Chapter 9

When Andrew looked back over a year, for 10 months of the year he led a crazy, busy life but for those two months from mid-April to mid-June his life turned inwards. Except for studying nothing else seemed important until the full stop at the end of the year, the May Ball. But as the train headed down to London, the summer stretched out in front of him. He arrived at Jim and Freya’s laden down with bags and his computer and was very happy to leave all but one bag there. He was travelling light to Edinburgh as normal.

“You are back on Friday and then off again for two weeks, is that right?”

“No, I am on the sleeper on Friday night and will be here to drop off my backpack before rushing back to King’s Cross. My uniform is in my room at College and I should just about have time to change and then return the key. I will take one small bag with me so that I have a change of clothes at the end. I should be back here after camp on the night of the 6^th.”

“Remind us where you are going?”

“Brecon Beacons for the first week and then just outside Cambridge again, if you can believe it, for the second. Bassingbourn was only about 10 miles from Cambridge but Waterbeach is barely five miles.”

The farewells were getting every more familial when he left Jim and Freya’s. Her hugs were unabashedly motherly and they were so welcoming to him. Andrew had not spoken to his parents since Christmas. Not even half a dozen letters in six months, but no calls and Andrew had seen them twice in 18 months. The fractured status was not healing, it was atrophying. He was never going to win son of the year but there had been no attempt by his parents to reach out, extend an olive branch, anything like that. More and more it felt like there was no going home. And neither party was in any rush to change that. Hmmm.

The following morning Andrew got back to his flat about 6.30 and the day took a serious turn for the better. All the mail was on the hall table, Suzanne’s bedroom door was closed but he could instantly tell that she was in the flat. Andrew unlocked his bedroom door and put the bag down. Stripping down to his underwear he started his 15 minutes of exercises. As he completed them he was saved from his dilemma of whether or not to wake Suzanne by the appearance of the lady herself.

“Perfect timing, I wasn’t sure whether to wake you or not. I am not going to run this morning and am about to head to the pool, are you coming?”

Suzanne nodded and disappeared back into her room and two minutes later they were walking the 30 metres to the pool. They didn’t talk, there was no point in starting any conversation and minutes later were in adjacent lanes swimming away. Suzanne set a strong pace but since Andrew wasn’t running he was going for longer, slow and steady swim. But it was a happy swim. He felt this was a giant first step, a step Suzanne had not taken at Easter before he left. With Andrew swimming longer and Suzanne showering at the flat they ended up in the kitchen at roughly the same time. There was coffee and when he opened the fridge, miracle upon miracle, there was milk.

“I got it on Saturday when I got back.”

“How are you doing, how was term three?”

“It was fine. University is an oasis of calm in my chaotic life. I refused to let either my fitness or studying suffer despite the rest of my life being all over the place.”

Andrew wasn’t sure what to say to that so focused on making the coffee.

“Tell me how Cambridge was this year Andrew, thank you for the regular letters last term by the way, I could tell you were trying hard to reconnect with me.”

So as they drank their coffee he talked about the year, mainly the sense of finally belonging there, but touched on the sense of moving away from home that lots of his friends were going through.

“I can understand that. University is a time of change, a time for figuring things out.”

She shrugged, and the elephant in the corner of the room raised her head and looked at them.

“How was life with Fran and Nikki?”

Suzanne’s face lit up.

“The best. They have been incredibly kind and welcoming. They finally found a flat to buy within the approved three streets that they are prepared to move to. It is a three bedroom place, well closer to two and half, the third room is not much bigger than the boxroom here. If the sale goes through they asked me if I wanted to stay with them again next year. I am seriously thinking about it. They are just the nicest people.”

That they were. The coffees were finished and Suzanne took the empty cups through to the kitchen. She took Andrew through to the living room, sat him down at the end of the couch and then lay with her head in his lap.

“Normally we end up walking for serious conversations but we don’t see each other’s faces when that happens and I would like to look at you.

“First of all, Fran and Nikki helped me understand what a stupid, hurtful thing I said back in April. It might have been truthful but I said it in an unkind and ungrateful manner. But most importantly it broke us apart in a fundamental way. And I know I can’t take it back and I am heartbroken about that. Because it was not what I was trying to say, and even if it was, it was the wrong way to say it.

“We were getting closer, I was understanding myself better, you were helping me every step of the way. From Rome through Christmas, to last summer, first when you came back from Germany, and then when we went to Amsterdam together. We changed so much in that 15 months and I can never thank you or repay you for the kindness, support and love that you showed me. When you left the flat that very first Saturday I was on such a high. And so when I met Phil, I let my guard down. What I discovered about myself and about my sexuality is at its best, at least for me, it is two sides of the same coin. Yes, I get turned on giving up control, being submissive, and what we had was you getting turned on by my enjoyment of being submissive but not my being submissive. That was what I couldn’t explain to you in April. Phil as someone who needs to take control, a dominant, gets off on my submission, and I in turn got off on her dominance. When she tied me up and left me hanging on the edge of an orgasm for ages, she ached for that control. And I know that she craved that control, and the more she craved it the more I wanted to give it up. It is who I am.”

She paused but didn’t look away.

“But it is only my sexuality, not my whole being. When I am at class or at the gym or in the pub with friends that is not who I am. It is just confined to the bedroom. What Phil tried to do was take it beyond the bedroom and it felt discordant, atonal and I ended it quickly when that happened. She was mad and things were really tense for three weeks there at the end of second term as I told you at Easter. I don’t know how I would have coped without Nikki and Fran letting me stay with them. But she is gone now and everything has settled.

“Andrew, Phil was not a nice person but she understood how to make me hum. But only in bed. She only went 10% beyond what you did to me but I could tell the difference, I could tell what she was doing to me excited her, and it made me want to try even harder to please and excite her.”

She stopped to dab her eyes and stifled a sniff.

“We have talked about the difference between sex and love and sadly I can tell you what it is. Because I stupidly said something cruel about the last 10% of one part of my life, sex. And in doing so, at the time I didn’t realise what it cost me. Because I do understand about love, I have told you several times I love you, and I chose sex over love. And it makes me sad. Neither of us are 20 yet and it is too soon to talk about all this but at the same time I was cruel to someone who loved me and who I love.”

She paused again and ruefully laughed.

“I can tell you are back, here I am rambling on. I want to say I am sorry and I want us to be friends. Getting back to October 1^st is impossible but I need something to aim for. So I have properly moved in, this is my permanent home. I am going to stay here this summer while I am working. But this is where I am going to come during university breaks. I will go over to the family home all the time but this is my home. So there you go, a brain dump of major proportions.”

Andrew swept Suzanne’s hair away from her face and leant down and gave her a gentle kiss.

“There is no script to follow here so let’s see where this goes. You were my friend before you were my lover and I missed you this year. Everything about this is a complicated mess but you are my friend and I want to work to strengthen our friendship. What that means and looks like over the next two years, I don’t know. But I am now late to go down to the offices so I am going to head off. Can you phone Mhairi’s office and make an appointment for this week to sign some papers. I will explain what they are tonight as well as tell you about one or two interesting things that happened to me this year.”

He lifted her head as he stood up before laying it back on the couch. For all of half a second. Suzanne was up in a flash.

“Andrew! You can’t say something like that to me and then head out the door.”

He grabbed his bag full of papers relating to the Trusts before stopping at the front door.

“Yes I can, I am late. I will be home about 6.30 I would guess. I am going to tell Leslie and Julian no to dinner tonight, assuming they ask me, but will suggest tomorrow for us instead. Do you need the car or can I take it?”

“I will be fine, it is your car after all. I will see you tonight.”

All the way to the office Andrew smiled. Life was not perfect, but it was definitely better than 24 hours earlier. Both Julian and Leslie were at the office when he arrived and after hugs and handshakes all round they sat in Leslie’s office to catch up.

“How are you both? When do you head off on your honeymoon?”

“We are good. Honeymoon starts in about a month and lasts six weeks. July 20^th to August 31^st. Three weeks in Australia, a week in New Zealand and two weeks on Tahiti.”

“Wow, that is quite the trip.”

“Yeah, but it is.”

Leslie stopped.

“I was about to say it is a once in a lifetime trip but that is not actually true. It is the end of this stage of our lives. Julian is no longer a student and life will be hectic when we get back. It is more like the chance to take six weeks off again are going to become impossible pretty quickly. So why not.”

Andrew turned to Julian.

“Have you got your results yet?”

He smiled.

“Last Friday. 2:1.”

They managed to negotiate the awkward man hug and Andrew stood laughing at him.

“I am not buying you another car as a graduation present.”

They both joined in.

“I hardly get to drive the thing. Between my father and my father-in-law, someone is always borrowing it. And you know I married Jackie Stewart’s faster sister over here. I am lucky to get to drive my own car.”

“It is bloody fantastic Andrew. Once Julian’s exams were over we took it to Knockhill for the day and just had a blast. Pushing 130 a couple of times but it was just so much fun. I remembered you telling me how much fun you had at Snetterton so it was a great day out for both of us. The Dads were jealous when we told them.”

“And I can’t believe you made Helena drive it from the showroom over here.”

“I forgot about the extra length track I have for the Golf, and the Ferrari. When I tried to sit in it I couldn’t turn the wheel or use 2^nd and 4^th gear because of my leg. Thank goodness Helena was here. I took a roll of film of her in it so that she can torment her father. What is it about middle-aged men and this car?”

“How long are you here for Andrew? Just this week?”

Leslie got them back to business.

“I am on the train Friday night so three days.”

“Okay, let’s save the rest of the chat for later and talk about what we need to achieve this week. The computer company is created and all the paperwork is finished. Nothing is happening with that until September. Your engineering company is also up, if not running, and is papered as well. I am guessing that is a placeholder for now.”

He nodded, afraid to interrupt as Leslie was on a roll.

“The property fund has received all the money now and we have a manager hired. He started last week, Stephen O’Neill is his name. He is downstairs and I will take you down to introduce him later. I think the only thing outstanding is Suzanne signing the documents then everything is finalised.”

Andrew risked an interruption.

“She is making an appointment to see Mhairi this week.”

Leslie’s only answer was a raised eyebrow.

“Good. Regarding the property fund, there is an investment committee of three unitholders who review the proposals put forward by the manager. Simple majority wins although from talking to Dad, who is one of the three, anything that is not unanimous is unlikely to be approved. I didn’t even bother asking you about being on that.”

Again Andrew nodded.

“Okay, so that will keep Stephen busy all summer. He is early 30s, very smart and prepared to take this risk. I know you don’t care but this is a £4m fund and it is closed, meaning no one else can subscribe. But if it is successful, then it will allow us to market a second fund perhaps slightly bigger, say £5m, and Stephen receives a bonus of units in that fund. All very complicated but it incents him to work hard and to be successful. Balanced by the investors making the actual decisions. I will save you the rest of the details. Creighton now has one assistant and is looking to hire a second and is doing all the finances for the fund. He and Stephen get along which is important. I am friendly to him, so is he to me in fact, but I have no day to day dealings with him. But he knows one of the investment committee is my Dad and that Julian and I are investors. So he is suitably professional. Morag is looking to hire a new receptionist so that she can work full time as my assistant here. Once hubby gets up and running we will need the extra support.

“Okay, so that is all the changes. The Trusts are running smoothly as well. Dr. Bodmer realises and now accepts that we are going to be very low key during the year. Research on basic biology, potential treatments, drugs, they all take time and so I see no point in having meetings beyond once a year. Early December works well for everyone so we are scheduled for two days December 9^th and 10^th for two days of presentations. There will be a dinner with the President and Dr. Bodmer on the Tuesday evening. We will all be attending.”

The last was said in such a tone that it took all Andrew’s resolve not to just say ‘yes dear’. Julian was weak and said exactly that and was duly whacked as punishment. Leslie looked at Andrew daring him to say anything but she was a married woman now, she shouldn’t be whacking strange men, he smiled and kept silent.

“The investments are doing well and we will be able to maintain the donation amount this year, possibly even increase it, although we will wait and see. The Endowment Trust is also moving along nicely. We have a raft of new proposals to review, one investment is doing incredibly well, most are still looking promising, or are at least not looking unpromising, and we have decisions to make about three investments as to whether to continue funding them.”

She finally drew breath and Julian and Andrew looked at each other, dare they speak?

“I know, I have unloaded a whole lot on you, but that is the nature of having meetings like this so infrequently. What do you call that? Batch processing?”

Someone had been paying attention.