Let me tell you a little about my wife CeeCee. She is tall and blonde – definitely blonde! I found out over time that she also had a little trouble connecting the dots. I met her a little over three years ago. She was in a bar with this asshole they were fighting over something. I don't usually interfere in peoples squabbles unless I am getting paid for it. That day though, the guy slapped her hard enough to knock her backward and into the chair behind her. That made her cry and I hate to see a woman cry.
I grabbed his shoulder with one hand and the seat of his pants with the other. I whirled him around and headed him for the door. Every step he took I raised him off the floor by pulling up the seat of his trousers. Unless he was wearing a jock strap he was sure to be hurting. The bar bouncer was holding the door open and I was gaining speed. Just as I got almost to the door the bouncer closed it. Ouch!
Not my problem; let the bouncer take care of the prick. Arms came around me and I was being kissed repeatedly. "You saved my life. Thank you. Oh this has been the worst day I have ever had."
"Let me buy you a drink and you can tell me about it."
"White wine please. I don't like beer and whisky makes me horny." She followed me to the bar and when I had the drinks in hand, she followed me back to the table.
"So tell me your problems
"I'm out of work and have been pounding the pavement for days. I don't know how many classifieds I have answered. This morning there was one in the paper about a retired judge who needed a house keeper. It stated the housekeeper needed to be young and attractive and this was a well paid position and the duties would be light. I'm an accountant and thought I could handle sweeping floors if the pay was good. That is until I found a position in my area of expertise.
"He called me 'my dear' and asked me to remove my clothes. Strange that, and I wondered, but I needed the money. You know what that judge wanted me to do? He wanted me to stay that way while I cleaned his house or so he said. He promised to show me his studio. Then he pinched my buns and fondled my breasts. He was rough and it hurt. I told him I didn't want the job and he offered me more money. I'm not working for anyone who hurts me, judge or no."
"That's awful! You left, I hope?'
"I did. I hated to because I'm broke. I wish I could get even with that old bastard."
"I'll give it some thought. Where are you living?"
"I have been crashing at a girlfriend's house. I have to leave tomorrow because her husband is due home. I don't know what I'm going to do after that."
"How come you were in the bar here with the guy who slapped you?'
"I think he was the judge's butler. I gave him my name when I got there. I guess he followed the taxi when I left. He talked to me when I got out of the cab, trying to get me to go back to the judge's house. He bought me a drink. Can you believe I think he was trying to get me drunk? I called him a name and told him he was worse than his boss. Can you really imagine someone doing that?"
"Terrible! Say, I have an apartment that needs cleaning. You wouldn't want the job would you?"
"I guess so. You aren't going to pinch me are you?"
"Nope, and you have to wear your clothes while you are working."
"Can I work for you just until I find a job?"
"Sure." I drove CeeCee over to her friend's house and we loaded up my car with her stuff. I was eyed pretty strongly by the friend and CeeCee was reminded that if I didn't treat her right she could come back and she would make room for her again. I moved CeeCee into my extra bedroom. I had not too long in the past had a live-in girlfriend, but she had traded up to a policeman with whom I was friendly. That friendship was now dead.
Three days later I came home and CeeCee was crying. "That judge has my name and he found I'm staying here. His butler came to see me. He threatened me saying I had stolen some money from the judge the day I was at his house. The judge said he wouldn't have me put in jail if I would go to work for him. I don't want to. I like living here with you."
"He must have a thing for you. We'll take care of him. You can help."
"Goody!" I decided to investigate this judge and I set about doing so.
I never knew what I was going to find when I reached home. My work took me out of the house at all different hours of the day and night. Living with CeeCee was an experience. Her mind seemed to follow a different path than everyone elses. I came home one night and CeeCee was crying. "What happened?"
"I broke all of our glasses. I was watching television and they were showing how to make a pyramid by stacking up glasses. I guess they have to be all the same shape and kind. You need to buy fifteen new ones so I can show you how nice it looks."
"Okay." Things like this were not unusual, but my house was clean so I didn't mind. I will say one thing about CeeCee, she did know how to keep books and accounts. She was trained in accounting. I never knew before I turned things over to her if I was making or losing money. I had always flown by the seat of my pants. She had a good figure, was good at figures ... go figure, but she had a few things missing somewhere.
It was soon a dark and stormy night when I said, "CeeCee, I need to have you drive me to a job. You have to follow my orders exactly or I'm in trouble." This was "get even night" for CeeCee but I hoped she didn't know it. The judge was still after CeeCee. He wouldn't give it up. I had investigated the bastard and I even found out what the studio she mentioned was for. I found him to be a pervert and more. CeeCee wasn't his only victim.
"I can do that." I was wearing dark clothes and I had a back pack with items I thought I needed. I coasted my car to a stop two estates down from the judge's home.
"Now CeeCee, we need to match up our watches. I want you to drive around for exactly one half hour and meet me right here at 10:30. Can you do this? Remember, 10:30 right here."
"No problem. 10:30 right here. What are you going to be doing?"
"You don't have to know, okay?"
"Sure Dick, and I'll follow directions exactly like you said. 10:30 on the dot."
God, I hoped so, but you never knew for sure with CeeCee. I watched for a minute as she pulled away. Why did I have a have bad feeling?
I quickly made my way behind the two other estates. There was only one light on in the judge's three-story house. It was on the second floor. The judge was still awake. I stopped before crossing to the back door of the house and donned a disguise. Just a fake mustache, cap and horn rimmed glasses. I hoped I wouldn't even need these. Just as I suspected, I found a window with just the screen latched. I made fast work of cutting a small incision and reached in and opened the window.
I went room to room. On the first and third floors, I didn't discover anyone else. Aha, the judge was alone. The second floor held what looked like a home movie set. When I eased open the door where the judge was watching something on the TV, I could understand. He was watching a porno movie and I recognized the location from across the hall it had been made in. Ooh, what a dirty old man!
Time to start things rolling. I went up the back stairwell and tossed an incendiary canister into the judge's bedroom. I ran down the three flights and tossed another into the kitchen. I hammered on the front door, banging it open just as if I had broken in. The judge heard me and came to the head of the stairs. I shouted, "Hey, your house is burning. You had better get out now. I'll call 911."
I grabbed the phone on the hall table and made the call. The judge came rushing down the stairs and he could see the conflagration in the kitchen. He stood there, not knowing which way to turn. I grabbed him and pushed him out the front door. I sat him next to a tree by the sidewalk. He looked uncomfortable so I grabbed a porch rocker for him to sit in. "I'll check the back. The fire department will be here soon."
By now the whole top floor was engulfed in flames. The first floor was fast catching up. I went around behind the house and across the back lots the same way I had arrived. My disguise went into my backpack and I walked out onto the street. CeeCee should have been here, and I needed her now. I couldn't stand there with all the excitement going on without someone being curious. I started walking up the street in the direction she was supposed to be coming from. Two fire engines went by and still no CeeCee.
Finally after twenty minutes beyond the time I said we should meet, I saw her coming down the street. I stepped out and flagged her down. "Where have you been? You're late."
"I know, but I was hungry. I didn't think it mattered. I went by this hamburger place and they smelled so good, I stopped and got us each one." What could I say, this was typical CeeCee. "Oh look, there must be a fire. Can we go and watch it?"
"No, not tonight." I don't think CeeCee was aware at all of why we were even here. Thank God for that.
Two weeks later I came home and she said, "You know, I think that judge got the message that I wouldn't work for him. He hasn't tried to contact me lately. Before this it was about every two or three days he'd call." Didn't she know? The subject never came up again.
I never made a move on CeeCee. I felt like I was her caregiver or babysitter, but she did grow on me. What a body she had. It got a little better for me. I helped find her a job in an accounting firm. She was so happy. She showed me her first paycheck with a note from the boss that said how well she was doing.
.... There is more of this story ...