Chapter 11

We waited for the shoe to drop but that day it didn’t. Nor did anything happen the next day. It was three days later around noon when my phone dinged and it was a text from Syliva. It said simply, “We have to talk.” My stomach clenched.

“Now?”

“Yes?”

“Where?”

“Your place. I’ll be there in a few.”

When the doorbell rang I was waiting to open it and did. Sylvia looked anxious and angry. “Planning to murder me?” I asked.

“That depends.”

“I have to warn you, I don’t have a wood chipper for you to get rid of the body in.” She didn’t smile so I just motioned for her to come in and led her to the back patio. “Can I get you anything? Is this a whiskey shots kind of discussion?”

“It might be but I’ll have to drive.”

“A shot or two won’t hurt,” I offered.

“Grab it,” she said.

I put down the bottle and two shot glasses. She looked up at me, “Drinking with others now?”

“Not since you were last here. I just had a feeling the last conversation wouldn’t be the last one I’d want to calm my nerves for.”

“Things don’t turn out well when there are secrets.”

“I don’t have any secrets here.”

“Are you sure?” Her eyes threatened something that a sane man would be terrified of. The fact that this suggested I was sane wasn’t comforting.

I held up my hands. “I will answer any question you have.” I hoped I seemed calm, the truth is that internally I was vibrating with anxiety. I’d taken a Xanax after she texted and it was just starting to kick in.

“Are you fucking Lavi?”

“Wow, straight to it.”

“I’m waiting.” One of her legs was doing an agitated little jump every few seconds like a nervous tick.

“No, not as you may think.”

“Not as I...” she started to stand up.

“Hold on, I’m not trying to be evasive! I’m trying to give you real no bullshit answers but it’s not a yes or no question if you want a real answer!”

She sat down and decided to take that shot now, pouring and spilling a bit in her haste. I waited until after she took the shot to continue.

“Lavi and I have been intimate... “ I paused while searching for the words “ ... in the sense of emotional intimacy and, well, proximity.” I debated whether to say the next thing or not but I felt she had a right to know. “Both of us have been with Melissa while the other is present but Lavi and I have not had sex though I think it would be evasive for me to say there was nothing sexual there.” I realized that the day on the couch probably qualified as sex to some degree but given things I was willing to walk in that grey area a bit. I also decided to leave out the showering.

“The hotel on the fourth?”

“Yes.”

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” she yelled and threw her head back, her fists balled up.

“I thought you were Jewish now?” She gave me a look that I think mothers learn when their children are young that clearly communicates ‘you think you are funny but you are not.’

“Are you going to fuck her? Is this a thing now?”

“I ... don’t know.”

“You don’t know.” She enunciated every syllable carefully and slowly.

“Syliva, to understand what is going on I need to ask if you understand the relationship between Lavi and Melissa have?”

“They are friends.”

“They are more than friends.”

“I know Lavi has had a bit of a crush on her...”

“If it’s a crush it’s not a bit of one. It’s love.”

Sylvia closed her eyes and took several deep breaths.

“I thought Melissa was with you. If you’re having them do something for...”

“I want to be clear, Sylvia. Yes, I reserved and paid for that room. I also offered to not be there. I was assuming at first I wouldn’t. They both asked me to be there. I reserved it for Lavi, she wanted to spend her birthday with Melissa. I wanted her to have a special night with the woman she loves.”

“I’m still confused because Melissa is seeing you.”

“And for reasons I don’t understand, she decided that she felt safe now admitting how she felt about Lavi. My guess is that she didn’t see herself as a lesbian but once she knew she wasn’t one she felt freer to admit how she felt about Lavi. It would fit with what she has expressed to me.”

The silence continued for a minute so I poured a shot for myself.

“And,” I broke the silence, “uh, you do know that Lavi...”

“Lavi the Licker, yes I know. Cheerleader mothers are every bit as bitchy and catty as their daughters, thank you.”

I grimaced and let the silence return.

After another shot, Syliva said, “I really want to rip your fucking balls off you know.”

“You do?”

“I’ve been pissed all morning.”

“Assuming I was manipulating and doing things to your daughters?”

“Something like that.”

“You do know that Lavi, and Melissa for that matter, are too smart for that kind of thing don’t you?”

“I’m not sure about Melissa when it comes to you.” She eyed me.

“I think the world of Lavi but trust me she doesn’t feel that way about me.”

“No, but I don’t trust her judgment when it comes to Melissa if she thought it would make her happy.”

“Well, that is what she’s trying to do, make Melissa happy. And herself.”

“And you’re just along for the ride?” There was a sneer in her voice.

“Feels that way but no.” This was hard to say but I had to. It was easier to think of it as something I couldn’t control but that wasn’t true. “I could walk away but the truth is I don’t want to. I will fight to have Melissa in my life and I don’t know Lavi well but even the bit I know seems pretty wonderful. Why would I want to walk away from them?”

“Seems convenient, two girls.”

“Well, getting death stared by you willing to rip my balls off doesn’t feel very fucking convenient,” I said it levelly but my temper was starting to rise. Why did everyone think this was so fucking easy for me?! I took another shot, slammed the shot glass down and decided I had plenty more to say. “Convenient would be staying alone! Convenient would be how I’ve lived for a long time! I’m sick and fucking tired of feeling like the bad guy because I treasure them, both of them. They’ve told me they love each other and I have to be able to accept both. I’m not finding that hard to accept! They are smart, kind, joyful, beautiful and come with a shit load of complications. So, no it’s not fucking convenient but I’m not going to apologize for it anymore.”

“Apologize?”

“Well, in my own head anyway. I never shut up about it to myself and I’m done with that.”

Sylvia sighed and her leg stopped twitching. I think somewhere in there we both took a few shots because I remember having to pass her the bottle and another time her passing it to me. Over the next few minutes, her body posture didn’t become relaxed but she didn’t look ready to pounce on me with violence anymore at least.

“Fuck.” After the long silence that was her way of breaking the quiet. “Do you know that I thought this would be the easy stage? We were past the early teenage bullshit. She’s looking at colleges to apply to. I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about her getting knocked up if she was a dyke. Shit, I was thinking about telling my mom just so we wouldn’t have to go see her for Thanksgiving.”

I took a chance and smiled at that and Sylvia actually smiled back.

She continued, “Do you know that somehow you’ve become entangled in the hearts of two of the three people I care most about in this world? I’m scared shitless right now.”

“Join the club. I’ve been terrified for ages.”

“You, why?”

“You told me it looked like an older man taking advantage of a young girl.”

“I remember that.”

“I worry it’s a young girl learning about the world before she finds someone her own age.”

“Goddamn you, Rob. You’re completely in love with her. You convinced me you cared but this is spending the rest of your life with her stuff.”

“Yeah.”

She let out another sigh and handled the shot glass. “I think I had too many of these. This is stupid, me sitting in the heat drinking.”