Chapter 54: Reboot

Washed Away

July 1998

The words that Mary Beth was saying to me somehow didn’t register, everything after the ‘she’s dead, Will ... she was drowned in the floodwaters’ was just noise. I understood what she told me, the troubling dreams I had experienced the night before made sense. There was a loud rushing in my head, and I was wracked with loud sobs. I was aware of Traci standing next to me, her arms around my shoulders, and Mary Beth was on the phone, talking to someone.

“Let’s get you down to bed, Will,” Mary Beth said after a minute or two. “I’ve called Margaret Sleigh, she’s on her way around now to see you.”

I was aware of them helping me to stand up and led me down the stairs to my room; I was unable to do anything as Traci and Mary Beth undressed me and got me into my bed. Traci sat with me, holding my hand as I cried. Nothing seemed to make sense, it was all some terrible nightmare, perhaps I hadn’t woken up, I was still asleep. Margaret was in my room, trying to talk to me, I wasn’t really listening to her, all I kept hearing was a replay of Mary Beth’s words – ‘she’s dead, Will’... ‘she was drowned in the floodwaters’.

“Here, Will, take this pill, it will help settle you down,” she said, handing me a small white pill.

I swallowed it with a mouthful of water, within a minute I felt very sleepy, the sounds of others in the room faded out. Sometime later I woke up, still feeling rather fuzzy, Traci was still sitting next to me, holding my hand.

“Are you feeling better, Will?” she asked. “Let me call the others down.”

Margaret, Mary Beth, and Michelle came into the room, Margaret sat on the side of the bed next to me, the other two were looking very worried.

“I’m sorry I had to sedate you, Will, but you were hysterical, screaming and yelling,” she said.

I had no idea I had been like that, I thought I was just crying, and I told her so.

“Shock, you were likely to hurt yourself or someone else,” she explained. “You’ve had a terrible shock to your system, Mary Beth filled us all in while you were sleeping. I don’t know what to say to you, other than how terribly sorry I am for what happened to Lisa. Just remember we are all here to support you, to help you get through things. How are you feeling now?”

“Um, pretty numb, I think. I remember what Mary Beth told me, it’s sort of sinking in, I guess there’s so much stuff to do and organize.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Mary Beth said. “I’ve called Martin, your attorney, he’s handling all the paperwork, the legal stuff that needs doing. Alexa has called her cousin who is the funeral director, the same one who did Janelle’s and Olga’s funerals; she will be over here after lunch. I’ve called your family, Lisa’s sisters, and other people who she knew. I told Michelle, she’s letting people in the company know, and John Martin. Cathy is contacting people in Canberra, and I’ve let everyone in the band know, and at Alberts. My father is letting everyone at the sailing club know. I’m sure there will be a constant string of people calling, what do you feel up to handling? I want you taking things easy...”

“Thanks, Mary Beth, I don’t know how I would be able to cope without you,” I said. “Right now, I feel like shit, that sleep helped, but I feel revolting. Maybe a shower?”

“You need to be careful standing and all that,” Margaret said. “You won’t be steady on your feet, if you are going to have a shower, you will need someone to support you and make sure you don’t fall over. Traci, you’re an experienced nurse, can you help Will shower?”

“Sure, it’s been a while since I did direct patient care, but I still know how,” Traci said. “C’mon, Will, get out of bed, we’ll get you cleaned up and fresh.”

I wasn’t going to argue, I realized that over the next couple of weeks I would have to rely on my friends to get me through this crisis; I let Traci lead me to the shower, and she undressed as the water was heating up. She held me steady as I washed myself; a good thing as I was rather unsteady on my feet, and several times she had to hold me to stop me falling over. Once she had dried me, and helped me into some clothes, I felt better, at least physically. I didn’t know what was in that pill that Margaret gave me, but it made me sleep very well, but I still felt a little disorientated.

Traci helped me up the stairs to the dining room, we were all sitting around the table. Mary Beth had a big notepad in front of her, and she was checking things off on a list.

“I’ll head back now,” Margaret said. “If you need me at any time, Will, please call. If you are having trouble sleeping, or are agitated, have another of those sedatives, but if you do, please, don’t drink any alcohol. Traci, keep an eye on his blood pressure and heart rate, if he becomes tachycardic, call triple zero, and get him to the ER. Will, I’m so incredibly sorry about events, as soon as you have time, I want you to come up and see me in my office.”

“Thanks for everything, Margaret,” I said as she left; Mary Beth took her to the door.

“Now some order to things,” Mary Beth said when she returned. “Everyone wants to come around and support you, help you. I’m trying to prevent you being overwhelmed by everyone turning up at once. My thoughts on priorities are firstly, your parents want to come around, I felt they should be here for you. Secondly, getting all the legalities and that stuff resolved; Martin, Alexa, the funeral director, George Patikis, and Father Lester are coming around this afternoon. I told Michelle to come around later, closer to dinner time. Is all that okay? I don’t want you to get overwhelmed.”

“Yeah, thanks ... I guess seeing Martin, George, getting what needs to be done in train, that’s important. When did you say they will be here?”

“Just after lunchtime, now, you should have something to eat,” she told me.

I really didn’t feel hungry, but I knew better than to argue with her; she decided to make a ham and cheese omelette for me, and some tea – Margaret had told me not to drink too much coffee, the caffeine wouldn’t be good for me.

I was having my lunch when my parents arrived; my mother gave me a big hug, and they told me how incredibly sorry they were to have heard the news. My father asked me if I had any more details, I told him that they knew as much as I did at the moment.

“Martin Alfonso is coming around a bit later this arvo, he will start whatever legal processes need to be done; I’m sure there’s stuff with the coroner up in Brisbane, getting the official death certificate, eventually probate and all of that stuff. I will probably know a lot more in a few days, but everything’s in a state of confusion at the present time.”

My parents didn’t ask me lots of questions, like what plans did I have, what funeral arrangements had been made, or things like that, they knew I really wasn’t in a state to have made decisions. I had just finished eating when Father Lester arrived, he came over to me, and held my hands.

“Will, I am so sorry about what had happened; Lisa was a lovely woman, I know how sad you must be at the moment,” he said.

I introduced him to my parents; he shook their hands.

“Will, would you mind if I said some prayers for Lisa’s eternal soul?” he said

“No, please that would be great.”

“Let us pray,” he said, and we all bowed our heads.

Saints of God, come to her aid!
Come to meet her, Angels of the Lord!
Receive her soul and present her to God the Most High.
May Christ, who called you, take you to himself;
may Angels lead you to Abraham’s side.
Give her eternal rest, O Lord,
and may your light shine on her forever.

Let us pray.
All-powerful and merciful God,
we commend to you Lisa, your servant.
In your mercy and love,
blot out the sins she has committed
through human weakness.
In this world she has died:
let her live with you forever.
Through Christ our Lord.

“Amen,” we all replied.

“I know at the moment, you’re probably not wanting any consolation,” he said. “But as a good Christian woman, you can take assurance that her soul is now up in Heaven, in the presence of God, and I’m sure she has been reunited with her parents. I’m sure you know the promises that Christ made to us, ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’. You have that assurance, I know that’s no compensation for having lost your soulmate, but in the fullness of time, those thoughts can bring some solace.”

“Thank you; at the moment there are just so many conflicting thoughts going through my head,” I said. “I’m sure once everything is over, I will need some solid counselling to help me move forward with my life.”

“I understand, whenever you think you are ready, you know where I am. I am sure you haven’t made any funeral plans yet, but let me know what you plans are, I will make sure I can fit you in at St Michael’s.”

“My attorney and George Patikis, the funeral director will be coming around a little bit later,” I said, “and we should have a good idea of when we will have the funeral, and all the details.”

Just as I had said that, both Martin and George arrived, and Mary Beth showed them into the dining room. They both offered their condolences, for which I thanked them. Martin started the discussions, saying that he would be in touch with the coroner in Brisbane first thing on Monday, to make sure that all the necessary documentation would be available as soon as possible.

“Until we get the official death certificate there’s not much that we can do,” he said.

“I’ll call and make arrangements to get the body transferred down here,” George said. “Have you thought about what arrangements you would want for the service, Will? Maybe the main memorial at St Michaels, then a cremation at Northern Suburbs?”

“That’s probably what I’m thinking of,” I said. “Father Lester here has said he will make sure the church is available for us. We might come back here for the wake, that’s yet to be determined.”

Martin had some documents prepared for me to sign, they were authorizing him to act on my behalf for dealing with the Queensland coroner to get the death certificate and the body released, and for the probate processes. He then outlined the processes that we would have to go through, including implications for both companies, WTM Consulting and Sedgebrook Investments, plus all the probate stuff. The ‘notice of representation’ for the probate action appointed him as my representative since Lisa’s will had specified me as her executor. This would allow him to act on my behalf, following the direction in her will.

“Those other things can be done in a few weeks,” he said. “The most important thing for me to do is to get the coroner to release the body and issue a death certificate. We can’t really do anything else until that’s done. I’ll get started on that when I get back to my office; I’ll keep you in the loop, Will. I’ll let the others in the school group know, too; Brett, the bunch who still hang out at the Arms on Friday nights.”

“Thanks, Mate, you’ve been a real help, as usual,” I said, shaking his hand.

“I will wait until Martin can get me the death certificate, and we can organize transport back here,” George said. “Then we can start to plan for the ceremonies, there’s not much point doing much more now. My deepest sympathies, Will, Lisa was a lovely person.”

I said goodbye to both of them, then went back to the dining room.

“How are you holding up, Will?” Mary Beth asked.

“I barely got through that,” I said. “All this talk about the coroner, death certificates, funeral services, it was getting too much for me.”

“Alexa and Michelle are both coming over later this afternoon,” she said. “Do you want me to tell them to wait until tomorrow, or later? Give you a chance to lie down and rest? I don’t want you overdoing things.”

“No, having them coming around is fine,” I said. “I want to make sure I see all of my friends, maybe two or three people at a time, but no massive bunch of people around, all asking questions, wanting to know what’s going on, stuff like that. That’s just too stressful, too draining.”

“Okay, I’ll act as the gatekeeper, and make sure you don’t get too tired.”

“Thanks, I might just go downstairs to the family room, sit there for a bit.”

I sat down in the family room and put some music on the stereo, the Alan Parson’s Project ‘Turn of a Friendly Card’. I had been sitting there for about ten minutes when Traci came down to see how I was going.

“Do you mind if I just check your blood pressure and other vitals?” she asked. “I’m just worried about you, Will.”

She took my blood pressure, 130 over 89; a little high, but not high enough to be concerned. My temperature and O2 levels were normal, then she listened to my breathing.

“Everything seems fine,” she said. “Your blood pressure is a bit elevated, but that’s only to be expected. Those sedatives can fuck you up though; I’ll probably check things every two hours or so, just to make sure there’s no adverse reaction. If you think you will need to take one to help you sleep tonight, let me know so I can check on you during the night; I can take your vitals without disturbing you.”

“One advantage of having a trained nurse here,” I said. “Thanks, Traci, I appreciate your help, and making sure I didn’t fall over in the shower.”

“Don’t mention it, Will, we all want to help you at this time,” she said. “I know I’m incredibly sad and upset about what happened to Lisa, but I can’t imagine just what you’re going through. You and Lisa have done so much for Stewie and me, there’s no way we can begin to repay you, it really sucks that you must deal with that, you have to go through all that heartache.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate you help, and friendship.”

“Do you mind if I sit here and listen to the music with you, or are you wanting to be alone at the moment/”

“No, stay here, it’s nice to have the company.”

We sat for a while, listening to the album, and it had almost finished by the time Alexa had arrived, Mary Beth bringing her down to the family room.

“Will, I am so sorry, I am devastated,” she said, as she gave me a big hug. “Are you okay? Sorry, that’s a stupid question, of course you aren’t okay. Is there anything I can do for you? Did George see you? I guess it’s too soon to start to be planning for the funeral, isn’t it?”

I smiled, and tried not to laugh, because Alexa was trying to be helpful.

“No, I’m not okay, but I have lots of people, including you, supporting me. You can just be here to support me, that’s all I am asking of you. George called around earlier, my Attorney friend, Martin Alfonso will be dealing with the coroner in Brisbane, and getting the documents to George so he can get Lisa’s ... Lisa’s body transferred here.

“I’ve already spoken to Father Lester at St Michael’s, George will work with him about arrangements for the funeral service; probably in two weeks’ time, Saturday the 25th. I guess I can talk to Branko at A-1 Limo, to get some hire cars, and after the cremation service at Northern Suburbs, I was thinking of having the wake back here, in the backyard.”

“Let me sort things out with Branko, and if you are having a wake here, I’ll get on to some caterers I know. If you have it here, parking will be an issue, I’ll talk to Tom Bubalo, get his guys to run a valet parking service, and have guys set up as guides. No, don’t tell me not to ... this is the least I can do for Lisa and you. There will probably be a bunch of your politician friends here, we can make sure there’s security people to keep the press away.”

“Thanks, Alexa; I haven’t really had time to think about anything so far. There’s going to be so much to do, I have no idea where to start!”

“All I can suggest, Will, is don’t rush into anything. You don’t have to do it all yourself, either; that’s why you’ve got friends who can help you.”

Just then, Michelle arrived, and ran across to where I was, wrapped her arms around me, and started crying.

“Oh, Will, this is so terrible! I’m so upset, so sad for you.”

Eventually, Michelle, Alexa, Traci, and Mary Beth asked me if I would like them to sort out the clothes that Lisa still had here, they didn’t want me to have to go through everything, or even see them still hanging in the closet. Michelle suggested the clothes could be donated to St Vincent de Paul, I agreed. Alexa asked me if there was anything of hers that I wanted to keep, I couldn’t think of anything, there were some of her possessions that she had left particular instructions in her will – for example, she wanted her camera and darkroom equipment to be given to Georgina – but things like clothes and other accessories could be donated to charity.

It took them a few hours to clean out the closet and Lisa’s dresser, there was, of course, all her clothes and other things that she had taken up to Brisbane with her; Peter and Nadia would be bringing them back down when they came for the funeral. But having the others clean things out for me made it so much easier; that was one task that I was dreading, going through all of Lisa’s personal stuff. There were her books and papers in the study, but that could wait for another day.

Around dinner time, I was starting to feel exhausted, Mary Beth could tell that I was barely holding things together and suggested that the others leave so I could get some rest. I had a light snack, took another sedative, then went to bed and fell into a deep sleep. I guessed that Traci checked on me at several times during the night, but I didn’t wake until the morning.

When I woke my first thoughts were hope that yesterday had just been a terrible dream, but that wasn’t to be the case. I was lying in bed, going over everything in my head when Traci came in to take my blood pressure and other vitals.

“Your blood pressure is up a bit this morning,” she said. “During the night it was fine, but it’s 135 over 90. How are you feeling, physically?”

“Okay, I guess,” I said. “I haven’t tried standing up yet, my head is still a bit fuzzy, but I suppose that’s from the sedative I took last night. Will I need you to hold me steady as I take a shower?”

“Yes, provided you don’t mind me being naked with you in the shower,” she said. “You’re still likely to be pretty weak and wobbly on your legs, and I don’t want you to fall over, potentially hitting your head. Come on, give me your hands, I’ll help you into the bathroom.”

She helped me into the bathroom, ran the water for the shower. While I was waiting for the water to heat up, I had a quick shave, then Traci and I got into the shower. She held me steady while I shampooed my hair, she washed my back after I had washed the front of my body. Once I was finished, she helped my dry myself and get dressed. The others were already in the kitchen, Mary Beth asked me if I would like some bacon, eggs, and home fries for breakfast, which sounded pretty good to me.

“How did you sleep, Will?” she asked.

“Like a baby, thanks; that sedative really helped,” I replied.

“Like a baby, eh? Waking up crying and wanting to suck on a tit every two house?” Stewie said.

I burst out laughing, that was quite unlike Stewie to make a comment like that, but it really broke me up.

“No ... if I had, then someone would have had to change me!” I said.

“I’ll take your vital signs, help you shower, but I’m not changing you!” Traci said. “That’s going too far!”

“All joking about babies aside, do you think you will be up to seeing visitors today, Will?” Mary Beth said.

“Are there many people wanting to visit?” I asked.

“There are some that I put off yesterday,” she said. “Fiona and Jeff, George, Harry and Fifa from Alberts, some people from sailing – Ian and Colleen Craig, Ross and Georgina – people like that.”

“That should be okay,” I said. “Not too many at once, maybe some before lunch, others afterwards.”

The day was a succession of visitors, all offering they sympathies, first it was Fifa, George, and Harry from Alberts. After lunch Ian and Colleen Craig called around, Colleen had a lovely arrangement of native Australia flowers and foliage, Mary Beth found a big glass vase and set it on the centre of the sideboard in the dining room. While the Craigs were here, Mick and Gaye Lee called in, they came with a very nice-looking fruit platter.

“Lisa was one of the best helmspersons I have ever seen,” Mick said. “It’s hard for me to acknowledge, but she was even better than Gaye, and that’s saying something. She was a lovely, generous person, too, I’m feeling so sad for you, Will, that shouldn’t have happened to someone your age.”

“I guess it’s too soon for you to have decided on sailing for the coming season,” Ian said, and was immediately scolded by Colleen for what she thought was an insensitive remark.

“It’s not a problem, Colleen,” I said. “I really haven’t decided what I will do; at the moment, I really can’t imagine sailing on ‘Young Lovers’ without Lisa with me. But I’m not making any decisions on what I’ll do in the future for a while.”

“Fair enough,” Ian said. “Sorry, I wasn’t really thinking.”

“It’s not a problem, honestly.”

Later in the afternoon Fiona and Jeff arrived, with Dennis. Fiona had been crying, her eyes were red and puffy, and as soon as she saw me, she burst into tears again, hugging me.

“Oh, Will, I am so terribly sorry for you, Lisa was such a lovely person,” she said, between sobs. “I was devastated when Mary Beth called with the news. How are you holding up? Is there anything we can do for you?”

“Thanks, Fiona, I appreciate you coming around,” I said, holding her tightly to me. “I guess I’m getting through it all, although I don’t know how. It’s all so sudden, such a shock ... I spoke to her on Thursday night, she was on top of the world, she had finally got that workplace problem solved, everyone was in agreement ... I told her to be careful driving back to Brisbane ... but ... these floods are terrible, and, and, she was swept away in the waters.”

I burst out crying again, I just let Fiona hold me to her, feeling her arms around me was somewhat soothing and comforting. Eventually, I regained my composure, and the three of us sat down. Dennis started fussing, and Fiona said that he needed feeding again, and proceeded to nurse him. Jeff asked if I had made any arrangements, and I said I was still waiting for the coroner up in Brisbane to complete the autopsy and issue a death certificate. Once that was done, the planning for the funeral would take place, but we were looking at a service at St Michael’s on the 25th, then a cremation at Northern Suburbs Crematorium, and back here for the wake.

“As soon as I know the definite plan, I’ll make sure you two know,” I said. “There’s just so much that has to get organized, and it’s all dependant on getting the death certificate so that the funeral director can transport her body down here...”

We sat together, making small talk while Dennis had his meal; Fiona said they should get back home, since Dennis would be wanting his afternoon sleep. I thanked them for coming, gave Fiona another big hug, she kissed me on the cheeks before they left.

After dinner, I went to bed, and tried sleeping without taking one of the sedatives, but as exhausted as I was, I couldn’t settle down and fall asleep. Eventually, about 10 pm, I relented, and took a tablet, telling Traci that I couldn’t sleep. The sedative did its job, and I woke up sometime after 8:00 am, Traci was there to help me shower and get dressed.

Today I planned to call Lisa’s sisters, Christine, and Desley, and get their views about the funeral service, suggestions for music and anything else that they think should be done. Before I could call them, I had a series of calls from Bob Hawke, Paul Keating, and Bob Carr. I assumed Cathy had passed on the news to Paul first thing that morning, and he had mentioned it to some of the others.

“Will, Comrade, Bob Hawke here,” he said when I answered the phone. “My deepest sympathies, Mate, I can’t imagine what you are going through. Both Blanche and I were so sad when we heard the news.”

I thanked him for his thoughts, there were similar calls from other politicians that I knew. They all wanted to know if any funeral arrangements had been made, I said it would probably be at St Michaels Roman Catholic Church in Lane Cover on Saturday, July 25th, but as soon as I had the details, I would let them know.

When I was able to call Desley, she asked if I had heard any more about the details of Lisa’s death, and I told her I wasn’t expecting to hear anything until tomorrow at the earliest. We then talked about details of the funeral, and she suggested a song called ‘I Come to the Garden Alone’, or something like that, by Elvis Presley, that would be nice to play at the service at the crematorium. I would have to see if I could find a recording of it and speak to George Patiki about what would be needed to include that at the service at the crematorium.

“Can you get someone to sing ‘Abide with Me’?” she asked. “The way they did it at Mum’s funeral, that was so beautiful.”

“I’ll see if they can do that, I’m sure they will,” I said. “Any other suggestions?”

She didn’t have any other suggestions for the time being, and I told her that there would be rooms here for her, Frank, and Christine and Ed with their kids; I asked her just to let me know when they would be here, and I would make sure the rooms were ready for them.

The rest of the week was a succession of people calling in to offer their sympathies, some brought around flowers or food, trays of fruit, shortbread biscuits, or similar treats. I know people meant well, and wanted to show their support and love, but it was incredibly tiring. I didn’t begrudge people coming around; on Monday afternoon it was Murray Allen, plus John Martin and Jim Shipway from the State Information Technology group, Tuesday morning people from my company. Wednesday morning Martin arrived with a copy of the official death certificate and coroner’s report.

“I’ll get five certified copies of the death certificate for you, Will,” Martin said. “I’m sure there’s all sorts of places that will need that, banks, her state superannuation account, and so on. I’ll start to take care of those for you tomorrow. There’s also the coroner’s report, the official cause of death was drowning.”

“Thanks for all that, can I look at the coroner’s report?”

“You can, but I would recommend you don’t,” he said. “It’s just full of fairly graphic medical stuff, a lot of the details I didn’t understand, just the summary.”

“I know, but I’d still like to read it.”

He handed it over to me, and I read the report. “White female, found in a car in the Brisbane river, approximate age 40 years...” It went on, listing her height and weight, hair colour, other distinguishing features. As Martin said, lots of details medical specifics on injuries consistent with being in a car that was tumbled down a fast-flowing river, and the cause of death as drowning. Much of the details were beyond my understanding, but it was pretty clear what it was describing. The more I read, the sadder I became, I couldn’t help feeling how terrified she must have been in those last minutes of her life. When I read the final part of the report – ‘detailed investigations showed she was approximately six weeks pregnant’ – I couldn’t hold back anymore and started to cry.

“That’s why I recommended you not read it,” Martin said, reaching over to put a hand on my shoulder. “I guess you didn’t know about the pregnancy. How, if you were...”

“There’s more to just taking a job behind her reason for being in Brisbane,” I said. “There are only a few close friends that I have told, but ... but she was leaving me, to be with someone who could give her a baby.”

“Damn, Will, I’m even more sorry for you, all of it has been so devastating. I’ll keep that bit to myself; I can’t see why anyone needs to know that. Now, there’s something else that we need to go through, because she was killed driving back from a work assignment, we can file a worker’s compensation claim, since the travel was work related. I have a colleague up in Brisbane who is very familiar with the laws in that State, he will be filing the claim and all that. I’ll just need you to sign the claim form, down here.”

I quickly read through the form, it seemed pretty clear to me, and I signed my name where Martin had indicated.

“How long should this take to go through?” I asked.

“I should expect a month, six weeks at the most,” he said. “It’s pretty cut and dried, there’s not much wiggle room for them to contest things. I’ll need you to sign this notice of representation, authorizing the solicitor in Brisbane to act on behalf of the you and the estate. The estate, because that’s where the payout would end up; but also, there’s a hint of an ‘unlawful death’ lawsuit that Dion will include in the filing. That’s just to let them know we’re not fooling around. Thanks for all that, Will, I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything. By the way, I’ve faxed a copy of the death certificate to George Patiki, so he will be starting to transport the body down here and make arrangements for the funeral service.”