This morning there was something terrifying waiting for me in my email. Someone had reviewed my story. Reviewed. My story. I got an uneasy feeling to my stomach and my finger started trembling when I closed the email client in my mobile. I sat back in the bus on my way to work and started thinking. Getting anonymous feedback was something that took some time to adjust. Some of that feedback was encouraging while some commented my storylines and my way of writing a bit less constructive way. But whatever they were they were something that ONLY I could see. Somehow I just had no problems coping with them.
But a public review. I just had to close my eyes and think a bit more. After writing a bit more I had become more and more aware of my own shortcomings as a writer and my lack of skill with English vocabulary and grammar hits me like a cold wet towel every time I check for the corrections my editors have made. I have to learn to accept the fact that I'll probably always miss some of the finer nuances of the language in write. There would be no great rewards waiting, no big money, nothing really special. Yet there were some ideas that keep on popping to my head. Most of them are not new or original; most of them are bad - but there are always some that keep on coming back. Some situations that arise more questions somewhere inside. What happened before this? Why did this happen? What will happen now? Do I need to write this out in order to get it out of my head?
My first review. Maybe I can force myself for not to care about the comments about my lenguage but what about the internal conflicts...
'Why is "lenguage" "Ignatz?"'
'"Language" is, that we may understand one another'
'Is that so?'
'Yes that's so'
'Can you unda-stand a Finn or a Leplender, or a Oshkosker, huh?'
'No'
'Can a Finn, or a Leplender, or a Oshkosher unda-stend you?'
'No'
'Then I would say, lenguage is, that we may mis-unda-stend each udda.'
When I left the bus and started the final walk that would lead me to my cubicle I started thinking that maybe I'd just read the review and try to feel proud about the fact the somebody had bothered to read my humble effort to write and even analyze it. After all, the reviewer needs to expose something about her/himself, too.
All of this was written before I read the review myself.
(edit) After reading it I feel almost ashamed. Personally I don't think that 'Revenge' is that good. But thanks!