Chapter 14: Go Make Me Some Money!

February 20, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

"What's bugging you, Jonathan?" Bianca asked on Sunday evening after Costas, Trevor, Dustin, and Archie had left.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked.

"To Shelly and me, at least. I'm not sure the boys noticed. What's up?"

"Just some stuff my mom said," I replied. "But it has me questioning my approach to relationships."

"Because of Bev?" Shelly asked.

"Right the first time," I said. "Though the more I thought about it this afternoon, Violet factors in as well."

"Just as I said," Bianca observed. "Your mom's opinion carries more weight, I suppose."

"No," I replied, shaking my head, "she just confirmed what you said, though she doesn't know about Violet."

"You know, you could just ask her how she feels," Shelly suggested.

"Yes, I could, but I think that is fraught with all kinds of challenges. I can't go into why, but even discussing the subject has the potential for disaster."

"I know you won't say one way or the other," Bianca said, "but I'm going to make an educated guess — she was abused growing up. It fits all the facts of which I'm aware."

"I can't really comment," I said.

"I know! That's why I acknowledged you won't say one way or the other! May I make an observation? One which I think applies beyond Bev and Violet?"

"Sure; why not?"

"You have a deep-seated need to rescue or aid 'damsels in distress' - Bev, Violet, and Deanna, combined with an aversion to commitment that has you tied up in knots. I think, in a sense, you're trying to drown out your emotions with pussy."

"Hang on!" I protested. "You think that's OK! In fact, you encourage it!"

"Because it suits me and my agenda," Bianca replied. "You're enjoying it immensely, but I'm not sure it suits your psychological needs. I won't say 'emotional' because the last thing that drives you is emotion, but that doesn't mean you don't have deep-seated needs."

"OK, Doctor Freud," I chuckled. "Next, you'll say it's all tied up in wanting to kill my dad and sleep with my mom. But I can't follow Oedipus because my dad died before I was born!"

Both Shelly and Bianca laughed.

"It did sound like psychoanalysis, didn't it?" Bianca asked. "But I think the point is valid."

"So you're arguing against your own best interests?"

"Don't you when someone else's best interests conflict with yours? In fact, you said that was required when a client's best interest is at odds with your best interest."

"Except there's a nuance there," I replied. "What is in my client's best interest is always in my best interest because my best interest is served by ensuring my clients are my top priority. In other words, if I put myself before my clients, I do them a disservice, and once they discover I've done that, I'll lose them, and they won't be clients. Therefore, per Kant, it's illogical to believe my best interests are at odds with those of my clients."

"You've read Immanuel Kant?" Shelly asked.

"One of the philosophy books Anala suggested I read had a survey, and I may not be entirely accurate, but I think it fits with Kant's ideas. But in any event, I disagree with Bianca's point, to a point, in that we differ on what it means."

"I know she usually gives you advice, but may I?"

"Of course. Advice is just that — advice. It is simply one more piece of data to consider in making my decisions."

"Logical to a fault," Shelly observed. "First, let me ask about what Bianca said about your aversion to commitment — do you agree?"

"Yes, and in analyzing my actions, I think it has as much to do with not wanting to foreclose things with Bev as anything else."

"Which makes sense, but be your usual logical, analytical self and tell me what you think the most likely outcome will be."

"That Bev and I cannot reclaim what we had because we're no longer the same people we were in High School. Whether or not we can find a way forward together is an open question, but to anticipate your next question, I'd say the odds are against it, given what's happened in the past month."

"So it's not really an open question, is it?"

"I suppose not," I admitted. "I mean, it's possible but not probable."

"The other point before I give my advice is that you believe an exclusive relationship is the start of a lifetime commitment, but I think this is a case where your logical approach actually prevents you from taking a logical action."

"And what would a logical action be?" I asked.

"Pick a girl and develop a real relationship with her. Don't make any promises about getting engaged or even committing to exclusivity, at least in the short term. There are plenty of girls who would be amenable, and I know at least two are angling for something in that vein — Deanna and Keiko. There's a reason they asked to move in, and I'm sure you know what that is."

"It gives them a chance to develop a deeper relationship, but doesn't force me into a relationship before I'm ready."

"Exactly. So, my provisional advice is to agree to let them move in, focus on them, and maybe one other girl, and see what happens."

"And the two of you?" I asked.

Shelly smiled, "I assumed we'd all have sex until one of the three of us entered into a relationship that didn't permit it. Besides Deanna and Keiko, which girl do you most want to go out with?"

"I think that depends on which factors I consider," I replied. "Anna would win hands down, but she works for Spurgeon."

"But didn't you say she rejected the entire culture the same as you do?"

"Yes. Her Swedish values are totally at odds with how the Suits behave."

"You're a Suit!" Bianca interjected.

"Yes, but also no, if you understand what I mean."

"I do," she replied. "You equate that word with what you called the 'coke and hookers' culture."

"So," Shelly said, "if you both reject that idea, what's the problem with dating? From everything you've said, she's rational, intelligent, level-headed."

"And 'smoking hot'," Bianca added with a smirk.

"That might have something to do with it," I chuckled. "Setting her aside for a moment, it would probably be Haley, but I want to reserve judgment on that until after tomorrow's date with Teri."

"The redhead from your class?"

"Yes. And all of that said, I still need to think about Violet."

"Either you ask her about it, or you give up on it," Shelly said. "There isn't a middle ground unless you want to wait forever, only to be disappointed."

It was more complex than that, though I couldn't say so because I couldn't reveal the confidence with which Violet had entrusted me. I could actually NOT wait forever and still be disappointed by Violet's potential inability to ever be physically intimate.

"You're probably right," I replied. "But I do need to think about it more. The other thing I have to consider is that if I did take your advice, how living with four girls would affect a relationship with another girl."

"If she couldn't deal with it, then is she really the right girl for you? That was Clara's problem, right?"

"Basically," I agreed.

"And Phoebe's, too," Bianca added.

"She misplayed her hand, so to speak," Shelly said. "If she had been wise and bided her time, she might have had the end result she wanted, but she was too locked into the idea of a traditional, exclusive relationship and couldn't see past that. Right?"

"So are you, Shel!" Bianca exclaimed. "If you could, we have a readymade solution without anyone else moving in!"

"I just don't think I'm cut out for that for the rest of my life," Shelly replied. "Not to mention how it would look to any school where I applied to teach. You're going into computers, and from what I see and hear, it's very libertarian; schools are very conservative, and doubly so if I end up teaching at a parochial school."

"So you'll let society dictate your happiness?" Bianca challenged.

"No, like Jonathan, I'm aware of what society thinks, but I have to do what I feel is necessary to be fulfilled, and for me, that's a traditional marriage. Jonathan feels the same way, though the sheer amount of pussy available is tempting him to your solution. I just don't think he'd be happy long-term."

"Let me think about it," I said. "But I am leaning towards Deanna and Keiko moving into the new house with us."

"And my advice about picking one other girl and developing a relationship?" Shelly asked.

"I'll take it under advisement."

February 21, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

Monday was President's Day, which meant the markets were closed, and I didn't have to work. When I went downstairs to have breakfast, I was still reflecting on the conversation with Shelly. I had concluded, before falling asleep the previous night, that I would say 'yes' to both Deanna and Keiko moving into the house. It made sense from a financial point of view, but also with regards to our relationships. I liked both of them, and their approach to a potential future was mature and rational and not all that far from mine. In the end, I saw a tremendous upside with no real downside.

What I hadn't resolved was the second part of Shelly's advice — picking one other girl and developing a deeper relationship. If I were to do that, the candidates were, forgetting other impediments, Violet, Anna, and Haley. I did have a date with Teri later in the day, and that presented a dilemma because she was still a Senior in High School despite taking a class at Circle.

I thought about the situation and decided I had to keep my date. My brief interactions with her before and after class indicated she was mature, but I'd have to be sure about that before I even considered a second date. In addition, there would have to be some kind of connection or spark beyond the fact that she was a pretty redhead.

The real question in my mind was whether or not I wanted to give up the chance at more parties like the one we'd had on Saturday night and had continued on Sunday morning. Those were fun, but I couldn't imagine any girl I even thought about becoming serious with accepting that kind of behavior. Even Shelly, who participated, would want me to stop if we became serious. And, in thinking that, I realized I needed to add her to the list, though she'd be living with me, so, in effect, it was similar to Deanna and Keiko.

"Lost in thought?" Bianca asked when she came into the kitchen.

"I'm still thinking about the conversation we had yesterday," I replied.

"Obviously, and you were so preoccupied with it last night that you slept alone."

"I just needed time to think. What's your take on Shelly's advice?"

"To turn your philosophy on you, I think my best interests are served by you doing what makes you happy and fulfilled. My worst-case scenario is that we're great friends, and maybe even co-workers if the use of computers in your work expands the way you think it will."

"And the best case?" I asked.

"A trio, of course! You, me, and Shelly, or another girl, if Shelly can't handle it, which I don't think she can. We all have sex together, I have a baby with you, and the girl with the marriage certificate has as many babies with you as she wants. But I don't think that's going to happen with you. That means, at some point, I find a guy and a girl who can handle it and want that kind of relationship. I think the guy will be easier to find."

I chuckled, "The offer is to have sex for the rest of his life with two girls and have kids with both of them? And get to watch two girls have sex? Yeah, I think that'll be fairly easy!"

"And yet the counterexample stands before me, making scrambled eggs and sausage links."

"It's tempting, but after thinking about it last night and this morning, I'm fairly certain my first inclination was correct — that I'm better suited to a traditional relationship."

"I think part of that is a reaction to the crap that goes on at Spurgeon."

"Probably," I replied. "And to my mom's situation, and to some extent, Bev's."

"Did you come up with a short list?"

"Violet, Haley, and Anna, though I haven't had my date with Teri yet. And Shelly."

"Which I'm sure you realize was her actual goal with that conversation. She was just wise enough not to say it and to let you figure it out yourself. Which is the only possible way for her to succeed."

"Whereas you have to convince me."

"Different strategies are required because of your predisposition to a traditional relationship, but also because you need to feel that it's your decision and you do not react well to pressure."

"Some people might say you were pressuring me," I replied.

"But you wouldn't because you see it as, well, advocacy, not pressure. You believe people should state their minds and make their arguments, and not hold back. Shelly has no argument to make, so to speak, because you already agree with her. I have to make the argument because you don't agree with me."

"And you really won't be upset?"

"Why would I be? I may not be as logical as you are, but I agree with you on a whole range of things, including the idea that romantic love is silly. That's why you and I could say 'I love you' to each other and not have it mean more than it does; that would not be true of Shelly. If you say it to her, she'll take it romantically, and frankly, that's the real impediment with her, the same as it was with Clara. Are any of the girls on your list romantic?"

"Keiko and Deanna certainly aren't, at least in the way you mean. I can't say for sure about Haley, and Anna strikes me as too sensible to be misled by romantic notions. I don't know Teri well enough to answer that question, and Violet is, well, Violet."

"I agree with Shelly that you need to find a way to discuss the future with Violet, even if it might be uncomfortable for both of you. If you don't, you might really hurt her, which I know you don't want to do."

"I don't."

Shelly came into the kitchen a minute later, and a few minutes after that, I put plates with scrambled eggs, sausage links, and bread on the table, then poured juice and coffee for each of us. We ate, worked together to clean up the kitchen, then cleaned the house, as Kasia had spoken to Bianca on Thursday evening about showing the house to a prospective renter during the afternoon. We finished, I showered, then headed to Billy Goat Tavern to meet Teri Maguire for lunch.

"Hi!" Teri exclaimed when I walked into the tavern.

"Hi," I replied.

She gave me a quick hug and touched cheeks in what I considered a polite greeting between friends.

"Cheeseburgers, chips, and Cokes?" Teri asked.

"The Saturday Night Live skit is 'No Coke. Pepsi'," I replied.

"Well, they do serve fries here, so that's not the same, either!"

"I'm fine with that. Let me order."

I went to the counter and ordered, with the counterman saying 'Cheezborger, Cheezborger' to the grill man. Just over five minutes later, we were seated with our food.

"What did you want to do after we eat?" I asked.

"I'm open to pretty much anything," Teri replied.

"There isn't really anything playing at the theatre that interests me," I replied.

"Me, either. All the museums are open today, if you're interested in the Shedd Aquarium, Adler Planetarium, or Museum of Science and Industry?"

"I haven't been to the museum. That's in Hyde Park, right?"

"Yes. We can take the train, or if you have your car, it's basically a straight shot on LSD."

"I have my car," I replied.

"Afterwards, there are plenty of good places to eat in the area."

"Sounds good. So, besides taking math at Circle, playing violin, and being a twin, tell me about you."

"Let's see," she said. "I was born at Mercy Hospital, have lived in Bridgeport my entire life, and I turned eighteen on November 4th."

"My birthday is on the 3rd," I said.

"Twenty, right?"

"Yes."

"So only two years apart," she observed. "Our family is from Ireland, and my grandparents on both sides still live there. My mom and dad came to Chicago as teenagers just after the war. My brother and I are the youngest of seven. It's a traditional Irish Catholic family."

"I'm an atheist," I replied.

"Well, we won't be going to Midnight Mass together, that's for sure!"

"Is that a problem?"

"I go to church, but the Pope and I do not see eye-to-eye! There is no way I'm having seven kids, and I know how to ensure that doesn't happen!"

"Wise," I replied. "But that doesn't actually answer my question."

"I go because it's what Irish Catholics do," Teri said. "But I'm not what you would call religious."

"What about kids?" I asked.

Teri laughed, "Don't you think we should at least have lunch before you ask me to have kids with you?"

I chuckled, "I meant hypothetically!"

"Obviously, but I have a goofy sense of humor. Troy does as well, and our parents do not appreciate it. We're too irreverent for their tastes."

"Do you two do everything together?"

"Except for our choice of instruments and the fact that he's a tenor and I'm a mezzo, yes. Well, he's obviously not here, either, and I sure as heck don't intend to bring him on my honeymoon!"

"Good to know! And it's a bit soon to be discussing a honeymoon?"

"I meant hypothetically!" Teri declared, mimicking me.

"I, too, have a goofy sense of humor, and I'm definitely irreverent. I've been in a church three times in my life — once for a funeral and twice for weddings."

"Your parents weren't churchgoers?"

"Mom was, growing up, but stopped when she became pregnant with me at sixteen. I have no idea about my dad because he died before I was born."