Chapter 60

June 1st, 2020

Hello Everyone,

I’m checking in as it’s been a minute. I’ve settled into a narrow gauge of behaviour and environment. As long as I don’t push myself or get stressed or overstimulated I’ve been able to function pretty well.

I still have the memory issues which get me in trouble as I forget when or if to pick somebody up. I’m having to renew my commitment to the checklist and written reminder system. My headaches are more frequent again and I’m having to take extra pain killers on top of my normal one. They are still in the range of Normal and not OMG kill me. I am thankful for that as I don’t want back in that hell.

Inner confusion is the same but if I stay in my gauge I’m less affected by it. Anxiety has been through the roof. Covid hasn’t worried me as my life didn’t change at all other than it being a pain in the ass to shop and eating out. I don’t even know if it’s anxiety caused by mental stuff or a biological error in my brain. I know that I experience medium to high anxiety all of the time with few exceptions. So I have been working on that.

Dreams are unusual, sometimes calming, sometimes not. I’ve been watching Hotel Del Luna. That made for some interesting dreams last night in not a nice way. I’ve kinda learned to say Fuck you during bad dreams at all the things that are supposed to scare me. That helps.

I weighed my self a week or so ago and I was at 284.7. I was like oh Shit! My feet were looking like sausages and my legs were starting to get that red streaking and sores that plague diabetics.

I was like fuck this shit. I need my body. I can’t sweat so that leaves out exercise. So I have been working on a data driven and Tiny Habit diet w/ very simple rules. I’ve lost a bit over four pounds. A lot of that is water weight but my feet are looking better.

I’ve also cut a lot of soda. That helps. A simple rule I’m using is that a variety of cooked veggies are to be in every meal and should when possible be at least half of the meal.

I’m still learning Veggie centered meals. I’ve been researching Asian cooking. I still have my meat and the foods and snacks I like. I simply overwhelm the portions with veggies.

I have also managed to get some chapters out, which I’m proud of. A lot of the time I’m not up for writing so it’s good when I can.

That sums me up today.

Cheers,