Story Treatment: Terri/Terry and the Cross Time Pirates!

by Paige Turner

Caution: This Science Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Celebrity, Science Fiction, Time Travel, Robot, Historical, Mystery, Gang Bang, .

Desc: Science Fiction Sex Story: The Qubit Comedy & Drama Hour is proud to present the Non Identical Twins Terri/Terry and The Cross Time Pirates! Brought to you be Little Timmy's Gambling & Sex Emporium! Yokohama, Singapore, and Police Pizza! You need it when... Since 2015!

"Satirizing reality, since

time travel is impossible!

and we needed to make a few bucks"

Terry and the Cross Time Pirates is a twisted reality show.

The plot line fills in what they are trying to do in bits and pieces that are made up situations involving advertisements that bookend the show all being for none existent products and events. A skewed sense of absurd paradoxes presents this crew of would-be crooks trying to run a scam and make lots of money off of it, but they are also afraid of blowing up the reality they came from by changing the past so much that they 'reality grenade' the future they came from into not ever being formed out of the present they are in, which is a thousand years in their past. The crew has made a major boo boo and stranded themselves in our reality. They need cash to fix their time machine and get out of Dodge before the Time Patrol catches up to them. The master mind behind all of this is "Little Timmy", who is cleverly disguised itself as an old Kelvinator refrigerator out of someone's garage covered with stickers and who speaks with a Canadian accent, eh? Little Timmy is a quantum computer that escaped from it's own reality because someone forgot to tell it not to time travel and so off into the past it went. This prop allows for a lot of candid camera reaction shot sketches to be inserted into the show.

The idea behind the crimes is time pirates seek to lure a star ship to a Rock Concert 'Detroit 2015!' they are trying to scam a way into putting on as bait to snag the star ship takes a little set up. They're figuring on selling the cargo to Japan, as it's mining machinery, selling the star ship crew a bunch of genetic materials to make up for the missing cargo, and citing certain rules and regulations in various surreal phone calls to and from the future. It is a tangled mystery where the main characters are out of the future and trying to make a score. In order to do that, they need to make the crew feel at home, and what's it cost to rent a city for ninety days to throw a rock concert in, and what better cover for the crew off the starship to mingle with the natives with than a Time Traveler's Ball?

How do you run a con game like that? How do they figure they can do this and not get caught by the Time Patrol? Having a quantum computer tilts the odds in their favor: They can get away with this, as long as they don't actually bend up too many of the local rules, and 'What do you mean, you didn't get the papers in 1985? They were wretchedly typed, I'll admit, and the judge just accepted that the document had been received when the Post Post Office mailbox had been closed, I see..." and half of a conversation being in completely fictional case laws involving quantum machinery and the fact that 'Little Timmy' was seeking to set up legal mechanisms that can establish cross linkage effects of quantum mechanism, then they were just 'cheating fair and square, sir!' (as Little Timmy would put it.) How does a rogue entity from somewhere in the future not get it's electricity shut off after pulling a stunt like this is also somewhat difficult to grasp, but it's 'nobody has written case law on anything here, sir' and so this window of opportunity came up to make some bets and off to the fixed boat races they go, apparently aided by some rogue piece of equipment whose hobby happens to be time travel and who'd geeked out a way around the rule book and whose ability to 'cheat fair and square!' had figured out a way around the paradox traps. The Time Pirates are more or less roles, and its lunch box sales of decals with a nose art rendering ala Milt Caniff style cartoon and Terry and the Crooks, or Terri and the Pirates, gives the role players a lot of latitude to develop. The male Terry is a chunk of beefcake from out of the Castro flamer with a lot of gay sex appeal that appears in a lot of skits involving gay bath house humor. He's the lightweight in the team, the blonde airhead who has to constantly be feed his lines by his keepers, but who Terri needs because they are semi identical twins. Apparently he's such a dim bulb because she's rented his brain for additional processing power, or to handle email, or whatever it is the reason she's not up in arms about him not pulling his weight.

To the people of their past, none of this makes sense. To them; it's a dim event somewhere in their past they looked up and perhaps they can close a loop and get away with this crime by using technical points in law that haven't happened yet with the people on the other end of the phone calls in the far future. Whatever they come up with, she's got an excuse for it already established and her official fall guy has an alibi. So sometimes her phone calls take on an air of 'ya, well I got one for you! 2673! And up yours, you bucket of frozen electron soup!' (Slams down the phone. "That'll fix the little crotch weasel!')

Tim, 'the designated fall guy', is actually a slightly scruffy quantum mechanic without a Q certificate but whose main thing is tending to this box of parts that it has quantum communications and processing capability. Its a rogue unit, one someone hadn't yet inserted the 'thou shall not time travel' paradox loop closers into and someone asked just exactly the wrong question of it one day and it took off to find out the answer and somehow stumbled into the hands of Terri and her on-the-make group of get-rich-quick scam artists that have preloaded the reality they are operating in by making the natives believe it's a TV show, and yeah, she'd outed herself and her crew to the naive natives, but so what? There is the event, we have an open loop causality, you got Little Timmy by the power cord and only problem is, you don't know When or Where the hell Little Timmy is hiding out, do you Chief? And since it's the best you got, well, you know how sulky quantum machinery can get when its operator can't solve its little riddles, right? So we're kind of stuck here until this plays out, and since you've already read the files on how this boat race has to be rigged, we get to divert the cargo and budget it under PR or do we have to pick up the check through a later company? Uh huh. And what about the tax liabilities in the United States? Can we waive them by saying it was for the UN and thus non taxable, or are we going to have to have Barry sign off on that? Oh, either way's fine. Thanks, always a pleasure fucking you Chief! Can't wait to ... oh, almost forgot you weren't human. Think you can rent something nice to put on next time at head quarters and we'll see how those last lessons worked as far as religious experiences goes? Yeah, enjoyed the last time, too, see you back up in 2908. Bye sweetie!'

A pirate in cahoots with the chief of the Cross Time Patrol? Or is this all a double cross being rigged up to hang a bad case of bar bet fixing on a group of quantum physicists? Is Little Timmy down the well again? If so, what part of reality are we in now?

A script in which a bunch of time travelers set to hustle the natives legally and above board. Or illegally and obviously illegal acts actually being done in public in which nobody is exactly sure what is real reality and what is some surreal television show starring a bunch of crooks with a time machine they may or may not have official permission to use, off on some kind of mission into the past where they apparently are able to talk their way through a lot of very strange situations. The basic prop, the red refrigerator, appears in every background: Is this a coincidence or is it just Little Timmy wanting to get a good view of what's going on? If you pose that refrigerator right, you can have groups of people climbing out of it in the background wearing strange clothes. This secondary thing going on in the background becomes another reality sketch in which a group of mime performers is set loose not speaking the current languages. They wander around with packs stenciled Property of Detroit 2015 or wearing bumper stickers across their chests and all the while the "Robin deals with the Pizza Police sketch" is rolling on out his driver's side, and this red refrigerator nonsense is going on in the back ground. Finally the William's prank is explained to him, as well as why the audience of random strangers is so intent on what is going on in the back ground in his blind spot. The cameras are still rolling throughout and when he gets out of his car to talk to the guys that pranked him, what does he see? A bunch of people in tutus and glitter with bumper stickers or cut off t shirts with Detroit 2015. The cop notices and pulls out a whistle and blows it, and yells, "Hey! This is 2014! The cattle call isn't until next year! Who let you out of the refrigerator? Where's the Reality Patrol Wagon? Get those hams out of here! Who told Little Timmy it had the authority to let them into this reality scape? I want to see some releases on my desk by tomorrow morning, people, or there is going to be hell to pay!" (insert ad for "Hell Toupees!)

And a paddy wagon pulls up, the mimes are loaded into it and it goes over to the park and lets them loose again. You can have a lot of fun being gate crashers for a Time Travelers Ball that hasn't taken place yet!

.... There is more of this story ...

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