After having a long time live-in girlfriend situation dissolve over religious and medical reasons I wasn't anxious to get back in the game. That was 5 years ago, and except for a few one night flings, a string of 3 and 4 date semi-commitments that didn't progress to interest me any further; I have been a single guy who has some interest in the natural urge to get laid from time to time, but pretty picky about who might stay beyond leaving a wet spot in the sheets. I've been to the Mustang Ranch in Nevada to see if just paying a woman to get my nut would make me happy. It turns out, it didn't. I do like the chase, the interaction, the little game playing by a man and a woman when they both know that sex is the inevitable goal. Neither wants to make the cold move to say, "I want to get laid" and get it over with. I guess there is a certain gamesmanship to the negotiation of the deed.

I lived with and shared all of my possessions, as she did hers, with Olivia for 12 years. We met in college when we were both just 18 year old freshman. We moved in together almost instantly on campus and after graduation I bought a house and she bought a car. We got jobs at an environmental firm where we didn't have to interact with each other beyond riding to work together. For my 30th Birthday she made me a special dinner and over that meal she informed me that she took care of a problem for us, she had an abortion.

My first reaction? I thought I was going to pass out. I couldn't speak all the while as she could not figure WHY I reacted so negatively. I call myself a Christian and though I may not be the most devout Catholic in the world, I do believe that abortion is murder, but certainly hold no grudge against those who think differently. HOWEVER, I would think I would have been consulted on this decision. It was my flesh and blood that was destroyed and I thought I should have had SOME say in it.

I could never look at her the same way again and as hard as I tried, I could not bring myself to say that I loved her again. She may as well have cheated on me as far as destroying my trust in her. The more she spoke of how little she thought of taking the life within her, that I created, the less I thought of her. We hadn't had sex for a couple weeks, and that wasn't totally out of the norm from time to time. We were usually out of the house by 6:30 every morning and usually were not home until after 6 at night. After a drink and the news we usually ate a late dinner and were off to bed. It was spring and the weekends were full of yard work and spring cleaning so she had the window get it done without my noticing a blip in her desire for my love making. Nothing in her emotional state gave away what she had done, when she had it done. I remembered one day when she was "going shopping" with her sister after work and would be home around 10 or so. Later I investigated and found she left work before noon that day.

After a week of trying to come to grips with it all she volunteered to move out for a time to let the "dust settle". She would live at her sisters until I called for her. I never had the urge to see her beyond the polite hello's we exchanged at work. We've settled what was mine and hers without much rancor and just 5 years later I don't miss her. She has a new boyfriend she lives with and except for the grand deception and the rug she pulled from under me, it's forgotten. That fact makes me wonder if she had just become my habit, rather than my potential life partner. Shouldn't I feel a big hole in my heart? Or was her SIN against my feelings and beliefs so great that no part of me could forgive her ... So that's my back story, if it makes a difference.

It was a Friday night and I was out with another single friend of mine, Jake from work. Jake was 25 and single and quite a fox hunter. I always drove us to any club as Jake rarely needed a ride home, he usually had female company. I enjoyed watching him work his magic. He was especially good in places with dancing and a DJ. He was slick on the dance floor, where me, I wasn't so hot to trot to show my limited dance skills. I hoped that that my good looks would lead me to a score, but I still had trouble making the first move. If some sweet young thing gave me a smile or wink, I was there in an instant. I should say, when I say "young", I interpret that as around my age or younger. Being 35 I hated to admit my age, but I never lied about it and I hope against hope that it hasn't been out of politeness that most gals are surprised when I tell them I'm 35. Having a full head of dark hair helps, and only my hairdresser knows for sure.

In any event, at Minnie's Mouse Trap the DJ was spinning mostly 80's and 90's hits with a few current dance tunes and it seemed to keep the crowd the right age the owners wanted, keeping the trouble quotient down. Jake had just asked a girl, whom I sure was carded upon ordering drinks, to dance to a hip hop sort of tune and I watched him and then checked the perimeter of the dance floor to see who else might be doing the same. Across the floor right under a light that made me unsure of her hair color was a real cute girl, lady, gal, (hard to categorize but she looked to be around 25, maybe younger maybe older) but one thing I was sure of was I caught her eye and she smiled. I smiled back and she turned to talk to a friend, so I was afraid it might be just fleeting, but I kept my eye on her. She scanned back and caught my eyes and she smiled again and even seemed to nod.

"Damn!" I thought to myself, "Do I know her?" She looks "sort of" familiar and I quickly went through my conquest file in my head and I was sure if I ever took such a cutie home before, her name and face would be ingrained in my memory, yet she was so familiar. I took a step along the perimeter of the dance floor as I was suddenly glad handed by an old friend who wanted to know how things were going and if I was interested in a Bus Trip to Fenway Park the following month.

I gave him my best "Hi, maybe, call me, G'bye" and side stepped him and looked to where the mystery gal stood and she was gone. A quick scan of the dance floor found her dancing with one of her girlfriends so I stood approximately where I had seen her and waited to see if that was where she might orbit again.

Under the lights on the floor I was sure her hair was Auburn, and she had the perfect complexion to accent it. Her eyes looked to be green, but I know I only hoped for that, not a chance I could see them from my vantage point. She finished her dance and strolled back to where I was standing while talking to her friend. She stopped purposefully in front of me and I said "Hi Smiley!"

God, how could I be so NOT chic with THAT line!!

"I always smile at handsome men. I only come here with a $10 bill." She said laughing.

"Smile at the right ones often enough and you'll only need it for a cab ride home." I said, knowing right away it came out in the wrong context.

"I'm NOT that kind of a girl." She snapped as I quickly started to apologize even before she spoke.

"I'm so sorry, that wasn't REALLY what I meant. Let's try this again. HI! I love your smile, my name is Blake. Would you like to dance?"

She made a little screwed up face and nodded to me but said, "You're OK, but no, I would rather stand and talk for a minute. What I was dancing to was a real favorite of my girlfriend and I indulged her." She said with shit eating grin, knowing she hadn't given me HER name yet.

She let it hang in the air and then winked at me with that cute smile again. "I'm sorry, I'm Candida."

I gave her an odd look and then let my personality take over as we spoke. It bothered me that her name was Candida, a name I consider to be of Spanish or Latin descent, and she was definitely NOT that. I don't dislike people of that persuasion, I just thought she might be giving me a phony name. She was definitely of Irish or Scot descent.

After talking in little cute-a-cisms back and forth making each other smile and wonder about each other, she waited for a pause in the silliness to say, "You did a double take on my name, and I wasn't giving you an alias or fake name. I am Candida, and my parents are from South America, but I was adopted, something I realized early in life that inquiring looks would make me tell to complete strangers like you. My almost red hair and green eyes defy the name, and if you call me Candy this conversation is over."

"Candida it is and my only double take to the name is that I don't think I've ever heard it before, except in a Tony Orlando song." I countered, hoping to make her feel more comfortable.

I really had no idea that Candida was a "common" Spanish heritage name. She smiled at my unfamiliarity of the name and leaned in to say something in confidence. "Yeast infections were commonly called Candida when I was a little girl and I used to be teased, but now it's commonly called Thrush, but I did use my middle name, Juanita, for a few grades in school."

"Well, call me stupid, but I never heard of Candida or Thrush, so it didn't need to be brought up. I'm interested in YOU!" I said smiling and pointing my finger at her, touching her nose.

"That's cute, but you should know, I'm not one of the girls who go home with your friend, there." She said pointing to Jake grinding with some girl on the dance floor.

I turned and saw who she was pointing to and saw Jake "working it".

"If that was what I was looking for, you would know already. I was really attracted to your smile and the feeling that I know you from someplace." I said in all seriousness.

"ALL MEN are looking for it, and so are women. I just happen to be a bit more discreet and want to know who I'm with should I make that choice, and that choice isn't made with alcohol and loud music playing." She said firmly.

So, right away I knew I had no shot at her tonight, but there was magnetism between us and I think both of us wanted to explore it a bit more.

"There's a quieter lounge next door if you would like to go and talk a bit." I asked.

"Ummmm, OK. BUT, be sure that I am NOT going home with you and you are NOT going home with me. I've had my one drink and I'm driving 2 of my girlfriend's home." She said, her face turning dead serious.

I extended my hand to her, but she shook her head. "No, you go ahead over, Joeys Third Base, right? I have to tell my friends I'll be back here before they close."

"OK," I said, "but if you're just going to stand me up, just do it here and avoid making a fool out of me."

She frowned, but then took her phone out of her purse. She locked it and gave it to me.

"Here! I'll be there!" She said emphatically and slipped into the crowd to find her friends.

I motioned to Jake that I was leaving and he waved me off, apparently set for the night, and I went over to Joeys. Joeys Third Base was a quiet watering hole with a bar full of regulars. It was commonly known as a place to go to meet someone else's wife. Whether it was true or not, I don't know, but the sign outside "Joey's Third Base" with the words, "last stop before Home" flashing underneath drew people in. Many thought it was a sports bar, with the baseball connection, but it really wasn't. It was a watering hole.

I found a table on the side and a cute little waitress came over and I ordered a plain tonic with lime for me and the same for Candida. I knew they would charge me for a Gin-Tonic, but I had enough to drink already.

After 5minutes Candida came in and half the men at the bar seemed to straighten themselves up, as if ready for a review, but she came directly to my table and sat.

"There's no alcohol in either of our drinks, fair enough?" I asked

She nodded and then put her elbow on the table and rested her chin in her palm.

"I know you from somewhere, at least your face, and I know we've talked." She said looking at me inquisitively.

"Where do you work?" I wondered.

"Mmmmm, information I don't give away this early. Let's just say the medical field." She said looking me over.

I smiled back, knowing I found her very familiar as well. We chatted about a lot of little things just feeling each other out, piece by piece. No earth shattering subjects, just small talk to delve into personalities a bit.

Then her long quizzical gaze turned into an embarrassed smile and she leaned in to say privately, "Urethral strictures".

"W-H-A-T-? Are you talking about?" I asked totally lost.

"I work as a nurse for a Surgical Outpatient group and I'm usually exclusively in the ER Recovery Suite for Urology, Gastroenterology and Endoscopy at our facility. You were a patient there, you had urethral strictures and had a lot of complications and I spent a long time with you until you were stabilized. You even flirted then." She said giggling.

"Holy Shit! THAT'S WHERE I know you from! Talk about embarrassed!"

"Goodness!" Candida said, poo-pooing me. "We're all so vulnerable when we get put in that position, shocked from surgery and the drugs involved. No reason to be embarrassed."

"Oh crap, I was such a mess and a big baby, too. I'm sure I made quite an impression on you." I semi apologized.

Candida leaned in to be sure she was private again, "When a man has anything done to his penis or testicles he fears his manhood, and I don't blame him. Your reactions were quite normal. I only remember because you were in more trouble than you knew. I remember we had to put you out again and return you to the ER with Doctor Ott. It stays with me because of all the blood."

"Can we change the subject?" I asked, "This is making me uncomfortable. The only good thing is that you've already seen my junk and you're still interested. It just seems that if your badge said Candida, I would have remembered." I said with a chuckle.

Candida shook her head and smiled. "Firstly, my badge says CJ, secondly I see PLENTY of men's "junk" as you say, and believe me in the circumstances I do see them, sex doesn't come to mind. But I will say you weren't afraid to flirt with me even when I had to re-catheter you. I remember filling out your details and the other nurses laughed when I told them you were sweet talking me while I was doing it, a time when most men close their eyes and cry."

"So, I was brave?"

"No, you were drugged right up. But, I'll have to tell you the truth; you had me interested because you were about my age and single, and quite the charmer." She said patting my hand before she finished, "But we can't date patients."

My face must have fallen 3 feet at her last words, but she broke into laughter. "I'm just kidding! I mean I wouldn't purposely treat a relative or boyfriend, but if the situation rises and it so happens, c'est la vie."

"THAT'S a relief! So if I ask you out you'll go?" I asked anxiously (she had me smitten).

"Can we talk more and ask a few questions before I say yes? ... Or no!"

I smiled calmly, nodding, and looked forward to the conversation starting.

"Blake, are you married?" She asked as I emphatically shook my head.

"Ever been?"

"Nope, but I suppose you can say I was close once. We both moved on and that was 5 years ago. So, how about you?"

"No, I was married to my job for a long time until I realized I was going to become an old spinster. So I do devote time to trying to find a companion, and if that develops into something ... well, who knows?"

"So you aren't out fishing for a husband?" I asked hoping she could give me an emphatic NO.

"Not really. If something happens, fine. But I can see going through life without being married. I'm not going to lie and say I don't enjoy the company of a man from time to time. However, like I said before, I'm not like one of the girls your friend chases down." She said keeping a straight face to be sure I knew where I stood."

"You've seen Jake there before." I smiled and nodded as she quickly agreed.

"So," I said changing the subject quickly, "You've never been married?"

"No, not even close; a lot of boyfriends, but none that ever got serious." She said casually.

"How could a woman as pretty as you not have men chasing you home every night?" I asked.

"I don't smile back to every man like I did to you tonight. I liked your face, you weren't a kid looking for (finger quotes) "an experienced woman", you didn't seem to be a hound, AND I thought I knew you from some place, and in some way, I guess I do. I can put on a real cold front to someone I wish hadn't approached me, and I don't date Doctors or co-workers. Now, to turn your question around, you're a pretty handsome guy, why no girlfriend?"

I smiled at the fact she thought I was handsome. I guess I was sort of proud that I might still "have it".

"I was deceived by a woman I thought I loved and trusted, and she thought nothing of the situation, that I held very close to my heart, without so much as to WANT to discuss it with me. I realized that I wasted almost 12 years with someone who could ... well, I don't need to get into it. Let me just sum up saying, I thought I knew her and it ended up, I didn't know her at all. So now I tread lightly." I explained.

"You aren't blaming all other woman for her short comings and mis-leadings are you?" She wondered.

""No, but by asking that I know you aren't just looking for a short term hook-up, I like that. There are a LOT of women, especially ones you meet in clubs and bars, looking for a short term hook-up. You end up spending a weekend with them and when they leave, or they throw you out they say, "Maybe I'll see you around". Not that I really thought that a woman I met on a Friday night, and slept with me on a Friday night was going to be long lasting relationship, but..."

"I get what you mean. I know men and women have needs and sometimes we act in ways that go against our normal sexual personas, BUT, I suppose we all have used men or women uhhhh..." She said tailing off.

She lowered her eyes and dropped her head for a moment as if she were confessing to herself.

"Hmmm, there's that BUT again. I guess we both know the way that story goes."

She looked up and got real serious again. "What's the opposite of love?"

I didn't hesitate. "Fear." I declared.

"Wow, GREAT answer. 99 out of 100 say hate, and love and hate are so close in the feeling they leave you with that they are the furthest from opposite. Just look how many men HATE a woman they once loved." She said with a happy, almost victorious smile.

"Now, what do you say? Let me take you out for a quick dinner, nothing fancy, a movie, and maybe a drink afterward." I asked her anxiously cutting to the chase.

Candida laughed and reached for my hands that I let her take in hers.

"OK, Blake, I'll tell you what. Give me YOUR phone number and I'll call you from work and tell you what movie I'd like to see, and if we agree, we can try it. If it works out, I'll give you my phone number and we can try it again. How does that sound?" She asked all smiles.

"OK, as long as you're not going to make me do this every time we might go out, if there is a second or further date. I AM a man and it is my place to call you and propose a date. I'm old fashioned and I take you as being an old soul like me. We both know we aren't kids and don't have the time to play games. Neither one of us want to be strung along. You gave me a welcoming smile that said more than any words could to invite me to talk to you and despite the circumstance where we thought we "might" know each other; I did feel a spark I want to act on." I explained hoping she didn't mis-understand my feelings.

"OK, after our first date, old-fashioned it will be, but promise that if it doesn't work and I refuse a second date, that will be the end of it." She specified, leering as if she were giving me a stern warning.

"Why would I want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me?" I said with a smile as I pushed my chair out and left a tip for the waitress.

She took my arm and said "Please let me walk back in Minnie's alone; give it 5 minutes or so. I don't need my girlfriends smelling my breath."

"Not to worry, I'm going to go home anyway. It's after Midnight and I'm tired." I said before hesitating. "Smelling your breath? Wha... ?"

She smiled and chuckled a bit. "What could two people do out in a car that would give me bad breath?"

"Ohhhhh." I said embarrassed I needed to be schooled.

Let me skip ahead about 5 weeks;

Candida did call me the next Thursday and proposed a movie at a Multi-plex next to a Ninety-Nine Restaurant and we went out. We had a nice talk over a light dinner, saw what I considered a chick flick (I think she was testing me to see if I would sigh at her choice, but I enjoyed a little known flick called "At Middleton" with only 5 or 6 other people in the theater. Later over drinks we got diarrhea of the mouth and talked over just 2 drinks each until closing. (2 a.m.)

I had picked her up at work and I feared I was just going to drive her back to her car but she said," I'll give you directions to my house. I took a bus to work today. I had a feeling this might go well."

When I pulled in front of her house she took her phone and punched a few times at it and the inside and outside lights came on. I went to open my door and she put a hand on my knee.

"You don't need to walk me to the door. Let's say good-night here, OK?" She said and scooted over a bit and leaned to kiss me.

We kissed once, and then again. We broke and smiled looking in each other's eyes, almost nose to nose.

Before I could speak she said, "I had a really great time tonight. You're as special as you are good looking and charming. Not many of you guys left. I hope we can go out again." She said as she sat back and reached into her purse and took out her professional card with her home number written on the back.

She handed me the card as she leaned and we kissed again, this time lingering and touching tongues, her hands going behind my head to deepen the kiss. I felt her relent and I let her lips go.

"That was so nice, the whole night, but your kiss was the first I've felt in a long time that meant something. Good night and I'll call you soon." I said as she moved towards the door opening it.

Just before she closed it she bent and looked in at me, "Soon. That could be as early as tomorrow, you know."

I drove home on a cloud thinking about the pretty lady with the inviting smile that I spent the evening with. As the evening progressed and I saw her walk to my car, into the restaurant, and out later, I became aware of how sexy her body was, how well taken care of she was. She seemed pert and firm, I don't think she was wearing a bra under her sweater and I could see how firm she seemed as her round little ass moved when she walked, with either a thong or no panty at all. When we got close it was easy to tell she wore no make-up and was so pretty naturally. As I couldn't get over the fact she wasn't "taken" I remembered her saying she was married to her job, and she didn't date Doctors or co-workers. That reduced her pool of beau's, especially if she was working long hours, and apparently she didn't put up with the likes of a "Jake", my womanizing pal. However, she did "sort of" admit to falling prey to her "needs" and may have violated her own standards a few times. As humans we can sometimes be quite lascivious when need leads to assumed desperation. (In plain words, do things we KNOW we'll be ashamed of and not care anyway, at least, at the time)

We got together the day after our movie date, a Saturday. I put a 6 pack of beer and a bottle of wine in a cooler and we stopped and got sandwiches and drove to a State Park. We walked and talked, stopped and kissed a little and then settled at a picnic table and enjoyed our lunch. We must have spent another hour just talking and getting into each other's heads. After we packed things in the car we decided to go for one more walk and halfway through one of the trails along the high cliffs in the park we caught up with a guided tour and finished that with the group. They took us places you might not see without a guide with keys to restricted gates. We were so proud of ourselves for doing something so personally rewarding, I think it kind of made us feel young, like we were in school. When we got to the car she was all over me kissing and necking, we were so happy.

On the way home I suggested stopping at my place for a quick late day snack, I had burgers thawed, but she said she "didn't think so".

So began a courting and wooing period where we played little cat and mouse games with our necking and wandering hands, but never getting too far and always staying dressed. It was a little frustrating at times, but now that we had established a pace in our relationship it really did make you feel young again, with sexual energy building and facing our own resistance to what we considered commitment. She and I both knew that once home and on our own we were taking care of our needs and frustrations, but there was a certain respect we kept for each other, not giving in to animal needs.

On the 100th day since our meeting at the club we were on our way to a James Taylor concert, a sort of last hurrah of summer in mid-September. On the way we were playing one of James CD's and she leaned to me and asked, "Do you know what today is?"

"Yes, I do. Today is the 100 day "anniversary" of the night we met." I said proudly.

"Wow!" She said, "Is it really?" as I nodded with a big shit eating grin because I knew.

"Well, I was going to say that this was our 25th date and it's been the happiest time of my life. We haven't quarreled, or even disagreed too much, AND we've accomplished that without kissing each other's butt too much, don't you think?"

"Twenty Five dates, I didn't know you counted."

"I keep a diary to track my cycles so if, you know, anything happens, I have ... you know, female stuff to know who, ... well it couldn't be anyone but you." She said blushing.

"So far it couldn't be me either."

"Does that disappoint you?"

"I think we've established a pace we both agree to, don't you think?" I asked hoping to break so ice with her.

"Yes, but we both know that there's frustration that we work on alone, right?" She said blushing as I nodded, somewhat embarrassed.

"We've done well for ourselves. You're the longest I've waited with to be what you might call intimate. I didn't want to feel any guilt or shame for anything that happened between us. Right now, I've NEVER been with any one man as long as I've been with you. Too many moved on after we got sexy. I somehow don't think you've waited 100 days to do a hit and run." She said being brutally honest in her lowest voice, as if in a confessional.

"Candida, I respect you too much to push or prod you on sex. I know we'll cross that bridge eventually if things are right. This isn't just you or just me, this is US. I hope this doesn't freak you out, but I think I'm falling in love with you. I'm imagining myself with you more and more and including you in any plans I make for about everything." I said hoping I wasn't going to freak her out.

"I have a strange feeling about me too, and it dawned on me a few days ago that it must be that I'm falling in love with you as well. I've never really felt that before. I suppose that doesn't speak well for a 34, almost 35 year old woman." She said quietly, not even wanting to look me in the eye.

"Candida, I think that's sweet and it makes me feel real special to think I'm the first you've felt that way about." I said, choking up a bit.

We were just pulling into the concert venue and lining up in traffic to park and she turned in her seat, nervously sitting up and crossing her legs under her.

"I know you can't think I'm a virgin, and I have had sexual relations with more than a few men without any real feelings between us. You understand that, right?" She asked making sure she made an honest attempt to be straightforward.

"Of course, we've spoken before about needs and frustrations. Besides, how can I say, or you either, about any relations we had before we met. I, in no way, think of you as anything less than what you've presented yourself as, and conversely." I explained as we sat still in the queue-up of traffic.

"Blake, you're a special man and I thank God for finding you for me. I'd like to bring you to church with me this week. I don't go every Sunday, but most. Sometimes my boyfriend keeps me out too late to get up early enough." She said with a little chuckle.

"I go every week, at 7:30 no less. Where do you go?"

"St. Francis of Assisi. How about you?"

"That's funny, that's where I go too, but like I said, always 7:30." Knowing most all the faces that go to that early mass, and I would have noticed her.

"Well, if you can hold off for a couple hours on Sunday we can go together this week." She said.

I nodded as the traffic broke and we got our shot into the lot. The concert was great, as you might expect and we enjoyed it greatly, especially all the love songs we both knew the words to that we sang to each other.

On the way home I saw Candida nod off a few times and wondered if she might need me to help her into the house. (Wishful thinking, I STILL had not been invited inside after going out.) However, by the time I pulled into her driveway she was awake and we were talking about Saturday. I wanted to go to the apple farms where they had a country fair, and get the first crop of Honeycrisp apples and maybe get a fresh baked pie. She asked me if she might fit in those plans just as I pushed the lever into Park.