He sat for what seemed like a long time. He just sat. He was in a hallway and the others, who'd been involved, his lawyer and assistants, had already spoken to him and had gone. So, so now Gordon, Sgt Gordon Blake was alone at what seemed to be the end of an age.
After just a bit, he tried to assess things with his mind. He was very analytical, which was a factor that worked for him at work, at the precinct. It almost seemed to him right then that at 33 years of age he had to start his life now all over again.
The very first flash that entered his mind about the whole situation was that 'yes' he had indeed loved her. The struggle had seemed to be so much 'their' struggle. At least that was how it appeared to Gordon.
She had been, he remembered, frail and a bit flighty but was as alive as he had ever known anyone to be.
Their relationship had begun with him being more of a 'big brother' figure to her than anything. It progressed slowly. Gordon Blake wasn't a man to rush things, especially with a woman. He'd had teaching and lectures and good advice from his beloved Momma about that kind of thing.
He'd only slowly begun to enter into the world of her personal pain and know its story: the persistently abusive father; the mother who turned her head the other way; sisters who had simply left, early on in mid teen years, who had refused to put up with it anymore. From his own position as a policeman, Gordon wondered about why no one reported the man.
It was cold comfort, certainly for him, that the man had, in later years, possibly facing his own deeds in retrospect, committed suicide.
But then Gordon, at the time, had no idea of how that final act of suicide would effect Eileen, the abused daughter, and his, Gordon's wife.
It seemed that she went into a cloud at that point, and 'their' struggle changed. It became 'her' struggle alone. Gordon, for whatever reason was lumped with the folks at home. The folks in her life that she was determined to leave behind and she mentally simply seemed to move on.
There was all sorts of counseling. It seemed to help her come out of her funk but also produced some outlooks in her that were difficult to deal with.
She stopped their love life completely. Making excuses about having things to deal with, she moved into the guest room and for the foreseeable future Gordon Blake was celibate.Their sex life stopped totally.
He had tried, in all of this, to be loyal and supportive. He knew what the background was. He knew where she'd been and what she'd been through. He simply figured that the very least he could do was to support what she was going through.
It was shortly after that, when he found the pictures. They shared a 'home' computer at the time, and Gordon was the one that used it the most, though Eileen took her own turns on the machine.
It had been a file folder that he found at an almost idle moment. When he opened it, he just sat and stared.
This was at a time, when she had her own bathroom and was very jealous of her privacy and continued to counsel the need for distance between her and any sexual events with him. He had also at the time tried to understand.
Now there, on the computer, in that folder were pictures. They were not only sexual, they were pornographic at best. In one, one of the first that he saw, she was kneeling, totally naked and surrounded by five teenagers: hispanics, Afro-Americans and two white kids. They too were naked and she had one cock in her mouth, a tall black kid standing in front of her, and had two other cocks in her hands. She was smiling lewdly, as she gave the kid a blow job.
He recognized some of the kids as the crew that did their lawns, and shrubbery. He filed that bit of news away
There were others, many others: with her, always naked, and they guys mostly clothed, being screwed in about every position that was possible.
He sat and simply stared. He didn't know what else to do. He decided to take a few days and think about it.
He remembered, in his reverie, that it had been a Wednesday. That was the day, when the grounds crew would be there to do the work. He went home early in the day, toward late morning. He had never done that.
He parked outside the house in the street to not cause any advanced noise and simply went into the house. They were there.
Eileen was naked among them. They had written, scrawled dirty things all over her, kind of decorating her: 'slut', 'cock sucker', 'pig', 'whore'.
He realized grimly how appropriate the words were. He only watched for a second, when she saw him.
On this occasion, the kids were all naked too, everyone erect, and Eileen was actively blowing one of the hispanic guys.
She saw him, after those few seconds, and she shrieked. They all turned in his direction, and they froze. The scene was like a play with the action put on hold.
His very first instinct was to pull out his gun. He did but he clamped his mind down on that kind of thinking immediately.
They were staring; he was armed. They were beyond scared.
"Out!" he said in a soft voice that rumbled with intended violence. "No dressing! Just out! Take your clothes and get out!"
They did immediately and the neighbors, who might have been around were treated to the sight of the whole gaggle of them scurrying out of the house totally naked and carrying their clothes, dressing haphazardly as they went.
She just sat where she was, in the middle of the living room, and cried.
She was beyond him at that point. They both knew that, sensed it. Her struggle had taken turns that he could no longer help with. They both realized that with her actions she'd given up any help or support that he might be able to give.
He later realized that he might have still hung in there but she made it clear that his hanging in there wasn't any longer the solution.
Right then, leaving her in the living room, where she made no movement to dress or change her position, he packed two suitcases, saying he'd get the rest.
She only shook her head 'yes' to that.
There as an 'I'm sorry' from her but no movement, it was as if her entire life had caught up with her.
"I'll have someone contact you," he said softly, as he was leaving. She nodded, and he left. It ended that way with no more fusses.
All of this was racing through his mind, as he sat in that hallway, the divorce decree having been declared final that day. She never contested. She didn't get her own lawyer right away, and even when she did, there was never a struggle.
Gordon told his lawyer, Lynn Neary, to be generous with Eileen in any settlement, and that's the way it was done.
(It's not the purpose of this tale to go farther into their story, her story, but a year later Eileen Blake committed suicide at her Mom and Dad's house. She did it while lying on her father's bed.)
He knew then that he had to move, to simply get on with things. He had some plans that he'd been working on that were designed to help him going forward. Lynn Neary had been a tremendous help in getting these things underway.
He'd waited to finalize things until this terrible day was faced and over but he'd begun at last.
There was the house, first of all. He'd searched out and found a house that he liked. It was a fairly large one but he knew that he could afford it.
As a matter of fact, in their marriage it had been Eileen that had brought the money with her. He never wanted any of it from her, though Lynn insisted and he did get a fairly nice settlement out of the divorce. That was going into the house.
With the house, he knew that he needed to buy some new furniture. It all looked like a fairly busy month or two ahead of him.
He was grateful for that. He knew well that it would keep his mind off of what was happening.
On a whim, a few days later, he went to the local humane society and rescued a shaggy, black and white 'mutt', who had more love in her eyes for him right then than he'd ever suspected.
So, for Gordon Blake right away it was the new house and Lily. He was surprised that Lily was so easy to house train but it was as though, with her attitude, she was trying to help him along with his healing.
He also had dinner out a few times within the next month or so with Lynn and her husband Larry, also a friend of his.
They were constantly concerned about him asking: "How is it?"
He would invariably answer Lily and I are doing fine. It never failed to bring smiles to their faces.
And every time that he went, arrived at home, Lily was there with wall to wall love and a very active tail, her tongue hanging out the side of her mouth. Their relationship was certainly a love relationship.
Gordon, to complete his period of adjustment, rented a large camper and went off, with Lily to the southwestern part of the county for a three week trip. It was idyllic for the two of them.
To put the cap on his march into the future, Gordon decided to join a church. His folks had always been church goers and, like so many of the next generation, Gordon had gotten away from it but was determined now to get back to it.
His folks had been dedicated Lutherans and so, he looked up a Lutheran church, and after visiting a few, decided on one that he was going to attend.
He allowed himself to sit comfortably toward the back of the church, and realized quickly how much he enjoyed the services, the mass itself, the music, the choir singing, the preaching all of it.
.... There is more of this story ...