Marriage; what’s a marriage?
I leaned back in this big comfortable leather chair; one of several found here in the reception of the country club we belonged to thanks to my ex-father-in-law’s exceptional wealth. I allowed my eyes to wander over to the clock in the shadows on the wall. It was past 7:00 p.m.; soon it would be time to go home. Alyssa Taylor Trevelyan nee McCloud was still gabbing about some of the odd and strange things that have occurred in her insane life. Alyssa is my former wife.
I’m Gavin McCloud. I’m forty-seven, I’m a geneticist, that’s right a scientist. I stand a short 5’10”, weigh a skinny 140 lbs., and have brown eyes and brown hair that’s sprinkled with a little grey now. I have, in my opinion quite a few qualities that make me eminently suitable as a marriage partner. I’m hardworking, honest, stable, solid, reliable, and pretty intelligent about most things. On the other hand I’m told I have about as much sex appeal as a manila folder. If anyone has any doubts about that last appraisal all they have to do is ask idiot girl sitting across from me.
Idiot girl is Alyssa over there across from me holding court the way she usually does. She’s a tidy little 5’2” forty-nine year old blue eyed blond who still weighs the same 110 lbs. she did when she was fresh out of college. By any man’s standards she’s beautiful, but she’s high maintenance too. I ought to know about the maintenance; I’ve been footing the bill for all her surgeries, and trips to the beauty shops ever since she married and then later divorced me. Believe me I’m not complaining, not really, not at all. You’ll never hear me complain, not in the least. I mean that. Hell I don’t have any money anyway.
There she sits, the ungrateful scamp; she’s is all decked out in a $2,000.00 designer dress she’ll wear just one time. Those are four inch heels she’s wearing, and God knows how much expensive jewelry. I’ll find out about the jewelry costs sometime next week. She really shouldn’t be wearing those shoes, but no one can stop her when she makes her mind up about something.
That dress is something; a pale blue mini, empire waist, tight fitting bodice that keeps pushing her up and out showing her slight but delicious little rosebuds. That plunging neckline doesn’t help either. I doubt it but maybe they’ll fall out. That skirted bottom, the short hemline and frothy wispy pleats that have refused to stay down all day are driving me crazy. She knows it too. Of course those aren’t pantyhose she’s wearing; they’re tight fitting thigh high nylon stockings. She’s used some kind of adhesive to keep them from rolling down. Sitting the way she is anyone who wants to can look right up her dress and see her frilly white panties.
She keeps crossing and uncrossing her legs exposing everything thing she’s got right up to that tiny soft little white silk lace covered pink ass of hers. I bet she’s wet too. I know why she’s doing all the shifting and moving; she’s trying to piss me off. She’s succeeding too. The God damn littler stinker. I wish she would shut up. She’s talking about me again.
I see her; she’s been watching me as much as I’ve been watching her. Look at her, she’s leaning toward the woman beside her. That would be Delores Manning, that’s Mrs. Manning to me and Alyssa. She’s approaching seventy and was Alyssa’s father’s second wife. Alyssa’s dad went home hours ago. He’s working on getting wife number four nowadays; she’s a twenty something from Poland. Alyssa’s a product of his first marriage. His first wife’s dead. Alyssa’s whispering something and pointing at me. She thinks I can’t hear her but I do.
Listen to her; there she goes again.
Alyssa looked at Mrs. Manning, “Look at him. He doesn’t fool me for a minute. Just look at him cringing over there. Why’d I do it? Tell me; who would want to marry an awkward skinny little science geek like him? Well I’m not leaving, and he’s not leaving till I feel like it.”
I listen to her. Look at her. She’s trying to make a fool of me again. Look at her as she leans forward. Oh she’s cupping her hands and pretending she has to yell to get my attention.
Alyssa calls over, “Gavin put your glasses on.”
Oh shit. I forgot my glasses. Where did I put them? I scrounge around in my tuxedo pockets. Oh here they are. They’re horned rimmed, but I’m used to them. Alyssa calls them my horned rimmed monstrosities. I guess I could get a different style, but I know these piss her off. Holding them up I tell her, “Here see, I found them.”
She thinks she’s so smart. She thinks I can’t see her without my glasses. Well I can see her. I saw her just then when she had to use her left hand to push her boobs back in place. I nod my head again and smile, “Thanks Alyssa.”
Listen to her. She thinks because I don’t see well I can’t hear either. Anyone would think after twenty-seven years, I don’t care married or not, she’d know. Listen to her...
Alyssa whispered to Mrs. Manning, “I have to smile at the dull witted son-of-a-gun. Oh sure, everybody thinks he’s so smart; what mitochondrial DNA and all, so what! DNA my stinky behind.”
I smiled sweetly at my ex-wife. She smiled back
I heard her whisper, “The idiot who used to be my husband still wants to marry me again.”
There she is she’s pointing at me, she says, “I’m talking about you so pay attention,”
I look at her and smile. I’ve got to listen to ‘our story’ again. Well I guess I better. If I don’t I won’t be able to correct her stupid lies. I ought to give her a good spanking. I’d like to. I really can’t. Listen to her-the stupid hard head! Here she goes.
“Like I was saying,” Alyssa glanced over at me again, “We met in Oslo. He was there with a team of researchers. They’d made some interesting discoveries about DNA. It seems all Caucasians have traces of Neanderthal in their DNA. Gavin was a part of that discovery. Well my mom and dad were there accompanying our English contingent. I was fresh out of college and coming off a tragically failed romantic relationship so I went along too. You should have seen Gavin. He looked like a lost little boy. He needed someone to take care of him. You know hold his hand.”
Melissa Enders, a much younger woman sitting on a nearby loveseat said, “So you decided to baby sit.”
Alyssa smiled at her, “You could say that sort of. I was there with my mom and dad, but there were lots of other people my age that were there too, and several of them were old friends. You know, college friends. We all noticed him. We talked it over, and I guess you could say I took him on as sort of a bet.”
“A bet,” stuttered the elderly Mrs. Manning.
“Oh absolutely Mrs. Manning. You should have seen him. No respectable woman would’ve given him a second look. You look at him now all neat and tidy in his spiffy white tux, but back then he was a sight. His clothes were wrinkled and ill fitting. His shoes were brown and scuffed, hair uncombed, and he was wearing white socks. Imagine white socks at a gathering for Nobel recipients! The only thing about him then that you’d recognize today would be those frightful glasses. He definitely needed help.”
She looked at me; her one-time husband. She scowled. I guess I didn’t seem to be listening so she called over, “You listening Gavin?”
I heard her and I had to say something, “It wasn’t exactly like that. I’d been up all that night with some colleagues. Some pieces of fossilized Neanderthal had come our way and it didn’t look like it was wrapped properly. The least exposure would’ve ruined the specimen so we’d been up rewrapping it. I hadn’t had any sleep, and I’d had no time to bother to get all dressed up like some people I know,” I crossed my eyes at her.
Alyssa shrugged me off and looked at the others. Two more people had shown up; old Mr. Andrews who is the current president of the country club, and Allen Showcroft Melissa’s guest.
Allyssa went on, “Be quiet Gavin. You were a ragamuffin. My friends and I flipped coins. I lost so you became my responsibility. I had to be in charge of getting you fixed up and presentable.”
“And you did it,” asked Mrs. Manning?
“It wasn’t easy Mrs. Manning.”
Melissa asked, “Did he know it was on a bet?”
Alyssa smiled, “No, not at first. Not for quite a while actually.”
Melissa seemed confused, “So you lost a bet and ended up with a husband.”
Alyssa grinned, “He’s not my husband anymore.”
I nodded and mumbled, “Thank god,” I knew right away I’d made a mistake so I said, “I didn’t mean that,” I saw Alyssa still looked hurt so I added, “She divorced me.”
Alyssa, self-assurance restored said, “I had to. No self-respecting wife could’ve stayed with him.”
Allen Showcroft, being a complete outsider asked, “I don’t get it.”
Alyssa leaned back. Her dress slid up, the tops of her nylons were clearly visible, and her panties were perilously close to exposure, “Let me explain.”
Everyone leaned in.
I interrupted, “What do you think you’re going to explain?”
She got all puffed up, “I’m going to tell them about us.”
I mumbled, “Oh shit.”
.... There is more of this story ...