Chapter 25

Proofing by Pertinax, Errors by Armitage

I shut the door behind Linda and then walked ahead. The glimpse at Linda Milton’s face was brief but enough to make it clear she wasn’t angry, she was afraid. I walked upstairs and heard her following so I went to the bedroom. The door was open with Lavi and Melissa both sitting cross-legged on the bed.

Linda froze in the doorway, “You two look ... so normal.”

Lavi, “what did you expect?”

“No, I mean, just, I’ve come into Mellie’s room so many times and you two would be sitting there just like that.”

She was still holding the photo album, now in front of her almost like a shield. She looked around.

“Very minimal. Which side table is yours?” She was looking at Melissa.

“This one.” Melissa pointed at the one on the left as facing the bed, definitely the more crowded of the two.

A very forced smile barely touched the corners of Linda’s mouth. “Figures, it’s the one loaded with books.” Lavi’s on the other side was tidier but also featured several books, drinking glasses, and other odds and ends.

Melissa, “Some of those are Robert’s. He kind of floats around depending on where he ends up sleeping.”

“No ... set pattern then?”

Melissa stared at her mother. I could tell she was forcing normalcy into her voice. “No, just however it falls out that night but Lavi and I kind of ended up with our sides unless one of us is in the middle.”

“Ah.” Linda fidgeted.

To my surprise, it was Lavi who patted the bed inviting Linda to sit. I hovered near the doorway. Linda sat and Lavi seemed to be playing nice.

“I ... I came to say I’m sorry about how I’ve been acting. And I’m sorry about a lot of things.”

“Have ... have you changed your mind?” Melissa was looking down at her hands. So was her mother, or at least the photo album.

“No,” was the reply. “But I am sorry, I was ... you did not deserve what I said. I was nasty.”

Lavi looked at her. “You’ve been that for a long time.”

“I’ve never”

Lavi cut her off, “You can be nasty and use silence to do it.”

“I...” Linda breathed in and out and looked at Melissa. “You know I thought I was so much better than my mother. She probably would have thrown you and Tommy out. I guess I’m not.”

Melissa, “You’re not like grandma.”

“No, I am. Robert, has Melissa ever told you about my mother?”

“A little,” I said honestly.

“What did she tell you?”

“She said that she was hateful. Melissa said that she didn’t want anything to do with her grandmother.” Melissa nodded in agreement.

Linda barked a single, “Ha!” I looked at her. She continued, “David, Mellie, and Tommy’s dad once called my mother, ‘the kind of person you immigrate to avoid.’ And he did, we did. We moved across the country. We were poor but he made it happen to get away from her and get a fresh start.” With that, she opened the front cover of the photo album. “Do you recognize this?” Linda was looking at Melissa.

“Yeah,” she said wistfully, “our old photo album. I know you keep it in your closet.”

“Do you know why I keep it there?”

“So Rian doesn’t have to see my dad’s pictures.”

Linda shook her head. “Rian would understand. No, I put them up because I didn’t want to look at them. I’m afraid I’ve always lied to you and Tommy.” Melissa sat up very straight at that moment and Lavi looked like she went to high alert very quickly. “I’ve always told you and Tommy about how much I loved your father but the truth is ... when he died we were talking about a divorce.”

A long moment passed when a penny dropping would have sounded like an earthquake.

Finally, Melissa asked, “What?”

“That’s David.” Linda was pointing to a photo now.

I walked over to look. He had straight hair like Melissa but it was dark brown. I couldn’t see him in Melissa’s face but she definitely had his eyes and I could tell he was accustomed to smiling. I recognized that in Melissa too. He was a young man in this photo, wearing a letterman’s jacket. There was a school in the background. His arm around a pretty blonde girl that looked a lot like Melissa.

“I was only sixteen. My best friend Candy took this photo. I found out I was pregnant just a few weeks later.” Linda ran her hand over the plastic-covered photo. “I was the head cheerleader, he was the quarterback, we were homecoming king and queen, my mom said I was perfect. Then I got pregnant. It was towards the end of the school year and I hid it.” She flipped pages and I saw her in various states as her belly grew around the house and in the yard. “When the new year started my mom told the school I was in Europe and couldn’t come home right away. I didn’t come back until I lost some of the belly fat but people found out anyway. Mom was so angry.”

“David was a year ahead of me, so he had already started college. He worked like crazy, got a job, and kept up with school so that when I graduated he could move us. He started at a new school with a light class load and worked and kept us going. We lived in a run-down little apartment. In movies, that’s the best time, when things are simple, but I was stressed all the time. We never had enough money. We ate mac and cheese and hot dogs for dinner more often than not. We even had to use food stamps. But he’d come home exhausted and still just laugh like some kind of idiot. It was like he didn’t understand how hard it was. He’d make up stupid songs, sing them, and dance with you. And no matter how tired he was he would read to you every night.”

“I remember some of it. I liked the voices he gave the characters.” Melissa had tears in her eyes. So did her mother.

Linda: “I spent a lot of time thinking I hated him.”

Melissa was crying now and Lavi reached over to put her arms around her. Between sobs Melissa said, “I don’t understand.”

Linda looked at her daughter, “I never loved David. I was infatuated with him. I was a kid. And if I’d kept my legs together we could have graduated and he’d have gotten a good job, I could have done college right away...”

“But if you didn’t love him...”

“Baby, I would have been happy. I had to learn this the hard way. You love your children but between men and women ... it’s about building a family and somewhere in there, you can find comfort if you do it right. We did it wrong. Maybe if we’d done it right David and I would have found it but it was too much, we were too young. Everything is just infatuation and that gives way eventually. And three people, three people can’t work that out, hell it’s hard enough for two.”

Linda let that thought settle in. Melissa was just watching her mother so Linda continued, “That kind of love like in the movies isn’t real, Mellie, when the passion cools off you realize you’re just with this person who ... who isn’t what you thought. You have to build from there. Real love is what you find in a family. Do you know what David was going to school for? I thought he would do something useful but do you know what he was doing?”

Melissa shook his head.

“Sociology. He wanted to become a social worker. Social worker? How would we raise a family with him as a social worker? Oh, he loved you and Tommy but we argued endlessly. I remember once we fought about something I had decided for you and Tommy and he said I didn’t have the right to do it without talking to him. I’m the mother!”

At this point, I was staring. I stared at Linda, I stared at Melissa and I stole frequent glances at Lavi. Well, this was ... a thing. Melissa looked like she was in shock. Lavi didn’t have access to a knife, did she? I didn’t think so, so that was good. Was I in shock? Fuck, this wasn’t good.

Melissa was wringing her hands, “Why ... are you telling me this?”

“I just wanted you to understand that none of this is real and if you got some idea of romance from me I wanted you to let it go.”

“What about Rian?”

“Oh, Rian is a good husband. I’m glad to have him. He’s reliable, works hard, has a few bad habits but not too many. He’s one of the good ones.”

Melissa and her mother looked back and forth. Their eyes met. Silence reigned. Until Lavi said something, her voice ringing out as surely as if she had hit a gong.

“Well, fuck me.”

An icy Linda Milton turned to her daughter’s lover, “Excuse me?”

Lavi took this as an invitation to elaboration. “Fuck me, you’re a nutter.”

Melissa, “LAVI!”

Depending on how the next five minutes went I reminded myself there was a drilling project in South America I would be useful on site for, something I’d always refused to travel for before. I could take the girls. Did they have an extradition treaty with the US? I should look that up. Should I do it now? Fuck.

To my surprise, it was Linda who raised her hand and said, “No, Lavi has a right to say that. I had a realization when I was at home. I...”. Linda stood up and walked in a small circle clenching her hands and before picking up the album back up from where she had put it down and sitting down again. “I don’t want to admit this but it’s part of what I came here to say. I was hoping for this to fail, I was hoping for you to be miserable. When Tommy came out I didn’t say it but I hoped it was just some strange teenage phase and he would realize it was a mistake. I had hoped that people making fun of him would get through to him. I was happy he was harassed off the football team! See, I was right!” The look in Linda’s eyes was a bit manic. If she did something crazy could I move fast enough? Then she seemed to let go of some tension and her voice calmed. “What kind of mother am I? And here I was wanting you to be miserable and I thought I took it well with Tommy and Lavi said I was a bitch to him and ... I ... I “. Suddenly Linda broke down into sobbing tears.

Again, fuck.

I started to comment that Lavi didn’t actually say Linda acted like a bitch to Tommy but that might be too literal for this moment. I indicated I’d be right back, got a carafe of cold water from the fridge, and a bottle of vodka from the freezer, and headed back upstairs with four glasses. The edge of the bed was occupied with a pile of crying emotional women so I just stood nearby. I drank a glass of water and then three quick fingers of vodka. Soon glasses were being passed out. Lavi and Melissa chose water while Linda asked for something stronger to steady her nerves. I gave her a single finger of the vodka and she made a face when swallowing it.

Linda, “So, you know what I did then?”

It was clearly rhetorical but Melissa answered anyway, “No.”

“I called your grandmother. And do you know what that cold bitch said to me?”

Melissa just shook her head.

“I expected her to tear into me, to tell me I fucked everything up again. Instead, she said I was right and that I did the right thing. If you’d slapped me back Melissa it wouldn’t have rocked me like that dried up husk giving me her blessing. I’d come to depend on her disapproval. God damn, I can’t even disappoint that bitch right!”

I looked at the glass in my hand. I decided it was too empty and put a few more fingers worth of vodka in it. I refilled Linda’s too but only half what I drank. Lavi was now holding out her and Melissa’s glasses. I picked up the water carafe but Lavi from the other side of Linda just shook her head. I obliged with just a bit of the vodka for each.

Three of us sipped our drinks. Melissa slammed hers back and I refilled it so that she could sip that one. Meanwhile, Linda continued to flip through the photo book and ran her fingers over pictures.

“I have a lot of fond memories though. David and I had good times, we just weren’t right for each other. David married me but still, a senior with twins, and once they caught me and my mom trying to hide it? I wanted to die.” Linda turned to Lavi, “Was I really so bad with Tommy?”

“You were a pretty horrible bitch to him, Linda.”

“Oh. I thought ... well, I guess it’s done.”

She kept looking at the photobook and Melissa and Lavi quietly followed her gaze. They got to the last page and Linda gave it to Melissa.

“Here, it’s yours now. I have copies of the pictures I want from it, they’re in the album in the living room back home. I didn’t really hate David, I figured that out later but I still feel like that at times. He was actually a pretty great dad and I’m grateful for that but my life was ruined.”

“Mom?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Did dad rape you?”

“No.” She looked at Melissa like she didn’t understand the question.

“Then you just as much a part of it.”

“I know. I just don’t want you to make my mistake.”

Melissa, “I’m not. I don’t even want to talk about how it’s not the same anymore.”

“But I think it is.” Linda stood and looked at her daughter. “But I can be civil and ... I want for your happiness. I’ve not just been thinking you’re wrong but I’ve wanted you to fail, wanted you to be miserable so that I could be right. But no more, I love you. I do want you to be happy. And Tommy. I guess I need to talk to him too.”

“So, where does this put us?” I finally asked.

Linda turned to me. “I think she’s making a mistake Robert but I’m going to hope for her happiness and for me to be wrong. And I will act accordingly.”

It was a good moment but clearly no one felt like hugging Linda. We were all still tense. But it was Melissa who got up and threw her arms around her mother and hugged her anyway. “I love you, mom.” Linda just stood there. “I love you too baby.”

They separated. “I do admit I don’t like how quiet it is without you at home,” Linda said.

I found my voice “You know, I once told Melissa I’d offer to cook Sunday dinner for all of us if you ever acknowledged my existence. I guess this qualifies.”

“I’d need to think about that, but thank you Robert for the offer.”

“Actually, I’d like to take that back,” said Melissa. She looked at Lavi and that bloody telepathy thing went on again. I swear they had some language that involved the tiniest muscle twitches that said some ridiculous amount.

“Saturday is family dinner. You and Rian and Tommy when he is here are all super welcome but that is our weekly family dinner.”

“With ... the Hellers?” She must have told her mom about that.

“Yeah.”

“Robert cooks? I never did eat my food that night.”

“I know,” I said, “I made a catfish sandwich with your entree the next day. It was good.”

Linda just said, “Let me talk to Rian.”

After that, I saw her out. She walked away, apparently having walked instead of driven. When I returned upstairs the girls were pouring fresh glasses of water.

“So...” I said because I’m eloquent.

“So,” Melissa added.

“So, that was fucking bizarre,” Lavi said.

Melissa threw her hands up, “I don’t want to talk about it!”

Lavi, “I don’t know what to say about it!”

I picked up my phone and found the number. Both of the girls were looking at me.

“I’m not dealing with this much family emotion without chocolate fudge cake and gelato.” I hit the dial for the bakery.

Lavi and Melissa were already getting up and Lavi had her keys in her hand. We headed to the car. Thirty minutes later we were pulling back into the driveway just ahead of Sylvia. Syliva got out eying us as she got books out of the car.

“So, if you three weren’t huddling up why exactly did I need to bring these over?”

“Unplanned war council trip,” I said as I unlocked the door from the garage into the house.

Lavi, “We have raspberry gelato and chocolate cake.” Her mom hurried to our side of the garage door before we closed it.

“What’s this about a war council?”

Melissa, “Well, there’s no surrender but we might have an armistice.”

“I think I missed something.”

“Food first,” I said. “Would Peter want to come over? I got plenty.” I started laying out sandwiches from a huge deli bag.

“Peter is having a game night with some friends. Some new expansion is out and they’re having a blast trying to crush each other into the dirt. You bought extra sandwiches?”

“Not exactly but I have two reubuens, an Italian beef, corned beef, and a chicken with onion and mozzarella. We’re going to cut them up and share.” I got a knife and a big serving plate. “They reheat the next day well too.”

“Sounds good to me. What’s this war council then?”

“I think it might be more group therapy,” I said, “but let’s eat.”

So, we did. We ate and filled Sylvia in. Melissa was cutting the cake and Lavi doling out gelato into bowls before long.

Lavi, “Robert, your mom isn’t going to be psycho right?”

“My mom is special but she’s excited to meet you, girls.”

Melissa, “She knows Lavi is Jewish?”

“She doesn’t care.”

“Doesn’t hate blondes and won’t be triggered by cheerleaders?” Lavi asked.

“No landmines I’m aware of, I swear. I’ve sent her pictures, I’ve told her all about you both, we should be cool.”

Sylvia, “I can’t believe I may have to eat meals with Linda. I’m going to bring wine and Peter can drive.”

“On the plus side,” Melissa said, “Robert passed an important milestone.”

“Huh?” I asked.

“Three emotional women and you didn’t go into a catatonic state.”

I shrugged. “No, no, I got a shot for that when I went in for my tetanus.”

Syliva punched my arm playfully when I said that. It was much softer than her daughter’s, thank goodness. I took a bite of the cake. It was only so-so but right now the chocolate was really satisfying. The gelato was manna from heaven, though.

Lavi let out a deep breath. “So, where does all this put us? I mean, this was dramatic as shit, and no offense Mellie but I meant what I said, your mom is a Grade A nutcase. She needs, like, some serious therapy but is anything different for us?”

“Seems like some kind of progress, isn’t it,” I said, “I mean I’d rather she be ‘yay’ for us but clearly that isn’t happening but she used words like thank you and ... Robert. I mean, I have a name now. I’ve graduated into actual personhood instead of ‘that man’. If I get a sock I’ll be a free elf.”

That got a small smile from Sylvia. I thought it was funny.

Melissa, “Well, for me it means something.” She picked at her cake and ate the frosting seeming to prefer it to the cake itself.

“And that is?” asked Sylvia.

“I wasn’t trying to get her approval anyway but yeah, I was still trying to not make her unhappy at least. And I still don’t want to make her unhappy but after that stuff earlier ... I don’t know what to say about any of it. I mean that stuff about my dad, fuck. I’m fucking done with it. I always thought she and Rian had some kind of fucked up relationship and ... I feel sorry for Rian, do I talk to him, ignore this? I don’t know.”

Sylvia, “Your mom and Rian’s relationship isn’t your business dear.”