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Request for Help from the Morally Challenged

July 25, 2008
Posted at 2:14 pm

'Huh!, said the attractive woman as she swirled her chilled flute of champagne. "What an interesting concept! I wonder if what they are telling me has any validity?"

As I'm sitting here on my ass (and it IS a very nice ass, thank you very much) sipping my frosty ass BEER, I have been thinking that this is what I would have written in one of my stories. Not terrible, but it isn't going to win any freak'en prizes either. This realization has been reinforced by re-reading all of the emails, comments, and suggestions that I have received about my stories.

The very strong consensus of all of the responses I've received is, "You really can't write stories worth a shit, Ibea. But, oh, by the way, I just loved you Blog." Here, maybe an example will help: "I found nothing wrong with your stories, though I do admit your blog seems more interesting to read. Much different style of writing in the blog. Your blog entries have "feeling and emotion" in them, adding that element to your stories may change how some folks read them. Not saying those elements are missing, but they show more in the blog entries."

Well, sandpaper my ass and squirt it with turpentine, why don'tcha! What a terrible thing to say! I work really hard on those stories! I sweat over them; rewrite everything ten time just to get the wording right; wear out my copy of Rodget's to find the best adjective; and try really, really hard to 'create'. I barely know what the word 'Agnst' means, but I freak'en have it when I write stories. I try so hard!

On the other hand, writing my Blog isn't hard at all. I just put words to my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This isn't writing, damn it! This is just little ol' Ibea yack'en at her buds, in a written form! How could ANYBODY prefer this shit to 'writing'! What? Are you freak'en nuts? (Now mind you, I didn't go around smashing things after reading the above quoted email. It wasn't that I didn't WANT to; it's that there isn't anything breakable left in my house, after TDK's review of my first story. Yeah, I've got some freak'en anger management issues - so, bite me!)

Okay, so now, after my fourth bottle of Becks (strictly for anger management purposed - Whoo Hoo! Go anger management!) I'm sitting here on my ass, trying to figure out exactly what the fuck everybody is trying to tell me. So, (because I admittedly am not the freak'en sharpest crayon in the box) let's list my thoughts, shall we?

1. "Your stories don't suck, your writing does" - I suppose. I LIKE to tell stories, but writing is painful.
2. "Just LOVE you blog, babe!" - Yeah, so do I. It's fun to tell you about what's going on.
3. "Those looking for flawless writing …should look elsewhere." - Yup. I can't argue with any of that. It's the Gospel truth and the man DOES know what he's talking about…I love his stuff (even if he is a putz!)
4. "If one can look past the technical deficiencies, it's actually a pretty good story" - Damn, guess I have to take back that 'putz' comment!

Now, that was fun, wasn't it? I'm not any freak'en closer to a solution than I was before, damn it! I need to reach some kind of conclusion before my 'buddy with benefits' gets here - Crap, and I'm almost out of beer!

Here's my conclusions: I tell good stories and enjoy telling them in my blog. People seem to like my blog much more than my writing. Ergo, I should 'write' like I 'tell' in my blog. The problem is I have no freak'en idea what I just said , much less what it means. Let's try questions then: Would anybody read that shit? How do you transfer telling into 'writing'? Do I even want to?

I'm going to go now and work some of this frustration out…Come on cowboy, you're gonna get the ride of your freak'en life! Hope you brought your spurs!!! Yee Haw!

So, I guess I'll leave it to you to respond and help me out. While I am getting my brains screwed out, I want you guys to think about what I should do.