aroslav: Blog

This is number ninety-six in the blog series, “My Life in Erotica.” Apparently, I failed to post this last week! Not sure how. So there will be two today. I encourage you to join my Patreon community to support my writing.
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“I HAVE NEVER HAD a failure. I have discovered 10,000 ways something doesn’t work.” That quote or one very like it is usually credited to Thomas A. Edison, but like most of his inventions probably originated elsewhere.

I don’t claim to be a failure, but I have become quite an expert at failing.

Most frequently, I fail to meet my own standards. And I fail to try harder to avoid failing.

"Am I perfect? No. But am I trying to be a better person? Also no."

I do try to not make this popular meme my byword, but it’s harder than it sounds. And I understand people who believe in one thing and then act like another. I won’t mention a specific religion and its adherents because the phenomenon isn’t limited to one religion. People profess to believe one way but act a different way. That doesn’t even bother me. It’s when they make a habitual practice of behaving contrary to their beliefs and professing that God understands they are fallible that I get a little upset. Making a religion out of breaking your religion means that I don’t see the actual value in your religion.

So, I have frequent disagreements with pretty much every religion I’ve ever encountered. If I am to conquer the self and purge myself of the self, for example, that just sounds really self-centered.
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When I wrote Devon Layne’s Model Student series and reached the final volume, The Prodigal, I faced up directly to my difficulties with the church. While this particular example was a Catholic Archbishop, it summed up a lot of what I had grown frustrated with over the years.

Tony has been working on a series of murals for the transept of a new church. The archbishop comes in to review the art and is offended by one of the pieces. Tony argues that the archbishop should be more concerned about a list of offenses by priests and the church.

“And who are you to criticize the church?” the archbishop joined.
“I’m an atheist, thank God! Who are you to criticize art?”

Well, perhaps Tony was hiding behind his religion as much as the archbishop was hiding behind the church. When the archbishop threatened to have not only Tony’s art but Kate’s as well removed from the church, Tony didn’t respond well.

Was he morally right in getting a hacker friend to dig into the archbishop’s affairs, uncovering pedophilia by his vicar and moving funds from the archbishop’s account to donate to causes that would harm his standing in the church if they were revealed? No. Even if it saved the art and got rid of an actual bad guy, we’d have to ask if the end really justified the means.

I failed.

I failed to find a solution to the situation that preserved Tony’s morals while giving him the needed victory.

Did I do better next time? Just reading my current draft of Forever Yours (Sisyphus) tells me I still have a long way to go if I want to preserve my morals in my characters.

The Prodigal and the entire Model Student collection are available as eBooks at Bookapy and in paperback online.
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I guess failing to live up to my own moral code keeps me from judging others. As Nate’s mother in Follow Focus was fond of saying, “I was called to minister, not to judge.”

I failed, in fact, this week.

I failed to support a friend in the way she needed and, in fact, treated her in a way that I now recognize as abhorrent to my own moral standards. In a text exchange on the last day of our association with each other, I wrote, “Okay. Thanks. I mean that sincerely. For everything.”

Her response was, “Sure thing I’m sure you’re glad you and everyone else getting what they want from me”

It was our last correspondence. If I had been living up to my own ethics and had treated her the way she deserved, she might have found me a support instead of one of the ‘everyone’ who mistreated her.

Am I going to do better tomorrow?

I hope so, but this is Las Vegas and I’m not placing any big bets. I don’t know if I will ever have a friend like her again. I highly doubt it.
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You might think that my understanding of ‘failing’ would make me a highly tolerant man. When people are acting irrationally and endangering the lives, health, and happiness of others, I find myself extremely angry and intolerant. My social media feeds are filled with the most vicious and nasty comments and I am paring back my “friends” list.

As I have stated before and continue to profess,

There is nothing about my religion or politics that requires me to convince you that I am right and you are wrong. There is also nothing that requires me to listen to your bullshit.

When I have the ability, I will continue to support the unalienable rights promised in the Declaration of Independence: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. There is no person who needs to “earn” those rights. As the Declaration says, they are “endowed by their creator.” That’s why they don’t show up in the first ten amendments to the constitution referred to as the “Bill of Rights.” They are not constitutional rights. They are above that.
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In my writing, you will continue to find people of all races, religions, sexual preferences, sexual identities, and ability or disabilities. I will continue to explore ethical issues and treat as honestly as I can the issues of individual and social injustice that are around us. I will always be ‘on the side’ of the weak and underrepresented. I will always try to find their strengths and support them.

Will I always be successful? Hardly!

My newest work, Soulmates, begins posting for the public on SOL today (Sunday 1/26/2025). My Sneak Peek patrons are weeks ahead of the public in their reading of the serial. The eBook will be available in mid-February.

This is the story of telepaths and includes their struggle with the ethics of hearing other people’s thoughts. Is it ethical to be a voyeur, even when no one is hurt by it? If they can mentally order someone to stop a harmful action, does that make it ethical for them to do so? How harmful? ‘Don’t kidnap that person,’ or ‘Stop smoking!’?

I may resolve that issue before you actually read about it. On the other hand, I might find no resolution.

But, of course, there will be sex!
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Next week, I will have started full out working on my next work in progress, Forever Yours. I’ll talk about some of the issues I’m facing in writing a story about a young man and his work with artificial intelligence.

In case you hadn't noticed, I failed to get it up today. Lots of work this week and I just didn't get to the blog. Here's to next week!

This is number ninety-five in the blog series, “My Life in Erotica.” I encourage you to join my Patreon community to support my writing.

A LOVELY STRIPPER friend of mine was talking with me a few weeks ago and said, “I didn’t go to work or on my date last night because I thought I had strep. Because morals, you know?” It turned out she was especially concerned about exposing me to her germs because of my age and my recent heart condition. What a sweetheart!

Morals!

According to Merriam-Webster—as good a source for definitions as I need—morals describe one’s particular values concerning what is right and what is wrong.

This is another case in which I find society has twisted a meaning to its own convenience. People seldom evaluate their own thoughts and actions based on their morals. Morals have instead become what we judge others by. “She’s a stripper. That’s immoral!” No, it’s not. She’s a fine young woman with a healthy understanding of what is right and wrong that is not based on a bunch of archaic rules that certain people attempt to wield over others. Her morals are based on care and concern for others, and rule her own personal conduct.

While that’s a good object lesson regarding what I mean when I say "morals," it doesn’t really focus on why I think fiction has some kind of moral obligation. So, I’ll clarify the title.

My Moral Obligation when Writing Fiction—Even Erotica.

There, now you can breathe a sigh of relief because I am not holding all written fiction to the standard of my morals, as some people would do. (Like my ex.) I would suggest that all writers should abide by their own morals when writing fiction because as a reader, I attempt to decipher the writer’s morals from what he or she has written. Fiction tells a lot about the author.

Last week, I cited my sister complaining that the father in a story was not like our father. I said, “It’s fiction. Not our father.” The problem was that I described an event and some physical characteristics of our father. But I then went on to describe the father I wished I had rather than the one I had. And in fact, I described the father I wanted to be.

That’s true in several of my stories that have a father figure. The father in Soulmates, hopefully releasing at the end of the month, is based on what I would want to do if I was in the position of being a single father of a five-year-old with a disability. Even as I was writing, I constantly questioned whether David was doing enough and whether that was the best I could hope to do. As in real life, I had too much opportunity to not live up to my own morals.

In Devon Layne’s Erotic Paranormal Romance Western Adventures, published in 2013-2017, I dealt with some touchy issues of incest. In Redtail, Cole is in love with his cousin Mary Beth. When he time travels, he falls in love with a woman who turns out to be his great grandmother. But when they meet, they are the same age and not related. My morals say intergenerational incest is not right. It is voided by the situational ethics of their meeting.

On the other hand, Ramie and Kyle in Blackfeather are half-siblings. When there is no issue of power of one party over the other, I don’t have a difficulty with sibling or cousin incest. Note, however, that I won’t cross the line into incest if there is an issue of one party having power over the other. That is against my morals. I believe in informed consent among equals.

In Yelloweye, half-siblings Phile and Caitlin share a bond with each other over centuries as they live two lifetimes simultaneously. In one they are not related, but in both they share a mystical connection that overrides their kinship.

But will you ever see a parent-child incest story from my pen? Let all the powers that be strike me down before I cross that moral line.

The Erotic Paranormal Romance Western Adventures are available as both a collection and individual eBooks on Bookapy. Paperbacks are available online.

I think that the primary moral obligation I have in fiction is honesty. I can create a new universe and establish the rules that govern it. 1+1=3? Okay, as long as I’ve developed a mathematical system for that universe that is consistent with that rule and I honestly follow it. Obviously, there are easier things to create in a universe. In the Soulmates universe, there are people who can hear others’ thoughts. But those people need to deal with the ethics of voyeurism! Maybe it’s okay and even unavoidable in some instances, but in others, people have a right to privacy. Much of the story revolves around finding that moral divide.

In the Model Student series, I created a character who was depressed. I felt morally obligated to honestly deal with depression. Having Tony cured because he has sex and awards for his paintings isn’t honest. That’s not how depression works.

Whatever construct around which I build a universe, I need to honestly fit my characters and action into. The most difficult aspect I deal with is creating a universe that doesn’t cross my own moral boundaries.

For example, I believe that all sexual encounters need to be consensual. If there is a rape, it is evil—no questions asked. I do not differentiate between ‘rape’ and ‘non-consensual.’ One is the definition of the other. Therefore, I consider all the mind-control stories I’ve read to be stories of rape.

So, how could I justify my Demon Bob taking possession of five women who will do anything for him? First of all, he's a demon! However, in each of those cases, the women were given the opportunity to opt out. Each of the five asked to be possessed. Five in 4,000 years was pretty good because Bob actively attempted to avoid possessing people.

I mentioned last week that I wrote a story in 2012 that was a mind-control story. The woman was helpless to disobey the voice of command she heard in her head. But the voice of command proves to be her own split personality giving her commands, not an outside person. Reconciling her multiple personalities is the real crux of the story.

Whatever the issue, I believe I have to deal with it honestly, even if I’ve written a character who does not conform to my morals.

You will find that I deal with social issues like rich vs. poor, gay rights, women’s rights, transgender rights, depression, injury, autism, and Asperger’s, among others, as honestly and straight-forwardly as possible. I owe it to those characters to not take shortcuts with them or provide miracles.

And I owe it to my readers, whether I’m writing a literary fiction about a man with no memory, or an erotic figure who equates pleasure with pain. It would be immoral of me not to treat them honestly.

Pretty bold statements, right? Well, you might as well know now that I fail as often as I succeed. When you set a high standard for yourself, it’s really easy not to live up to it. Next week: “Failing.”

This is number ninety-four in the blog series, “My Life in Erotica.” I encourage you to join my Patreon community to support my writing.

NO, THAT’S NOT the frustrated cry of an author whose fans believe he must be the most oversexed 75-year-old in the world. Nor whose sister believes every time she reads something that sounds familiar that the story must be about our family. Yes, I’ll remind both that it’s fiction, not an autobiography!

But if it’s not that, what is it?

It’s what I constantly remind myself when the details are getting too gritty and real. It’s what I tell myself when I see a person on the street and nearly call out to her because she looks exactly like Whitney in the Model Student series. Or when I finally think of a snappy comeback to what another person said three days ago.

It’s just a story. Characters I made up in my head. A paragraph I can edit later. Something I once saw that would make a great backdrop for a scene I’m writing. It’s fiction, damn it!

If I’m writing fiction, why do I write things that are so based in actual events and issues: Vietnam, AI, writing, dying detectives, violent death, transsexuals, the homeless? It’s a bit of a contradiction in terms, but I’ll include as my next post “The Moral Obligation of Fiction—Even Erotica.”

This is number ninety-three in the blog series, “My Life in Erotica.” I encourage you to join my Patreon community to support my writing.

I ALWAYS FIGURED I’d grow old. I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon! I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

2024 was the year I lived to celebrate my dodranscentennial, or platinum jubilee! That’s right. This young man is now seventy-five years old. But there was a time I didn’t think I’d make it to the party. Now, my heart is beating strong and I’m looking forward to the next 25 years again.

I guess that means I should start back in December 2023 when I had a routine annual check with my cardiologist while I was on a two-week holiday break in Seattle. The news was that I was back in A-Fib and after two cardioversions and two ablations in the past four years, the next step was a pacemaker. My two-week break extended to four and a half months!

January 4, I was in the hospital to have a Micra pacemaker installed in the right ventricle. On the 26th, I was back in for the ablation that would start the pacemaker actually working. A month later, I was back to have a Watchman (Left Atrial Appendage Closure) installed, but they found a clot and couldn’t proceed. After three weeks of extra strong blood-thinners, I was back in for the Watchman installation and a check to see that all the equipment had been installed correctly and was functioning. And finally, on March 20th, my cardiologist pronounced me good to go and my four month, two-week vacation came to an end.

I would be seriously remiss if I did not mention that my ex-wife and my step-husband hosted and cared for me the entire four months! When you hear me refer to her as Treasure in my travel books (Wonders of my World), I mean exactly that.

Well, I finally returned to Las Vegas and had a nice visit from a younger woman I’d known for a few years. We decided to see if we could tolerate each other long enough to possibly go on a cruise together. Sadly, the answer was negative. I have come to understand that when a woman says she “likes older men,” she doesn’t mean that old. And there was just too much drama for my old heart to take. Nice woman, but ten days was all we needed.

I’d been having a good time walking around without panting and wheezing for a change, so I decided to drive back up to Seattle for a month and just enjoy the trip. I stopped for a few days of theatre at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, a few days to visit my friend Angus in Portland (along with his various stripper friends), and then on up to Seattle. I finally decided I was never going to pull my trailer up the long road to Alaska, so I booked an 8-day cruise the last week of July.

It was great! If you’ve considered going on a cruise but didn’t want to travel alone, don’t let that stop you! I found a deal on a solo traveler room and discovered the ship organized dinners and events for solo travelers. I met some great people and we’re even planning a reunion in March. I always had a lovely companion when I wanted one, with no other expectations or drama. Great fun!

Then I had a long and leisurely trip south along the Pacific Coast until it was time to cut east to get to Las Vegas.

I would be remiss not to mention in my year in review the appearance of a delightful young woman named Ashley. I met her in the spring when I returned to Las Vegas and visited my favorite gentlemen’s club. It wasn’t our first encounter. She was enthusiastic about my writing and wanted me to write a story that included her. In order to accomplish that, I needed to know a lot about her—both mentally and physically. While I was gone for the summer, we corresponded a bit.

When I returned in September, she was no longer working at the club, but wanted to continue our relationship independently. Nice! You might recall that in the Wonders of My World series, I talked about a stripper named Alice who became my muse as I traveled around the country and around the world. We parted ways a long time ago. It turned out Ashley has become my new muse.

She needed to move her six cats to her new apartment and my truck was big enough to fit all six cat carriers, the feed and water dispensers, and me in. So, I took them all to the new apartment. Ashley doesn’t have a car, so when I’m headed someplace interesting, like the grocery store, I text and ask if she’d like to go along. Usually, the response is yes. There is an occasional morning conversation that ends with us going out for breakfast as I listen to the sometimes unbelievable life of a young woman ‘in the industry.’ We’ll go together to the AVN Expo in Las Vegas the third weekend of January.

And she continues to be available as my model, which I’ve created into a couple of characters in my new Sisyphus novel. It takes more than one character to fit Ashley into because like many people in the industry (myself included) she has multiple professional identities. I have to make sure who I’m talking to when we meet. I even have her listed under two different names and numbers in my contacts!

But one thing is certain: No matter what kind of mood either of us is in when we get together, we both end up in a better mood by the time we part. I guess at 75, it’s not a bad thing to feel younger for a time.

Next Sunday is the first Sunday of 2025. It’s the dawning of a new age and a new era. Who knows what it will bring? May you all have the holiday everyone deserves, and the New Year you voted for!