, Luke. It couldn’t be any other way between us. Only one time in my life have I submitted to someone for whom I didn’t feel any love at all, and that was only because I needed to know so much more about this side of me. By the way, I’ve now revealed something you may or may not have realized: I fell a little bit in love with Faith when we spent out day together, and by the time I left I was probably even more in love with her than with Alejandro. I think it’s because we’re so alike on the inside, but she gets to do and be all the things I can’t. At least not yet. Unlike you, however, I didn’t ask her out,” she teased. “Darling, yesterday I gave you things I’ve never given anyone else. I did it because I love you, but I also did it because you love me. Why is it so hard for you to accept that? Why do you want to reject what we’ve given each other? Yesterday, you promised me you wouldn’t. How can you go back on your promise now?”

It was as if a typhoon, a hurricane, and a tornado were battling for supremacy in Luke’s utterly overwhelmed brain, except that all of those storms were different expressions of Kathryn and his feelings for her. He felt paralyzed, caught between an atavistic revulsion for hurting someone he loved and the demanding Coriolis of her words. And then, like overstressed tethers snapping under an incredible strain, the emotional restraints that held back the torrent shattered, and a flood of insight and understanding washed away the tumult.

“Let go of my hands, Kathryn.” Her eyes widened at the measured evenness of his tone, but she did as he asked. Releasing his grip on her breasts, he took her nipples between thumb and forefinger and squeezed, hard. She cried out in clear agony, clutching at his hands, but he held on until she stopped. A few tears escaped down her cheeks, but she finally managed to hold his gaze. In her limpid eyes were gratitude and love at his understanding, and he returned it tenfold, driving his lips into hers, kissing her with passionate fury, but not letting go of her nipples until their mouths broke apart. She gasped and heaved in the aftermath, but as soon as she caught her breath she leapt at him, knocking him backwards onto the bed. Seconds later his cock was buried inside her pussy and she was frantically grinding into his supine form, using him to bring herself to orgasm after orgasm.

This wasn’t lovemaking. They fucked like animals, tearing at each other’s flesh in a frenzy of lust. Luke impaled her over and over, position after position, in a fruitless attempt to sate her ravenous need. He didn’t go out of his way to remind her of her pain, but neither did he avoid it, and from time to time he gripped, scratched, or dug his fingers into flesh, causing her to yelp from something other than ecstasy. Her orgasms were relentless, deafening, and gradually becoming more of both, as if she was building to something monumental.

After hours of passionate rutting without pause, she rolled to her hands and knees and tossed the lube at him so hard that it bounced off his chest and onto the floor. “Fuck me in the ass, Luke. Take me as hard as you can. Ream my slutty hole. Come on, you beautifully evil bastard, fucking ruin my guts just like you have everything else.” It was at that point that he, having retrieved the lube and applied it to the relevant locations, rammed his throbbing cock into her anal canal and arrested the flood of filthy entreaties.

“Spank me!” A moment’s reluctance quickly dissipated, and he laid into her brutalized flesh with a mighty slap. “OWWWWW,” she howled, panting and wailing in response to the myriad assaults on her body, then demanding that he do it again. Which he did, with more and more aggression as her crazed lust skyrocketed into the upper atmosphere. Eventually, the power of his thrusts was too much for her to withstand and she collapsed onto the bed. He followed her down, yanked her legs open, and continued to jackhammer her colon.

There was no more spanking except of her relatively untouched flanks, so she raised her upper body to furiously stretch and pull on her own nipples, screeching incoherencies to the heavens as he brutally savaged her rectum. And then she arched her back, opened her mouth, and held that position, still and silent; a strange and enduring rictus the likes of which he’d never seen from her. He kept on ravaging an ass that was tighter than he’d ever experienced with her, but otherwise it was like she was made of stone. After perhaps five minutes of motionlessness and silence (aside from the staccato beat of his groin slapping into her cheeks), she slammed her head into the pillows, raised it again, and screamed. An unearthly, eardrum-shattering noise that might have surpassed the volume and duration of many that had issued from her throat the day before. On and on it went, pausing only for the momentary recapture of breath, while she uncontrollably flailed and writhed under his anal assault. With a triumphant roar of his own, he flooded her innards with a turbulent ocean of ejaculate and collapsed on top of her, exhausted and spent. Even though he was no longer moving, she continued to wail rhythmically, as if he was still thrusting into her. He slipped his arms beneath her quaking body and held her tight, riding out her carnal euphoria.

From behind them he heard a thump. Though he didn’t withdraw his organ from her convulsing anus, he twisted his head to see what had caused the noise.

There were three overstuffed bags on the table. One of them was nearly horizontal.

There was a grapefruit on the floor.

There was a redhead in shock.

Irina was standing in the kitchen, one hand over her mouth and the other buried in her unbuttoned shorts, her steel-blue eyes as wide as full moons.

“Uh ... wait...” Luke carefully extracted his shaft from Kathryn’s ass and covered her with a sheet. It was a somewhat absurd gesture, given what they’d just been caught doing, but his lover seemed very far from consciousness, and in the confusion and embarrassment of the moment he couldn’t think of anything else to do. Slipping into the bathroom, he gave his shaft a brief rinse, donned a robe, and reemerged to greet a woman that even he agreed had been put through a lot.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect you until later.” What a dumb thing to say. As if I had any idea what time it was, or would’ve stopped even if I did.

“Luke, it’s one in the afternoon. And, for what it’s worth, I’m never coming over here again without calling first. I like porn as much as the next chick who’s leading a largely sexless existence, but this is way too much for me.”

“It’s one?” He glanced at the clock. “Holy shit, I guess it is. I...”

“Lost track of time, did you? Tell me: how long have you two been at whatever that was?”

“Uh, I don’t know. She woke me up and ... things progressed. Probably since about eight.”

“Jesus. I know she can essentially go forever, but now I’m really impressed with you. Anyway, let me ask this again: what the hell did I just witness?” Luke noted, to the distress of his overstimulated phallus, that she was still vigorously masturbating. Not only that, she was wet enough that he was able to hear it. “I never did anything like that to her. Not even close.”

“I’m sure you...”

“No. Don’t patronize me. Trust me, I’d remember it. Sure, we had some amazing, mind-blowing sex. She’s the best lover I’ve ever had, though I’m sure I’m just one in a very long line of people who’d say the same about her. But ... I mean, what the hell, Luke? She looked and sounded like she was dying.”

“I don’t have an answer. That’s the first time I’ve seen her like that. I mean, she had some pretty disruptive orgasms with me, Alejandro, and you know who, but I have no idea how...”

“Yes you do. Yesterday you broke her with a million orgasms, and today you broke her with one. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure it was actually about her fortieth, or maybe her four-hundredth, but I was only here for the spectacular finale. I don’t think she’s going to be moving for a while. In fact, I doubt she even knows I’m here.” Indeed, Kathryn was moaning into the pillow, occasionally convulsing as if still in the throes of a climax, but offering no indication that she knew she was being observed and discussed. “You really must be that great of a lover after all. With her, I mean.”

“Irina, I...”

“I sensed a little bit of it myself, you know. You didn’t know going in just how damned difficult it is to bring me to orgasm, but it never threw you off your game and you managed it every time. It’s something your friend Wendy learned the hard way, and I felt bad about how much it frustrated her. With you I didn’t make a big deal about it, because I knew the number of times we’d have sex was extremely limited. Anyway, climaxes weren’t really what I was after when I agreed to have sex with you, but I can promise you that very few people have gotten it as right the first time as you did, and one of the rare exceptions is flopping around on your bed right now. I’m sure that if we could somehow have a whole bunch of sex, you’d eventually rearrange my erotic world just like she did, but for all the reasons I’ve explained that’s probably not going to happen. In any case, there’s no amount of sex that could ever help us reach the level I just watched you reach with her. I don’t have it in me. That wasn’t just you, and it wasn’t just her either. That was both of you.”

“She told me, back when we were having our post-traumatic conversation, that you two were on some sort of elevated sexual plane, but whether it was doubt or jealousy — I don’t know, and I don’t want to know — I admit that I didn’t quite believe her. But I do now. I guarantee you that no one else has ever done that to her. If they had, she’d be with them right now, and neither you nor anyone like you would even exist in her universe.” She removed her hand from her shorts, casually licked her fingers, and rearranged her clothing as if nothing unusual had been happening. She didn’t appear to have reached orgasm. “You really are her perfect sexual partner. I envy both of you. I feel sorry for you, too.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not enough to make up her mind, is it?” Seeing his expression of dismay, she countered, “Oh, don’t give me that face. You know it’s true. You can’t fuck her into your future. If it was possible you just accomplished it, but to my knowledge she’s not packing a suitcase, and so you already know you can’t. I know it hurts, and I’m sorry. In fact, I know very well how much this specific thing hurts. I know what it’s like to experience sexual nirvana with someone you can’t have. Or might not be able to have, which I think is where the two of you are.”

Luke’s shoulders slumped. “Every time with her is something new. At first it was just experience after experience beyond whatever we’d done before, but now it’s something beyond what I’d ever imagined possible. Sadly, though, you’re right. She ... look, I’m sorry and I don’t mean to hurt you, but she tells me I’m the best lover she’s ever had, and by such a large margin that it’s not even close. That makes me feel amazing, of course, but the fact that it’s not enough to ‘win’ her is painfully clear. And then, to top it off, the other day she tells me that Bill’s only somewhat better than average in bed. How am I supposed to take that? He’s not even satisfying her basic needs at the moment. More than that, he won’t give her all the crazy adventures she desires, and he never will. I can. I do. Which is why I can’t understand...”

“Luke.” Irina hugged him for a while, then stepped away again. “I’m not offended. I’d have to be blind, deaf, and emotionally crippled to not see that the two are you have a sexual connection so far beyond anything she and I had that they’re not even comparable.” A sad sigh followed, and she stared at the floor as she continued. “You know, this is something else that I understand better than most. I know that I rocked her sexual world much more than Bill ever did or would. She even admitted that to me when she broke up with me so they could be exclusive, and it made me feel exactly like you feel now. She and I were better in bed than they were, or are. We were exploring dominance and submission, and we were getting better at it. I did, and would have continued to, let her sleep with women, with men, bring either or both home to fuck both of us ... whatever she wanted, I was up for it. I couldn’t indulge or participate in her wildest fantasies while Sasha was still so young and reliant on my near-constant presence, but later on I think at least some of them would’ve been possible. When she left, I dwelled on this until I drove myself insane with frustration.”

Lowering her voice to a murmur, she continued, “Bill’s a very good man. He’s a decent man. He’s treating her horribly right now, but only by their standards; by any non-sexual measure, they’re a highly compatible couple and they always have been. To the extent possible, he and I get along fine. But we’ve never been particularly close, and the decision to keep a certain distance is an unspoken but mutual one. He, I think, does it out of respect for our past, which makes him a much better person than me. Because on my part, it’s disapproval. I’ve no way to promise, or even know, that this is separable from unworthy feelings of jealousy and betrayal, but even though I like him as a person, I’ve never been able to accept that they’re right for each other. And nothing that’s happened since they got married has changed that assessment.”

“Kathryn was looking for someone like you, but the hard truth is that she never would have found you because she was also looking for someone older. I can see by your expression that you already know this about her, so I don’t have to explain it. I did too, and in fact I very clearly remember the day she first told me she was attracted to Bill, because it was the day I already knew I’d lost her. There was an interregnum between confession and decision, and we made the most of the mourning period, but it was over when she started pursuing him. Who, after all, could resist her pursuit? But the thing is ... and I want you to listen to this carefully ... she loves him. I know you know that, and I know she’s told you that, but you need to be very clear about it. It’s why I lost her to him. It’s why all their sexual incompatibilities didn’t matter, in the end.”

“When she loves someone, Luke, she’s utterly devoted to them. I suppose you could say it goes hand in hand with her submissive tendencies — I don’t know, I’m not a psychologist — but despite all her ferocity and independence, she gives over some massive portion of her individuality to the person she’s with. No one other than her partner will ever see or know it, mostly because the force of her personality is so overwhelming that it’s impossible to think of her as belonging to someone else, but that’s how it works with her, and that’s what you’re up against. There are plenty of reasons — especially if he doesn’t change his ways — that she should leave him, whether for you or because she deserves things he can’t give her, but the road to that decision isn’t just strewn with rubble, it’s blocked by nearly impenetrable fortresses; each and every one of them constructed by her. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

He nodded sadly, and she gave him another conciliatory hug. “And now, having suggested that you have no hope, I’m going to give you some. She’s never, ever been unfaithful. It’s simply not in her nature, for all the reasons I just explained. And yet, she’s cheating right now. Not just with you, either. So something has changed. I don’t think it’s just about your dick, as lovely as it is, nor is it about how well you use it. And I don’t think it’s just about his absences either. I really don’t have any clear idea what’s going on in her head, and that’s mostly because she doesn’t know. This is all new and terrifying to her, and while you two are essentially fucking each other into insensibility you’ll never have a chance to figure it out. But I want you to understand something I don’t think she’ll ever tell you: she’s scared. At the same time you’re giving her everything she’s ever wanted, you’re also taking away part of who she is. Part of the reason she can’t stop escalating the erotic stakes with you is that it delays the moment she has to confront her own bewildering demons. And, if I may be presumptuous, I think the same is true for you.”

“I don’t know how this is going to go, Luke. I really, truly don’t. I know your friend Wendy is deeply concerned about the two of you. Aside from you, I’m probably more on Team Luke than anyone you know, even though it would mean I’m out of a job. But I still can’t help but worry that it’s all going to end in disaster. You can apparently make her come like no one else ever has ... like no one else ever could ... and I fully accept that your love for each other is genuine and all-encompassing. but I still sense disaster and horrible pain in everyone’s future. A few minutes ago I told you that you broke her. I didn’t use that word by accident, because I know what it means to her in terms of submission. I was never able to do that for her. You have, and apparently more than once. But if you break up her marriage, you might do more than break Bill’s heart. You might break her in a way even you still haven’t. Please remember that while you’re figuring out what to do next, Luke. Please.“

She straightened herself. “I have to go. Otherwise, I’m going to have sex with you, because I’m uncontrollably horny. That’s a terrible idea right here and right now.” Impulsively, she kissed him on the cheek, reached into his robe give his half-hard cock a few strokes, then bounded down the stairs.

Kathryn was still groaning and trembling, temporarily oblivious to the tides that threatened to drown them.