Chapter 18

I have never been grabbed by my father while I had been naked. I’m more than certain this was true despite the blackouts. As a baby, my father would’ve had held me. He would not have lunged for my shoulders and yanked me. He had done that once. I had nearly stepped into New York traffic, at age 9. I had been dressed then, even wearing my Rangers windbreaker over a sweater and another shirt. No, this was a new experience.

“When? When did you take these pills?” He growled. “Who? Who would give you this shit? Why? Why did--Larry where are you going?”

“I came to celebrate new Tanners. That is family.” He breathed out a cloud of cigar smoke. “This--This is all Brian’s shit.”

“What the fuck are you saying?” I demanded. That limo ride to The Globe. It was Amanda, yes, but--Goddammit. This was my brother. He wouldn’t hurt the family. He wouldn’t keep me from my kids. He wouldn’t. I took a deep breath. Did Shani give me orange pills? She had shoved them straight into my mouth. I was feeling empty and terrified.

“Brian! What the hell? What’s going on?”

“I think it’s Amanda.” I half-answered. “She wants the father of her child and I think she sees me like when Grandma had alzheimers. I don’t recognize her to see her. She’s scared.”

“Yeah?” Dad looked guilty. I don’t know that I should’ve brought up Grandma. “Livvie loves that girl though. I remember, when she had that first positive test. Olivia went mad with nesting and bonding. I figured those girls would be inseparable.”

“But Dad, I don’t remember.” I shook my head. “I’m missing out on everything. The only memories I have since I was just some mook with maybe a future in middle management, have all been about being led by the nose through this amusement park whorehouse.”

Dad laughed a pitiful and scowling laugh. He looked like he tasted something foul. He glared at the half of cigar still unsmoked. He dropped it in the ashtray. I was happy to put mine down. The high from nicotine was not something I was accustomed to. I kinda liked it but had enough problems with mind-altering chemicals as it was.

“I can’t believe your brother though,” Dad was back sitting a ways down the jacuzzi from me. He slapped his hands on the rim. “Truth be told, I never had. It’s not like Livvie and me. You claimed Shani. Livvie, well you had that moment of darkness when you were full of yourself and disgusted she was trying to evade your so-called best self for the real you. Not important.”

I wanted to know more about my other self. It took a feat of willpower I was surprised to find at the ready. I let it go and let Dad continue.

“I asked you, and so did Livvie, to expand our family because I was no longer capable of it.”

I waited. He cleared his throat.

“Shani though. She’s yours to the bone. Larry’s the brother-in-law now.” Dad shook his head. “That had always bothered me. I worried that Larry was under your control like any of our security guys or suppliers.”

“Oh crap,” I felt nauseous to think of it, “I brain-fucked my brother to steal his bride?”

“If you ever write an autobiography, you’ll have a title.” Dad’s black humor was strongest when he was sad. I hung my head.

“If I wrote an autobiography, it’d mostly be fiction,” I told him. “I don’t know most of what makes me, me. What thoughts and ideas brought me here?”

“Amanda, huh?” Dad snapped his fingers to call over Sam the bartender. She had her hair fixed in that stupid upward swiping tail. “I need a phone, darling.”

“Right away,” She nodded.

“And you can take the ashtrays,” I added, “We’re done smoking.”

“Good thinking,” Dad nodded. “So long as we stay here, even if Larry raises hell, so long as we’re doing island stuff, we won’t be railroaded.”

“Your phone, Master Tanner,” Sam knelt down by Dad’s shoulder, pressed the call icon, and held the tablet.

“Sao Huberto Resort, Frankie speaking.” The girl in the receptionist’s chair was dressed nice in a slate jacket and red kerchief. She was a baby-faced, orange-haired, freckle-bombed, blue-eyed teen trying to look positive and professional. It was difficult giving her that hand up knowing she was for hire.

“Hey Frankie,” Dad mumbled off, “We’re putting together a shindig. Send Livvie to join us.”

“Will do. You are in the Daphne Blake room?” She said with a smile. “Excellent. Mistress Tanner is sitting down for dinner at Casa de Tanner with Mistress Ghasra and both Mistresses Hess. Shall I just send the invite to your Livvie?”

I smiled at calling my stepmom Your Livvie to Dad. I’d have a harder time calling her Livvie over the times I called her Mom.

“No, we’d better keep it tight,” Dad frowned. He saw my confusion and explained, “The twins still do a lot of their prenatal work with Amanda and Doc Vanessa.”

“OK,” I nodded. I looked up. “Frankie, invite Rena as well, please. Leave the twins behind.”

“Um, both sets?” She smiled cheerfully for me. I froze. I’d only ever seen Lorraine. My son, my first boy, I--

“I’m sure she can find babysitters for an hour or so,” Dad answered for me. “The best part of the island, according to Livvie. Is babysitters, babysitters, babysitters.”

“Lots of girls for whatever you’re into. Nurses, babysitters, lifeguards, waitresses, secretaries,” I muttered, “Working girls, working girls, working girls.”

Dad signed off with Frankie and sent Sam back to put away the phone. I looked over at Dad. I glanced at all of the girls around me. I frowned.

“Remember when you first met Livvie? I told you she was a professional?” Dad had half-nostalgic grin.

“Yeah. of course. Have I ever apologized enough for that?” I shook my head in embarrassment. I hooked a finger for Bethany to come over.

“She laughed about it, I swear she did, once we were alone. Professional, she was a branch manager for a credit union. Yet my boy hears that his dad brought home a professional woman and he jumps straight to prostitute.” He chuckled. “I never apologized for how pissed I got when you dropped that on me. After meeting all of the girls on the island, I doubt I’d be offended at the suggestion anymore. It’s weird being able to indulge all of the time.”

“Scary weird,” I agreed. “I don’t know if I’d know how to act if I left the island had to deal with normal everyday women.”

“Well, you’re stupid rich.” Dad scratched his nose, “The chances you’re ever going to see a normal everyday woman ever again is practically nil.”

“The costumes are fun and I love good food and the adventures,” I thought aloud. “I’m glad I’m not into crazy kinky dungeons and shit.”

“There’s The Ball Pit under The Castle.” Dad shrugged, “It was mostly Amanda and Shani’s doing. Lots of the guests use it. I think they were always upset that you didn’t care for the whips and candle wax.”

“Ellie never even suggested there was a lower level on our trip there,” I recalled. “Good. That would’ve given me a complex. I suspect it brings in a lot of money?”

“We wouldn’t stand a chance of getting this place in the black if you didn’t have it.” Dad answered. I looked up at my shoulder. Bethany had sat down with her feet in the water waiting for me to address why I called her over.

“Make sure everyone gets cleaned up,” I told her. “I’m not inviting my mom into a messy room.”

“You don’t do that when you’re affected.” Dad said. “Have the courage to call her mom, I mean. You know we never asked you for that.”

“Yeah, but Larry and I knew she always hoped we would someday.” I shook my head. “Even though we were already grown and all.”

“Now that she’s going to be an real live mom, maybe you can try Livvie.” Dad watched as Bethany led Storm, Shego, and Kim into the back room. Sam and The White Queen stayed on call. I nodded and leaned back.

“They have to feed me the pills,” I considered. “I’d know when I was in the blackout but they always let me wake up before I get put back under. Deception is the only way it works. I have to be willing to be part of this.”

I drummed my fingers on the rim of the hot tub. I hovered my feet over the jet. I’d heard too much time in a hot tub was killer on your sperm count. I wondered if that was a bad thing. Seven kids is too many. I slid my ass back and stood up straight. Dad was watching me as I put my thoughts together.

“Who knows about the drug? How to get the doses right and everything? Is it just Amanda?”

“She has a team of six or seven graduate students and post docs.” He answered to fill in the gaps. “Maybe Doc Vanessa? She gives the girls their primer with their vaccines when they arrive. There’s yourself when you have access to the data. Less than 10 people in the whole world have the data on the drug, and all of them serve you unconditionally.”

“I’m going to have to sit down with Amanda,” I sighed, “It’s the only way to know anything.”

“Should we call her?” Dad asked looking over to Sam at the bar.

“No, I don’t know how much lucidity I have left. Two pills already. I was gone a few hours into that night on the town with Larry and at least as fast at the barbecue with everyone. For now, I know I’ve got you and Livvie.” I considered. “I need to know who I can trust.”

“You can trust any of the girls,” Dad shrugged. “So long as you put your brainpower into it. Hell, besides from a few of the small dosed big and tall girls, I’ve got their puppet strings in hand. For you it’s probably a cakewalk.”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“And you’ve always got Larry.” He added. “We’ll stick together. Family is the most important thing.”

“It was on my no exceptions list,” I nodded. Freedom and Fuck Island. Jesus. I took a winded breath. The doors opened, my lesbian and my stepmother entered.