Chapter 50: Rabbit Out of a Hat

Adjusting to a New Normal

Late December 1995

A few days after Fiona announced her relationship with Jeff, she spent a weekend at his apartment in Pyrmont. She was back home on Sunday evening, a huge smile on her face.

“I think, well, I’m almost a hundred per cent sure, I’ll move in with him before Christmas,” she said. “He said he would love to meet you both, particularly Will, he knows of you, at least by your professional reputation.”

“Sounds good to me,” Lisa said. “When and where?”

“There’s a Vietnamese restaurant not far from his apartment, at the corner of Harris and John Street. How does Wednesday night sound, maybe early, we could all go directly from work?”

The proposed arrangement would work for all of us, I would be working at Parramatta that day, at the DLWC Valentine Street location. I could take the train from there to the city, meeting Lisa at her Town Hall office, where we could take a taxi across to the restaurant. Fiona and Jeff would be walking to the restaurant, since it was just a short distance from the museum, and from there, just a few minutes’ walk to Jeff’s apartment. It worked out well, on that day we were running some tests on the first remote office VPN connection, the Newcastle Lands office had been linked into the network earlier that week. We were running some load tests on the connection to make sure the VPN software could handle the traffic load, after we had tweaked some of the parameters, things were working well, while response time wasn’t as fast as it was for workstations in the ‘local’ offices – in the Sydney locations, performance was still quite acceptable. It was around 5:15 when I caught the train from Parramatta to Sydney, at least it was an express service, stopping at only a few stations before Central, and then Town Hall. Lisa was waiting at the front steps to the Town Hall, we hailed a cab, and travelled the short distance to the restaurant in Pyrmont.

Fiona and Jeff were already there, we found their table, and Fiona introduced us to Jeff.

“Professor Morris, I’m proud to actually meet you in person,” Jeff said, shaking my hand. “Your reputation in computer networking is quite impressive.”

“Please, Jeff, call me Will, when I was teaching even my students wouldn’t call me ‘Professor’, I said. “How have you heard about me?”

“Before I moved to Australia, when I was still in Durban, I did my Master of Computer Science at the university there. One of the subjects was on computer networking, and our professor showed us several your papers on network design, and the RFCs you had contributed to. Your reputation as one of the leading researchers into the various Internet technologies, routing, the World Wide Web, plus what you have done for the state with its internet connections and web sites; it is truly an honour to meet you in person. I couldn’t believe it when Fee told me who you were, that she had performed in a band with you.”

I felt slightly self-conscious, I thought Jeff was going a bit over the top; I didn’t think what I had done in that area was that earth shattering.

“Well, thanks for that, but I don’t think my achievements are as great as that,” I said. “You said you did your Masters, was that purely course work, or was there a thesis or some research involved?”

“Both, there was course work, high-level stuff, advanced data networking, that was where I learned all about you and your work, but also data base design, operating system theory, things like that. My thesis was on data modelling, entity-relationship models, mainly relational database management software.”

I was about to start talking about some of the data modelling software that I had used in my Database Systems subject when Fiona interrupted me.

“I hope you two computer nerds aren’t going to talk about computer stuff all night!” she said. “Lisa and I will be bored senseless.”

“Okay, I am sorry Fiona,” I said. “I’ll try to keep the conversation off computers.”

Jeff came to the rescue, he asked Lisa what it was she did in her work, and Lisa was more than happy to talk about her work resolving industrial issues at the council. Jeff was an interesting guy to talk to, he had a great command of the English language, which on second thought was only to be expected. Sure, his accent was distinctly South African, and some of the expressions he used were a little unfamiliar to me. At one stage, he commented about the difficulties he had when he was first in Australia understanding some Australians.

“What made it difficult for me was that a lot of Australians speak quite fast, and they tend to run their words together,” he said. “Combine that with the rather unique Aussie slang and expressions, and I’m sure for the first year I looked like I had no idea what people were saying.”

“You do know why we run words together, and talk without moving out lips,” I said to which Jeff – and the other two – shook their heads.

“It’s because of all the flies we have here, the longer you leave your mouth open,” I said, “the greater the chance of swallowing a fly is. So, we tend to speak fast, and run our words together. Do you remember that TV advert Max Walker did for Aerogard, the insect spray? The catch phrase was ‘javagooweeken?’ – which was ‘Did you have a good weekend?’, but with all the words run together.”

“Well, that makes sense,” Jeff said. “I know how annoying those flies can be, and there are some, those really big green ones, they can bite and draw blood!”

“You don’t have flies in South Africa like we do here?” Lisa asked.

“Oh, yes, there are, and some can carry disease, but there aren’t the same numbers as in Australia,” he said.

Our conversations were put on hold as dinner arrived, first were the mandatory Vietnamese spring rolls, then some crispy pork strips, a braised chicken dish, some spicy peppery beef pieces; all were exceptionally good. The dishes were served with steamed rice, all the better to soak up the sauces. It wasn’t just the food that was excellent, Jeff was a great dinner companion, I could see why Fiona was attracted to him. He was intelligent – not just in computer science matters, but had a good general knowledge, we were able to discuss current events, and his views seemed to be well thought out, balanced and reasonable. I asked him about how he felt South Africa would develop now that the policy of apartheid had been overturned.

“Well, it’s one thing for the Government to change the laws, and end the policy,” he said. “But it’s another thing completely before the attitude of the people change. It will be at least two generations before the inbuilt racism and prejudices disappear, that was the reason why my previous wife and I decided to come to Australia. We were planning to have children, and we didn’t want them raised in the same hateful environment that we grew up in. You have many of the whites of our generation and older who still believe that the racial segregation regime was the correct way to run the country, they will be teaching their children that as whites, they are superior the blacks, coloureds, and Indian members of the population. That will take a long, long time to change.

“The other thing that worried us was how most of the population, the blacks, and coloureds in particular, might eventually try to take revenge for decades of repression and prejudice. Many of them are angry, and believe Mandela was too willing to compromise and forgive past injustices. He suffered more than most, being imprisoned for twenty-seven years, and to me, it shows the strength of his character that he was willing to forgive what was done to him. But many others aren’t as magnanimous as he is, and at some point in the future, all those years of repression and prejudice and mistreatment will boil over into racial violence. You only need look at race relations in the United States to see what a possible future for South Africa might be; I’m sure you remember the Rodney King beating in Los Angeles several years ago?” We all nodded. “Well, incidents like that happened every day under the old regime, and still happen to this day from some police officers who are stuck in the old Apartheid way of thinking. I can’t see much changing there for the better, at least in my lifetime.”

I thought his perspective was interesting, what he said made a lot of sense; while a government can quickly change the laws governing race relations in a society, it takes a long time for ingrained attitudes to change. It was certainly interesting to hear from someone who had lived through that recent history and seen the changes in their society; it gave a different perspective from that which had been presented on the TV news and in the papers. When we had finished our mean, Jeff asked if we would like to go to his place for coffee, but I said perhaps another time, when I didn’t have to get to work the next morning. Lisa and I caught a taxi back to Central, then the train back to Artarmon, where we then drove back home. Fiona was spending the night at Jeff’s place, so it was just the two of us going back to Lane Cove.

“He seems really nice,” Lisa said. “I can see why Fiona fell for him; I think he’ll be good for her. I certainly hope he will be good for her; Fiona deserves to find happiness and true love. I can see her moving in with him in the next week or two, they will be married within a year, and she’ll be pregnant soon after that.”

“I agree, I like him, he’s a decent guy,” I replied. “That makes it even harder to deal with her leaving us, the guy she’s fallen in love with is a nice, likeable guy.”

“Are you saying if he was a real bastard, you would be happier? I don’t follow.”

“No, but I can’t really get pissed off at Jeff, because I like the guy. If he was a bastard, then sooner or later, Fiona would realize he’s wrong for her, and maybe come back to us. But I’m seriously hoping that everything works out for them. It doesn’t worry you that one of the reasons why she left was to have children?”

“No, not at all. When we married, sure it wasn’t a church service, but in my head, I recited the traditional wedding vows, so I also made a promise to God, that I would be with you through better or worse, sickness and health ... So, how could I turn my back on that vow before God? Fiona never made that sort of promise, at least not to my knowledge, so there wasn’t the same compunction to stay with you.”

“Remember, I told you that if ever you feel you need to have a child or two ... Something we know I can’t give you, but if having a child is important to you, then I won’t stand in your way,” I said.

“I know, and I love you even more because of that,” she said. “Do you mind that now you are back to just me, and Alexa every few days? I know you need multiple women in your life.”

“It’s not needing multiple women, in the sense of I want to make love to different women all the time,” I said. “It’s just that each woman brings something different into my life, they have some skills or a way of thinking, or they have a different outlook on life that makes me a more rounded person, if that makes sense.”

“Yes, I can understand. That’s what was so great about Fiona, not simply the fact that I enjoy making love with another woman, or she was just so damn sexy and really knew how to use her tongue on my pussy. I’m not complaining, Will, but her oral skills were better than yours, which is very high praise. But the orgasms that she would give me were different from the ones you give me, making love with her was ... it was just different, I love feeling your prick inside me, I love feeling you opening my cunt wide, the thrusting, the feeling when you spurt inside me. But feeling her lips on my tits or my pussy, it was something else. I can’t explain it, it was a similar body part, being used in a similar way, but it was very different. Alexa is different from you, but she’s not as good at making me come as Fiona is ... I mean, was.”

“I guess that’s similar to how I feel, too,” I said. “Making love to her felt different, satisfied me in a different way to making love with you. And even with Alexa, too. It’s not just the differences in your bodies, or breasts, or how your pussy feels when I’m inside each of you. With you, I feel like I’m complete, like I truly belong inside you when we make love. I didn’t get that feeling with either of them, don’t get me wrong, it was still very nice, still incredibly satisfying, but there wasn’t that sense of us being the one person.”

“What was the saying in the Bible – ‘The two shall become one’?”

“Yes, exactly. We’ve experienced that several times, and it’s impossible to explain how it happens, but it’s like we are sharing each other’s feelings.”

“I know, and when that happens, it’s so amazing. The first time it happened with us, it freaked me out, but then the combined sensations ... it blew my mind. I don’t know if any other couple has experienced that, but it is so incredible.”

I wasn’t going to tell her that I had experienced that with Lori, Mary Beth, Chrissy, and particularly Jillian, I didn’t like gossiping about my ‘activities’ with other woman, it sounded too much like bragging.

“Now, back to Fiona,” I said. “I think we can assume that Fiona is – sexually at least – no longer a part of our relationship. We still have Alexa, once or twice a week, I don’t think she wants to change the arrangements. Are you going to be happy with that?”

“Happy? Of course, I’m happy, as long as we have each other, that’s all I need to be happy. The time we have with Alexa, that’s just a bonus, the icing on the cake, so to speak. Seriously, Will, do you really think I need multiple partners to be happy? You’re all I really need.”

Michelle stuck her head in my office in the middle of the morning, asked if she could come in.

“Sure, you know you don’t have to ask,” I said. “Take a seat, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I heard that Fiona is moving out, she’s found another man,” she said. “Seriously, how are you feeling about that? Are you upset or angry?”

“News travels fast! But yes, she is likely to move into with a guy she met at her work. Lisa and I had dinner with them last night, he’s a nice guy, a widower, a year or two older than me. Originally from South Africa, of Indian ethnicity. I can’t be angry at her, she said that she’s feeling her biological clock ticking away and wants to have a baby or two. Which, of course, she can’t with me. But she seems to really love Jeff, he seems to be good for her. Of course, I’m upset, sad that she has left Lisa and me, but there’s not much I can do about that.”

“I know the feeling about wanting to have a child, and not being able to,” she said. “That’s something you and I have in common, we both can never have children of our own, we have no choice but to play the cards that nature has dealt us, but for Fiona, she shouldn’t have to suffer. Well, not that you and I are suffering, but...”

“That’s true, I look at things like that, the sterility, and Fiona leaving in the context of the Serenity Prayer, you know, the one that Alcoholics Anonymous use – ‘God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.’ Being sterile is one of those things that I can’t change, and Fiona leaving, I can’t change that – at least I don’t want to force her to change. She has very good, personal reasons for her choice, and forcing her to give up something really wants, that’s not love.”

“That’s very true, I’ve always admired you for your truly unselfish attitude,” she said. “Would you like to go over the road to that little Greek place, and have lunch with me, so we can talk? I am worried about how you are dealing with this latest loss, and I want to make sure you talk things over with me, and your other friends. I don’t want to hear you crawling back into your shell, or worse, into a bottle.”

“I won’t do that, Michelle, and lunch sounds good. Let me wrap a few things up here, and we can go then.”

Michelle was right – as she pretty much always was. There was always the potential for me to dwell too much on my sad situations, look inward to myself. That was something Margaret Sleigh taught me, to rely on my friends, sharing with them. Michelle seemed pleased that I was eager to go to lunch with her, I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the reason for me desire to have lunch there was not because I would be being with her, but because I would be able to treat myself to one of their delicious iced chocolates.

I finished what I was working on, and headed across to the restaurant with Michelle, we found a table at the back, and ordered our food. I wanted a gyros salad and (of course) an iced chocolate.

“I could have wagered a small fortune on you ordering that,” she said. “You are totally predictable when it comes to food, Will.”

“Dependable, that’s what I am,” I replied, taking a spoonful of the whipped cream from my drink. “Would you like my cherry?”

“That was what you should have asked me, when we first met back in the summer of 1978,” she said. “I would gladly have given you my cherry. Oh, you mean the maraschino cherry on your drink? Yes please!”

“Have we known each other that long? I guess it must be, that’s almost eighteen years, more than half of my lifetime,” I said.

“We have known each other for a long time, and yes, more than half of our lives. But if you were to get my ‘cherry’, you would have had to have met me a few years before that. I’m sure it would have been a far more enjoyable experience with you, though. That’s not what I wanted to talk about with you today, Will.”

She reached across the table and took my hands in hers.

“You know I care deeply for you, Will,” she said softly, looking into my eyes. “You are my best friend, not just someone who I’ve worked with closely for many years as a peer. You, unlike most of the academics at the university, never treated me as someone less important than you, just because I wasn’t an academic. You have always treated me with the utmost respect and professionalism, I’ve felt that you’ve regarded me as an equal, and you have no idea how much I appreciate that. Here, in the company, you will refer to me as the project manager, all our clients know that you regard me as a key member of the management team. I never imagined that I would have the sort of career that you’ve given me, I started as a base-grade administration clerk at the university, and now ... I guess I’m your right-hand woman.”

“I’ve always regarded you as that,” I said. “From the first day I met you, I realized that I would be lost at the university without you; when I started working there, you were incredibly helpful and supportive of me. I owe my successes there to you, completely. You have been indispensable to me, not just professionally, but as a close friend, someone who has kept me sane, who pulls me up when I’m about to go off the rails.”

“And that’s why I wanted to talk to you today,” she said. “I think I know you well enough by now, when unexpected things happen in your life, things which upset your plans, or where you suffer some sort of heartache or disappointment, you tend to bottle things up inside you. Like when Megan and Lori left you, and you started drinking, lashing out at everyone. Mary Beth told me what you did, what you said to her. I was on the receiving end of your lashing out one time, too. You’ve been better since then, but only because you keep talking about your feelings to your close friends, including me.

“When I got the cancer diagnosis, you gave me lots of support, even as others who I would have assumed would have stuck by me, you were steadfast in your support. I’ll never forget that, and you help me get through the surgery. You set up a recovery room for me in your house, something that I would never have expected from you, and you and Lisa made sure I was cared for, did everything for me. I wouldn’t have made it through as well without your love and care.

“You are the closest to family that I have, and I would dread to think of anything bad happening to you. That’s why I’m worried, well, more concerned that worried, actually; I know how upset you are at Fiona leaving you and Lisa, I know you love her, and say you want what is best for her, but what are you going to do? I know what you are like, you need multiple lovers, not because you’re some sleazy man-slut that must screw any woman he meets, but you need love – physical and intimate love – from multiple women to be truly happy. I know you have Alexa on a part time basis, but I’m worried you might start to look around for some casual flings, with women who really aren’t suited for you. I don’t want to see you getting hurt again, Will.”

“I appreciate your concern, Michelle, I really do,” I said. “I’m not quite sure how I can answer your concern; this isn’t the first time a woman who I love has moved on to another partner. Allison has Sandra, Mary Beth is married to Chris. Merry and Ange are together up in Dubbo, Georgina is married to Ross. I guess that’s just how it goes, sure, you are right, there’s something about my emotional make-up where I need different women, women who complement each other to make things ‘complete’. I can’t explain why, and you got it correct, it’s not because I’m some sort of man-slut, who has to fuck anyone he can.”

“I spoke to Mary Beth about you,” she said. “I asked her why she married Chris, rather than staying with you. Well, I didn’t put it that bluntly, but she admitted that all things being equal, she would have chosen you, except for one thing – she wouldn’t be able to handle sharing you with other women. Even if you promised to her that you would be faithful, and only sleep with her, you have this magnetic attraction, women flock to you, there’s something about you, there’s this aura you give off, which makes women want to sleep with you. Did you know that if I don’t catch myself, when we are together talking, like this, I start to fantasize about us together, and I get so horny, my panties get soaked...? I physically need you to fuck the living daylights out of me! And that’s how Mary Beth feels about you, and lots of other women, too.”

“But I don’t consciously try to do that, I don’t actively flirt with them,” I protested.

“I know, and that makes it all the more of a turn on,” she continued. “There’s nothing fake about you, you’re not trying some sort of pick-up line, you are being your natural self. Mary Beth realized that, and even if it was the two of you together, and you remained faithful, there would be all these other women throwing themselves at you. Women like Alexa, for example – and I don’t say that in a mean or nasty way, she’s just been caught up by this aura you have. I would be like it, too, but like Mary Beth, I couldn’t handle all that competition, all of the other women wanting you. Even if you ignored them, it would still be too hard for me to handle. Which is a crying shame, if you and Lisa weren’t married, we would be perfect for each other. You wouldn’t care that I can’t have kids, since you can’t yourself. You wouldn’t believe how hard being infertile makes dating. That’s my third strike, the first is being a short arse, the second is the red hair...”

“What do you mean, the red hair?” I exclaimed, interrupting her. “I think redheads are so sexy...”

“No guy wants to marry a Ranga,” she said. “We’re seen as fun for a one-night stand, a quick fling, but no one wants to marry one, particular someone as short as me. And once guys learn I can’t have kids, that’s the death sentence for any sort of relationship. I know you don’t care about any of that ... so if you were single ... well, I would have to deal with lots of other women flocking to you, flocking for a fantastic fucking!”

“Michelle, I don’t ... I don’t know what to say to that,” I said. “I know there’s always been a strong undercurrent of attraction between us. I’m not sure about what Mary Beth thinks is this magnetic attraction that affects woman, I don’t think I’m all that special, all that desirable, I certainly don’t go out of my way to try to attract or flirt with other women. But with you, I’ve always felt that you were someone special. When we first met, you were working for Alonzo, and as my thesis supervisor, if we had got together, and things went sour, then it might make things difficult. Once I was working there, and you were in the team with me, the same would apply. So, I don’t know how to handle that concern you first Mary Beth, and then you have raised. I can’t control how other people react to me, but I can assure you that it’s not something that I deliberately go out and try to do.

“I’m not going to ask you to consider stepping into Fiona’s place, and I’m sure that isn’t why you asked me here today to talk about how I’m doing. I can respect your views that you’re not the sort of person who could handle a polyamorous relationship. Not everyone can, it goes against all of society’s rules and standard behaviour. The other thing if you were to be the ‘third’ in our relationship, and this is something that Fiona found hard to accept, is that even though she was – and you would be – an equal partner in our eyes, society wouldn’t see you as that, and wouldn’t accept you as having the same ‘standing’ as Lisa.”

“I can see that, there’s the saying that someone is the ‘red-headed stepchild’, I guess I would be the red-headed step-wife, or whatever the right term for a second wife would be. Not that legally I would be a wife ... I can see how complicated it quickly becomes. I will be content to remain your good, close friend, it’s simpler, and safer that way,” she said. “But that’s not my main concern today, I want to make sure you don’t go crazy in the wake of Fiona leaving you. Maybe I’m worrying about nothing, but I’m going to continue to fuss over you, if you don’t mind me doing that.”

“I don’t mind, in fact I understand and appreciate your concern,” I said. “What we need to do is make sure that at least once a week, we make the time to talk about our personal issues – not work stuff, not how projects are going, what stuff needs attention or how many extra staff we need. Just talking about ourselves, the things that are going on in our personal lives, how we are feeling. Just like we are doing right now. Deal?”

“Deal,” she said, and reached across to hold and shake my hand. “We both need to commit to each other to keep this agreement. I’m still in debt to you and Lisa for everything you’ve done for me.”

“We can have lunch together pretty much any day when we are both here, and not on site,” I said. “Plus, I don’t feel guilty about having one of their iced chocolates.”

“You and your iced chocolates,” she said, laughing. “If I ever had to lure you into a trap, I know what I would bait it with. Should we get back to the office now? Thanks for the talk, let’s try to make this a regular event, at least once a week.”

When I got back to my office, there was a note from Monica that Allison had called for me. I returned the call, and was tickled to hear her identify herself

“Mona Vale Hospital, Pharmacy Department, this is Allison Thornton, Pharmacy Director, speaking,” she said.

“Hey, boss lady, how are things going?” I said.

“Will! Thanks for calling back,” she said. “I heard about Fiona, I’m so sorry for you and Lisa. You’re not too upset, I hope? Can I do anything to help you?”

“Thanks, I’m a bit upset, not too bad. You can do what you’ve always done, be my friend, be around to support me, you’ve always helped me in the past.”

“I will certainly do that, and I’ve got some news that might help, as well. The Pumphouse wants us back for Friday and Saturday nights in January, starting on the 5th. Are you interested? Silly question, I guess.”

“Hell to the yes!” I exclaimed. “That’s just the news I needed to hear. From the 5th, every Friday and Saturday? Isn’t the 26th, Australia Day a Friday? We need to work out some sets, are you free this Sunday? We’re doing some training for the Coffs race on Saturday, but what if we set the next three Sundays aside for rehearsing? Bring Sandra around if she wants to come.”

“I was thinking initially just you and I, maybe once we get back into the groove, see if Stewie and Traci want to join us,” she said. “I’ll leave it to you if you want to have Fiona playing with us again this time, I don’t know if things between the two of you are strained. I know she adds to the sound not just playing trumpet and sax, but with her vocals. But it will be simpler, and a more intimate experience for the audience with just you and me. I’ll let you make that call, I’m happy either way.”

“Okay, I’ll start thinking about some songs we can do, maybe base it off the sets we had last time. We can refine that list on Sunday.”

“Cool, I’ll let Lisa and Mary Beth know, so they can start thinking about what audio equipment we’ll need. See you on Sunday, love you.”

That evening after dinner, I spent time up in the studio with Lisa going through the sets from our previous Pumphouse gigs. We considered whether we should ask Fiona, Lisa made a very good point that if we excluded her, particularly considering she was performing with us the last time we played there, and on the live album, should she find out we had excluded her this time around, she would take that as ‘punishment’, or at least a slight.