Chapter 1

Lazy Days

Mike stepped onto his front porch, a warm thermos of coffee in one hand and a book in the other. The wood creaked beneath him, and he sat on the porch swing overlooking the front yard, the chains squeaking under his weight. It was early, not even seven yet, and the house behind him was silent. He rarely used to get up so early, but had discovered that dawn was officially the quietest part of his day. The peace lasted for almost half an hour while he listened to the sounds of the front yard while reading. Singing birds whizzed back and forth, chasing the insects that lived in his yard. Eventually, he heard a loud crash, followed by the sound of Tink yelling at the fairies, and suppressed a laugh.

Looks like his day was going to start early.

His front yard consisted of a large, maze-like garden that was centered around a stone sundial in the middle. The shrubs grew up to waist height, and he navigated the maze from memory, working his way toward the center. Despite the fact that fall had started last month, the yard was still in full bloom. Even now, looking over the stone walls that separated him from his neighbors, he could see the leaves yellowing on their trees already. The summer had been hot, and the days were quickly shrinking, but the weather was always temperate in his front yard.

When he got near the middle of the maze, he had to climb over the large, thick tail of the Jabberwock. The beast lifted its head and, once it saw who was bothering it, lay back down and let out a huff. He gave the beast a friendly pat, grateful that it wasn’t mad about the time he had beheaded it.

At the middle of the maze, he grabbed the sundial by the edges, the magic of the house tingling in his fingertips, and gave it a hard yank. The dial moved one full rotation, and he felt the ground shift ever so slightly beneath him as the home’s defenses were reactivated for another day. Turning around, he saw a pair of male centaurs wandering around the edge of the garden.

“Morning.” He called while waving.

“Caretaker.” One responded, and they waved also, then went back to inspecting a sickly looking bush. Both of them wore wide brimmed hats woven with leaves, and carried gardening tools. The self proclaimed Moon tribe had taken it upon themselves to maintain the property around the house shortly after getting settled in the greenhouse, which Mike was extremely grateful for. With the recent expansion of land around his house, there was no way he could keep up with it on his own.

Moving toward the front porch, he paused to admire the gazebo that Tink had attached to the corner of the house. The gazebo floor was slightly elevated, allowing someone to see all of the front yard from the middle of it. It had a beautiful trellis all the way around the base that was covered in beautiful flowering vines, and several flower boxes at the top. He and Tink had spent a lot of time looking at gazebo designs, and he was very proud of how it had turned out.

He opened the front door of the house and turned left, walking toward the office. The morning light gave the wooden floors a golden brown glow, and he remembered that Tink had spent part of last week sanding and oiling the wood to try and restore it. The whole front room had suffered from minor water damage, and it was amazing what a little sand and shine did for the front entry of the house.

Walking into the office, he wasn’t surprised to see the dark figure sitting at his desk with a hot pot of tea and an old map of South America.

“Hey, Death.” Mike slid his book back onto a shelf labeled ‘Still Reading’. The circular room had multiple shelves, many of which that were newly built of a pretty dark wood that the centaurs had given him. They were logging parts of the greenhouse now to build their community and had provided him with an amazing variety of woods to build from. Tink had practically salivated over the supplies, proclaiming the walnut lumber as her absolute favorite.

“Hello, Mike Radley.” Death’s voice was rich like chocolate with the crisp finish of a british accent. He looked up from where he stood, his eye sockets smoldering with flames. His hood was pulled back, revealing his head to be just a skull. It had taken Mike several days to adjust looking at Death this way without blanching, and it really freaked him out that the skull was capable of morphing into different facial expressions. Whenever Death narrowed his eye sockets, it looked like he was going to hook someone’s soul out of their body in anger.

“What are you looking at today?” Mike asked.

“Paraguay, late 1800’s.” Death took a sip of tea. It was odd watching the skeleton drink, because the fluid seemed to disappear once inside his skull. Once he set the cup down, Death tapped his fingers on the map as if lost in thought.

“I see. Well, enjoy.” Ever since Mike had invited the specter to live with him, Death spent a majority of his time in the office enjoying old maps that he borrowed from the Library. Merely an extension of the true Grim Reaper, this version was trapped on Earth and seemed to grow more of a personality the longer he stayed. Most of the others couldn’t see Death at all, but they could all watch his tea kettle float back and forth to the kitchen throughout the day.

It had taken a week to get the fairies to quit chasing the teapot back and forth. Not only did Death find it aggravating to have a group of fairies riding on his beverage, they had caused him to spill it more than once.

The aroma of french toast filled the air, and Mike smiled, carrying his coffee to the dining hall. The large table in the middle of the room had been rebuilt, and Reggie, the Rat King, sat in a wooden high chair that had been modified to look like a throne at the far end of the table. Beth sat next to him and was teaching him to do a Sudoku puzzle.

“How are you feeling?” Mike sat next to Beth and went to pour what was left of his coffee into the empty cup in front of him. A pitiful dribble came out and he frowned.

“Feeling fine actually.” She looked up from the puzzle and smiled. “According to my last check with Naia, the shard is still sitting there, completely inert.”

“I see.” A couple of months ago, they had discovered that a powerful demon named Oliver had stuck part of his soul to Beth’s with the intent of controlling her. With Yuki’s help, Mike had destroyed Oliver’s world, and presumably Oliver with it. Not taking any chances, they actively monitored the soul shard, making sure it didn’t start giving orders once more.

“Actually, I do have some news. Ratu thinks she may be able to extract it.” A broad grin spread across Beth’s face. “If she can pull it out, then I won’t have to worry.”

“Hey, that’s great news!” Mike squeezed her hand, then yanked it back. Though they had lived together for a couple of months now, the relationship he had with Beth was very different from what he shared with the others. It also didn’t help that he still found her as attractive as the first day they met, and he still felt slightly awkward around her on occasion. “When are they going to try?”

“Tomorrow, maybe. But Ratu needs Tink’s goggles to do it.”

“I think I can arrange that.” He opened his mouth to say something else, but a large figure blocked the door, carrying a serving platter in her hands.

“Breakfast is ready.” The cyclops Sofia, standing seven feet tall, walked around the table and set down multiple plates of food. French toast, bacon, scrambled eggs and a fruit salad were set before him, and he took the napkin off his plate and set it in his lap.

“Where is Tink?” asked Sofia, turning her purple eye on Mike.

“Um, I don’t know. She didn’t come to bed last night.” He tried to grab his fork, but Sofia swatted his hand.

“She doesn’t eat, you don’t eat. Gods know she works herself to the bone, you may as well keep her fed.”

“Alright, alright, geez.” Though Sofia cast a baleful look his way, he knew it was largely an act. Still, she was right in that the little goblin worked altogether too hard. “I’ll bring her, but could you make sure I have a fresh cup of coffee?”

“I’m not your fucking slave, Caretaker.” She walked out of the room back toward the kitchen, and Mike stood and walked back to the living room.

He hadn’t seen Tink out front, so the number of places she could be was limited. He ran up to his bedroom first, just to make sure that she hadn’t wandered in after the sun came up. Seeing that she wasn’t there, he went into his bathroom and knocked on the edge of the enormous tub.

“Hey Naia?” he asked, his voice echoing in the bathroom. The faucet turned itself on, and the tub filled within seconds, pressurized by the hot spring below the house. The surface of the water rippled and rose, and a human form made of water appeared before him. The transparent liquid solidified into the body of a voluptuous woman with green and blue hair.

“Morning, lover.” The nymph leaned forward and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. Her tongue was hot in his mouth, and he felt a sudden surge of blood to his nether region. “What can I do for you?”

“Um, hey, I uh ... oh! I was looking for Tink. Have you seen her?”

Naia pouted, fluttering her long lashes. “Really? That’s all you wanted?”

“Well, actually, I wanted breakfast, but Sofia won’t let me eat until I bring Tink with me.” He gave the nymph a smile and brushed a lock of hair away from her eyes. “I can make time for you later, but I’m starving right now.”

She stuck out her tongue and laughed. “She’s out in the garage with Dana. Those two are thick as thieves nowadays.”

He chuckled. “I thought the two of them had a falling out last week?”

“I believe Dana phrased it as creative differences, but that was last week. Apparently there’s a new project that the two of them spent all night working on. Might not be a bad idea to see what they are up to.”

“Okay then, I’m off.” He gave her a quick peck on the lips. “Keep the water warm for me?”

“Maybe.” She winked and her whole body turned to water and fell back into the tub. He walked down the hallway and then down the stairs until he was on the first floor again. Walking past the bathroom, he was at the back door of the house.

Stepping outside, he marveled at the large plot of land that sat before him. When he had first moved in, his backyard had been large enough for a moderately sized dinner party. Now, he could easily host a couple of weddings, maybe even an amusement park if he was so inclined.

There was now a large, stone patio that wrapped around the rear of the house. Naia’s fountain was at the bottom of a small set of stairs, surrounded by large flower pots. To the left of the fountain was the door to the garage, which had been modified to accommodate a centaur, but Zel had moved out several weeks back to live with her tribe. Now, the former carriage house was home to Tink and Dana’s workshop, and he crossed the garden and walked inside, wrinkling his nose at the smell.

“What is that?” he asked, squinting into the shadows. On the other side of the workshop, a lone figure could be seen silhouetted by a small desk lamp.

“Hmm?” The figure spun around, revealing a pale, college-aged woman with her dirty blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. Dana wore a dirty white tank top with grease stains on it, and had a gnarly scar around the top of her left arm where it had been ripped off and then reattached. The zombie wore a pair of magnifying goggles on her face, and her gray eyes blinked at him through the thick lenses. “Oh, the smell? Combination of solder and a capacitor that I blew a few minutes ago. Not gonna lie, I kind of enjoy the smell.”

“What are you making?” He walked over to get a better view of her work table.

“Tink and I were working on building a couple of drones.”

“Any reason?”

“Yes, actually.” Dana tilted up her goggles and let out a sigh. “The Moon tribe wants to properly map out the greenhouse, at least the area near the door. They’ve been slowly spreading out, but the jungle is super thick and they don’t want to risk disturbing some of the more valuable flora in place. Abella offered to help, but we figured actual aerial images would be far more useful.”

“It sounds like a great idea, but ... I mean, I could just buy them.”

Dana smirked. “Actually, you can’t. The greenhouse is an interesting place. You wouldn’t know it, but it has a really wild magnetic field, and GPS won’t work there, obviously. There’s a bunch of radio interference as well, and I’m not sure why.”

“Then what’s your plan?”

“We’re modifying the drones to use magic as a means of both power and navigation. Ratu suggested these weird little gems that came from some sort of golems or whatever.” Dana held up a stone roughly the size of a marble. “I guess they were cores to something that attacked the house and can sort of be programmed. Right now I’m trying to figure out how to make an interface between the drone and the stones, but all we’ve accomplished so far is blowing up circuitry.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it soon enough. Speaking of we, where is Tink?”

Dana pointed to the corner. A large reclining chair was between a stack of parts and boxes, and a small green figure lay passed out on the brown leather.

Mike walked over and knelt down, holding up a fist. “How are you today, Tick Tock?”

A small door opened in the arm of the chair, and a silver fist popped out and bumped against Mike’s knuckles. It was a trick that he had taught the mimic a while back as a method of greeting. Unfortunately, it also meant that Mike had unsuccessfully tried to fist bump some of the new furniture in the house.

“Yeah, she passed out a couple hours ago.” Dana flipped her glasses down and turned back to the table.

“C’mon, breakfast time.” Mike leaned forward and tickled the base of the goblin’s tail. She let out a quiet shriek and folded her tail underneath her bottom, trying once more to get comfy. “C’mon, come get some food and then go back to bed.”

Tink opened her eyes and yawned, revealing needle sharp teeth. “Still early. Husband come back in morning.”

“Breakfast is on the table, and Sofia is pissed that you aren’t there.”

“Tink super tired,” she mumbled, but slid forward off the chair. She adjusted the magical goggles on her head and then yawned again. “Tink eat good food and go take nap.” Giving Mike a playful swat on the rear, she left the garage.

“How about you? Care to join us?”

“You know I don’t eat normal food anymore.” Dana raised an eyebrow. “And I know you aren’t suggesting I blow you under the table in front of everybody. At least, I don’t think you are. Are you asking me to blow you in front of everybody?”

“Uh, no, that’s not what I ... I was just thinking you could come visit, or...”

“Relax, I’m just messing with you.” She took off her goggles and tossed them on the workshop table. “Honestly, I don’t care either way, but it’s a good habit to keep. When I’m human again, I don’t want to be a wet blanket or anything.”

Mike let out a sigh of relief. Dana was impossible to read, but that was a direct result of being dead. Most of her emotions were muted, meaning that she had the world’s best poker face. It didn’t help that the succubus Lily had rubbed off on the young woman, giving her a rather wicked sense of humor. “Okay, I’ll see you at the table then.”

“Yep. Just gotta change my shirt and wash up.” She stretched, her bones popping audibly. Mike left the garage and walked back in the house, the smell of fresh coffee luring him back to the dining hall. Tink sat next to his empty seat, her wide eyes on a stack of french toast that Sofia had plopped in front of her. The goblin was pouring syrup on top of them while licking her lips.

When Mike sat down, he saw that a hot cup of coffee had already been poured for him, and bacon put on his plate. With a smile, he stole a bite of Tink’s french toast, earning a pinch from the goblin. Sofia brought him a proper breakfast, then sat across the table from him with a plate of her own. The floor beneath her seat was recessed, allowing her to sit eye level with everyone else.

A yellow ball of light zipped into the room and landed on the table, transforming into a tiny woman with wings and black stripes across her body.

“Good morning Daisy.” Mike slowly used his hands to sign the words.

Good morning, she signed back, then hopped over to Beth, who had already poured some of her coffee into a tiny cup. Daisy took it and sat on the edge of the sudoku book, interested in Reggie’s progress.

Yuki walked into the room a few seconds later, her hair a tangled mess. The kitsune yawned and sat down two chairs away from Sofia, then reached out to help herself to a slice of bacon.

“Rough night?” asked Mike.

“Kind of. I was up late painting a new tarot card.” Yuki had learned how to imbue tarot cards with magic, a skill that took a lot of time and concentration. It would be years before she could replenish her deck, but it wasn’t as though she had any other projects, other than occasionally helping the naga Ratu.

“Which one?” Mike asked.

“Four of Swords.” Yuki grabbed another piece of bacon, and Mike couldn’t help but notice the dirty look that Sofia gave her. It was obvious that the cyclops still hadn’t forgiven Yuki for turning her to stone, and he made a mental note to talk with her about it later. “Only six more cards in that suit to go once I’m done.”

“How long will that take you?”

“Maybe a year.” She snuck another piece of bacon and sniffed the air, her nose wrinkling up. “Does someone need to take the garbage out?”

Moments later, Dana walked in. Yuki’s cheeks turned red, and she focused her attention on putting some eggs on a plate and grabbing a piece of french toast. The zombie sat down at the end of the table, and her sad eyes swept over the serving plates.

“Smells delicious.”

“You’ll get to eat normal food again.” Mike set his coffee down. “Do you want me to get you some of your food?”

“Um ... yeah, if you don’t mind.” Dana leaned forward and poured herself a cup of coffee. Vapor hovered over the hot mug, and she wrapped her fingers around it. She let out a small sigh. “That feels good on my hands.”

Mike stood up and ran for the fridge. Inside the vegetable crisper was a box of shot glasses. Each one had a plastic lid, and inside was a concentrated version of his semen, combined with a few other elements. It was a recipe that Zel had taught anyone willing to learn, and it helped Dana stave off her hunger. He brought it back and handed the shot glass over.

“Thanks.” She popped the top off the shot glass and looked across the table. “Anyone else want some cream?”

Tink snorted, then grabbed her nose in agony when a piece of bacon shot out. The rest of the table just looked at her, unsure if she was joking or not.

Her lip hooked up in a grin, and she poured the spooge concoction into her coffee. There were a few dribbles stuck inside the glass, and she hooked a finger in to retrieve it when Daisy fluttered over and held up her tiny cup.

“Oh. I was just kidding, but you’ll totally drink some too, won’t you?” Dana used her nail to retrieve some spunk from the glass and scraped it across the top of Daisy’s tiny mug. The little fairy seemed to be waiting as Dana stirred her coffee with a spoon, then lifted it.

“Cheers, bug.” said Dana, and they clinked glasses. Daisy slammed hers in one go, wiping her lips off with her forearm. Like the other fairies in the house, Daisy was capable of transmuting sexual fluids into magic, and sparks now sprayed across the table from her wings.

Mike took his time enjoying breakfast. The conversation was largely casual, and once everybody was done, they went their separate ways. Mike wandered into the kitchen with Sofia, intent on helping her with the dishes. The kitchen had received a massive overhaul last month, and now featured some top of the line appliances as well as an extra large sink. The cyclops was filling the sink with warm water when he joined her.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked her, picking up a sponge and scrubbing debris off of a large skillet. He ran it under the faucet, marveling at how quickly it cleaned up. Buying a new set of cookware had definitely paid off.

“Talk about what?” Sofia’s tone revealed that she knew exactly what Mike was referring to.

“You and Yuki. You two clearly don’t get along.” He handed her the pan and she picked up a towel and rubbed it dry.

“You’re right, we don’t. And frankly, we don’t have to.” She put the pan away and opened up the dishwasher. “But I’m guessing you aren’t going to let it go, are you?”

“Nope.” He started handing her plates to load, pausing on occasion to scrape something off. Tink had assured him that the dishwasher could handle the extra food stains, but he had always had junk appliances and old habits die hard. “The way I see it, she feels the same way. Or can tell you don’t like her.”

“Then why don’t you go ask her if you care so much?” Sofia turned around to put a plate in the dishwasher.

Mike rolled his eyes, but made sure to snap them back when she faced him once more. It was always unwise to antagonize the cyclops. “I would like to hear it from your perspective.”

Sofia groaned, and leaned against the counter. She was so tall that this just pushed her breasts forward through her apron, and Mike felt the gravity of her breasts pulling his gaze, but was able to resist. “It’s hard to explain.”

“For someone who reads so many books, I find it hard to believe that the words are beyond you.” He dried his hands on a towel and waited. Technically, she could easily just push him aside if she wanted, but he could see the indecision on her face. “Just do your best, okay?”

Sofia scowled at him, so he took a step forward and threw his arms around her waist and hugged her. After a moment of resistance, the stubborn cyclops melted and hugged him back, her breasts pressing up against the sides of his face.

“I guess I’m not over how quickly she took the house down,” she confessed, her voice bitter. “The house is adequately protected from the outside, but she reminds me that it would be easy for someone on the inside to turn on us, to ruin what we have here.”

“Yuki would never turn on us. Not anymore.”

“But you can’t know that. Look at how much evidence we have that Emily turned her back on us, and she was the Caretaker. What’s to stop anyone from doing the same thing?”

“Honestly? That’s the real reason we have to look out for each other. If we push someone away, that’s where those dark thoughts will find them. Even I’m not immune to temptation.” Mike thought about the shadow figure who occasionally appeared in his dreams, tempting him with forbidden knowledge. “If you really want to protect what we have, you have to cultivate it, not guard it. Isolating yourself or others allows room for those darker thoughts to come pouring in. Suddenly, a rash decision makes complete sense, and you start thinking of everybody in terms of us or them.”

Sofia sighed. “I don’t think I’m ready to forgive yet.”

“I’m not asking you to. But maybe if you found some common ground and tried to have new experiences with her, you may see her for who she is. Remember, she lived for so many years with all of you, but was completely forgotten. It’s hard for her to find a balance when she’s a stranger to her own family.”

“Ugh. I hate that you’re making so much sense right now.” Her tone was sassy, but she gave him a good squeeze, firmly embedding his face in her breasts. “The idea that I would ever get good advice from a mere human...”

He tried to pinch her side, but she dropped her arm and casually slapped his hand out of the way. Her purple eye was still glowing with the magic of her future sight when she knelt down and kissed his forehead.

“You should stop by the Library more often. It could be ... educational for both of us.” She winked (or blinked, he really couldn’t tell), and sashayed out of the kitchen. He tapped the counter with his fingers, wondering if he should maybe follow after her and see what she had to offer him now.

The cellphone in his pocket vibrated, and he pulled it out. It was a calendar notification reminding him that he was supposed to check in with the centaurs today.

Frowning, he put his phone away and rinsed out the sink real fast. A Caretaker’s work was never done.

It would take nearly an hour to walk to where the centaurs had set up their camp, but Reggie and his rats had it covered. Shortly after the centaurs had moved into the greenhouse, a small structure had been built that was large enough to accommodate a portal in their village. An exit had been chewed into the perimeter wall of the front yard and surrounded with foliage for privacy. With Tink’s help, a door had been built into it that could be bolted from the centaur’s side to prevent any unexpected intrusions.

The door was wide and tall, and currently open. Warm, humid air greeted him, and he stepped through to the other side. The exit was up the hill from where the centaurs had been building their miniature barns. Without wild game, they had no fabric from which to build their yurts, so had been forced to improvise with a little help from Tink and some Youtube tutorials she had downloaded.

Nearby centaurs spotted him and waved hello, but continued on with their work. These people were refugees, centaurs who had been exiled from their herd for various reasons. Yuki had turned them all to stone when they had wandered onto her mountain, and kept them stored in her tower. Now, they were able to live freely under Zel’s leadership without fear of retribution from their former tribe.

The centaurs had been instrumental in getting the front of his house repaired after it had been destroyed, and seemed very excited to have a large, unspoiled parcel of land to live on. After a quick ecological survey, they had cleared a plot of land rather quickly, taking care to only chop down trees that had no pharmacological worth. The whole jungle was full of extremely rare ingredients, and Mike imagined that this herd of centaurs would rapidly expand their knowledge. Zel had lived alone in this jungle since she was a teen, and was already extremely proficient in her knowledge of potions and other delightful concoctions.

“Caretaker!” A centaur with swirling tattoos and dark skin ran up to him, a spear in hand. “Welcome!”

“Well met, Leo. And it’s Mike.” None of the centaurs seemed comfortable calling Mike by his name, no matter how hard he tried. Leo was one of the younger males that was stationed as a guard. When he was younger, he had been exiled for questioning the teachings of the tribe. Though he appeared no older than nineteen, he had been exiled over a decade ago and had been turned to stone shortly after. “Have you seen Zel?”

“She is speaking with the shaman. Come.” Leo trotted off, and Mike followed at a light jog. The shaman in question was actually Zel’s aunt who had snuck her into the greenhouse through the use of a portal that Emily later sealed as a result. The two of them shared a family resemblance to the extent that they could be mother and daughter.

Near the center of the village was a small hut with smoke coming from the chimney. From outside, it smelled like somebody had dumped the contents of a full medicine cabinet into a hot spring. He wrinkled his nose at the smell, and could soon taste it in his mouth. He had no idea what they were making, but it smelled terrible.

Leo paused at the door flap and casually knocked on the frame before entering. After a few moments of conversation, Zel appeared, a large smile on her face.

“There you are.” She came over and gave him a hug, placing his face firmly in her chest and giving him flashbacks to less than an hour ago with Sofia. Zel’s breasts were far smaller, however, her height mainly the result of her horse half. “I was hoping I would see you today.”

“You look good.” The hug ended, and he stepped back to appraise her. Her hair had been braided with beads and small shells, and her face positively glowed with energy. Being reunited with her own kind seemed to be very good for her.

“So do you, but ... I think you need another haircut.” She tousled his hair, and he scowled. Ever since he had used his magic while the two of them were fucking, his hair grew much faster and he could run faster and farther than ever before. He wasn’t ready for the Olympics yet, but being able to jog without getting tired was a huge improvement for someone who had led a sedentary existence only a few months ago.

“Has it been three weeks already?” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. There had been a fight between the others the first time he had announced that he needed a haircut. There had been much discussion about what hairstyle would look cutest on him, and in the end, it had been Naia who had just trimmed it down for him.

“It has, and it’s been almost a week since I’ve seen you. How is the house?”

Mike filled her in on the others. Ever since Zel had moved out, she had become increasingly busy managing her new tribe, and he saw her less now than ever. Her responsibilities were vast, and he had the feeling that someday soon, she would be too busy to just drop by for a visit. The thought made him sad, but he couldn’t help but feel immensely happy for how things had turned out for her.