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Heart attacks and assorted ramblings…

September 23, 2013
Posted at 2:39 pm

I'll probably never have a heart attack… because I'm too young. …because I'm too good looking (okay, maybe I didn't really believe that one.) … because I'm in pretty good health. …because I can't afford it (afford the time or afford the money, all us guys believe that we can't afford a heart attack).

And IF I ever have a heart attack, by then, they'll have some sort of cure so that they can just zap me with an alien health ray, Right?


Unfortunately for me, when I woke up Thursday morning, I did not know any of the heart attack warning signs, except for something about sore arms, and I couldn't think clearly enough at the time, to decide if the pain that radiated throughout my whole body constituted sore arms. I vaguely remember wondering if I should take an aspirin, but then, I couldn't find one and the pain made it too hard to keep looking.

I didn't want to call 911 or call someone to take me to the hospital. My most predominant thought was what "they" would say if I went to a hospital and it WASN'T a heart attack. I'd never be able to live with the humiliation!

And that little piece of stupid logic almost killed me. I had called my little sister next door to ask about some aspirin. She took one look at me and ordered me into her car. She said I was 'gray'. I didn't argue. I couldn't. I was hurting too bad. But she could tell I was hesitating.

For guys, the fear of being embarrassed is acute. However, at that moment, my body was racked with another wave of pain, so I gave in.

Fortunately, for me, the hospital emergency staff knew exactly what to do.

I think it's been about four days now, and honestly, I'm glad I don't remember all of it. However, even with all the drugs they were pumping into me, I was somehow aware of the expert level of care I have been receiving.

Speaking of horror stories, and this is a true fact; Did you know that they DO NOT put you to sleep when they put a "stint" in your heart to open up a blocked artery? Talk about spooky! When I realized they were not knocking me out, I almost panicked! Then, when they started shaving my groin area, I really became unglued!

I kept trying to tell them that my heart was higher up. If I was a fiction writer, I would have described the evil gleam in the nurse's eyes as she replied, "We know, Mr. Brown. We know!"

Talk about scared!

Well, said nurse just came in to check my vitals… I'll fill you in more if I survive.

Phil Brown