Chapter 62

August 16th, 2020

Today is the third anniversary of becoming this person. This different self. You don’t grow up thinking that your personal identity can be taken from you, but it can. If you’re lucky, you have something left that has been rearranged into something, someone else. Some of the changes are quite dramatic. I went from being a known Christian theologian to an avowed Heathen who honors the Old Ones of my ancestors.

What? You posted stories here how are you a theologian? Simple, in my travels I’ve never met anyone saint or sinner who wasn’t a freak on some level. Sexual feelings are a valid part of being human and it’s only when you attempt to suppress or go hog wild with them that an issue is created. That includes the deep dark ones as well. You know the ones you won’t even tell your spouse about because you be twisted. You still have to accept that you have them and then process them responsibly so you don’t mess up your life or the lives of the ones you love.

It’s the same with other emotions. If you are enraged are you going to rant, rave, and cuss. Maybe take a broom handle and beat the shit out of your mattress(I enjoy that one.) or will you lock and load and take care of your business? The choice and the consequences are all yours. So you need to know and understand yourself or you can get into serious trouble.

Enough of that, My last couple weeks have been hard. I became a poster child of forgetfulness as well as being lackadaisical about my responsibilities. I was also having to use my cane because my balance was shit. I also had a severe case of stupid. Have you ever opened a car door and then couldn’t remember how to sit in the seat? You won’t like it. Round it off with severe Aphasia and there is my last few weeks.

I had a Neurologist appointment via my phone. She said that the above was my fault because I didn’t take my medicine correctly. So shit. She got me on the right path again. And while I am having most of the same symptoms they are somewhat less pronounced.

What grinds my ass is I have 3 people writing me scripts. My regular doc, my neurologist, and my shrink. They often give me contradictory instructions and to be honest I can’t remember all of that shit. They ask me how I’ve been for the last three months and I don’t remember unless it was severely bad. I literally can’t remember that far back. When my wife wants to talk to me about that time she gives me a lot of leading info to help me find it.

Her:Do you remember Mike. He’s the one who was at the fundraiser with us. His wife name is Joyce and you think she’s hot.”

“Yes.”

Her: “They were at the Christmas party too.”

“Ok.”

Her: “Do you remember who his character was? His costume was all brown and he had a silver gun.”

“Yes, he was a mercenary.”

We’re cos players so alot of the people we know play dress up.

That is how a lot of my conversations go if you want specific information about the past as in three days ago in the past from me.

I am cranky today so please look over me.

Cheers,