Chapter 58

March 21, 2020

Hello Everyone,

So what’s Darian been up too? Not much. Since the last entry I’ve been dealing with a new mixture of the same old shit. My memory issues were getting down right scary. They put me on a new med to help my memory and took me off a drug that was know to create memory issues. In my case, it was making my issues worse.

End result? My mind is usually quieter and my memory still sucks. It has toned down a bit. I am a believer in lists and instructions now.

They also took me off a med that may inhibit sweating. I still don’t sweat. 74 F is my border line temp. At that temp I am uncomfortable and will start a slow cook. As long as I am careful to not move around much I can tolerate it for a while, barely.

They also changed my sleep med. My brain is still on a 1 1/2 hour sleep cycle. The new medicine doesn’t seem to do much. I still wake up, but at least I can go back to sleep.

I now have four lower appendages. Two legs, a dingle dangle that lies to itself and says it’s a leg too, and my cane. I am now using a cane per doctor’s orders. I have a new tendency to bust my ass. I actually hurt my left shoulder due to a fall. I think I cracked my rotator cuff. Since I have no insurance I have to let it heal on it’s own. The last time I did this it took two years to heal.

One good thing I’ve noticed is my tension level has reduced. I read somewhere that it takes about a month of rest before the body begins to release long term stress. I’ve had five months of being out of work. I’m starting to notice how relaxed I am on a deeper level.

I still have meltdowns. Too much noise around me and I’m done almost instantly. I still get confused somewhat easily. I’ve been learning the triggers to that and I work to remove them from my life.

I still have Aphasia. I almost never notice it because I only speak more than a sentence or three when I have no choice. I avoid conversations except when I call my friends who live out of state.

By conversations, I mean talks that last more than say three minutes and forces me to do more than use: Yes, No, or other short answers. I still have episodes including muteness. I do discuss things with my wife. I use non-complex sentences. There are days though where I can have real conversations. I use them to call my friends or hanging out with my family.

That sums it up.

Cheers