Child Magus Update
I've submitted chapters 17 through 21 for posting.
I appreciate everyone's eagerness for this story and I beg your patience as I work on the next batch of chapters (all of the posted chapters have been ready for some time, I was stuck on chapter 21 and wanted to post the entire story all at once, but changed my mind).
Sex Content setting:
I also want to note here that I've changed the Sex Content settings for New Magus and Child Magus back to 'Much Sex'. After a chat with my editors, reading multiple posts in the forums, and going over the stories again, I realize that my stories are not written purely as stroke material. Yes, there is a lot of sex in these stories, but there is also a plot, character development, and many other issues the characters have to deal with. By the definition a lot of readers, and posters go by, a Stroke Story only pertains to sex itself, with little to no plot. I'll grant, the plot in my stories is for Seth to get laid, a lot, but there is a plot, and many subplots at work too.
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I read your next installment with interest, and am happy to see that you have maintained the high quality that I appreciate in your stories. I don't know if you still want commentary, but you didn't react badly to the last batch, so I will send you some more-feel free to ignore it if you wish.
A niggling thing first. In CH 10 you make a big deal during the Marinda induction that there are no ground floor apartments and he watches her butt all the way up the stairs. Then Seth goes and congratulates himself in the electronics store in CH 15 that he is glad his apartment is on the ground floor.
You have set up some interesting plot hooks that I am not sure that you see, because you aren't foreshadowing them. I thought it might be interesting to point them out to you in case you want to use them later.
1) In CH 1, you have the TV mention that the girl is the 14th coed to go missing. Then Seth goes to class and everything is normal. You know as well as I that if 14 coeds went missing on the UTA campus, you would have the FBI, national guard, special commissions and who knows what else. The campus would be on lockdown (assuming they didn't just cancel the semester!). Why is nobody noticing? Magic?
2) Seth is not progressing through his reluctance very well and is in danger of just becoming a whiner. Whining lowers stroke value and means that the character is stuck in a rut. You have set up the classic "tragic flaw of the hero" trope. Especially after the Leanne induction, he should probably be even more insecure about his powers, since he will be thinking that he can't do it without the fetish. This should have consequences in the story. He should have something happen where he must induce without the fetish. Perhaps he and his girls are attacked by a mage who is pissed at him for some reason (the
other mage's fonti is attracted to Seth because of his amazing power? He is an ass? He is a she and is feeling the Jordan pull and wishes to kill Seth to avoid becoming a fonti herself?). To follow the classic trope, his character flaw should cause him to be almost defeated by the antagonist. Example: A magess feels threatened by Seth and so attacks him, breaking the fetish and draining him to fight her off. He drains his girls defending himself, proving that his reluctance to take more fonti is hurting those he cares about. He then has to rely on his own innate powers and his girls love of him to defeat
the magess. Example 2: He is attacked at the apartment during a time with lots of the girls around and drains them to defend himself, nearly killing them. His power then goes rogue and he does a "Jordan's mom" and binds the mage that attacked him or the fonti of the mage (depending upon the sex of the mage) and probably the two coeds who live next door, then has to deal with the guilt that his reluctance to take more
fonti nearly killed his girls and endangered all their lives.
3) You have foreshadowed the anger push in this latest installment, but Seth and co. just blew it off. It makes no sense that Whisper was doing it, so who was? Is someone watching Seth? Is someone watching Whisper? Will those people do it again and try to break Seth's bond to his fonti? Is this some insidious worm that is slowly weakening the bond, that Seth needs to discover and foil before his girls go rogue?
The apartment issue: Jordan and Danielle were moving into a 2-bedroom apartment, none of which were available on the ground floor at that time. Seth was moving into Jordan's former one-bedoom apartment which was on the ground floor. No trickery or mishaps here.
Plot hook 1: Actually, I've taken that into consideration already. I love tv shows like NCIS, CSI, and Criminal Minds, not to mention I've talked to a few cops about jurisdiction regarding criminal investigations. The FBI can only take over issues of federal jurisdiction, like bank robberies and crimes that cross state lines. Otherwise, local law enforcement can call in the additional help if they feel they need it. So far, the disappearances are being labelled as 'kidnappings' by the news, but not the investigaotrs. No ransoms have been found, nor any bodies. The better question to ask would by, why hasn't local law enforcement done more to find the missing women, like call in the FBI, and enforce curfews, and maybe even shut down UTA if that's where the women are disappearing from? The answer, my eager readers, is yet to come.
Plot hook 2: A whiner? Well, yeah. Right now. But I'm not done with this story yet. Seth may end up surprising a few of you before it's over. The "tragic flaw of he hero" trope is a fantastic suggestion. Again, I haven't finished the story, so this could happen, just not the way you've suggested. There is also one other issue with your suggestion, which I'm going to clarify now. Seth only feeds his powers while having sex. He can only drain power from another Magus through sex. This 'rule' doens't apply to only him either, but to all Magi. Think of it as a tank or resevoir. When it's full, Seth doesn't need to feed his power, but when it drops, he does. And it drops whether he's using his power or not. It's when his resevior hits empty that he faces the danger Jordan mentioned, about him finding anyone to have sex with, and doens't know he's doing it. So, when Seth really starts using his magic, he'll face greater issues of keeping his power full. As for the rest, it's yet to be seen.
Plot hook 3: I've actually foreshadowed a bunch of different things. Some of them may not have answers, like Jordan and Danielle's bouts of anger while Seth was talking to Whisper. The new post will have some other tidbits that may be forgotten later too, but I'm keeping track of it all. It's all important, otherwise, why have it in the story? As for your other questions, I can only say it's yet to be seen.
Hmm, so you're still going down the porn route huh, not really liking that development. I don't mind seth not liking to stand out, but him being so passive about guys eyeing his girlfriends(?)/fonti, just rubs me the wrong way.
Porn route: When I started the Sex Magus series, I thought to keep the sex scenes toned down like I've read in some published novels. However, I knew this wasn't something I would actually get published, plus sex is a part of the core plot in these first two books, so why not write them the way they should be?
Passive reaction: Give Seth a break. He's been with Jordan, Danielle, and Jana for about six weeks (time difference between New Magus and Child Magus). He's only just really getting over the fact that they are still with him, much less facing the kinds of emotional backlash you're implying. He already knows how his power affects them, making them more attracted to him, both physically and emotionally, and he also knows that it isn't going to be a normal relationship for any of them. If they really find someone else they'd rather be with, he'd break the bond and let them go, not that it wouldn't hurt. At the same time, he would jump anyone who did anything that his girls didn't like. If those guys had done more than oggle and comment, he wouldn't have been so passive. He responded to Jordan's response. She was having fun, showing off in front of them and so Seth didn't feel threatened. Seth may have issues regarding his powers, the relationships he has with his girls, and his own emotions, but he is actually very secure with himself. He survived issues at home that most people would have succumbed to and knows it. A little thing like guys oggling his "girlfriend" was nothing by comparison.
I really wish you had used a different name for Whisper. That re-use of the name really drew my attention back to the similarities, even more than the same scene of the character at the mall food court warning the main character of something.
Whisper: I considered going with the character's name rather than this nick-name in the story. However, if anyone has noticed, the only Magus Seth knows that has given him her real name is Jordan. Granted, he hasn't met many Magi, but so far, and in the rest of this book, none of them offer their real names. However, to make things interesting, and to pull further from the Master PC plots I wrote, I'll change Whisper to something else, something that better fits her as a Magus. I'll make the change and update the chapters this weekend.
Okay, that's all for this post. I hope everyone has a good weekend. I'm sure I'll have more chapters ready to post by next Friday.