Unfortunately, it has come to that time where I shall be taking my leave from these duties of journaling, and to pass the torch on to another, for our chronicler has already moved on to working on the next story, and he felt it best if one of those characters took these responsibilities. I shall truly miss you all. Your comments and letters have been inspirational and flattering, and have moved all of our hearts, and I have enjoyed this experience immensely. I do not know how long this next story shall take, but I do plan on returning sometime when it is finished. But in the meantime, I believe you all will be in good hands when my replacement arrives.
"Excuse me? I beg your par........ don?"
"You! With the bazoongas! <WHEET!> Time to go!"
"Oy! What's the matter? You might want to close your mouth before a bird flys in and makes a nest in there. Got zol oophitn."
"Are...YOU... my replacement?"
"Mazl tov! She figures things out. Yes. Now clear out, and take your herbal tea, or your schnaps, or whatever it is you have there in your Mary Eingelbreit mug and make some room for a Jew. I brought some Diet Mountain Dew. You want some?" <pfft!> "Le-kheiyim!" <slurp>
"You...... are... not what I was expecting."
"Who were you expecting? Xavier Hollander? What? You don't think I have the tsitskes for this job?"
"Well, no... they are actually very nice, but..."
"Well, coming from you, I'm surprised you even noticed them. Actually, I'm surprised you could reach the keyboard. Now move your chair. I hope you don't mind, but I brought my own laptop. I switched to Dvorak. Oy! You gotta try it!"
"And you arrrreeee..."
"Oh! Where are my manners? I must have left them in the car. Hi. I'm Annie. Shoolem alaykhem."
"Hello. I'm Sybil."
"Nice to meet you. So take off now."
"Say 'buh-bye' now. Gay gezinterhayt."
"Go! Travel in good health, and what ever happens to you is your own damned fault."
"See that door over there? You should see it from the other side! Go! Shoo! Shoo! I've got it from here!"
<sigh> "Ladies and gentlemen, apparently I shall be leaving you now, so I leave you in... Annie's ... capable hands. Until later."
"Go! Go! Shoyn!"
Oy vey! I thought she would never leave! Did you see the gazongas on that girl? It's a wonder she could stand up straight! Sheeh! And I thought Tricia was big. Vay iz meer. You could tell that she was a virgin in her elbow. It's the only place that hasn't been used.
Hi. I'm Annie. And I'll be your blogger for this next story.
Now, those of you who have been following that other story? The one with the drabkehs making life miserable for that boy? A lot of you have said you want to follow his writing, so I'm here to tell you that he is continuing writing, but there is going to be a slight change.
You see, it's this pen name. He hates it. And who can blame him? But you think a guy with this much imagination could come up with a good pen name?
But he tells me he has finally found a good name, and I like it too. It's a good Jewish name. He is using the new pen name "Lazarus Valentine", which he likes because he says it means "undying love", or "immortal beloved". Personally, I think it means "that husband who does not have the good decency to die." I asked him how he came up with it, and he told me he used a random name generator at SeventhSanctum.com, which is really worth checking out. Apparently, "Lazarus Valentine" is also a good name for a vampire.
Imagine... a Jewish vampire. I wonder if the blood of innocent virgins is kosher? Shoyn. What can you do?
So if you want to follow this next story, you will have to look for Lazarus Valentine. Also, he has a new email address, email@example.com. So when you write to him, make sure you put that underscore in, cause we don't want some other poor shmendrik getting all sorts of mail asking when Tricia is going to take her top off.
Now also, he's changing the way he's writing. The chapters are shorter, so they should be coming out more frequently. Also, he wants to use proofreaders. So he is making a formal call right now. If you would like to volunteer for proofreader duties, send him some mail at the new email address. And remember, a proofreader is sworn to secrecy, but you also get a sneak-peek at the new story.
He's already finished rough drafts for three chapters, and started the fourth. Busy guy. So he's ready for volunteers right now.
Now I'm sure you have lots of questions about me and this new story, but I am sworn to secrecy. I can't even tell you about this thing here <pat-pat-pat>, but I can tell you that these two <pat-pat> are all natural. Double-D's....... well, thank you! What I CAN tell you is that it's another story of a young boy who gets to schtupn the women with the big bosoms, but I gotta tell you, that's it! That is the only similarity. Be prepared for some surprises.